The next day, after all my classes, I meet up with Toby, Valerie and Alec in front of the library. Last night, I didn't tell Niall that I would work in a group with his girlfriend. Maybe she told him already, I thought but deep inside I was actually afraid to even mention her name. I don't want him to get angry again or turn cold as he did the times before. He probably wants to keep their relationship as low profile as possible, despite the fact that they go out on dates and get photographed by paparazzi.
Myphone buzzes and it's a text from Niall. Can we talk latertoday? Around 10?
Me: Sure.
Niall: Are you mad?
Me: Is there a reason to be mad?
Niall: No.
Me: See you just answered your own question. I quote him from Saturday and put my phone into my bag.
"Olivia!"A male voice exclaims. I turn around and see Toby, Valerie and Alec coming up to me. Once they stand in front of me, we quickly introduce each other to one another and then get in. We go to the very back of the library where usually no one is and take a seat at a round table. In the first floor, where we are now, is everything much more modern than upstairs. We start discussing our project and the book we have to present. All of us still have to read it, so that's what we do. We can't start a project without reading the book, can we?
"I'm exhausted." Alec moans and slams the book close. We four are all at 1/4 of the whole book, after an hour. Alec crosses his arms on the table and lays his head down.
"Same." Toby mimics him and even closes his eyes.
"Boys, come on!" Valerie rolls her eyes but also puts the book down.
"We should take a break. My eyes are burning." I suggest and they nod agreeing. Now it's the perfect timing to ask Valerie about Niall... But I decide not to. Might be better if I don't. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about their relationship either.
"Why have I never seen you in Class?" I ask, not really directed to either Valerie or Alec.
"I sit in the back." Alec says yawning.
"I sit in the front." Valerie smiles as her phone buzzes. Since we sit next to each other, I sneakily take a look. It's from Niall. He sent her a long text and I really can't be bothered to read it all now. Especially because I have to read without anyone noticing it and especially because it's non of my business. Why has Niall never texted me such a long text? My inner voice questions and I find myself getting a bit jealous. I shake my head, closing my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Is everything alright?" Toby asks and I just nod. I take another deep breath and stand up.
"I'll be right back." I tell him.
"Oh! I'm coming with you." Valerie stands up as if she knows that I am going to the bathroom. I just smile and take my contacts case and glasses case out of my bag. Valerie follows me quietly to the bathroom. As she locks herself into a stall, I wash my hands. Then I take my contacts out and wash my face. When Valerie comes out again and washes her hands, I put my glasses on.
"Wow, you look cute with glasses." She compliments smiling.
"Thanks." I blush and follow her out. Back at our table, we sit down and continue to read. The boys also start reading after each of them yawn loudly.
Two hours later, we decide to go home and read the rest at home. Valerie and I talk on the way to the student accommodation, since we both live in there. Yet again, I could bring up Niall, but something tells me not to. Instead we talk about the book until we get into the elevator.
"See you next Wednesday." Valerie smiles.
"Yeah, sure." I smile back and get out when the doors open. Once I'm in my apartment, I instantly get hungry. I haven't eaten all day and now, instead of something healthy and nutritious, I take a bag of crisps out of a cabinet. With that, I sit down at my desk and start to plan and study a bit for other classes. Afterwards I take a long shower. The hot water hits my naked body and I let my head down so it hits my neck. Just standing under the hot water, makes me feel clean and free. It loosens all my muscles and relaxes my whole body and mind. When I step out, I feel the strong desire to just go out. I quickly get dressed in black leggings and an oversized sweater and my favourite pair of black vans before I head out. It is already dark but I am not afraid. I find a bench under a three close to the students accommodation and sit down there. I pull one legs up and wrap my arms around them. As I take a deep breath, I realize that I haven't done this in such a long time. Breathing in and out, the could fresh air is something I missed without knowing. With one hand, I scroll through Twitter, which I haven't done in a while either. When Niall eventually calls, I am close to fall asleep. "Niall."I smile and rest my head on my knee.
"Did I wake you up?" He asks. I pull my other leg up and hold them close to me. As I try to place my head comfy, I close my eyes and yawn.
"No." I yawn again.
"Go to bed." He tells me.
"Not now." I still want to hear your voice, my inner voice adds.
"But you're tired. Just go to bed, Olivia." I love hearing my name coming out of his mouth. It gives me goosebumps every time.
"But then I have to stand up and walk and change and until then, I'll be fully awake again." I explain and try but fail to keep another yawn in.
"Why? Where are you?" Niall sounds concerned and worried and a little big angry.
"Outside."
