Harry's self-confidence has been better ever since he kissed me on Monday. It was obviously something that would be highlighted by the media until the end of the season, but it doesn't seem to bother Harry one bit. Actually, he drags me out and answers questions about the supposed 'us' that is expected to exist because of the kiss.
Apparently, if you've seen in public after a rumour starts up about you, then it's routine to be followed around for at least a few days. The paparazzi have been on our asses since we left Monday night.
It's currently Thursday, nearly half-way through the practicing period. Sadly, we did have to say good-bye to Zoe and Mark, and also Mitch and Sharna. There's only six couples left in total.
It's always upsetting to see people go if they're in the last five. Although seven weeks doesn't seem like a very long time, it is when it comes to being associated with only this group of people for that time period. Some people you grow to hate, but others become your best friends.
In mine and Harry's case, it's neither of those.
Recently, I've been thinking about what would happen to him after the season ends. I mean, with me going back to Ireland for who knows how long, what would Harry do? Would he go back to the studio for an album or does he have a tour planned afterward? The only reason he hasn't been dragged into the studio over the time of the season is because he only just finished writing an album and he had a 3 and a half month break from touring.
I'm just worried what he will do after I've left. With the way he's been growing so close to me, it makes me wonder if he would let me leave or not.
Harry knows that I haven't been home in so long and he wasn't really expecting me to go back after Greg came to visit. He knew I wasn't very close to my family, but what about now? Things have changed.
"Dove," Harry calls me. I turn to him noticing that he's gotten up from the ground where he planted himself when Derek called for a water break. The only way I know it's him is because he's the only person that would even think of calling someone that. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I reply automatically.
"C'mon now. Tell me, please?" He comes over to me and trails his fingers up and down my left forearm.
"Seriously, it's nothing. I was just thinking, that's all."
"About what?" Demi and Lorde are still out of the room going to the bathroom or something so we still have time to talk. I wonder if I should tell him that I'm going back to Ireland soon. He needs to know, but I don't know when would be the right time to tell him.
"Nothing, really. I was just thinking about what we should call the team." I lie. He just shrugs.
I don't know. Shouldn't it kind of do something with our dance or theme?"
"Actually, it doesn't." Louis butts in. He seems to have been doing that more often. I don't know who he's trying to annoy with it; me, or Harry. "So we already chose one."
"What? Without our consent?" Harry scowls at Louis when he puts his hand around my waist.
"Of course not. This might be a team, but not all team members are needed to decide on a fucking name." Louis leads me over to a little circle in the middle of the room, which actively brings Harry over as well. Harry pulls me away from Louis' side, instead presses me into his own.
The girls have since returned to the room, also joining the circle. Derek starts talking, "Alright, Nic. You chose the song, right?"
"Yeah." I nod.
"What is it?"
"Okay, well, you guys are going to give me shit for this. Because the theme is 'Flashback', I was thinking to not only include some songs from in the past, but also something that corresponds with the theme meaning."
"Oh no. She probably chose some weird hipster shit." Louis mutters.
"Shut up. The song is 'Don't Look Back' by Boston. It is an older song, but it also has to do with the theme."
"How?" Demi asks.
"The song is about not turning back to older things because it may change some things in the future. Sure, it may be fun to reminisce on good memories, but there are also some bad memories that can bring your mood down. It's sometimes good to not 'look back' because the future is what you're supposed to be focused on."
Everyone is silent, just staring at me. The only reason I recommended it, is because I can speak from experience on not wanting to reminisce on old memories. I just want to reach out to the people that have had bad pasts and tell them that it's okay to hate the memories.
"Nicolette," Louis starts. "you deep son of a bitch, look. I shed a single tear." He drags his pointer finger down from his eye socket to the bottom of his face, miming an over-exaggerated sad face.
I shove him off balance, "Fuck off. I thought it was a good idea."
"I think it's a good idea." Harry pipes in, standing up for me.
"Of course you think it's a good idea, Lover Boy." Louis jabs.
