Once, when lying on burned grass after a mission, Ralph told Rosa that he loved her. His voice cracked, he bit his lip, but he never looked away.
She replied by telling him that he was an idiot.
Another time, when tangled among sheets and covers, Ralph begged Rosa to stop him from falling in love with her.
She just laughed.
One time, very close to the end, Rosa apologised. And told him she loved him too and that she always had.
Ralph couldn't reply.
But now?
All Rosa can think about is her meds. She needs her meds. Right now.
Because for the first time in almost a year, she can hear a voice in her head, whispering.
It's going to get bad. She can feel it. Heat trails down her spine and twists down to her fingernails. Blazing heat, as if flames dance underneath her numerous layers of skin.
It'll be minutes. She's going to have an episode and she won't let it happen. She can't. She's come this far, and she will refuse to be brought back to that place of terror.
Water. That's what Frank gets her. He pours it on her arms and the top of her head, similar to dowsing a fire. She could get to water in the common room just down the hall! She could grab her meds from her clutch, which is no where to be seen, run to the water cooler, drink water with the meds and pour the rest over herself. Perfect plan. She'd be fine then. Not great, but passable.
All she needs is her emerald green clutch and for Ralph to get the fuck out of the room.
First, finding the clutch, which is pretty difficult while staying statue-still.
Ralph finds it at the exact same time as Rosa remembers where she left it.
"What the..." His voice trails off and she can hear him move closer to the desk to pick it up, hears him run his fingertips against the patent leather covering the clasp.
His voice is the same and it brings a new wave of tears to the extinguished trails marking her cheeks. It's the same voice that drunkenly greeted her in the bar on the first night they met, the same voice that gasped when he saw her again the morning after, the same voice that suggested solutions to problems he created, the same voice which declared love, the same voice that broke when she refused to let him in, the same voice that growled as he pulled her towards him in a passionate embrace, the same voice that said goodbye for the last time and the very same voice that came back.
The same voice which says her name like a secret when it must dawn on him that she's in the chair.
"Rosa." He breathes while she sharply inhales.
She can't speak. Can't move. She's paralysed by shock.
She hears him move tentatively closer, feels him grasp the back of the chair, feels him press his fingertips into the leather, waiting to pull it around to face him.
No such luck.
Douglas (plodding footsteps) all but bursts into the room by the sound of it, putting a stop to Ralph's big reveal.
"Get out!" He growls, however it sounds like there isn't any malice in it at all. She feels Ralph release his hand from the chair and hears him step away.
"Hey, man! You look good!" Ralph says, and Rosa cries again because so much has changed since Ralph died. Died? That was a lie. So what else was a lie?
"Look, I'll catch up with you later and brief you, but right now you cannot be in this room, okay? Go to Brandon's office. It's in the same place, alright? Just be careful, okay? You're gonna give him quite the shock." Douglas, by the sound of it, ushers Ralph out of the room and then moves closer to the ridiculously tall chair Rosa sits in. She's never been thankful for the stupid chair until now.
"Rosa," Douglas begins, and Rosa realises that she's getting real sick of hearing her name. "You okay?"
OF COURSE I'M FUCKING OKAY. THE LAST THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE HAVE BEEN A LIE, BUT IT'S ALL FINE BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE ASKING IF I'M OKAY.
Sure, Douglas, sure. I'm fine.
"You lied to me," Rosa whispers, her voice hoarse from straining her throat to stop herself from screaming. "You lied to everyone."
"Rosa, I-"
"Meds, now." She all but growls, however Douglas carefully turns the chair to face him instead.
"I will get them for you in one moment, I promise," He starts, and Rosa remembers that Douglas doesn't know - hasn't seen- her in one of her episodes. He doesn't get it. "I just need to warn you. Things are going to get bad. Really bad. There are cops here asking for you. They're going to arrest you for the murders, okay? They say they've got the evidence. I haven't seen any of it yet so there's nothing I can do yet. I'm so sorry."
Fuck.
"Meds."
"Yeah, sure. Where are they?" Douglas looks around before she remembers that she can just get them herself. She stands from the chair and reaches for her clutch, her chipped nail polish -when did they get chipped? - clashing violently with the emerald patent leather of the clutch.
She's just undoing the clasp when she looks up and meets the gaze of Officer Burns and one of his lackeys.
He, just like everyone Rosa has ever met, has a sour history with Rosa. She never liked him, thus decided to make his life a living hell.
She sees the left corner of his lip lift.
He is going to enjoy this.
