Vivienne's POV
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(September 1st, 2015)
Days have passed since I came to this conclusion. Days have passed and I've barely left my room because of it. Days have passed and I'm too scared to admit it to anyone else except myself.
**Flashback**
(August 25, 2015)
I still don't know why I did it or why I'm thinking so much about it. If I had to describe my emotions in one word, right now confusion would be the best option.
Last night, before I started dyeing Michael's hair, he winked at me - I'm not so sure why he did it but he did and I've never been more confused about something he's done in my life. But that's not the only reason I've been more on the confusing side than usual. When he winked at me, I blushed...
The past few hours I've been thinking about just those two things, nothing else at all. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out if he was just being playful or if he meant something by it that I'm clueless about. All I've also been looking for a good reason as to why I turned red when my friend winked at me.
I mean, it's not normal for a person to blush because of something their best friend does, right? It is normal for one friend to wink at the other, right? I can't figure out these questions at all. Nothing is making sense to me anymore.
I need to figure out what I'm feeling and what Michael's meaning before I lose my mind.
**End Of Flashback**
And figure out the feelings I have.
Since that day, I've pretty much locked myself up in my room, not coming out unless I absolutely have to - which means to eat. I haven't stopped thinking about my complex emotions at all.
But a couple of days ago was when it hit me. When everything came crashing into my brain. Everything has made sense to me since then, but everything has also been troubling me since then as well.
I've been walking, more like passing, around my room - I still haven't left my room much - as this huge feeling of guilt keeps washing over me every time I think about it. It's like one minute I'll be fine, happy almost, as I think about it, or him, but then within the next second I'll feel horrible like I have just caused a huge burden on everyone around me.
I need to tell somebody. I need another person to know this information and to help me. I want the help and I need help, but I've barely had time to come to the conclusion with myself. If I'm only now letting myself realize this, how will I be able to tell someone when I'm still not very accepting of the idea?
I'm going to have to do it though. I can't just mope around my room when I know one person I can trust with this type of thing - other than the person it's about of course. My mother.
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"Mom?" I called out once I got to the end of the hallway. "Are you home?"
"I'm in the kitchen!" She answered me, her voice echoing around the house. I went to where she said she was, easily finding her doing dishes at the sink.
"I need to talk to you about something serious." My words barely audible, and my voice was wavering because of how nervous I was to tell her about what's been giving me a headache for the past couple of days.
"Oh, are you okay? Is something or someone bothering you?" She sounded surprised when I said that this was going to be a serious conversation.
Giving me her full attention right away, she dropped the pan she had been washing and walked over to the island - taking a seat in the chair right beside the one I usually sit in, motioning for me to sit too.
"So, I know you've noticed that something has been... bothering me lately." I cleared my throat, pausing while trying to come up with a word that best suited how I've been acting. "And I need to tell you what it is because I need some help or guidance."
"I've been wondering what's been going on. You haven't really left that room of yours for a couple of days." She smiled at me, looking as if she was trying to comfort me and lighten my mood. "Go ahead and tell me anything you want. I'm all ears."
"I don't know how to tell you exactly but I guess I'll just have to explain the best I can." I sighed, running my hand through my bangs, pushing them out of my face. "Last week something happened that's had me thinking about my feelings and emotions."
"I've finally come to an obvious conclusion but I don't really like it. Well, I do like it, it's a nice feeling when it's not being replaced with guilt constantly." I started off frowning, but that frown soon turned into a smile, an actual genuine one at that, but that faded away faster than I wanted it to, only to be replaced by another frown.
"If you like the feeling, why are you guilty?" She didn't have an idea of what I was talking about, but her question made me think hard. She had a point. If I like how I'm feeling, then why am I feeling guilty as well?
"You're confused about what I'm actually referring to, aren't you?" I let out an airy chuckled as I watched her face twist and furrow as she tried thinking of what I'm talking about.
"Sort of, yeah." Nodding her head slowly, I could tell that she needed and wanted me to continue. "Can you explain further please?"
"It's about Michael." I blurted out, not being about to hold that part in any longer. It's like want to tell the entire world what I'm feeling and who I'm feeling it about, but I also want to shy away in a corner and not let anyone in on what's going through my head. "I'm feeling-" I stopped myself, the guilt returns.
"Vivienne. What are you trying to tell me?" My mom calming spoke, leaning towards me a little more, taking my hands in hers and giving them a tight squeeze to help comfort me.