"Lover Boy?" Both Harry and I question.
"Yeah, Team Lover Boy. That's what we named our team."
"Louis, quit it. I happen to think it's a good idea as well." Demi says.
"What? The song or the name of the group?"
"The song. It's a good song, in case you didn't know, and I think it will go well with our dance." Demi smiles at me. I smile back and then turn to Louis with a smirk.
"Fine. Whatever."
"Stop being bitter that I came up with something better than you." I say. He rolls his eyes, but I can tell he really isn't annoyed.
"Alright, we have a song. Let's practice the dances one more time before we head off to practice our personal dances." Derek suggests. We all nod a little, getting in our starting positions. Harry is reluctant to leave my side as we finish the beginning sequence to split off in our personal dances. We are the last to dance together before the entire group comes back together again and finishes off.
The freestyle is an easy one to pair with songs, and since we came up with the dance before the song, it was helpful when I was looking around for songs to pair with it.
After we practice a few more times as a group, it's a silent agreement when we break off into our personalized practice rooms. Harry wraps his arm around me after we enter the hallway, "Do you want to go back to mine to practice, baby?"
"When do we not?" I ask rhetorically. He smiles lightly and leads me outside the building, catching the attention of a few paparazzi that have yet to get a statement from Harry regarding the kissing ordeal. It only takes a minute for him to answer to them before he leads us to his car.
I can already tell that people are going start saying Harry and I are some kind of publicity stunt with how open Harry has been to questions and demands of the press. But there's nothing new there. Everything famous people do is considered a publicity stunt now-a-days. You can't ever be in a relationship without being called a liar somehow.
It's never actually happened to me before because, not only am I not considered a big celebrity, I've also never been seen with anyone outside the studio aside from my assigned Stars and some of the other dancers, and that's only generally during the recording seasons. Other than that, I spend most of my time in my apartment, catching up on any missed Doctor Who and The Walking Dead episodes I might have missed during the season.
It might seem repetitive and boring considering I am part of the celebrity community, but I don't consider myself being someone like that. It's never interested me for people to know everything about me and I'm not going to change that.
On Sunday night, Meghan sends me a Skype message, saying that Greg hasn't gone back to our parent's house since he's returned to Ireland. I'm guessing they found out that he came to see me and will try to get my address out of him.
I reply with a simple 'okay.' before video calling her. She answers on the third ring, looking a bit stressed.
"Hey, Ni." She waves at the camera. I set my computer on my lap and let the heat from it being used for so long warm up my basketball shorts that I'm wearing for bed. "You finally left Harry's house?"
"Yeah, I told him there's no point in me paying the bills for my apartment if I'm never even there. He was reluctant, but he drove me home."
"Ever since you've met him, he's been your personal driver. And body-guard. And boyfriend."
I scold her, "He's not my boyfriend. You know this."
"He should be." She smirks. "Have you guys kissed again?"
"How did you know about that? Did you watch the show?" Dancing has never interested her so I don't understand why she would watch it just because of me.
"Nope. I didn't have to. By the next hour it was the number one trend on Twitter, and I just so happen to use Twitter quite a lot. Not only that, it's been the main topic of almost every celebrity magazine, newspaper, and website. How could I not have heard about it?"
"Shit. Do my parents know?"
"I don't think so. They've stopped asking about you ever since Greg refused giving them any news on when he visited you. They're pissed at him, but he's pissed at them so it's pretty equal."
I knock my head back onto the wall behind my bed. "Even when I'm not there, I still cause problems."
"Of course. It's not every day that someone's son tells them that they're a girl and then they disappear for seven years." I glare at her through the camera. She sighs, "Sorry."
"Can we not talk about that for once? Let's talk about you. How have you been for the last seven years? We didn't really have time to talk about it before you left."
"Nothing much has changed. I went to University but I never really found something that I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm stuck as a receptionist until then. But hey, whatever pays the bills."
"Amen." I finish. She laughs, looking over to the side of her when a male voice interrupts.