Going to enjoy apprehending the world's best intelligence officer, detective and spy all in one. Going to enjoy handcuff the crazy bitch that never cared for anyone but herself and Detective Ralph Castano. Going to enjoy the experience of arresting the mess that has become Rosa Waters. Tear-stained, barely-walking, erratic Rosa Waters.
"Hands where I can see 'em."
She drops the clutch, watches it fall onto her bare feet.Watches her meds, her sanity fall with it.
"Rosa Waters, I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murders that took place last afternoon." He begins to walk closer to her, handcuffs in one hand and nothing in the other. The corner of his lip lifts more.
"Don't touch me," Rosa warns. She's been denied her meds and now anything could happen at any one time. Her fingertips sizzle with electricity and heat continues to spread along her spine. "I have a Medal of Valour. I have two."
"They aren't going to stop me from throwing you in a cell, you crazy bitch."
"Watch it, Burns. She isn't well, okay? Just get it over with."
"Fine." He bites out, moving closer.
"Why would I kill those people? Why? I've spent the whole of my career trying to stop people from dying, so why would I go against all of that? I'm 'crazy', but not delusional." Rosa says, putting out an arm to hold Burns off for another couple moments while she attempts to compose herself.
"Our evidence doesn't just say that you murdered all those innocents, but says you're the one behind Red Star." He's loving this, and everyone in the room, and perhaps the world, can tell.
"Fuck off, Burns," Rosa shakes her head. This is ridiculous. "You all know I would never have spent three years of my life trying to take them down if I was the main man. I'm not going to prison with you. Get me my meds, and I can explain to you all the reasons why I wouldn't ever dare be part of them," she's raising her voice now, and other employees stick their heads out to see what's going on. "I might as well sit down."
"Waters," He spits out. "You can tell that to a judge. You are coming with us."
He's agitated now, and one wrong move away from hauling her out here. His partner at the edge of the room strokes the gun that's in his left hand. Clearly they were told to bring weapons to tame the dangerous and unpredictable creature that is Rosa Waters.
She needs to be careful. If she has to be hauled out, she'll lose it.
Or is she already losing it?
She never could really tell.
"No I am not! I'm a good person," She sees multiple people down the hall, watching her, stifle a laugh. "I'm a bitch, a crazy fucking bitch, but I'm not a bad person. I'm not. I saved this nation on a daily basis, in the day, and this is the repayment I get? A fucking joke," She turns to Douglas. "Tell them I'm a good person."
Douglas softens and his eyes are apologetic. She turns to the corridor and screams.
"TELL THEM I'M A GOOD PERSON! TELL THEM."
No one speaks up or even moves.
Except for two, who exit from one room to see what's happening. A man who was in a tuxedo this morning, ready to get married, currently rubbing his fists, sore from punching. The other a man who looks like he's walked through a war, covering one eye which obviously was just attacked.
Just like she remembered, but different.
Locks eyes.
Still green.
Mouths, "Tell them."
He purses his lips. He's conflicted. So is everyone. It would make so much sense for her to be the one behind all of this, wouldn't it? She can see his heart tear.
She can feel her own do the same.
"Give in, Whit-Waters. It's over. You're coming with us whether you like it or not." Snapping her out of her moment, Burns makes a fatal mistake that chills the fire under Rosa' skin.
"What did you just say?"
"...You're coming with us?"
"No. What did you just call me?"
"Oh, yeah. That. We found you out. 'Rosa Waters' doesn't exist. Ivy White does."
The world implodes in on itself, the epicentre being Ivy White.
Rosa Waters dies in the commotion.
Ivy White is resurrected.
Kevin Burns is injured, scratches across his face and punches to the gut.
Douglas Washington escapes with a broken nose, just like the one he acquired on the night of the incident.
Brandon Dent cries for everything he's lost and gained in the day.
Ralph Castano fights. Fights, with new strength to protect Rosa, or whoever she is. He escapes with tears and a split lip, administered by Douglas to get him out of the room.
For the first time in a long time, Rosa loses it. She claws, punches, slaps at the walls of her cell once she wakes up there, seeing, hearing, tasting, feeling, smelling Ralph Castano around her.
She screams until her lungs complain.
She attacks the walls, floors and herself until the bones in her fingers shatter, and even then, still continues.
When it's over, she lays against the tear-stained concrete and breathes.
Air has never felt so horrible to inhale.
She exhales.
~
So sorry it's been such a long wait, but hopefully I will be able to update again soon!
The song of the chapter is 'Oblivion' by M83 and Susanne Sundfor.