Sheena's POV
I spent the past few weeks drowning in a sea of heartbreak. My recent breakup with Gweneth had shattered my world, leaving me with a gaping hole that textbooks and lectures couldn't fill. Sleepless nights and tear-stained pillows became my routine.
"Seriously? A failing grade? You promised us na hindi ka na babalik sa kagaguhan mo wayback in high school. What is happening to you?" Mom angrily asked as I showed her my grades.
"I don't know. I'm sorry, things haven't been good. I will not enroll muna for the next semester." I told mom and looked away.
"We're so disappointed. You know how important education is to us tapos hindi ka mag-eenroll? You're graduating for pete's sake." dad added in.
I shook my head and walked away, not wanting to hear their lectures and nagging. Of course, I am always the disappointment. Kailan ba nila ako hindi tiningnan ng ganoon? I'll always be the black sheep of the family.
Kahit hindi naman nila sabihin, alam ko kung paano nila ako ikumpara sa kapatid ko. That he's better in all freaking way. He's responsible, smart, understanding, caring, etc.
I messaged my friends to meet me at the bar near our subdivision. Studying felt pointless, the future a blurry mess. Here, in the dim haze of the night bar, a strange kind of peace settled over me. The throbbing bass drowned out the nagging voice in my head, the cheap liquor a numbing agent to the ache in my heart.
Faces blurred into a kaleidoscope of colors, conversations a background hum. I nursed my drink, the bitter tang a welcome sensation. Maybe I was rebelling, drowning my sorrows in a bottle instead of facing them head-on. But for now, this was my sanctuary, a world where Gweneth's absence didn't steal the air from my lungs.
Disappointment was a familiar ache, but this... this felt like betrayal. They'd sacrificed so much for my education, and here I was frittering it away in a haze of cheap liquor and cigarette smoke. The guilt threatened to spiral, but I shoved it down. Not tonight. Tonight, I was just Sheena, a girl seeking solace at the bottom of a glass.
How long could I keep running? How long before the music stopped and I was left facing the wreckage of my life, alone? The answer, like the future, remained shrouded in the smoky haze of the night bar.
I had few more bottles while waiting for them. Of course, they're busy with studies. Kahit naman sobrang protective nila sa akin, they have their own life and I will not take it from them.
I decided to text my brother who's probably on duty now sa hospital nila Colet.
Sheena: Kuya
Sheena: Can you talk to Gweneth? I need her. I missed her. Please tell her we can still fix this.
Kuya: Lasing ka ba? Bakit ko gagawin 'yan?
Sheena: You always have these fucking questions. Just be a good brother and tell her.
When he didn't reply, I messaged him again. Telling him the things that I badly wanna tell him.
Sheena: Bakit ba hindi ako lumaking kagaya mo?
Kuya: What are you talking about?
Sheena: Why did I have to grow up in a damaged way? I'm bad. Maybe that's why I am not deserving of love. Because I grew up that way.
I threw my phone and ordered bottles of beer again.
I looked at every corner of this bar and then suddenly, flashbacks of what we had started showing out of nowhere. I know I'm too drunk at hindi ko na maigalaw pa ng maayos ang katawan ko pero ang unfair naman na dito pa talaga ako nagrerelapse.
Where did we go wrong, Gwen? Maybe I was too short tempered that you started getting scared of me.
"You told me you're sick, bakit papasok ka pa? Hindi talaga nakikinig." I scowled while walking beside her. She decuded na papasok na siya ngayon kahit na 1 week na siyang nilalagnat and didn't make any progress. She said she missed a lot at school.
"What are you whining about?" she dragged the sentence while furrowing her eyebrows. Kanina pa siya nakasimangot pero sigurado akong mas malaki ang simangot ko. I was really worried about her.
I didn't answer and just pulled the strap of her bag. She was about to step on the sidewalk when a guy almost bumped into her. Nilagay ko ang kamay ko sa balikat niya at iniwas siya sa lalaki.
"Are your fucking eyes just for decoration!? Tatanga tanga ka ba? Muntik mo na mabunggo girlfriend ko!" I yelled as I approached the guy.