"I'll be right back." She says and leaves the camera view. I don't really think about it when my own phone lights up with a text from Harry. There's also a text that came through from Louis that I didn't notice until now. It was delivered about 10 minutes ago.
From: Louis
I didn't mean to be so harsh today. I was just a little mad about something. Don't let it get to you. :)
To: Louis
I could tell. So what do you use? Tampons or pads? And do I ever?
I add a purple devil emoticon to the end of my text, nonchalantly telling him that it was alright.
Meghan is still off screen, so I take this time to text Harry back as well.
From: Harry
I miss you. .x
To: Harry
When do you not?
My phone vibrates again as soon as I reply to Harry with a text from Louis. I don't look up to see if Meghan is there because I would be able to hear her.
From: Louis
Pads all the way. Just imagine putting a tampon up... yeah.
Louis and Harry continue to text me one after the other so I just keep replying until Meghan comes back on the screen.
"Hey, sorry, Ni, but I've got to go. My boyfriend planned an unexpected date for tonight.
"At one in the morning?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Apparently so. He's a strange one. I'll talk to you later. Remember to tell me when you might be coming home."
"Alright. And the next time we talk, I will force you to tell me everything about your boyfriend. Bye!" Before she can argue, I disconnect the call with a smirk. I check around on my social media's before closing up my laptop and crawling into bed. It's only about 10, but I'm a bit tired. I turn the brightness down on my phone all the way before slipping off my shorts so I'm only in a pair for briefs and a tank-top. When I turn the lights off and fling the covers over myself, my phone lights up with another notification.
From: Harry
Are you going to sleep already, love?
To: Harry
Yeah, I'm tired. Plus, I want to get up early tomorrow so we can practice a few more times before we go into the studio and practice with the team.
From: Harry
Wouldn't it be easier if you were to wake up here so you don't have to waste practice time getting over here?
To: Harry
Harry...
From: Harry
C'mon, darling, please? I want you here. .x
To: Harry
On one condition.
From: Harry
I'm on my way.
To: Harry
I haven't even told you what it is!
From: Harry
It doesn't matter. I'll do anything for you. .xx
To: Harry
Then I hope you have a machete ready.
From: Harry
Why...?
To: Harry
Oh, no reason.
Harry arrives to pick me up in less than 10 minutes, giving me a small amount of time to pack up some essentials like a tooth-brush and deodorant and put my shorts back on, along with some tennis shoes. He comes knocking at my door, four sharp pats that were obviously not done with a fist, as it is very quiet and doesn't travel all around the house. If I hadn't have been waiting, I wouldn't have heard it.
"Hello, dove." He pulls me in automatically and kisses my forehead. When I'm allowed to step away, I wipe away the wet mark that would give me shivers otherwise.
"Sup." I grab my jacket and my small bag and walk past him out my door.
"Do you have your key?" I press down on the pocket of my jacket, showing the outline to my apartment key. He nods, leading me into the elevator with a hand on my lower back. He keeps it there until we have to depart for the short period that it takes him to get in the driver's seat (because of course he opened the passenger's door for me and of course he held my hand as I stepped inside.)
It doesn't take long to get to his house and I'm pretty sure I could drive there in my sleep with how many times I've seen these same roads go by.
One thing I love the most about riding in the passenger's seat is that I can watch how fast things go by when we're close, but things far away pass by slower. When I was a kid, I used to love riding with my face pressed against the glass as my eyes dart between the road which moves faster than the eye can see, the houses or buildings which go by much slower than the road, and the sun, moon and stars which never seem to move from their original position and are instead following me.
It was always something strange that confused me all throughout my childhood and most of my teenage years. Of course, I was taught that the sky is actually moving with you because the Earth is turning, but what about the ground compared to the houses? The ground will go by so fast, maybe too fast for my eyes to even realize how far we've gone, when, really, we're not going fast at all. The ground just seems to be moving faster because it's closer, I guess.
