Skylar
"So what's up, Poppa? What has your game all jacked up?" Rae asked me as she settled on the couch in the living room with a bowl of popcorn and jalapenos.
I let out a long sigh. I really didn't want to talk about Sanai. It hurts too much.
"Is it Sanai?" She asked.
I nodded my head.
"What happened? I thought yall was all lovey dovey the last time I talked to you."
"I broke things off with her." I admitted.
"Why?! I thought you had feelings for her."
"I did...I do."
"Then what's up? Why'd you break things off?"
I tossed words around in my head until they fell in place and rolled out of my mouth.
"I broke things off because I didn't want to risk hurting her. Hearing her constantly say that she was scared that I was going to hurt her made me scared that I was going to hurt her! Besides, we were too different anyway."
"What you mean 'too different' ?"
"Like, I mean mom and dad raised us with morals but I choose to live like I don't have none. Sanai's parents raised her with morals and she aint letting them go. I feel like we tryna force two different worlds together. When you force something, it never works. I mean, it may work for a while awhile but when the pressure gets too great, its gon' release itself. I'd rather us respectfully walk away now rather than hate each other years from now because we forced something that we knew wasn't gonna work."
"True. I understand and I see where you're coming from. It's like when I had to break things off with Ricky. I caught a lot of flak for not going back to him after Ms. Teresa passed away. People felt like I led him on when all I was trying to do was be there for him. True I crossed the line and kissed him a few times and cuddled a lot but I'm a sentimental person and being super caring is in my nature.
But anyway, I knew that neither one of us was gon' let go of the past. I wasn't going to get over the fact that he lied and he wasn't going to get over the fact that I got pregnant with somebody else's child. In retrospect, I've come to realize that it takes a long time for you to figure out who you are. I didn't get to do that. The moment Ricky told me that in ten years he saw himself married to me,was the moment that I let him tell me who I was and who I was going to be. And I accepted it because it's every girls fantasy. I no longer had to worry about finding a man to marry because I had one who was willing to, right in my face.
You are blessed on the other hand because you recognize that you don't fully know who you are and you're not willing to let another person into your life until you figure it out. I wish I would of recognized it when I was your age. It probably would of saved me a lot of heartache. But then again it's a good thing because I wouldn't have myTai and Allen."
"Yall corny as hell. What the hell is a myTai?" I chuckled, tryna lighten the mood.
Rae was spitting that real though.
"Don't hate!" She said, mushing me playfully.
"Naw but I hear you though Rae. I just really don't think that Sanai is ready for the life I'm trying to lead. I plan to live life in the fast lane. She's more of the settle down type. To be honest, if I run into Sanai ten years from now I'll snatch her up real quick but that aint realistic now is it?"
"You never know...I ran into Sammie ten years later." She smirked.
"Thanks for the talk, Rae." I said , pulling her in for hug.
As we pulled away there was a knock at the door.
"Rae can you get that for me?" I asked as I walked to the bathroom.
Sanai
I don't know what has come over me but I just feel the need to tell Skylar how I really feel. I at least need to give him a chance to explain. It's been weeks since we last talked and I've been silently going crazy. I miss him so much.
I went to the gym but he wasn't in there. So, I sucked it up and decided that today would be the day that I went to Skylar's house. He gave his address to me a while ago in case of emergencies.
I got super nervous as I stood there waiting for him to open the door. I saw that his car was in the driveway so I knew he was there.
When the door finally opened, I came face-to-face with some girl. I took a moment and took in her features. She had long pretty dread locs, skin the color of caramel, and a slender body like she could've been a dancer or something. I instantly knew that I couldn't compete.
"Aye, Rae whose that -" I heard Skylar say before our eyes locked.
"This was a mistake." I mumbled before I turned and speed-walked to my car.
"Wait" I heard the female voice call out. I had half a mind to jump in my car and speed off but something told me to hold off and see what's up.
I paused mid-step and turned around to see the pretty girl jogging up to me.
"Hello, I'm Reagan. You must be Sanai." The girl introduced herself politely.
"How do you know my name?" I asked her.
"I'm Skylar's sister." She said with a giggle.
I instantly felt really stupid. His sister? Really?If I was lighter my face would have been really red at the moment.
"You look really young." I said quietly, avoiding eye contact.
"I get that a lot...You seem like you have a lot on your mind. How about we take a walk and have a little talk." She offered. I contemplated for a second.
"Sure." I said.
By the time I told her the whole story of Skylar and I's relationship, we were four blocks from his house. She was such a great listener. Not once did she interrupt. I talked and she listened.
I released a long sigh after I finished.
"You feel better?" She asked with a smirk.
"It felt get to release it all." I admitted.
"You have to do that sometime or you risk having a breakdown."
I nodded my head in acknowledgement of her comment.
"So are you ready for my spiel?" She asked.
"Yeah. I think it's time for me to hear it straight."
"Cool, let's sit down for this one." She suggested, motioning toward some benches in the park that we ended up at.
"For one, be aware that Skylar is fighting himself in regards with the decision that he made. He's hurting whether he shows it or not. I just finished having a long talk with him and I can guarantee you that it's gonna take a while for him to get you out of his system. He has deep feelings for you and he sincerely doesn't want to take you on an unnecessary trip down heartbreak lane.
Like I told Skylar, you have to know yourself before you start making lifelong commitments. At the rate you both were going emotionally, anyone could've swore that marriage was in the books for y'all. I told Skylar that by making the decision that he made, he's showing that he truly knows himself and that's a blessing. When I was you all's age, I was already in a committed relationship. A relationship so deep that I put off going to college until after my man finished college."
"Are you serious?" I gasped.
"As cancer. I made the mistake of letting my life be guided by a relationship. A relationship that didn't even end well because my guy had sex with another chick while he was in college and he lied about it for years. I saved myself for him and he didn't respect me enough to save himself for me.
See, at the college level, guys are curious. That curiosity travels all way down to their second head if you know what I mean. And they can't control it. And it's honestly not their faults either. That's how men are built. So you really can't expect for Skylar to be faithful at this point. Especially since he's a basketball player headed for the NBA.
Now I'm not defending Skylar. He's a dog. But, he's a dog with a heart. He just needs time to grow. From what he tells me about you its obvious that you need time to grow as well. You are a strong and independent woman and you really don't need a man to define you. Believe it or not, that's the main reason why he was attracted to you. You are a female who actually has her shit together!"
I couldn't help but smile.
"At this point Sanai, you need to focus on you. You really remind me of this article I read on my favorite blog Black Girls Are Easy. Here...read this." She said, handing me her phone. The article was titled, "Good Girl Gone Bad".
It read:
You keep going around collecting scars on your heart, and you'll keep getting dudes who swear they got just the band-aid for you rather than the one who's just as tired of being cut as you are. The same shit that sent Think Like a Man to the box office; a lot of low self-esteem and chicks ready to give up on becoming real women for an easy answer to their pain.
Stop losing yourself trying to be something you're not just so you can get what you think everybody else has that you don't. Instead, get back to perfecting the craft of being you; as wholesome and classy as you know you would've been had you not switched up after your first heart break.
All I could do was nod my head after reading that.
"So do you see where I'm coming from Sanai? Work on you and even though you and Skylar are not going to pursue a relationship at this moment you all should still be friends. He's gonna need somebody to have his back unconditionally as he travels on the road to success."
"I'll have his back." I assured her.
"And in the meantime...."
"I'll work on me."
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What happened to all my commenters? I miss yall:-( I fasho thought yall was gon have something to say about Storms convo with Skylar lol
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