All four of us were momentarily frozen, our feet glued to the concrete and mouths sewn shut. My vision was getting fuzzy as tears were building up and I felt like I was in a nightmare, but I could see Mckenzie and Louis staring at me with apologetic expressions all too clearly to know I wasn't dreaming this. I still hadn't even looked at Harry, I'd probably break down over whatever expression he wore if I did.
"Is this a joke? B-because it's not funny..." I finally said, my voice wavering. I knew it wasn't a joke, but it's like I was inwardly praying that it would be because the thought of it all being real made me feel nauseous.
"It's not a joke," Louis responded softly. I wanted to hate him for telling me, but the reality was that he stitched his best friend up to keep him from lying to and making a fool out of me, so I should be grateful. Don't shoot the messenger and all that.
"What did he say?" I asked coldly, trying to mask how upset I was with mostly fabricated anger. I was talking about Harry as if he wasn't standing two feet behind me, not actually willing to accept that he was. "I want to know everything."
Louis' eyes lifted from mine, probably to look at Harry with uncertainty. "Jess, I don't think—"
"No," I stopped him abruptly. "He said it, so he should have no problem hearing it repeated."
I was dying to get a glimpse of how uncomfortable he might look stood behind me, see him squirm, but I didn't dare turn around in case I didn't see what I thought I would, or worse, it made me feel sorry for him. What if he didn't even care? What if he was reacting totally coolly and wasn't even fazed by what he'd done?
"He said... that you wouldn't stop texting him, and was going on about how annoying and whiny you are. He was talking about you like some kind of conquest — which made me sick — and saying that he only hangs around with you out of pity because you're 'so obsessed with him'. It's not the first time, either..."
"That's not true," Harry's low voice came from behind me, sending a shudder through my body. I was furious, but the feeling of hurt was overwhelming, completely taking over any other emotion trying to surface and becoming harder to hold back. A tear fell from the corner of my eye when I blinked, and I furiously wiped it away.
All it took was one blink for Louis to suddenly become livid, raising his voice and shouting back at Harry defensively. "Why fuçking lie about it now mate! Every single person around that table heard you gloating about how you'd snatched her up with your mind set on only one thing! It's alright you telling these bāstards about how satisfying it was to be the first guy to make her scream, but I bet you wouldn't tell them all the sappy shít you cry about to me!"
Harry took a breath so deep and wheezy that my stomach knotted and I was sure I would throw up any moment now. I'd never felt this betrayed by someone, and I was almost angry with myself for believing he wouldn't ever hurt me. Who was I trying to kid? This was Harry I was talking about — the troubled nineteen year old criminal I met at his court trial who pushed his way into my life and convinced me I needed him over everyone else. My bottom lip wobbled as another tear fell and rolled straight down my cheek as I gradually span around to face him at last.
My watery eyes met his, the pale green looking misty and the whites pink from all the smoking. The only word I could use to describe what I saw from him was guilt. He looked so guilty and embarrassed to have been caught out, but I couldn't read whether it was because he regretted saying it or regretted having been caught. We've all been in that position; maybe it was that you'd passed on a rumour about someone and they'd found out, or you'd done something you weren't supposed to do and got in trouble — that helpless feeling of shame and humiliation of knowing you'd been found out becoming present in your gut, but Harry looked like he was feeling that worse than I ever have.
"You... I trusted you," I whispered in disbelief, whether it was with him or myself I wasn't sure. He didn't reply, a look of remorse painted across his features as he stood before me wordlessly. His eyes were looking deep into mine, but there was no decipherable emotion behind them, he just looked dark. "You knew what that meant to me... and you... you told everyone? You spoke to your druggy friends about me like I was a toy for you to play with?"
"Jess..." he eventually managed to mumble in a miserable attempt to stall for time since he had no reasonable excuse, his hand hastily reached out to me to try and calm me down, but it had the opposite effect.
I dodged away from him, using the backs of my hands to wipe my tear-stained face as I stepped back in full on hysterics now. "Don't you dare touch me! You're a scumbag!" I screamed. "I'm the only person on this planet to give you the time of day and this is how you treat me? If you think you can talk about me like I'm shít on your shoe when I'm not around, and then act like you're a changed man and want to better yourself and all this when no one else is around you can think again."
"I didn't mean it," he choked out, "You know it's hard for me—"
"Don't even try that with me, Harry! I'm not listening to your sob story anymore after what you've said about me behind my back." Although this was most unfunny moment of my life, all of a sudden a sadistic laugh spluttered from me, "Maybe I should do what Louis said and go and tell your friends all the secrets and deep emotional things you tell me when we're alone? They'd love that, wouldn't they? Tough guy Harry chased his pathetic conquest up the road close to tears to beg for another chance."
Harry's face went from soft and shameful to hard and scornful in seconds as soon as I started giving him a taste of his own medicine, saying it how it was. I could tell he was holding back, but he looked like he would snap any second if I carried on. But what did I have to lose?