"I-I love Michael Clifford." I stuttered out, my cheeks flaming red once the words escaped my mouth. I'm now not the only person who knows and I can't take it back.
"Oh my gosh." Her whole face lit up and a huge smile spread across her red painted lips. "That's amazing honey! Why would you feel guilty about that?"
"Because he's in love with another girl."
Florence's POV
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"Because he's in love with another girl."
When my daughter spoke those words, my heart literally started to ache for her. She had no idea that when she heard my conversation with Michael a couple of months back, we were talking about her the whole time. Now she thinks the person she loves doesn't love her back and instead, loves someone else completely.
"But- I- you- no- don't-" I tried over and over again to come up with a sentence that would make her feel less guilty, but I couldn't without telling her that she's the girl and I couldn't do that to Michael, he's worked too hard on this for her to find out by her mother. "How about you talk to him about it."
"Why would I want to talk to him about it. I'm in love with him, why would I want to hear him talk about loving some girl that's not me?" She whimpered, averting her eyes away from mine and that's when I knew she was being seriously heartbroken over this, over herself, and was about to cry.
"Don't you dare cry, Vivienne. You're nineteen years old, you should know by now that you can't solve your problems by crying. No, you solve them how?" I pointed a stern finger at her as I saw tears welling up in her eyes.
"You talk the problem out with whoever is causing it." She sighed, saying exactly what she knew - but wished she didn't - had to do to solve this issue.
"Now, go shower and get ready," I told her, turned her chair around for her, and pushing her out of it and towards the kitchen doors.
"Why?" She sounded confused but she kept walking on, doing as I was telling her. Turning to me, she waited for my reply before she headed to her bedroom.
"You're going to call up Michael and ask him to meet you somewhere so you can talk this out with him." I wasn't giving her a choice, she had to do this herself or I would do it myself. "Now go."
Vivienne's POV
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I feel somewhat relieved, like a bunch of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, but I'm also nervous because I'm being forced to talk to Michael about this. I'm definitely not telling him that I love him by no means. That would just cause me so much trouble and pain in the long run. So, I'm just going to ask him about the girl.
I'll ask him things that might help me understand where he's coming from. I'll ask him stuff that will hopefully make myself less sad about him loving another girl. But I swear if he starts talking nonstop about her and starts pretty much rubbing the girl in my face unknowingly, I'll break down and run home, probably crying the whole way.
Once I finished doing what my mother had told me to do - shower, clean up around my room, etc. - I sent Michael a simple little text.
'Meet me at the Café down the street in about ten minutes.'
It showed up that he read it right after I sent it, but he didn't reply - he does that most of the time, it's doesn't mean he's not going to meet me, it actually means the opposite, it means he'll be there.
A few minutes after I sent my text, I walked outside to my car and drove the short distance from my house to the Café, passing my Michael's house on the way, his car wasn't there either, so he's probably on his way too.
Pulling up the little yellow building, I noticed Michael standing outside the doors watching me get out of my car. As I caught eye contact with him, my heart started to race rapidly and my cheeks started to heat up, so I tilted my head down to the ground, breaking our eye contact, so he couldn't see.
"What's up?" He chuckled as he walked beside me inside the cozy building. "Long time no see. I had to dye my own hair because you haven't been around. Just make sure you add this one to the list. It's Vermillion."
He made jokes and laughed, me smiling along - occasionally I would also laugh with him as well - but I wouldn't speak, I was too scared and nervous too.
By the time I gathered enough courage to break my silence, I had completely forgotten everything I wanted to ask him. So, I just went with what popped up in my head first - which probably wasn't the very best idea. "So, remember that day I passed out a couple of months ago?" My sudden question startled him, obviously, seeing he jumped up in his seat a little.
"Yeah, um, I remember that day." He nodded his head up and down in agreement. Not saying anything else. I took that as my cue to continue talking.
"Well, I kind of heard what you were saying to my mother," I mumbled out, my poor little heart clenching as his words came back to mind. Being in love with someone and them not loving you back is hard.
"Oh really? What did you here?" His eyes widened slightly, fear filling in them but I didn't know why. He's a very confusing boy you know...
"That you're in love with somebody... somebody else than me."
Michael's POV
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"That you're in love somebody...."
I heard her mutter out, her voice fading with each word so, by the time she was finishing her sentence, I couldn't hear her last few words. But those words I did hear though, made me freeze up and also break in half cause she sounded heartbroken but I didn't understand why, and that hurt.