Life is short. And in life you are faced with decisions. You make choices as you grow. Your thoughts and feelings change as you learn. As you experience things. Brandy was young. She had just started her life. As a freshman, she would have been fourteen or fifteen. She was so young.
She made a decision that she thought was right in the moment. She was so strong. Hearing her story made me think about my situation with Jared. It wasn't terrible and it could be worse. It could have been similar to Brandy's.
I was lucky. I got out sooner than she did. I had warning. Jared was just starting out in his horrible, playerish ways. I was lucky.
Brandy was less lucky. She didn't have warning. She didn't know what could possibly happen or what was to come. She was completely blind to Jared and his real intensions. I knew and I still went through it. I made Chase live through the pain a second time.
I felt terrible. I layed in my bed most of the night looking up at the ceiling, hating myself for doing that to him. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't horrible because I didn't know, but it was horrible. I made him watch another person get hurt by Jared. And he tried to warn me. He told me that it wasn't a good idea to get involved with him. But I didn't listen.
I was selfish. I wanted to experience it for myself. And for what? Just to feel wanted again? To get rid of the pain that Jason left with me? Well I still had that pain, and I had even more piled on top of it all. I had dug myself a deep hole. The hole was too deep for me to climb out of and there was no way to fix any of it. The only way to escape the hole was to fill it in with myself inside.
But I wouldn't give up. I would find another way out of the hole. I would do it for Brandy. Even though I didn't know her, her story spoke to me. It made me realize that I need to keep going. I am faced with terrible obstacles, but I can overcome them.
During my sleepless night, I searched on Pinterest, like the cliché girl I was, for inspirational and motivational quotes. I found one that really spoke to me. It said, 'You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.' I liked that one. It made me want to not give up. I am strong enough to live this life I am given. It may not be horrible, but it's better than others and I would survive for those who couldn't.
When my alarm blared the next morning at 6:30, I pulled myself out of bed. It was surprisingly cold. I grabbed my sweatshirt off the end of my bed and threw it on. Bella and Kristen were still asleep. Thankfully they slept through my alarm.
I walked towards my door and slipped out, making my way to the bathroom. Keaton was just opening his door and was rubbing the sleep from his eyes when I slipped by him and beat him to the bathroom. "Hey," he yelled.
"Shh," I said holding a finger to my lips. "People are sleeping." He shook his head at me as I closed the door.
It was Monday and I had school. Kristen and Bella would just have to find something in the house or around town to entertain themselves while I was gone. I started applying minimal makeup and brushed my hair, letting it cascade down and around my shoulders.
When I opened the door I found Keaton sitting on the floor by the door waiting for me to get out. I thought he would jump up right away when I opened the door, but he remained sitting on the floor. I looked down at him and found that he had fallen asleep on the floor waiting for me.
I silently laughed at him and walked back to my room. He would wake up eventually. I closed the door behind myself and went to my closet. I pulled on some jeans and left my sweatshirt on. I wasn't really feeling like doing anything today. Not after what I found out last night.
I walked downstairs and made myself a bowl of cereal. Ethan was sitting at the table with Wesley and they were both eating already. "So he told you?" Wesley asked as I sat down next to him.
I assumed he was talking about Chase. "Yeah, he did," I said while nodding.
They both nodded as well and we ate our cereal silently. It was that awkward silence where no one knows what to say next. Everyone is wondering what they should talk about, but no one wants to break the silence because in a way it's comforting. It leaves you to your own thoughts and you don't have to engage. Especially this early in the morning.
When it came time for us all to leave to go to school, there was no sign of Chase. We all got our things and waited by the door. "He has five minutes," Wesley said looking at the watch on his wrist.
As if on cue to answer all of our questions, Lydia walked downstairs and came over to all of us by the door. She shook her head. "He's not going to be able to go to school today," she said.
The guys nodded and started to walk out the door. How can they just walk out of this house and leave their brother upstairs like that? Lydia came over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Ellie, go. He'll be fine." Her voice was soft and comforting, yet knowing. It was like she knew there was something between us. I sighed.