I'm currently in a similar position as I was when I was a kid; my cheek pressed against the glass, my mind wondering why some things seem to go by so fast when other's barely move at all, as my entire body relaxes and only focuses on the lines separating lanes. I count how many we've passed, and maybe next time I can count how many buildings we pass.
We arrive at Harry's pretty quickly, just as we usually do. Yet, my body doesn't feel like moving yet. I'd rather sit out on this car and stare at the moon. Most of the stars haven been dulled away because of all the lights on in the city, but the moon still seems bright and overpowering. Thankfully, there are no clouds present in the sky right now.
"Ni?" Harry calls me. I grunt in response, not moving. I feel his hand caress my left thigh a few times before he unclicks his seatbelt and gets out of the car. He rounds around onto my side of the car and knocks on the window twice before pulling it open. My head lolls back on instinct and presses into the headrest softly. "Do you plan on sleeping in here, darling?"
"Mmm," I sigh with a closed mouth. My fingers press down on my seatbelt to unbuckle it, but I don't pull it back. The strap comes off my torso by itself, but gets caught on my right arm. He chuckles when I groan again, swiping my hand away to get it off me. While my hand is still moving, I decide to press down on one of the seat adjustment buttons so my seat sets back. "Might as well. Too comfortable."
"Come on," He shakes his head with another chuckle, pushing the door back farther with his bum and lifting me up. I let gravity weigh my head down so I'm staring at the driveway upside down.
Harry somehow maneuvers us in a position where I'm not in fear of smacking my head on the ground and he's not struggling to keep my upright. My eyes close as I cuddle into his shoulder, gripping his shirt collar in my fist so I have something to hold onto.
He brings us up to his own room and drops me onto 'my side' - the left side - before walking away. I sit up on my elbows to watch him. He opens one of his draws and pulls out an oversized white shirt and some basketball shorts. "Here," He throws the clothes on the bed. I crawl down to the end where they landed and pick up the shorts, which have slipped onto the floor. I hold them up against my chest.
"These are huge." I comment, slipping my own, tighter shorts off and pulling his on. He nods before turning around so he can get his own pajamas put of the drawer. I take this time that he's not looking to slip my shirt off and push my arms and head into the black shirt in less than one move. I then reach behind me and unclip the bra that I have been wearing (because who the hell wearing bras to sleep?) and get it off under the shirt.
Harry grabs a shirt of his own, but doesn't pull it on. Instead, he turns around toward me. "Do you-- did you just take that off underneath your clothes?"
"Yeah. Problem?" I smile deviously, dropping my clothes onto the floor without folding them. Harry crinkles his nose at the gesture.
"No, but, well... why?"
"Because I felt like it. Now hurry up and get changed or I'm cuddling into your bed with your pillow without you in it."
"Right." He turns back around and looks at the shirt before turning to me again. "Wait, I turned around to ask you something. Do you mind if I sleep in just my briefs? I've never really been someone who likes to sleep with, well, clothes."
"It's your house." I point out.
"I know, but you're a guest."
I scoff, "By this point, Harry, I'm no guest. I'm just that little dick-fart who comes in and eats all your food and sleeps in your bed without asking."
"I love having you here, you know that." He smiles a little bit.
"Then quit being a self-conscious little shit and strip. If you love having me here, you should be comfortable with showing off by now."
"You know, I don't think there has been anyone who has even dared to talk the way you do on a daily basis."
"Because I don't give a fuck. You could get me a dictionary, and the only thing I would use it for is to find out if 'fuck-head' is classified as an actual word and what's the true definition."
"I'll give you one hint: it's not."
"Such bullshit. What's the point of a dictionary if it doesn't have anything useful in it?"
Harry shakes his head, pulling his shirt and shorts off a moment later. He makes his way over to the right side of the bed and crawls under the covers. I join him, making eye contact before stealing one of his pillows and turning on my other side. My back is now facing him, but that doesn't seem to mean anything when he scoots closer and spoons me. I laugh when his right arm comes up and covers my eyes, pulling my head back so it's resting against his chest. I scoot back and press my body fully against him, allowing him to completely surround me with his body heat.