"I changed my whole world for you, because I actually thought I saw something in you. I believed I could help you, and in a way you could help me as well, but I guess I was wrong. You're a lost cause, Harry, an absolute train wreck," I spat, hateful in the heat of the moment and wanting him to feel as much pain as he made me feel.
When he ripped himself away from the spot he was standing in, I flinched. Despite being completely baked, he stormed off and yanked open the door of his car and drove away in a flash. His tires screeched as he sped off down the road as quickly as he could, leaving a cloud of black smoke from his exhaust behind. And that was that, he ran. Harry had caused an absolute shítstorm and just left us all behind to suffer the consequences.
Since I had nothing to take my feelings out on now and the anger had faded to heartbreak again, I burst out in a sob and warm, fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. I physically crumpled to the floor, falling to my knees and just crying as Mckenzie and Louis rushed over to comfort me. The two of them pulled me up and I leaned on them weakly as Mckenzie threw her arms around me and Louis rubbed his palm over my back.
"I'm just as low as him," I wailed, my tears soaking my best friend's jacket, "I stooped to his level saying all that spiteful stuff."
"You're not, Jess. He deserved to hear it, it was all true. He's an idiot for thinking something as petty as what he did was worth the risk of losing you, and I bet he's seeing that now," Mckenzie said confidently in a bid to drill the idea into my skull from the get go, hugging me tight for support at the same time.
"I gave up everything thinking he cared, but he didn't even try and fight for me," my voice was loud and slurred from sobbing and I'm surprised either of them could work out what I was saying by now.
"That's because he knows there's no excuse for the shít he's pulled," Louis concluded. "Come on darlin', let's get you out of the cold."
I was put into the backseat of his car and sat there numbly during the ride home. I was running out of tears having cried so much and I just stared into space the entire time I was in the car. For once, Louis' car was dead silent and all the windows were wound up since it was so cold out. Not one of us said a single word.
When we arrived back at my house they asked if I wanted them to come in and keep me company, but I politely declined, saying I wanted to be left alone so I could get my head together, thus I thanked them for being there for me and for getting me home before mustering up the energy to get up out the car and go inside.
I was tired and all I wanted to do was close my eyes, but every time I did they stung. My nose was now blocked and I was both freezing cold and boiling hot at the same time, and I just felt a mess inside and out. This situation felt like the end of the world for me, I was in that state where you just can't imagine where you would possibly go from there. I couldn't just forget everything and pretend nothing had ever happened.
The heating was on high when I stepped inside the house, so instantly I stripped my coat off and sprinted up the stairs to my room. I laid down on my bed and just stared blankly at the ceiling not knowing what to do now. I'd been so naive the past three months and I felt like my whole world had come plummeting down on me all at once; I'd actually thought Harry and I could work out when we were completely different people. I'd been manipulated into thinking he cared about me when really he was just putting up with me so he could use me for his own twisted game. My life had been flipped upside down and I let him get inside my head, it's not like he even had to try — he hadn't convinced me he loved me or anything even remotely close to get me to stay, he just occasionally pretended there was even a hint of kindness inside of him and I fell for it.
I felt like an idiot for feeling distraught that he'd betrayed me because I should've seen it coming. I never thought — out of everything he could've done to hurt me — this would be what made us break. I'd been under the impression we were good for each other because of our differences, since we both had what the other was missing. It's kind of like the whole time I've known him, a tiny part of me knew none of this was what I thought it was; I knew deep down we'd never have a perfect relationship and he'd never be the perfect boyfriend — hell, we weren't even in a relationship, it'd never got that far and I don't think it ever would have with someone like Harry.
What really made the hole in my chest ache was the fact that he hadn't even tried to save it, which just confirmed that he never felt anything at all for me. He'll move on, probably sleep with another five girls in the next few months, fall back into his old ways, and I'll be left to pick up the pieces and struggle to get things back the way they were before him. A part of me wonders how I ever managed to have an effect on him when it was all fake. Why didn't he sleep around in the short time I've known him? How did he manage to convince everyone that he was different only for me? He must've been really committed to trying to ruin me.
A knock on my bedroom door pulled me out of my wallowing, and quickly I rubbed my sleeve over the dried up tears around my eyes and sniffed, sitting up and trying to compose myself before calling out, "Come in."
The door edged open and Niall's head appeared in the gap, he was about to say something when he stopped and his face fell.
"Jess?"
"What?"
"What's the matter?" he asked, before what looked like realisation swept over him and he began to look angry. "What did he do?"
"What are you talking about?" I questioned, trying incredibly hard not to let my voice deceive me so it looked like I was genuinely confused, but I think my hard gulp gave it away.
"Jess, what the fuçk did he do?"
"No one's done anything," I lied, but my voice trembled the smallest amount and he picked up on it, his features becoming stern and his muscles tensing up.
