A/N
All my readers wanna hear is Ciel and Y/N confessing their love to each other XD but I'm so mean amfg so that shall not happen in this chapter fufu... Though I did use some ideas from my lovely followers and readers for this chapter~!
•••
Y/N's POV
My heart stopped.
Did he.. Did he just ask if I loved him?
"W-what?" I breathed, eyes wide in shock.
"Do you love me?" Ciel asked again, this time, his eyes travelled up, from my fingers, to my arm, shoulder then face, "Do you?"
This was it. Was this the moment I've been waiting for? Or...
Was it the moment I've been dreading?
"... Depends, Ciel," my voice whispered, softening, "depends..."
"On what?"
"On whether you really love me," I replied, looking at his serious face before facing the door again, "have you thought about it Ciel?"
"Of course I have," he snapped, shaking his head, "I've thought about it so many times. So many times..."
"So have I to be honest," I quietly laughed, turning my body around to face him, "there's a lot to consider, and a lot on the line."
"I've thought about it, I really have."
"And Lady Elizabeth. What about her?"
Ciel silenced, his hand, slipping from my wrist, down to his side.
"I don't know."
I sighed. What were we to do? If Ciel and I were to... Were to really get together, what would Elizabeth say? It would be the ultimate betrayal, I would find it extremely hard to forgive myself if I were to ever hurt her... And Ciel. It would damage his name. But if we really did love each other then, would it really be worth it? I only recently discovered that he was a demon... Meaning he would be able to live as long as I. We could be together... For as long as we live. Both of us. But... Did he know that I could live as long as he? I never told him. But Ciel knew quite a bit about me...
I stepped back, before turning away again to walk up to my guest room, but stopped.
"You may have thought about it, but have you decided on it? Ciel, please tell me what you want to tell me when there is nothing in your way," I mumbled, loud enough for him to hear, "then, I shall tell you my true feelings."
I carried on walking, not looking behind me in fear that I'll see his face and come running back to him. No. I won't do that. I won't do that for our sakes. And for Elizabeth's.
•••
Ciel's POV
I let her slip away from me again. She began walking up the stairs and all I could do was stand there hopelessly. Kind of like when she stepped into that opening to that hell earlier. I didn't have anything to say when she brought up Elizabeth, and I knew exactly why. I was being selfish and greedy. I wasn't ready to part from everything I had built up on to be with her.
The Phantomhive name, the success of the business, Elizabeth, and my past self.
I was still caught up in making sure that the 'Ciel Phantomhive' that I was forced to be, still kept his existence.
But this me... I am no longer that Ciel Phantomhive that served as the Queen's guard dog burning my hatred into the world. No, I'm now this Ciel Phantomhive.
A 17 year old young man in love with Y/N L/N.
I'm sure this feeling was that of love. I'm sure of it.
But why is it so hard to let go? What am I to say to Elizabeth. How am I supposed to explain to her that I do not love her in the way she wants?
How am I supposed to explain to her that I am in love with Y/N?
"Master," it was Sebastian, whom was standing beside me "what are you doing standing here?"
"Thinking Sebastian."
"About Lady Y/N?"
"It's none of your business."
"But it is mine," Arthur's voice intervened, as he walked up to Sebastian and I, "why did my mistress leave so suddenly?"
"Why don't you go and ask her?" I huffed, before strolling up to my study, Sebastian behind me, "I'm sure she'll tell you everything."
I held the railing as I stepped up the stairs, still thinking.
"Lady Y/N is very pretty isn't she?" Sebastian suddenly stated, smirking, "like a rose."
"She has a certain beauty." I replied formally, not looking at him. I reached my study door and turned the knob.
"She's also sweet, like sugar." Sebastian continued, and from the corner of my eye I swear I saw him lick his lips. I didn't answer back.
I pushed open the door and approached my desk. On it, lay bundles of paperwork. I would be here all night finishing these off...
"I'll go make sure LadyY/N is comfortable in bed, master," Sebastian said, turning around towards the door, "I assume you wish her a good night?"