"G'night, my baby girl." He kisses the back of my head once, and then one more time a little closer to my neck.
I sigh out, scooping my left arm up under his right arm and holding his wrist. "G'night." I whisper softly, closing my eyes and letting his uneven breaths lull me.
_-_-_
"Dove?"
"Yes?"
"How come you chose to be a dancer?" I'm pretty sure the question is just a distraction from how nervous he is. We're the first to perform our couple dance tonight, so we don't have much time to practice that one. Thankfully, Harry mastered the steps to the Quickstep quite easily, especially considering how clumsy he is. We'll have a lot of time after we perform to practice our personal dance that we do during the group performance. Our group will go last for the night.
The show was just introduced a few seconds ago and they're explaining a short recap of some of the things and who we lost last week. Then the Troupe starts performing for a little bit until a commercial is set on, prompting the stage managers to start ordering set up for our theme.
I turn to Harry and smile. "It was just always something that I loved doing. I've wanted to be some kind of a performer since I was really young, and dancing came easier to me than, let's say, acting. You don't have to put your voice into dancing, you just do it. I had a few personal lessons here and there and I got better on my feet. I learned all the important dances that I needed to know as soon as I arrived here in America."
"What, did they not have ballroom dance classes where you lived in Ireland?"
"They did, but the drive was too far and parents didn't want to, according to them, pay so much money for something that I could teach myself. Every professional dance I know now was learned over the course of my last years of high school, and throughout my entire college life."
"How did you pay for dance lessons and university? Did you have a job?"
"The dance lessons were my job. I would learn with a group for us to perform on a stage somewhere for other's to watch. Depending on whether I had a lead role or just an on the side part, and the turnout of how many people came to see it, was how I was paid. Also, I lived off campus at Santa Monica College, which also had a Dance Department that I could take classes for. It was kind of expensive, but since I didn't live on campus and I didn't do any special activities aside from dance, I managed to get through."
"Did you still do the show even during university?"
"Yeah. I started here a few months before I turned twenty as a back-up dancer with The Troupe at the end of season 16."
"You've been here for seven seasons?" He asks incredulously.
"Yup. I will have been on the show for 5 years on April 30th, 2017."
"Wow. How did you survive doing the show for two nights and practicing in between classes?"
"It was pretty difficult at first, but it all depended on if the person I was paired with wanted to comply with my schedule. On Monday's and Tuesday's, I would take all morning classes if I could and spend the entire afternoon and night and with whoever I was paired with for practice and the show at 8. On Wednesday's and Thursday's, I often found myself making my partner wait up for me because I had a class that was running a bit late or something went wrong. Some were understanding, but some were just assholes about it. Oh, but if I ever interfered with their precious schedule, then I was in for it."
"What did they do?" He looked kind of fearful, not really understanding what I meant.
"They would usually just complain to the managers and producers to put them with a new partner because I was being too complicated. Luckily, the people who run the show knew how hard I was trying to keep up with their schedule and get time free for practice so they just shrugged it off. I graduated towards the end of last season. You're the first person who I've been able to devote all my time to."
"I feel special." He smiles.
I roll my eyes and reply with a snarky, "you are."
"Nic?" Calls one of the stage managers. I look up to find that the set-up crew have returned and are all lounging about the room, waiting for the next time that they will have to run out and do what they did last time. "You're on in about a minute."
"Thanks." I stand up, holding a hand out for Harry to pull himself up with. He smiles and takes it, not letting go until we have to part ways and get in our starting positions. When I look up at the screen that everyone in the audience is entranced by, I see a close up clip of mine and Harry's kiss last week, followed by the overhead voice introducing us.
"Dancing the Quickstep, Harry Styles, and his partner, Nicolette Horan."
The song begins, and I notice Harry's cheeks have been tinted a light pink and a small, airy smile graces his lips.
We move into action right after the first lyrics are sung.
