I had been on my way home before, but Harry forced me to go to the rest of my classes for some reason. He told me he was meeting Niall and would hang around so he could see me later. I did as he said and went to psychology and English before walking home at three.
By the time I got home at just after half three, both Niall's and my mum's cars weren't outside the house, but Harry's was. The sleek black beamer sat at the end of my path, practically shaking from the heavy bass that came with the loud music he was listening to inside. I saw him sitting in the driver's seat staring down at his lap — presumably fiddling with his phone. I strolled up to the car and tapped my knuckles against the window, making him look up suddenly. He turned the car off when he saw me, carefully opening the door and climbing out.
"Hey," he said, acknowledging me in a somewhat awkward manner when he stepped out and stood beside me. He pressed the button on his key and blipped the car locked, both of us taking to the path to go inside the house. I already had my key at the ready so I was able to let us in with ease.
This was weird. Why was there tension between us? I believe this was the first time Harry and I had just... 'hung out', just because we can. Usually it was with a group of us or at least one of us was wasted. Sure, there was Halloween which was the first time we'd done anything but kiss in private, but this felt a lot different to then. For starters, Harry was clothed and sober, therefore not wanting to cuddle me.
He was just standing uncomfortably in the middle of my living room, so I told him, "You can sit down," like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Do you want a drink or something?"
"Sure," he shrugged, plopping down onto the sofa and slouching back with his arms out beside him — one on the arm rest and the other on the back of the sofa.
I was having one of those weird moments where the most ordinary of questions were awkward to ask, so I didn't ask him what he wanted to drink. He wasn't fussy, I assumed, so I just got us both a glass of coke.
I tiptoed back into the living room trying not to spill the full glasses, popping them on the coffee table steadily. When I sat on the arm chair next to him, I just didn't know what to do or say.
"Why do I feel so awkward right now?" he spoke up, humour laced in his voice but a serious expression consuming his features.
"Probably because neither of us are trying to make a move on the other..."
He opened his mouth to reply, but froze, closing his mouth again with an 'I suppose' look on his face as he shrugged. He picked up the glass and I watched discreetly as he brought it to his lips, his Adam's apple bobbing each time he swallowed.
"The sexual tension is so high, that it's like... not there, do you know what I mean?" he said, placing the glass back onto the coaster. That was a strange thing to say, but neither of us were exactly the best at day-to-day conversation as such.
"Yeah," I agreed, not really knowing what he was talking about in all honesty. It just felt like neither of us knew what to do when we weren't all over each other, which I think was pretty awful.
We sat in silence for a moment, before there was three loud thumps on the front door. I looked to Harry with a quizzical look on my face.
"Who's that?" That's one of those really stupid things you just say without thinking, isn't it?
"How would I know?" he retorted, proving my point.
I stood up from my seat and wandered over to the door, opening it straight away without looking through the peephole.
"Hi Jess," an all too familiar face beamed at me, "Niall around?"
"Liam, h— what are... you doing here? Niall's not here," I stuttered, glancing back at Harry sitting on the sofa behind me. This was becoming a regular occurrence, and definitely not one that I enjoyed at all.
"Oh, that's weird? He texted me telling me to stop by if I had a chance — that he was in all day?"
That was definitely weird. Why would my brother randomly tell Liam to come over when he wasn't even home himself?
"Oh... well, he's not here," I informed him, furrowing my brows in confusion — mirroring the look he was displaying.
"Strange. Well now that I'm here we could hang out? I've missed you," he smiled.
I definitely could not blow him off, so how was I going to tell him that Harry was here? I guess he did say he didn't mind that Harry and I are friends...
"Uh... sure," I said cheerily yet nervously, "It wouldn't be just me and you, though... Har— Um... Harry's here."
"Oh, cool," he replied. He sounded a bit disappointed but not at all upset or angry — he was probably just a bit disheartened that he wouldn't have me to himself.