She tugged on my shirt, stopping me. "Hey, it's okay bebe. I'm okay." she whispered.
"Sorry, sorry" the guy apologized and ran off.
I faced my girlfriend. "I told you to stay at home. Kapag yang ulo mo sumakit na naman or something! Clumsy ka pa naman." I said, looking at her.
"I'm not! Nakita mo naman na siya 'yong muntik na --" she protested but I cut it off.
"I know! Why did I even let that asshole go? Malilintikan 'yon sakin kapag nahanap ko."
She stared at me with a raised eyebrow. "Love. No fights. I mean it." she reminded me. I know she cares about me and she doesn't like me getting hurt.
"No promises, Gwen," I shrugged and stepped closer to her to the point na nagkakadikit na ang balikat namin. She looked over me and smiled. She's cute in some ways.
"What?" I scowled.
Umiling siya at tumawa. "I'm not gonna trip over and f ----"
Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. My hand immediately caught hers, she gripped it for support. A fucking stone! "Kakasabi ko lang, Gweneth, for fuck's sake," I huffed and kicked all the stones that might get into her way.
Her laugh became louder this time. "I wasn't looking, okay? I'll try not to trip over and fall."
I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
Where did we go wrong, Gwen? Was I too talkative? Nasobrahan ko ba magkwento sa'yo ng mga past issues ko?
She's probably wondering now kung bakit ko siya dinala sa malaking bahay. It was larger than our house now, halos 1/8 lang ng condo ko.
"I wanna show you where I grew up," kinuha ko ang kamay niya at pumasok sa bahay.
Just like our house, simple lang ang design ng bahay na tinirhan ko dati. It was minimalistic yet classy. I think it's a huge step for me to take her to where I grew up. Pero wala eh, tinamaan talaga ako kaya gusto kong makita niya kung sino talaga ako at mas makilala pa.
She started walking while looking at some picture frames. Tumabi ako sa kanya at tiningnan din ang mga ito. "Oh, that. Pinag-aral ako ng grandparents ko ng TKD. They think it's a way for me to focus on my anger on one thing rather than hurting fooling or hurting people around me.
"Hindi ka ba nasasaktan? Doing TKD, getting hurt in competitions?" her eyes met mine.
"I like it. When I was a kid, sila Colet lang talaga ako nakikisama. Kapag may ibang batang nakikipaglaro sa akin, I always ends up beating them up. When my amma and appa enrolled me in TKD, hindi ko na sila sinasaktan kasi nauubos madalas energy ko sa TKD." I asnwered honestly.
Maya-maya, we decided to go to the rooftop. I really have a thing for sunsets and the view. Umupo ako sa bubong at inalalayan siyang umakyat.
"When I was 7 years old, Amma and Appa took care of me hanggang sa makapagtapos ako ng Elementary. I spent most of my time here." I crossed my legs. "When I can't sleep," I quietly muttered.
Pinatong niya ang ulo niya sa balikat ko at pinaglaruan ang kamay niya.
"You have trouble sleeping?" she asked.
I cleared my throat and nodded. "I have nightmares ..."
"It was vacation after Grade 6, there was a shooting at my Appa's office. Hmmm .." I tapped on my jeans. "Nagkataon na andoon kami ni Amma. She was shot." My voice broke.
I cleared my throat once again. "She was hugging me before she was shot ... hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I was a kid, takot na takot ako," my voice trembled. "I-I heard a few shots again, then I saw Appa ... he got shot too."
"I'm so sorry." she sniffed and rubbed soothing circles on my back.
"I hear those fucking gunshots everytime I try to sleep at night ... that's why I sleep in the morning sometimes. Feeling ko safe ako kapag umaga na." I continued. Kaya madalas absent ako sa school noong high school.
"Are you getting better?" she asked.
I smiled. "Sometimes, I picture you in my mind. Just your smile. Your eyes. When you came, the nightmares didn't visit me anymore. When I got closer to you kahit na madalas ay napipikon ka pang sa akin, it all started to feel better." I finally said as I held her hands.
"I love you." she uttered. I felt my heart pound against my chest.
Where did we go wrong, Gwen? Demanding ba ako masyado?