I got in the car with the guys and Ethan drove us all to school. It was a depressing morning. I didn't say much to Paige although I did act like a good friend and ask about her date the other day. "It was so incredible. Ethan brought me to the park and we had a picnic. It was like it came right out of a book or a movie or something. He pushed me on the swing and we climbed a tree and we sat on the branch watching the sunset. It was so romantic. And while we were in the tree, he kissed me," she beamed. Her rant slowly came to an end. Even though she was done talking about it, you could tell she would never stop thinking about it.
I was happy for her though. She was finally getting her dream guy. The guy she had been waiting all her life for I assumed. They were cute together and I was glad that he had finally asked her out. I can't even imagine what it would be like if she was still watching him from across the hallway as he shoved books into his locker.
"That's great Paige. Congratulations. I'm really happy that you two are working out," I said pulling her into a hug.
She pulled away though. "Well don't be too glad. He's been kind of distant the past couple of days. Even before the date."
"What do you mean distant?" I asked confused.
"He hasn't been himself. Even around me. When it's just the two of us, he seems jumpy and quiet." She looked up across the hall and found him talking to his friends. He had a smile on his face, but it seemed a bit forced.
It must have been something to do with Brandy, but why wouldn't Paige know about it. I mean this was a hard time for the Johnson's. The whole family was probably on edge. "All of the Johnson's are a bit jumpy right now, considering the time of year it is," I said trying to work around the topic.
"Oh, that's right," Paige said hitting her forehead with her palm. "Brandy. This weekend is the anniversary of her passing," she said respectfully. I nodded. "That family has been through a lot with her. I mean people around here are very sympathetic and everything, but sometimes that's not enough. I bet they just want to leave. Being around here with all the memories can make you go a little crazy," Paige said rambling.
Something was off though. It was like she was avoiding talking about what had actually happened to Brandy. Or she didn't know. "Paige, what happened to Brandy?" I asked already knowing the answer, but wondering what she had been told.
"The guys didn't tell you?" I shook my head. "Well, it's kind of complicated, but all people really know is that she killed herself. People around here don't really know why. She just did. She seemed fine to ordinary people like me who didn't really know her, but I'm sure Chase or Ethan know what really happened," she said looking back towards the two guys. "But I wouldn't ask them. Not now at least." I nodded.
So people around here really didn't know.
The day was a bit slow and quiet. It was like every single thing I did today was dragged on, making time pass even slower than it already was. When the day ended, Ethan drove us all home. I thought it was weird though when he didn't stop at the middle school to pick up Keaton. We drove right by it and went towards the house.
"Aren't we supposed to pick up Keaton?" I asked leaning forward in the middle of Ethan and Wesley's seats.
"My mom called and she said that he was going to a friends house after school so we didn't have to pick him up." I nodded and we went back home.
When we got in the house I found Kristen and Bella on the couch playing and watching TV with William. I smiled at them getting along so well with the guys and went to my room to drop my bags off and everything. I plugged my phone in and noticed that I had gotten a text from Keaton.
Keaton: I'm sorry about what Jared did to you and I'm going to make it all better today.
What was that supposed to mean? I took my phone and ran out of my room. I didn't know where to go. I ran to Chase's room and knocked frantically on the door. "Chase hurry," I said not wanting to wait any longer than what was necessary.
He quickly opened the door looking at me. He had on basketball shorts but a shirt was absent. "Chase, Lydia said that Keaton was going to a friends house after school, but I got this text from him a few minutes ago." I showed Chase the text and his eyes grew bigger as he became shocked and worried.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Chase asked.
"I don't know, but if it has something to do with Jared then Keaton is in trouble. We have to go find him," I said.
Chase turned around and grabbed a shirt off of his bed and pulled it on. "Okay, let's go. I'll get Ethan. Meet me in the car. Ask Bella and Kristen to help too," he said and ran down the hall to the other set of stairs that lead upstairs.
I ran downstairs and grabbed Bella and Kristen's arms and pulled them off of the couch. "What's going on?" Kristen asked.
"Keaton is in trouble," I said out of breath from being so terrified and all the running I was doing back and forth.
"What?" Lydia asked from in the kitchen. She walked towards us by the door and her eyes grew wide.
"I got a text from Keaton saying he was sorry about what Jared did to me, but he was going to fix it all. I think he is going to try to confront Jared or something and that won't end well." Lydia looked confused. "Trust me. We need to go find him."