"... Yes Sebastian."
"I'll tell her." And with that, he left.
I sighed as I sat down. Another thing that was on my desk was a chess board.
"You're terrible at chess..." I mumbled, remembering the first somewhat informal words I had said to her.
"I know."
I looked up and saw Y/N sitting across from me, smiling that beautiful smile of hers.
She leaned across the table, her face inches away from mine.
"You know Ciel, I'm better at chess than you think."
"You can say that if you want." I replied, smiling and shaking my head, "I always did love your sense of humour."
"And I always did love you, Ciel."
I felt my cheeks redden slightly at her words. She'd never said that before.
"But I'm starting to doubt it Ciel. I'm starting to doubt whether you love me too."
"Of course I do, I love you. I love you more than anything-"
"Then why won't you let us be together?"
My mouth opened, but no words formed. Not because I didn't know what to say, but because I physically couldn't. This feeling, was something familiar.
"Ciel, we could've been together, but you stopped it? Why?" Before I knew it, Y/N was no longer in front of me. It was Saarath.
"We could've been together for a long time. A very long time. There would've been no complications because I would've dealt with them."
I stood up furiously, but a second later, Saarath was behind me, holding me in a tight grip. Once again, I could not move.
"I would've just killed them all- there would've been no one to complain, no one emotionally hurt, no one left..." Her sickly sweet voice travelled to my ears as her breath tickled my neck, "no one left. Including that stupid Y/N."
My eyes widened. She was not going to lay a finger on Y/N. The look on Y/N's face when she saw Saarath and I still haunted me. And how torn and tattered she looked after Saarath had beaten her... I won't let that happen again.
Saarath's face was not humanoid anymore. It was the face of a beast, a monster. Her mouth opened wide, and I could see rows and rows of razor sharp teeth among them. Her entire eyes turned black, and her skin was covered in what seemed to be small worms which wriggled as her face got closer to mine.
She was hideous.
Y/N.
All I could think of was Y/N.
Where was she? Had this atrocity already gotten to her? If not was she okay? Had she gotten away? Will she be safe? Did she love me afterall?
All I could see now, was the inside of Saarath's monstrous mouth as her teeth began to dig into my skin.
I could feel the nothingness already starting to consume me...
•••
Y/N's POV
I lay in bed thinking about what Ciel had said.
Did I love him? Well sure, I had a small crush on him when we first met... But that seemed to have grown into something much more. Maybe I did love him. But was I ready to admit that?
The bedroom door creaked open and Sebastian peered in.
"Lady Y/N are you feeling alright? You left the dinner hall in quite a flustered state."
"I'm fine Sebastian. Just a little shaken and confused. I just need some time to think."
"I heard you plan on leaving the manor tomorrow morning? Is this true?"
"Yes, I'll be going back home, no longer bothering you or the servants here at the household," I smiled slightly, at an attempt to make myself feel a bit better, "I'm sure Ciel will be glad of my riddance."
"I'm not sure about my master, but I'm sure I'll be, what they call, 'missing' you when you return home."
"Oh Sebastian, you always somehow make me feel better."
"I am here to entertain and keep any guests comfortable. It's one of my many duties as the Phantomhive butler."
I pulled the blanket up and snuggled into bed, still looking at Sebastian, "I'll be sure to visit sometimes though, if your master'll have it."
"Or maybe I could arrange for milord and I to come visit you, Y/N. We have yet to see your rumoured magnificent home." Sebastian stepped into the room and gently close the door behind him.
"It's barely magnificent, no. No where near as amazing as the Phantomhive manor! But you'll always be welcome to the L/N household."
"That's very kind of you to say Lady Y/N."
"Well you are friends, I don't see why not. Maybe you can teach my servants a thing or two about keeping the place in tact,"I laughed, turning to face the ceiling,"I'm sure they'd be happy to have someone lead them."