"Don't lie to me, what did he do to you?"
"Niall, plea—"
His eyes lowered to the carpet as if he was losing his temper but trying to keep it together, nostrils flaring as he breathed deeply. "What did he do!" he shouted, making me yelp as his fist came in contact with the door and it swung open harshly.
"This isn't your problem. I-I... I wan't you to leave," I told him sheepishly, knowing for definite he wasn't letting this go. I didn't want to admit to him and everyone else that they were right and Harry had turned out to be exactly what they'd warned me he would.
"I knew it. I fuçking told you!" he boomed, and he whipped around to march down the stairs at full speed.
I leapt up so fast that I saw stars, chasing him down the staircase and out of the front door. It was when he unlocked his car that I began to worry the most. "Niall! Please, come back inside!"
My bare feet burned with each step I took on the icy paving slabs, the cold shooting up my legs and making my whole body numb. My eyes watered, but this time from the sharp November wind that swarmed me as I ran after my brother.
He stopped in his tracks when he reached the car, swinging his upper body round and pointing at me with his key as the other hand went for the handle of the door, his eyebrows were raised and his voice was demanding and protective when he said, "You stay here."
"No, let me at least come with you! I don't want anyone getting hurt, please!"
He ignored my pleas and pulled open the door, plopping down into the driver's seat and not wasting any time in starting the engine as the the metal slammed shut behind him. He was yanking his seatbelt across his chest as he manoeuvred out of his space and roared off up the road before I could stop him.
I knew he was going for Harry, and I don't know who I was more terrified for. Even though I despised Harry as of tonight, I didn't want him getting physically hurt — I wouldn't wish that upon anyone, especially when he or my brother could end up badly injured or in trouble. I knew he could hold his own, but before when he thought he deserved the punch from Liam after he'd been a díck he just stood there and took it. Niall had turned psychotic the way he told me he didn't ever want to, and I wasn't entirely sure what he was capable of.
My whole body was quaking on it's own accord, and with panic setting in I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I had to stop this. Maybe if I could get there and intervene, they wouldn't fight. I delved around in my pocket and fished out my phone in the middle of the street. At first the device fell right out of my shaking hands and landed face down on the tarmac with a crack, but after picking it up and fumbling around I managed to bring up my contacts.
I rang both Mckenzie and Louis at least five times each, the too slow sound of the ringing in my ear making me want to launch my iPhone across the road. Neither of them answered every single time I tried.
"Come on, come onnnnn," I begged, my teeth chattering and my skin senseless as I jumped around on the spot. I realised I'd started to cry again when I felt the heat of a salty tear roll over my lip.
I screamed in desperation when it went to voicemail for the eleventh time. I didn't know what to do, I had no other options since my only two friends weren't answering me and I was stuck here with no idea what could happen if Niall found Harry. People not picking up their phones was going to be the death of me. I definitely couldn't walk; one of them would be dead by the time I eventually got there, and if not then I might freeze to death or get attacked again walking through the alley near Harry's house, which although I act out against him trying to stop me from walking alone, I was scared of.
I frantically scrolled through my phone, weighing up my options. My head wasn't clear and I couldn't think straight whilst I was scrolling down my short contact list. My heart thudding was in my ears and it only became louder when I glanced over the screen and something caught my eye.
I couldn't, could I?
What choice did I have?
Before I knew it, my finger had tapped the call button.
I pressed the phone to my ear and waited impatiently, nervously. Only a few rings later the call connected, I heard rustling momentarily, and then a tired, "Hello?"
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Please remember to vote for the chapters if you're enjoying the story (maybe enjoying isn't the right word at the moment, soz) and pretty please leave me plenty of comments!
Hello, it is I, the cliffhanger queen. Shít is going down. But omg at the beginning of the chapter where Louis is sticking up for Jess I can just imagine him saying every single word in that tone he uses when he's píssed off, like the video of him shouting "oi, shoot yor fookin mouth pal!" and various other times he's fought back against paps lol. Let me know what your predictions are!
Btw life update: sixth form is bollocks and I think I'm ill already so that's nice. Also if anyone has spotify then FOLLOW ME! My thingy is elliexmclean.
Q: all3gra: If 1D were to have one last tour, would you go? Keep in mind Zayn wouldn't be there.
A: GURL YES I WOULD TOTALLY GO! I went to my first 1D concert in June and Zayn wasn't there, and I'm going to OTRA AGAIN in like three weeks and he won't be there so that doesn't bother me (in the least offensive way possible haha). I've never been to a 1D concert before Zayn left so like... you know.
Highlight with a question for me to answer next time!
My q 4 u: What is your most favourite and least favourite tattoo of Harry's? My most favourite is probably the ship or the skeleton guy on the back of his arm or maybe the swallows BUT THE FERNS OH GOD I DON'T KNOW I CAN'T CHOOSE! But my least favourite is hands down the mermaid, idk why I just hate it.