Just as I said that Chase, Ethan and Wesley quickly descended the stairs and Ethan and Chase held their car keys in their hands. "It's true mom, we have to go," Chase said. "We can take two cars. Let's go."
That's all that had to be said for all of us to run out of the house and pile into the two cars. I rode with Chase and Wesley and Kristen and Bella rode with Ethan. "Where would Keaton go to meet up with Jared?" Wesley asked.
Thoughts of the first place that I met Jared rushed into my mind. "The skate park," I blurted out. "That's where Keaton hangs out with Jared, right?" I asked for reassurance even though I already knew. I turned and looked over at Ethan's car as we pulled out of the driveway. "Follow us," I yelled and he nodded doing as I said.
We sped down the road, not caring about cops or anything in our way. Keaton was in trouble and needed our help.
When we pulled into the parking lot, the car was barely stopped before Wesley and I jumped out to look for Keaton. We looked all around. We looked in the parking lot, which was practically empty and we looked in the field behind the skating area.
We found him laying on the ground behind one of the ramps. We rushed over to his side, all of us huddling around him. Kristen and Bella stayed back a bit, not wanting to over crowd him.
He was bleeding all over. His nose was bleeding and you could already see the hint of a black eye. He had cuts on his forehead and down his jaw. His hands were bleeding and he had cuts all up and down his legs. His hands were wrapped around his stomach, like he had been kicked there and it was bruising. I imagined the black and blue that would soon be there.
This was all my fault. He came down here because of me.
Chase and Ethan picked him up carefully and brought him to Chase's car. They layed him in the back seat. Just as they set him down we all turned our heads toward the sound of a car door shutting.
There Jared stood, outside of his car leaning against the door with his arms crossed. He stared across straight at us and it seemed like out of all the people around, his eyes were locked on me.
My breath hitched as I saw him. It had been a while since he had made an appearance anywhere. Even at school I hadn't seen him much.
Chase handed Wesley his keys. "Take them home," he said motioning towards me, Kristen, and Bella. Wesley nodded then got in the drivers seat and started the car. Kristen and Bella got in the back on either side of Keaton, being careful not to bump him in any way that would hurt him more.
I reached my arm out as Chase passed me and grabbed his forearm. "What are you doing?" I asked looking into his eyes.
He pulled his arm away from me. "Go home," was all he said, then he and Ethan were running towards Jared. I didn't want to see them get hurt. I didn't want to see them fighting Jared. I got in the passenger seat quickly and we sped down the road back to the house.
As we drove away, I saw Chase and Ethan punching Jared in the face and the stomach. But I also saw Jared take a couple swings towards the guys. Chase in particular. I didn't want to see it, but I couldn't look away. Before we were too far away I saw Jared throw his fist towards Chase's face. Then we turned a corner and they were out of sight before I could see anything else.
"I heard him," Keaton mumbled. His eyes were closing and blood was dripping down his face. Kristen and Bella held him upright so he wouldn't fall or lean as we drove down the road trying to get him home.
What? I wondered. He heard him? What was he talking about? Had Jared said something to him?
We quickly pulled into the driveway and we all helped Keaton out of the car. He was drifting into unconsciousness by this point so we had to carry him inside. His arms were slung around Bella and Kristen's shoulders and Wesley and I carefully took his legs as we walked towards the house.
Lydia met us with an open door and she moved things around in the dining room to make room for him. "Here," she said pulling out a chair for him.
"We should lay him down," Wesley said. He was right. Keaton was in too much pain to be sitting up. Lydia moved some things off of the dining room table, then we set him down. His eyes were completely closed, but he was still breathing.
"What happened?" Lydia asked, horrified by the sight of her son. "Who did this?"
"It was Jared," I said. It was partially my fault. I should be the one to explain. Lydia ran into the kitchen to get towels and a bowl of water to soak them in as she tried to clean Keaton up. Bella and Kristen backed away from the table, but stayed close. Bella seemed more scarred than Kristen. Bella was very innocent and had probably never seen anything like this before. It didn't phase me. Not after everything I have been through.
