The feeling of being woken up by the suns harsh rays seeping through the dimmed glass is now becoming farmiliar.
However, the feeling in the pit of my stomach is from farmiliar as I begin to recall last nights events.
A mixture of emotions flood through me as I emerge from my bed on the floor.
Despite all of my confusion, I feel at ease.
Peace of mind. That my constant fueding with Jack has finally come to an end, clearly.
On the other hand I feel guilty, I had been blocking out my feelings for so long and I ended up pushing everyone away.
I haven't spoken to Trevor or Hayes in days, my night out with Andrea and Mahogany was the first time we had done anything together in weeks. Also, I think it's pretty clear where I stand with Sammy, due to his outburst last night.
However, I refuse to beleive what Jack says about Sammy's feeling towards me. At this point I honestly feel as though Sammy is the only one I can go to if I need anything. Well I did. We get along really well and I would hate for something like Jack to get in the middle of that.
I guess I was so completely and utterly lost in my derranged feelings that I had shut everyone else out.
I decide that today, before speaking to anyone (especially Jack) I will fix things with Sammy.
I start my morning as usual - changing out of my pijamas into black spandex shorts and a large t-shirt that is baggy enough to cover my butt and reach my elbows. So, really, I change out of pijamas in to more piajamas. What can I say.
I wash my face and brush my teeth before putting on my glasses and putting my hair into a bun. As gross as it may sound, buns tend to look better when your hair is all tangly and disgusting.
I realise that Andrea and Mahogany had slept downstairs again which seems odd but I walk downstairs to investigate.
The bus seems more crowded than usual, probably because everyone is actually all here at the same time.
Everyone goes about their own business, my presence seeming fairly unnoticed. Not that it bothers me, nobody ever really pays much attention when I come down in the morning.
I walk in to the den to see Andrea and Mahogany on their make-shift beds that Jack and I had set up for them.
"Hey" I smile kindly.
"Morning" their eyes don't part with their phones.
"How come you guys slept down here last night" I say less cheerily.
They look at eachother and then back to their phones, "we were going to come but we saw Jack going up so" Mahogany starts.
"We decided against it" Andrea finishes.
"Oh"
"Well I didn't ask them to bring them to me so I-"
"Yeah it always happens that way. The girls never ask for Jack to come to them" Andrea interrupts me.
"What?" I ask.
She looks at me for a moment, pondering speech, but bites her tongue.
"Doesn't matter"
I'm not really the type of person to keep pushing when someone is acting cold towards me so I roll my eyes and walk away. Part of the reason being I don't want to lose my temper. Something that I can tend to do quite alot.
I walk to the kitchen to find Sammy, Johnson and Cameron.
I recieve goodmornings from Johnson and Cameron but Sammy just flashes an awkward smile.
"Do you wanna talk?" Sammy says hesitantly.
"Yeah I guess" I respond and he leads me to the empty room between the den and the drivers cabin.
We look at eachother awkwardly for a few moments and I'm sure he just doesn't know what to say about the Jack situation. I know Jack has probably told him about last nights happenings but I want him to hear it from me.
"What I said last night was out of line, you just deserve so much better than him and I was honestly still pissed that he told us all you guys had sex when you didn't"
He says his words quickly and without hesitation, as if he had been planning them over night.
"Yeah and I understand, I appreciate you looking out for me and I'm so over the whole sex thing. I'm just glad you're not angry about what happened"
He pauses and looks at me.
"As in?"
"As in how we kissed" I state the obvious.
Judging by his facial expression.. Maybe not so obvious.
"You did what" he stares at me in disbeleif.
"I kissed him? Well he kissed me bu-"
"You wanna know why I brought him to you last night? So you could see him in that state. Not so you could fucking hook up with him. The only reason I took him up to your room was so that you could see how he handles anything that doesn't go his way. It's how he's always dealt with stuff and it's how he'll end up dealing with you" his tone gets more aggressive.
"I don't know what you want me to say Sammy" I raise my voice.
"Because there's nothing you can say Sarah! He's done nothing but treat you like shit and you keep going back. I figured if you had any sense you'd finally let go of him"
I am unsure of what to say. I feel like a broken record, always trying to defend my feelings for Jack when someone tells me I'm making the wrong choice or being stupid which has seemed to happen far too often.
"You don't deserve him, you deserve someone-"
"Like you?" I interrupt and lower my eyebrows.
He chuckles lightly but coldly, "you know what, a few weeks ago I was convinced you were the coolest girl I had ever met. Maybe that's why I tried to get you away from Jack or maybe it was for more selfish reasons. But now, for all I care, you guys deserve eachother"
He turns on his heel and storms back in to the kicthen.
"Retweet" Andrea says bitchily as I realise her and Mahogany had heard the entire conversation.
"Why are you being such a bitch?" I confront her.
"Why don't you have any self respect? Do you know how mad I was to find out what he was telling the guys? About how he had sex with you. I was about to knock him out when he came back last night. But when he came downstairs and told me that he kissed you I realised that there is nothing else I can do for you, you won't listen"
I look at Mahogany who is avoiding eye conatct then I look back to Andrea, sitting next to her.
Instead of arguing or starting a row, I decide against giving her the satisfaction of a response so I just nod, shake my head and leave the room.
I find myself lying on my matress and staring at the ceiling for what seems to be the millionth time this summer. This room has gone from accomodating four people, to three, and now to one.
Andrea and I have gotten in more fights than you can even imagine - I guess we're just protective of eachother, but at this point I have no-one.
I find it odd how Jack told Mahogany and Andrea but not Sammy, one of his best friends.
My thoughts are interrupted by a shy knock at the door, which I am hardly able to hear with the booming debate going on in my head.
I open the door to Hayes who is looking up at me sympathetically, "thought you might want some company?" He smiles warmly.
***
Author's note:
This is obviously the first update since I've started rewriting and although Jack doesn't appear in it - I feel as though it is important to establish relationships that arent intimate just as much as those that are. So this chapter kinda gets you up to speed with how everyone is feeling towards Sarah.
Hope you enjoyed, leave a vote and some feedback if you want:) untill mext time xxx