"Is that okay?" I asked sheepishly.
"Yeah, that's fine," he smiled again, and I nodded and stepped to the side to let him in.
My heart was working overtime — beating hard against my ribcage at the thought of Liam, who I had decided I didn't want to be with anymore, in the same room as Harry, who I'd confessed that I wanted to be with hours prior. This was my worst nightmare and I was living it.
"Alright mate," Liam was the first to speak, addressing Harry who was still sat on the sofa with his back to us. He peered over his shoulder pretentiously, looking at Liam as though his presence didn't bother him one way or another.
"Hey," he muttered back, diverting his gaze back to the TV which he must've turned on in my absence.
I sat back down in the arm chair and Liam had no choice but to sit next to Harry. The awkward tension had intensified so much that I felt like I was suffocating, I didn't know if either of them felt it, but it was tearing me apart.
"Any idea where Niall is?" Liam spoke up again to break the silence.
"Not the foggiest," Harry mumbled, not even taking his eyes off the screen. He was not making this any easier, as usual.
After another long silence, Harry suddenly came out with, "Jess, can you show me to the bathroom?"
My eyebrows knitted together again as I looked at him suspiciously. He'd been over here so many times, he definitely knew where the bathroom was. What was he up to?
"There's a toilet through that door in the porch," I reminded him, testing for his reaction.
"Oh yeah, I know, but I just remembered last time I was over here I left something, and Niall said he'd left it in the cabinet in the upstairs bathroom? I don't want to rummage through your stuff, can you come with me?" His story was all too well planned out and definitely fake.
I glanced to Liam, who wasn't the slightest bit fazed nor interested in our conversation, he was just obliviously watching the telly, so I agreed and Harry and I took to the stairs. I hesitantly stepped into the bathroom and he followed, shutting the door.
"Tell him."
"What? Harry I ca—"
"Jess, tell him. Now's your chance."
He was absolutely ruthless. Not a kind word left his mouth in an attempt to persuade me, he just straight up ordered me around like this was nothing.
"I don't know..."
"Jess," he said lowly in a warning tone. "Better sooner than later."
I thought for a second, a shaky breath leaving my nose right before I gulped loudly. "Okay."
"Okay?" he reaffirmed, almost condescendingly like I was a child.
"Okay," I nodded vigorously.
Was I actually going to do this? How was I going to do this? How does that come up in conversation exactly?
He nodded in approval and left the bathroom with me hot on his heels. I was starting to sweat from the nerves and my heart was heavy and loud beneath the confines of my chest. I honestly felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
We re-entered the lounge and I looked at Harry helplessly, obviously he showed me no emotion, just urged me to proceed with his eyes. I wanted to break down and cry — I felt like I was going to explode. Was I supposed to do it in private or with Harry there? What if they started fighting or something? What if Liam was embarrassed and got upset?
No. Suck it up, Jess. You have to do this, for everyone's sake. You have to be brave and for once not act like a coward.
"Uh... Liam? Can you— I want to talk to you in the kitchen," I announced, and he looked at me with a puzzled expression written on his face, but he obliged and stood up nonetheless.
"What is it?" he questioned once we were alone.
"I wanted to talk to you — to tell you... something." Fear was engulfing me and I was sure I was going to break down or stop breathing or something. We stood there, in the kitchen, Liam awaiting what I had to say cluelessly whilst I had an internal battle with myself.
"Okay..." he finally said, encouraging me to go on.
"I..." I couldn't talk. My throat was so dry and I'd never been so scared in my whole life. I felt like when you're sat in class and you really need the toilet, so you're debating in your head whether or not to raise your hand but you're so anxious yet so close to saying something but you just can't — except it was a million times worse.
"Jess? What is it?" he repeated.
"I... I wanted to say that... that I'm sorry for that episode I had when we were shopping the other day."
I'd chickened out.
I was a complete bítch.