"Keaton didn't go over to his friends house after school. He sent the text I showed you soon after school ended. He went to the skate park to meet up with Jared. He was trying to fix what had happened between me and him. He wanted to get even with Jared." Lydia looked a bit confused, not exactly knowing what had happened between us. "Jared was cheating on me and I think Keaton was trying to hurt him because of what happened. But Jared is a lot stronger than Keaton and he hurt Keaton more than Keaton hurt him."
I sat down in a chair next to Keaton. Lydia took a wet towel and carefully dabbed at the cuts on his face, trying to soak up some of the blood. His nose was still bleeding and she had Wesley go into the kitchen to get some paper towels to help stop the bleeding. She lifted his shirt a bit and you could see the bruises on his abdomen already forming.
This was all my fault. As Lydia dabbed at his face some more, he flinched a bit. I rested my hand on his as she tried to help him. I just hope he isn't injured too badly.
"Where are Chase and Ethan? They went with you didn't they?" I nodded slowly and she started to realize where they were. "Don't tell me they-"
"Yeah, they did Mom," Wesley said. "You know them. They won't let anything go. And you know Chase. He can't let this go," Wesley said, talking about his form of bipolar disorder. I sighed. Why had we left them there? At least he wasn't alone. Ethan knew how to handle his condition and he knew how to stop him and calm him down.
As if to put my curious thoughts to rest, Chase and Ethan stumbled into the house. Ethan had a bloody nose, and he had a few cuts up the side of his face. His knuckles were bleeding. Chase had some cuts on his arm and his knuckles were bleeding as well. His jaw was scratched up and bleeding.
As they came into the house, they quickly rushed over to Keaton. "How is he?" Ethan asked.
I stood up and backed away from the table, giving them room. "He's going to be okay. I'm not a doctor, but I don't think anything is broken. I think it's just cuts and bruises." She took the bowl and the bloody towels towards the sink and started to rinse them out and clean them, so she could continue to clean Keaton up.
Chase looked over at me as I stood with Bella and Kristen. He had rage in his eyes still. I could tell he was furious. I just couldn't tell what he was furious about. I walked towards him, but he turned away.
William and Logan came running down the stairs. "What's going on?" Logan asked.
"Wesley, will you keep them upstairs?" Lydia asked. Wesley nodded and dropped one of the small towels that was in his hand into a bowl of water and took his brothers back upstairs.
As they walked away I could hear William asking, "What's wrong with Keaton? Why is he on the table?" Wesley just stayed silent and they all went into William's room.
"Girls," Lydia said looking towards us. "Will you help me get Chase and Ethan bandaged up?" I nodded and went to her side. She handed us gauze and a towel each.
I walked to Chase's side and he sat down in a chair. I sat across from him and soaked the towel in a bowl of water. Bella and Kristen were helping Ethan. Bella was washing out his cuts and Kristen was preparing the bandages. I wrung out the towel and started to dab at the cuts on Chase's chin. He flinched a little, but tried to stay still.
"Do you know why he went down there?" I asked while cleaning his hand now.
"Yeah, Jared said he started talking about Brandy," Chase said looking down.
I cleaned up the cuts on his arm then I started to wrap his left arm in the bandages. "When he was in the car he mumbled, 'I heard him.'" I looked up at him. The rage was vanishing from his eyes. "Do you know what he meant?"
Chase mumbled, "Shit," under his breath.
"What?" I asked confused.
"He heard us last night. He heard me telling you about Brandy." Chase looked around to see if anyone was listening to them. Everyone was too occupied with their injured patient or their own injuries. "Keaton didn't know what actually happened. He must have heard me last night and wanted to do something about it. That's where he's a lot like the rest of us." He hung is head low, but let me finish wrapping his hand. "No one knows what actually happened except for you, Ethan, Wesley and Jared. My parents don't even know," he said looking back at Lydia. "That's why she wouldn't understand why this all happened."
When I finished wrapping his hand he pulled away from me and stood up. So it wasn't completely my fault. I mean it still was a little bit. If I hadn't been downstairs asking questions then Keaton never would have heard.
Chase was about to walk away, but he couldn't when someone grabbed his arm. He looked down and saw Keaton's hand wrapped around his wrist. Keaton's eyes were wide open and he looked sad. "Why didn't you tell me?"