Billie Joe sat in his cold room of the therapeutic unit wearing his papery hospital gown. His skin crawled at the itchiness.
For some unknown reason, he woke up extra early this morning. It was nice to see the bright sun creeping up over the horizon while the birds chirped away happily. It made him smile.
Billie didn't call the nurse in when he woke up like he was supposed to. She would've brought him breakfast and asked him how his day was, but Billie wanted to be alone for the morning. Silence was his friend.
Finding the beautiful seconds of dawn so intriguing, Billie Joe decided to draw it. He had done a lot of drawing in his stay in the psychiatric hospital, most of which he gave to Mike. Mike was always happy to see that Billie was doing something other than sleeping or laying around in a dark room.
Billie wasn't the best artist, but how hard could it be to draw sunrise? By throwing in some orange and yellow, and occasionally some pink, Billie Joe had finished his masterpiece. He decided to keep this one for himself.
He rose from the bed with the lighthearted drawing held tightly in his hands. The picture was tapped on the wall in seconds. Billie smiled.
Suddenly, but not surprisingly, someone grabbed Billie Joe's hand. He turned his head slightly to see no other than Fink. Fink's green eyes burned through Billie's. His presence was warm, and his devil tail swayed.
"Hello, Billie Joe."
Billie nodded, but didn't speak a word. He was having a good morning so far, and he didn't want Fink to ruin it for him.
Without another word from himself or Billie, Fink led them over to Billie Joe's bed. He sat Billie down like a child while he stood over him like an adult. Billie Joe waited patiently for Fink to speak while he nervously posed with the hem of his gown.
"Nice morning, huh?" Fink grinned. He was up to something.
Billie Joe looked away. He never knew what to expect from Fink. He could be here to hurt him, or even teach him a valuable lesson. There was no in between for Fink.
"I'm came here to tell you that you need to talk more. You haven't talked to anyone but Mike for the past two weeks. The nurses are starting to get worried," Fink pressured.
Billie shrugged. He tried to make it seem like he was t worried, but he definitely was. Having the nurses worry about him was the last thing he needed.
"You know what happens when them nurses worry about the patient. It means longer stays in the hospital. It means more therapy sessions. It means a harder recovery. You don't want that now do you, Billie boy?"
Billie Joe shook his head. He looked up at Fink like a lost dog. His hands continued to mess with his gown.
"Don't be scared to speak your mind. If something is bothering you, them nurses and therapists are here to help you. They don't think you're crazy, they're just trying to help you," Fink said genuinely. He spoke softly in order to get Billie to fully understand his point.
"I will," Billie assured Fink. He didn't know whether that was a lie or not.
Fink put his hands on Billie Joe's shoulders and shook him slightly.
"Good," he said deeply.
Billie nodded.
A soft knock unexpectedly came from the door. Billie Joe snapped his head over to look at the large door. Fink disappeared before he could say bye. He didn't mind. Fink never said bye anyway.
A small nurse, one Billie hasn't seen before, poked her head around the door and smiled with her bright teeth. Her red lipstick was smudged on her tooth. Billie Joe decided not to tell her.
"Mr. Armstrong? You have some visitors."
Billie Joe froze at her words. Visitors? Visitors? As in plural? As in more than one? As in not just Mike?
His blood went ice cold. What the fuck? Who else would be here to visit him? Who else cared about him besides Mike? Billie didn't want anyone else to see him like this. He was ashamed.
"Visitors?" Billie whispered to himself.
He stood to his feet and nodded, telling the nurse that it was okay for a visit. The floor was agonizingly cold against his feet, but he payed no mind to it. His only worries were about the visitors.
The nurse smiled and stepped away from the door before she motioned the visitors to come in. Billie Joe still stood frozen, his pulse quickly pumping cold blood through his veins. He felt like he was going to throw up.
It felt like years before the first person walked through the door. Undoubtedly, it was Mike. He had a shy grin on his face when he looked over at the frozen Billie. He wore the same worn down jacket that he's given Billie Joe many times before.
Mike didn't say anything before the next person come around the large gray door. Billie couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was...Tré.
"Hey, buddy," Tré whispered.
Billie Joe gaped his mouth open. His eyes were wide with disbelief. Tré stood slouched over slightly. He hair was darker than before. His posture indicated that he was unsure of what to do. A dark leather jacket hung lazily off his shoulders. His blue eyes were as bright as they've always been, unlike Billie's.
Billie remained frozen. He didn't know what to do. What do you do after you see someone you thought you killed? Do you apologize? Do you cry? Do you talk first?
Mike noticed Billie Joe's reaction and walked over to him. He smiled ever so slightly and laid a hand on his shoulder. Tré stayed where he was, feeling like an outcast in such a small room.
"Billie Joe? You alright?" Mike asked. He lifted his eyebrows waiting for an answer from Billie.
Billie didn't acknowledge Mike. Instead, he started to walk over to Tré, his wide green eyes still showing. His eyebrows were turned up in sorrow.
He shuffled his way over to Tré, taking every step lightly. Tré stared back at Billie as he made his way over. He waited patiently for Billie to get over to him. The tears started to form in both of their eyes.
When Billie Joe finally got to Tré, he hesitated. He looked over Tré again. He was glad to see that nothing about Tré had changed.
Billie brought his hands up slowly to Tré's face. He gently laid his palms against Tré's features while he continued to stare. Tré stayed silent. Billie Joe rubbed his thumbs against Tré's cheeks lovingly. He couldn't believe that Tré was there. In the flesh. Alive.
There were many minutes of silence. No one spoke as Billie Joe studied Tré determinedly. Tears streamed down Billie's face silently, following the trail that the one before it left. It was heart breaking.
Being unable to take the waiting much longer, Tré finally spoke to Billie, so softly that almost no one heard him.
"It's okay to be okay."
Billie Joe broke down. Those words. Those few words are what did it. Those few words are what he needed to hear. He hadn't been okay in a long time, and he didn't know if it was normal for him to ever be okay again. But he was okay. Everything was okay. And it's okay to be okay.
Billie started to sob, his knees going weak under him. He leaned forward into Tré, putting all his trust in him to hold him up. Tré held onto Billie's boney body firmly, not wanting to let go. He could feel all the weight that Billie Joe has lost, but that didn't matter to him. Billie mattered.
"I'm so sorry!" Billie screamed as his cries continued.
He couldn't say it enough. There were no words or actions that could explain how sorry he was for what he did to Tré. Little did he know, Tré had forgiven him long ago. He didn't even have to forgive him, for he never blamed Billie Joe for a thing. Billie Joe was mentally ill, and he couldn't help what he did.
"It not your fault, Bill. You don't have to be sorry for a thing," Tré whispered.
Mike watched from across the room. Billie's small body sobbing against Tré's was enough to make him shed tears as well. He wiped them away quickly, wanting to stay strong for his friends.
They stayed like that for a while, only needing each other for comfort. It felt right. It felt normal. It felt okay.
There's nothing wrong with being okay, no matter how long you weren't.