I decided to call her when the nightmares visited me again. I know she's busy pero miss na miss ko na talaga siya.
Gwen: Hi, bebe! You can't sleep again?
Sheena: Yes.
Gwen: I forgot to thank you that day, love. you know, for opening up to me.
Sheena: You made it easy.
Gwen: I'm really proud of you.
Sheena: Can you sing ... kahit ano.
I heard her giggle and took a deep breath. She started singing 'Anyone' by Justin Bieber. With that, I slowly closed my eyes but before I finally drifted off to sleep, I heard her say ...
Gwen: I love that song, you know? Hey? Tulog ka na, love?
She chuckles silently.
Gwen: Cute mo. Alam mo ba, I may be weak but I want to protect you ... for as long as I can.
Where did we go wrong, Gwen? Masyado ba akong possessive?
"Love, stop taking pictures!" I groaned as I saw a flash on her phone. She's taking pictures of me again. Tumawa siya nang malakas at lumayo sa akin. I stepped closer to her and snatched the phone from her hands.
"Give me my phone!" she whined as she reached for her phone. I shook my head.
"Bakit muna? Why do you like to take photos of me?" I tilted my head.
"Why? Bawal ba?" she sassily said. "Do you want me to take pictures of someone else?" tinaas niya ang kilay niya. The fuck? No! The thought of her annoying someone else than me bothers the fuck out of me.
She hung her arms around my neck and glared at me. Hindi ko namalayan na dahan-dahan ko na palang binababa ang kamay ko sa bewang niya. She instantly grabbed her phone and smirked at me.
I rolled my eyes and went inside the mall. She scurried her way beside me with her arms folded up to her chest. "If you leave me again, maghahanap ako ng ibang date."
"Love, stop pissing me off. I wasn't in the mood today." seryosong sabi ko sa kanya.
Maya-maya ay may lumapit sa aming dalawang lalaki. "Uy! Gwen?" a guy with gray hair approached Gwen.
"Kyle? Hey!" she greeted him. She was about to hug him when I stood in between them and pretended to pick up something from the floor. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at hinarap ang lalaki.
I looked at him directly in the eyes and pursed my lips. "I'll see you at school nalang." he tapped Gwen's shoulder and waved goodbye. Asshole!
I faced Gwen and saw her scrunching up her nose and laughing with eyes closed.
"You were like this," she frowned, mocking my face. "And I was like this," she laughed without sound while squinting her eyes.
"Let's go home." tumalikod ako at naglakad papalabas. I barely reached the exit when I felt her hands wrap around my torso. She buried her face on my back and started to fake-bite me.
"Sabi mo manunuod tayo ng movie" she told me.
"Ikaw kaya nagsabi." I replied.
She faked gasp, pretending to be offended. "Okay, Kyle's still around I gue----"
"Anong movie?" I asked without looking at her. I knew she was smiling widely at me.
I miss her so much. I wanna hug her and kiss her but I can't. She changed her number and blocked me on her social medias. Para bang gusto niyang maglaho bigla.
"Lasing? Gago lasing nga." Maloi whispered as they tried to help me get up.
"I'll pay for her beers, antayin niyo ako." Mikha said.
I stared at Maloi while she's helping me. Nagkatinginan pa kami so I blinked thrice. When I open my eyes again, para siyang naging si Gweneth.
"Bebe ..." I uttered.
"Gago beer lang 'yan." Maloi said.
I pouted my lips and held her closer to me aggressively. I miss you, love. Just one kiss and it'll take all the pain away.
"Tangina mo, Sheena! Bakit mo ako hinalikan? Ulol ka ba!?" when I looked at Gwen again, para akong nabuhusan ng tubig at biglang naging okay ang pakiramdam ko.
Fuck, I kissed Maloi. Akala ko siya so Gwen.
I went back to reality when I heard Colet's loud laughter. Si Maloi naman, halos maubos na 'yong pack ng tissue kakapunas sa labi niya. Nakabalik na rin si Mikha na parang naguguluhan sa mga nangyayari.
But a voice suddenly spoke that made us all shock.
"Shee, we need to talk."