"Daisy is darling, Iris is sweet. Lily is lovely, Blossom's a treat. Of all the sweethearts, I've yet to meet, Well I finally chose an American beauty rose."
The song is short, as is the dance, but both Harry and I are out of breath by the time the song finishes. The Quickstep has always been one of those songs that can still make me forget my breathing technique.
Again, the judges praise how well we did on our dance and are hoping we are able to deliver that later on during the team dance.
Harry and I make our way up to the Skybox where most of the couples are sitting. Louis' mimes a gagging face and I roll my eyes, kicking him in the shin when I walk by.
"It's strange to see Nicolette out of breath when she goes over to the judges table. Do you think that's a sign that you did a good job?" Erin starts.
"I'm hoping. Harry caught onto the dance pretty well, despite his jelly legs, and I was trying to make things easy for him."
"What about you, Harry? Do you think you delivered well compared to last week?"
Harry chuckles and squeezes my hip lightly. "I thought we did pretty well, but nothing will ever be able to beat last week for me."
Erin goes on with asking similar questions before we are prompted to turn towards the screen so we can see what scores we got.
We come out with a 39 for our dance, with Len, or course, being the one that gave us a 9.
_-_-_
Harry and I spend most of the time before our team dance just sitting around and talking about whatever comes up. Most of the couples have scores that are equal or very close to our score, and Louis and Demi end up coming out with a 40.
The team before us - consisting of Jack and Karina, Amy and Liam, and Zayn and Peta - have just sat down in the Skybox. Their team earned a 37, which will probably be hard to beat.
Harry opens his mouth to say something, but I can already guess what is it. "You're nervous." I stop him.
"How do you know?"
"Because you're always nervous. Especially when you see other people's high score."
"You know me so well." Harry and I smile at each other for a moment before the tranquil silence it destroyed when Louis randomly hops on my lap and kisses my cheek.
"I do wish I didn't have to break up this wonderful bonding moment, but alas, the screen seems to tell me that we will be starting our dance in about a minute."
"So what?" Harry asks.
"So, get your perky little asses out onto the stage and in position. Derek and Lorde are already out there."
"So why aren't you?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Because I was given the horrible task of trudging all the way back here to get you two out of each others asses and onto the stage. Let's go." Louis pulls me up, and I reach a hand out to help out of his own chair. Louis lets go, but Harry and I continue to keep hold on each other until we get onto the stage.
When we get into your positions, I see all of us on screen. Louis is in the middle giving some kind of instruction, as Demi, Lorde, and Derek are all spaced out from each other in a semi-circle around him. And then there's Harry and I; we're close together, with Harry's arms around my waist and one of mine placed on his lower back. I'm trying to pay attention to Louis while Harry gives no mind to him. He's whispering something into my ear, far too close for it to be taken as platonic. The camera gives a close up on everyone else in the room, and you can see Louis roll his eyes, Derek trying to hold back a laugh, and the girls smiling over at us lightly.
I look down from the screen at Harry, who also has his eyes glued on the video. It's now going over a different segment, but Harry doesn't look away.
Finally, about ten seconds before we are supposed to start dancing, Harry looks over at me and catches my gaze. He notices that I'm staring and winks, blowing a kiss. I roll my eyes and look over to Louis, who is faking a gagging movement yet again.
The lights go up and the beat of the song begins.
"Don't look back, ooh a new day is breakin'. It's been too long since I felt this way. I don't mind, ooh where I get taken. The road is callin', today is the day."
The group segment is finished only a short way into the song, and Lorde and Derek begin their personal dance. After that, Demi and Louis go on to dance, followed be Harry and I. At the end, the other two jump in with our dance, and we finish off with another group segment.
The song is over relatively quick, and it seems to go by faster since we don't have to dance the whole time.
Harry and I hug after we finish, as do the other two couples. He presses a kiss to my cheek, whispering in my ear on the way over to the judges table, "I'm not too nervous because of the high score now."
And he's right; there was no need to be nervous, as our Team comes out with a 38 for the night.