honestly wtf why haven't I updated surry
I did not walk my way to this house to be friend zoned or whatever the fuck just happened. I travelled here to apologise so we can be lovey dovey again, not to just talk and sit around. My friends are already the maximum amount, I don't need more.
"Erm.. Thank you for letting me in Mrs. Chris' mom," Awkwardly and politely, I waved at her and headed out the front door.
Before I could step out, his mom reminded me, "What about the thing you had to get Chris?"
I stopped, eyes widening as I forgot I gave her a shit excuse.
"Um.. He told me that he found it in his bag, so I'll be leaving now.."
She mumbled a low 'okay' before letting me leave. My shoes tapped against the sidewalk, making thumping sounds and almost falling backwards. The pockets of my jeans were stuffed with nothing but my delicate hands.
You've been a great friend.
Okay.. But we went further than friends. I don't even think we began as friends. How would you know if I'm a good friend? Maybe good boyfriend because all we've been doing is girlfriend and boyfriend shit, but I think you lost your memory.
"Michael!"
I picked my head up, realising I've walked a long way to somewhere that was unfamiliar in the past minutes. My head turned side to side, searching for whoever called my name. A red head came into view, walking towards me. Jesse. We haven't seen each other in a forever, since she had different classes than I and we never got to see each other in the hallway for some reason.
"Oh, hey Jesse. It's been a while," I crossed my arms, giving her a tiny smile.
She returned a smile, showing off her pearly whites. "I know, I almost forgot you existed." My expression softened, a pout forming on my lips. "Kidding Mikey, how can I forget a red headed idiot like you?"
I shoved her a bit, earning a shove back and almost losing my balance. We laughed for a few minutes, making small talk with each other.
"So, where were you heading?" I asked as we walked side by side.
"I was going to have some Chinese food," she pointed with her finger at a shop that was part of the strip mall.
I looked at her, confused. "You were going to eat alone? Where's Isabella and them?"
She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes, something I haven't seen her do at the same time since freshman year. It always made me laugh because of how funny she looked, and also how she literally couldn't care less about what someone thought of her face like that. I wonder why she stopped all of a sudden.
"They're double dating or doing whatever couples do, so I'm going to do what single people do: eat alone."
Once we reached the Chinese house, we stood silently. She turned away to walk into the restaurant, but I spoke up and stopped her mid way.
"To cure your boredom of yourself, I can join you so you don't look like a loser. Deal?" I held out my hand for her to shake on it, which she did politely and opened the glass doors.
"I'll pay you back one day or another, whichever comes first."
She laughed, "Just like all the other times you said that. I'll just put it on your tab."
I nodded as I watched her fiddle with the keyhole and her red smokey key. Once it unlocked, she looked at me. It was a look that said, well leave and was usually followed by looking around the area. It was a normal gesture I became known of by many awkward people.
I held onto the doorknob, to keep her from entering her flat. "Jesse, before I go, I just wanted to.. Erm.." I let go and scratched the back of my neck awkwardly, not understanding myself at the moment.
"Mikey, you can tell me anything. You know that, just spit it out."
I don't know what came over me. Maybe I was still depressed about Spencer, maybe I wanted to get my mind off her. There were so many reasons to why I just wanted to lean in to Jesse. She was a really good friend, but some days she seemed more. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I think I friend zoned her a few times, similar to what Spencer did to me. But it was unknowingly of course, but I think Spencer knew what she was saying.
My head tilted down, then back up to take in the sight of Jesse. She wasn't Spencer, but not everybody was the same. She wasn't a party animal, like Spencer. But something about her eyes reminded me of Spencer, so captivating and wise.
"Listen Mikey, I know-"
My lips stopped her from speaking, moving against her solid still ones. She was in shock, and I don't think she wanted to kiss me back at the moment, or at all maybe. When she wasn't returning the kiss, I retreated from her face. Confusion was held on my face, but discomfort was held on hers.
"What's the matter?"
"Mikey, I-" we both froze, turning our heads to our surroundings. We, or I, heard leaves crackling a distance away. Looking out at the sidewalk across the street, I saw a figure getting smaller and smaller as they faded into the shadows and ran. "Anyways.. Look Mikey. You're a really great person and have a nice personality, but I know damn well you don't feel anything for me. You're just trying to get your mind off something, and it's pretty obvious by how you were still stressed during the kiss. I'm just not the type of person to heal you of stress by giving you intercourse or whatever. Goodnight Michael, see you around."
Before I had time to say something in response, she walked in and slammed the door shut. Was I that obvious? Why wasn't I carefree anymore? What happened to myself, what happened to when Mikey was the best thing. Now, it's just Michael.
I ran my hands down my face, cursing in anger while kicking an object I couldn't see in the dark. Why was I such a screw up lately? What did I do that makes everything so terrible?
The walk home was nothing special. It was dark and I was alone, somewhat cold too. My mind was blank for once.
My mom was on the couch, watching some soap opera that I hated. She didn't ask where I've been, she never did. Jacob even asks where I've been more than she has.
"Pizza is on the table."
For once, I wasn't in the mood for pizza. I honestly wasn't in the mood to do anything, not even play video games. My body felt empty, and it didn't want to become full. It's never full anyways.
My hands felt around my pockets, searching for my phone after I heard it ringing. I found it as it was plugged into the charger next to my lamp. Without checking for who it could possibly be, I swiped with my finger and answered the call. "Hello?"
"Hey."
My eyebrows furrowed, removing my phone from my ear to check the caller ID. It was an unfamiliar number to me, and an unfamiliar voice. "Who is this?"
"It's Maggie," Still don't know who you are.. "from that party..? I gave you my number, but you never called me."
"Then how did you get mine?"
"Is that a serious question?"
Rolling my eyes, I tapped on the screen to end the call. I'm not going to converse with a girl who found out my number without me giving it to her. That's just fucking weird, and I'm not into that shit.
A few moments later, Jacob messaged me about the whole Maggie shit. He sent her my number, since she was bothering him about it. But there's always a thing called "blocking".
My phone rang again, to which I answered it.
"Mikey, what's the matter with you? What's up your ass?"
I sighed. "Jacob, I'm just not feeling well today. What's wrong with that?"
"No man, it's not just today. It's always been this way since you met that chick," I didn't respond, nothing was different about me at all. "Listen, are you still in a fight with her about whatever?"
I sat up in bed, scratching my head. "No, but she- I don't know. I apologised, she apologised. Then she called me a good friend, and then I stormed out because I didn't need the friend speech. It was so pathetic, the way she was treating me after all those parties and good times we had together. Friends don't fucking make out with each other. I even told her she was fucking beautiful, and she didn't fucking do a thing about it. But now, all of a sudden, we're friends, buddies, what the fuck? Honestly, something hit her in the head if she thinks I just want to be friends. Nobody ever wants to be just friends. Hardly anybody is! She's so unbelievable! I lied for her, I did shit for her. Why does she see me as a fucking friend?"
He sighed into the phone, not speaking. I thought he might have hung up when I was ranting or whatever. But he hung up a few minutes after my rant. Alright, I might have changed, but you're going to hang up on me after I told you so much shit and that I needed to talk to someone to let it out? What a nice friend, what a great friend.
Just as I was about to knock out from all this bullshit, I heard my name being called from downstairs.
Groaning, I unraveled myself and walked down the stairs dreadfully. I reached the bottom step, looking around.
"Mom?" I made my way towards the kitchen, rolling my eyes. "Mom, why were you-"
"Hey, thought I'd talk to you in person rather than the phone for something."
"Spencer?"