"Go home!" He raises his voice. "Go home now!"
"Niall calm down." I yawn and stand up. "I'm just outside." I roll my eyes even though I think it's cute of him to be so concerned about me.
"Go home!" He exclaims.
"I am! Jesus." I roll my eyes again and slowly start walking. "Are you angry?"
"Of course I am! Go home! Now! Olivia, what if something happens to you? It's dangerous outside!" His voice turns from angry to weak.
"Nothing will happen to me, Niall." I'm fully awake now and nearly at the student accommodation.
"You'll be the death of me." He whispers nearly not hearable and I imagine him shaking his head. I laugh. "Don't laugh! F*cking just go home!" He yells.
"Don't yell!" I tell him. "Right now I am in the elevator and now the doors open and now I am walking to my door."
"Just go home." He now seems exhausted.
"I am. I am at home now." I say as I enter my flat. "Satisfied now, Mr. Horan?"
"Why are you doing this to me?" He asks quietly.
"What am I doing?" I ask back and lay down in my bed.
"Nothing... Just nothing. Forget it." He tells me. What am I doing to him? I ask myself. Does he mean that in a good way or bad way? Yet again I am confused. He always has to confuse me. Probably not intentionally but still. He manages it every time. My brain kinda just shuts off and my heart takes over. Everything is irrelevant when we talk.
It drives me crazy. He drives me crazy.
_________________________________
The next weeks just fly by. Not much has changed. Uni is going good. Niall is still with Valerie. Niall and I still talk daily. Things that have changed are that Alison and Shawn are now dating, after a romantic candle light dinner that I organized with Shawn for Ally on the first of October, and Toby and I became pretty good friends.
Niall has been back from tour for a couple of days now. We haven't seen each other though, because he's busy. The boys just recently brought out a new song and soon their third album will be released. I'm not mad or anything, we still talk in the evenings, but I have to admit that I am jealous of Valerie. In the press are new picture of them two daily. They seem to be together everyday. She goes to him after her classes which she has the right to. She even gets picked up by a car. I don't. I'm just a friend of his. I don't have the right to just come into the studio with him. Niall didn't ask me if I want and I am not asking if I am allows to. But to be honest, friend or not friend, I would have been jealous anyways. Who wouldn't be?
My phone rings and tears me out of my thoughts. I pick up and put it on speaker. Since Niall and I started talking so much through the phone, I just got used to putting it on speaker. It is much more comfortable and apparently better for the health. "Hello?" I ask and start to count the wooden boards on the ceiling.
"Where are you." It's Niall.
"Who are you to ask this question?" I ask back as if I don't know his voice by heart by now.
"Niall!" He exclaims. "Where are you, Olivia?"
"Brighton. At my dad's... But he's not home yet... So now, I lay on his couch, in his office, even though I am not allowed to be here. I mean, I am allowed to be here, but not in his office." I smile.
"Why?" He asks confused.
"Because when I am here, I have no responsibilities. Like seriously, I don't have to do anything here." I explain. The reason why I don't have to do anything is
1) no one is here except me.
2) no one knows that I am here and
3) everything I could possibly do is already done.
My dad's house is the perfect place to just think.
"When are you coming back?" He asks.
"Tonight. After dinner dad will probably drive me home. Why?" I sit up because now I am curious.
"I-I am at your flat right now." He explains.
"Ohh...Just go to Valerie instead and we'll talk tomorrow." I say and bite my lip. Coming here today joins the list of regrets.
"Yeah. Okay. Bye." His voice is cold and... Hurt.
"Bye Niall." I wait a couple of seconds and just listen to his breathing before I hang up.
"What are you doing here?" I jump up and my heart skips a beat.
"Jesus christ dad!" I yell and turn my head to face him. "You can't just scare me like that! I'm too young to die."
He rolls his eyes and pulls me into a hug. "Why are you wearing my shirt?" He asks when we pull apart.
"Because it's comfy." I smile and walk pass him to the kitchen.
"Why were you in my office? I told you to not go in there." Dad follows me.
"I was just wondering." I explain and the smile at Sarah, dad's girlfriend and secretary. "Hey S."
"Hey lovely." She smiles back and takes three pizzas out of the freezer.
We start to talk and I tell her about Niall. We girls haven't talked in weeks and it's nice to talk to an adult, who doesn't take a side or starts lecturing me about like. Dad just sits at the breakfast table and listens and rolls his eyes. If Sarah wasn't here with us, he would have lecturing me, even before I got to the point. "You like him, don't you?" She asks and I nod slightly, biting my lip.