"I'll see what I can do for you Lady Y/N." Sebastian smiled, but this time, it seemed genuine, "Arthur will come to wake you tomorrow morning, an you can come down to the dining room for a small breakfast, courtesy of I, before you leave. We don't want you leaving on an empty stomach now do we?"
"Thank you Sebastian. I really appreciate everything you've done for Arthur and I," I said just as he was about to leave, "I don't really know how to repay you and Ciel."
"There's no need Lady Y/N, you're mere presence and companionship will do fine, and before I for, Lord Phantomhive wishes you a good night."
I smiled and closed my eyes, hearing the light click of the door closing. I really was going to miss this place... Even if I was only here for a few days. Things were a little awkward between Ciel and I, but there was nothing I could really do but to wait and see what Ciel's next move will be. Kind of like chess. What pawns would he sacrifice to win the game?
But then again, it was Ciel's move to make, and I'm all out of options. I'll go back home tomorrow and keep going on with my daily life.
For now, I'll sleep.
•••
Sebatian's POV
I walked down the corridor, a candelabra in my hand, the yellow-orange flame of the candlestick wavering as I moved.
Y/N was indeed a sweet Lady, and I could now really see what Arthur liked about her soul. It was full of different flavours, and just thinking about it made me want to make her my own. But I will resist. I will not become anything like that spider pest, Claude.
Arthur owns has already made a contract with her, and I can see how determined he is to serve her. Whether it is all for her soul, or for something else, I don't know.
Arthur and I had become quite unlikely friends I must admit. I had a disliking for him at the beginning, but I've soon changed that to a somewhat admiration.
When I had first met Lady Y/N I could tell that her butler was anything but human, and that she herself had the blood of a demon. Arthur bringing Lady Y/N so close to young master all the time was starting to annoy me, and I was fully aware that Arthur was doing it on purpose, to please his mistress.
But the more I found out about him, the more I seemed to understand him. He had given himself a challenging contract to complete, especially since Lady Y/N's case had the possibility of never being fulfilled, but he went ahead with it anyway. However, I've been beginning to wonder whether he had been given a choice or not. Y/N had said that he had made a contract with her when she was 3 as he father had ordered him to do so. Could it possibly be that Arthur had been handed down, generation by generation? Since when the curse had been originally cast on the family all those years ago? Perhaps he had failed to complete the job in the original contract he had made with the L/N he had been bound to in the first place. Could he have found another reason to still serve them? He could always just leave if he wanted to.
I've come to know that he isn't a foolish or stupid demon, or at least, he isn't one anymore.
After all of this thinking, I've come to the conclusion that there must be a very viable reason that Arthur has, and for him to keep going like this, and for that, I look up to him.
I arrived at my master's study and knocked.
I heard no answer.
I slowly opened the door and peered inside, to see my master's head on his arms as he lay asleep on the table.
I silently sighed as I walked up to him and looked at the work he was writing. It seemed unfinished. I guess he just fell asleep whilst writing, it seemed evident with the pen that lay in his hand.
He suddenly stirred, mumbling something.
"Y/N..."
"Master," I quietly called, leaning over his sleeping form, "you should go to bed if you want to sleep."
His eyes flickered open, and looked up at me with disgust, just as always.
"Yeah, alright," he groggily muttered, sitting up, stretching, "is Y/N comfortably asleep...?"
"She is."
"Good." My master got up, and headed for the door, not giving me another glance.
I shook my head, he was trying so hard not to seem like he cared about Y/N.
I smirked.
"Dear, dear young master."
•••
A/N
I'm so tired oml, it takes me forever to write a 2000+ word chapter XD I try to keep that as my target for each chapter.
Sorry again to everyone who wanted them to directly confess to one another fufu, I just feel like Ciel needs to clear things up with Lizzy first :3 ahh a lot of other fics are really against her, which I feel is unfair... She really cares about Ciel, and should get more recognition for it! (Says the author who's writing a Ciel x Reader fanfic //bricked)
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that chapter~ we're almost at chapter 20 already!