"What?" he chuckled, seemingly surprised that that was the big announcement. "Jess, that—"
"Jess," Harry's low, stern voice came from the doorway and when I looked over at him he looked angry.
Oh shít.
"Were you eavesdropping? Harry—"
"Shut up, Jess, stop," he snapped, "That wasn't what she was going to say," he said to Liam.
"Harry..."
"Don't Harry me, not now."
"What's going on?" Liam chuckled again, but this time it was shaky like he was suspecting something was wrong.
My hands were beginning to tremble as Harry's furious eyes bored into mine, his face expressionless as he waited for me to say what it was I actually intended on saying. This was worse — Harry was here listening, watching; there was no escape.
"Are you going to say it or am I?" Harry queried bluntly, and my eyes went wide and started to burn.
"No, I... No, Harry." I was trying not to say anything that'd land me in any trouble whilst silently pleading Harry not to do it. I'd chickened out and my heart was intent on leaving it now, waiting for another time when I was confident. He wouldn't tell him without my permission, would he?
"I'm serious, if you don't tell him I will."
"No, Harry please," I begged. My eyes were filling with tears and I was going into full-on panic mode. There was no way out — even if Harry agreed not to tell Liam on my behalf, Liam would definitely be concerned about what it was Harry was going to tell him and why it bothered me so much. I felt trapped and like this had taken a turn for the worse, this was not how I wanted to tell Liam at all and I was praying I could think of a way around this but my head wasn't in gear.
"Stop being such a fuckíng baby and just say it! Before I do!"
"Please don't," I wailed.
"Say what?" Liam chimed in, his voice was raised slightly so that our attention would leave one another and be focused solely on him. "What is it you have to tell me, Jess?"
Harry glared at me, as if confirming that if I didn't answer he would do it for me, and I didn't doubt that now. I didn't want it to be him that broke the news, but everything I had to say was caught in my throat and I was choking.
"What's the matter, Jess? What's happened?" Liam pressed, sounding agitated now.
"She's been seeing me behind your back!" Harry yelled, and my first instinct was to slap him. I drew my hand back and threw it at him as hard as I could in the spur of the moment, the sound of my palm slapping across his cheek echoed and his neck was snapped sideways. I slapped him. I slapped Harry Styles.
The sheer shock and pain I felt was overwhelming — and I mean the pain I felt inside, not in my hand, however that was stinging along with my heart. I broke down into a selfish, sobbing mess in the middle of my kitchen. No one had said anything, and I didn't dare look over to Liam.
"Jess..." Harry muttered, and I saw his hand coming towards me — probably to try and calm me down — out of the corner of my eye. I stepped back, not letting him anywhere near me.
"Get out," I demanded weakly.
"Baby—"
"GET OUT!" I screamed, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
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Well then.
Please vote and comment if you're enjoying the drama!
It's 00:18am but I was on a roll writing this and just wanted to get it up so here you go. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? Let me know in the comments!
Q: @all3gra (I still can't tag you for some reason): What kind of music do you listen to? (Like what bands and stuff besides One Direction obviously)
A: I like to think I have a really varied and open music taste. My favourite person in the world is Lewis Watson, who is a singer songwriter and just all round wonderful human being (he's not THAT well known, so check him out!) (he knows me, which is exciting, and he also knows Harry, which is equally as exciting!) I could talk all day about Lewis but I won't. Anyway, so yeah, singer-songwriter stuff like Ed Sheeran, Kodaline, etc; more punky stuff like All Time Low and Paramore; and another one of my absolute FAVOURITES are McFly/McBusted. I used to be a BIG fan of the Vamps, but not so much anymore. But I'm down for anything, really :)
My question for you: on the topic of music, who else do you like besides 1D? Are any of my favourites your favourites as well? Does anyone want to hear about how obsessive I am and how many of my favourites I've seen live and/or met? No? Okay ;)
Highlight with a q!
Love,
E x