I took a quick shower and dressed in my night suit pants and baggy sweater. I arranged my hijab lightly around my head so it wasn't too tight. I was going to be wearing it the whole night after all.
Even though I didn't feel too horrible after the comfort Bilal had given me, I couldn't get rid of that gut wrenching feeling of guilt. If it hadn't been for me none of this would have happened. I knew I was causing Buria to do unusual things, and it was getting people hurt. Hell, Niha had almost gotten killed had it not been for Yassin. I still remembered how pale she'd looked, how she'd cried with me for a good bit. Her father had treated Yassin, and I didn't think I was being paranoid in believing we'd somehow brought him in danger as well.
When will this end?
I couldn't help but think of Badr. How he'd just left like that...and Yassin was hurt! He ought to be back here.
Did he leave because of me?
I couldn't escape that nagging suspicion. I couldn't think of what I'd done to make him do so. I wished he'd come back, at least if only to check up on Yassin.
I was about to exit my room when I heard someone slam their door upstairs.
Badr's room?
I went down stairs instead, my heart beating very fast and found Bilal and Yassin still there. Did that somehow mean-?
Badr!
"Bilal? I heard the door slamming is everything-"
"He's back" Bilal replied. He looked bewildered and shocked, as if he wasn't 100 percent with me.
"Oh" I didn't quite know what to say,"is he angry?"
Bilal was hesitant but he finally nodded.
"Oh god Laila if you saw him..."
"What happened?"
Bilal turned his head up to gaze at me. He looked tired and worried, and for the first time I could see past all of his hugeness and glimpse at the child inside.
"He wouldn't let me touch him, but maybe...maybe he'll listen to you"
I had no idea what Bilal was on about but I complied, "I'll try".
Quickly bounding up the stairs, I found myself outside Badr's room, wondering what I could say. Something witty? For some strange reason I didn't think that was going to get me a smile today.
I knocked.
There was no answer.
"Badr?" I asked softly, "may I come in?"
Still no answer.
I pushed his door and found it was not locked, stumbling inside. Straightening up I scanned his mini living room. Everything looked untouched and he wasn't there. Hesitantly proceeding to his bedroom, I peered inside.
I'd never been inside Badr's room before. Unlike mine there was nothing which adorned the walls, and everything was in harsh tones of white, blue and black. His bed was nicely made and his closet completely shut. It looked like he hadn't done much since arriving. My eyes found his shadow and followed it to the source.
There he was.
Badr...
His room was also dark, but the moon shone in a magnificent orb and its bluish light flooded inside from the floor length window. Badr stood, his profile a sillhoette in the scene. I couldn't make out much of him except that he didn't have a shirt on and his back was quite sculpted. There were two painful looking scars on it, and his words from earlier came back hauntingly in my head. You know what people do if you show them mercy? They shoot you in the back!
I had no idea he might have meant it literally.
"Badr?" I asked again, standing in his doorframe. His shoulders stiffened and he turned slightly so he could see me from the corner of his eye. I felt scared at his demeanor. Everything about him screamed danger.
"B-Badr are you okay?" I asked tremulously.
His lip curved slightly and he turned around fully to face me.
"You tell me"
His voice was raspy and raw, and something about it was bitter. I lowered my gaze to his chest, almost involuntarily, and gasped.
It was as though an animal with huge claws had slashed everywhere all over his torso. Though blood did not fall, the wounds were obviously fresh. They looked so raw and painful it hurt my eyes to look at them and yet I couldn't turn away. I couldn't imagine how much pain he was in. I couldn't fathom how much strength it took of him to stand upright like that.
His expression was one of someone who was dangerously calm. His jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowed. His hair hung over his eyes, not in that usual messiness. He looked impossibly attractive and dangerous at the same time.
I then finally noticed the glass in his hand. It was a wine glass, filled with a drink I knew without doubt was alcohol.
Astaghfurillah.
I took an involuntary step backwards. Now that I had his attention I didn't know what to do, and I was scared that something I'd say would set him off. I stayed silent but I couldn't help the tears that were building up and spilling down my cheeks hotly. I knew he probably couldn't see them so I tried not to make a sound.
"Don't you have a problem with this?" He asked, holding up the wine glass.
"W-why are you drinking?" I sniffed.
His mouth curved into a humorless smile.
"Why do most people drink?" he asked,swirling the liquid, "they drink their pain away"
"Oh Badr..." I whimpered, hurting for him so badly. His whole chest must be on fire, I didn't even know how he was able to function. He'd just gotten home, he could hardly be drunk and not feel it.
"Why are you standing in the dark? I can't even see you" Badr squinted at where he thought I was.
I took a step forward then another, feeling the light hit my face. Badr's squinting expression disappeared and his expression softened.
"Aw don't cry Laila" he chuckled but that just made me cry harder.
"W-why- who- d-did th-this to you?" I sobbed, unceremoniously pulling out tissue from his side table. A sly smile played on his face.
"Bastards" he replied.
"W-what did y-you do to them?"
Suddenly he'd crossed the distance between us and stood before me, reeking of smoke and blood. Smoke? His amused expression was gone, replaced with something that I could only describe as vulnerability.
"I listened" he whispered, "I didn't kill them"
On what basis do you think you can decide who gets to live and who gets to die? My words rang back in my ears.
"Why?" I asked steadying myself, "how I mean? They hurt you so bad!"
"For you" he replied simply, his voice coming out in a weak whisper. His hand reached for me as if to cup my cheeks but then the fingers curled into a fist and dropped back to his side.
"Untouchable" he muttered, smiling ruefully.
"Badr I think you need to rest" I swallowed trying not to think too much of his gesture.
"Relax Laila" he replied in his carefree tone, "I'm fine"
And with that the glass in his hand suddenly slipped and crashed and I watched in surprise as Badr crumpled onto the ground, a soft sigh escaping him at his descent.