This chapter is a little different as I wanted to add a more visual aspect to it. Luce will be singing a song that I think really fits into this book. For a more visual aspect listen to the song so you know what it's like and just imagine it's Luce putting her all into it. The song is called Built to be Bad by Grace Gachot but will be portrayed as her song
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Two brittle hearts collided. They shattered on impact into shards of sharp-edged love that cut innocent passersby who mistakenly thought they were to blame. But they wasn't. It was me and Charles. We did this.
And we needed to fix it.
London was a comfort to me, my home from Cannes and with my girls surrounding me I felt a little relieved from the pressures of modern day life. We'd spent the last two weeks working on a song after announcing the tour for later this year. Unlike Fast Love this song we had named Built to be bad was more somber with a lot more sentiment. I'd written the lyrics unlike us four together which usually would've taken me a few months to pile something together, but after what had happened between me and Charles it took me less time. I was inspired, I'd taken sample lyrics from other unreleased demos and piled them together. And before I knew it there it was. I was always cautious when we finally released the song fans would gather the inspiration behind it, but I didn't care I wanted Charles to hear and think of our time together. Even if the song was nothing but negativity.
"I'm never letting you go again" Jade said as we cuddled on the white leather sofa positioned in the corner of the studio. Telling the girls what had happened since Miami was tough everything was still raw but I felt like it was needed, I needed their support and telling them was the only way to get that. They was heartbroken for me, as were many people that was within mine and Charles's little bubble
I chuckled softly embracing her warmth back "I'm okay with that"
"I've really missed you babe" Leigh smiled as she joined in on the hug.
"Hey you and Jesy have seen her in the last month I haven't so back off she's mine" Jade protested nudging Leigh gently away with her foot causing me to chuckle some more "I've missed you all equally"
"Me more then the others right though?" Jade asked with a hushed whisper in my ear causing me to swiftly nod so the others didn't see.
"I needed this..to be back with you girls" I started as I began to tear up for the thousandth time since Baku, everything was still fresh for me and I was struggling to come to terms with it "Sorry"
Jade squeezed me harder as Leigh stroked my leg comfortingly, Jesy had come over and perched herself down in front of me as she began to wipe my tears "You have nothing to be sorry for Luce"
"Have you heard from him?" Jade asked cautiously. I shook my head "No I haven't" My phone had been radio silent, Carlos and George would occasionally text me trying to update me on the upcoming race in Austria that Charles was now fit enough to drive for. They had said Charles was quiet now a days, kept to himself and tried his best to keep a smile for the cameras on media day. But he was struggling and that broke my heart even more. We was thousand of miles apart feeling the same emotions. Without each others support.
The girls nodded there heads like weren't surprised to begin with that I hadn't heard from him "Are you feeling any better at least being back home?" Jesy asked carefully, I could tell she'd avoided any conversation about Charles up until that point.
"I mean I want to say yes but I guess I'd be lying"
Leigh moved closer to me and took my limp hand in hers. She rubbed her thumb in smooth circles over it trying to give me a sense of balance "It's okay though you know, to be not be okay It has only been a few weeks and plus you've been dealing with so many things here so no one expects you to be over it"
"Leigh's right we don't expect you to be a hundred
percent for awhile" Jesy added sympathetically. I gave them all each a reassuring smile "No your right I just need to focus on the important stuff right now and worry about that later" While my relationship with Charles ending felt like my world had also ended, I had to remember I had a career to think about and get on with. And if Charles could do it so could I.
"That's the spirit now get your beautiful backside into that recording booth and do what you do best" Jade said kindly, I grinned leaning forward to plant a small kiss against her cheek before gathering myself up off the couch and into the booth.
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Me and the girls always had a different way of recording songs to other artists or girl groups in the charts. We never assigned verses straight off the bat, instead we used a method we thought was more suitable to our vocals. We'd each take it in turns to sing the full song before listening back to each recording and deciding which voice suited which verses. So that's what I did, I tried my hardest to resist listening to the words flowing from my mouth and instead focused on the beat. How it felt. Instead of how I did.
When the final note echoed into my ears I leant forward and blew out a breath. I didn't want my pain to be evident anymore, I was tired of crying over Charles Leclerc so instead I discarded the headphones and walked back into the joining green room in higher spirits. I was met with erupted cheers and claps from the girls and my parents that had appeared. My heart stopped when I saw them at first, it'd been what felt like ages since I had last and I wanted to squeeze them both instantly. My mother was the first to step forward pulling me into a bone crushing hug "Oh Luce that was amazing"
I grabbed onto her tightly, glancing behind her at my father with a wide grin, a genuine one I hadn't had in weeks "Mum? Dad? What are you doing here?" My father had stepped into the embrace pulling me and my mother into his wide arms "We thought we would come by and visit since you came back to London"
"We wanted to make sure you were doing okay sweetie" My mum added as she stroked several loose strands of hair away from my face examining me closely "I'm fine mum I promise" I protested the best I could to ease their minds.
"Well you're going to have to be for the next surprise" My father turned his head towards the door that had been opened with a blast, nearly forcing it off its hinges. Lacey stormed her way into the room squealing "Guess who!"
"Lacey!?" I exclaimed with a short surprised laugh as I gathered myself out my parents embrace and into her arms. She wriggled me side to side with excitement like a toddler that couldn't sit still "You really think you couldn't announce your biggest tour yet and I wouldn't be here?!"
"You here for backstage passes?" I laughed into her hair as she held me tighter "Duh" She giggled. My parents had departed by my side to mingle with the girls who was sat respectfully away listening back to my recording with approving smiles and nods. Lacey had pulled me away to the side still wearing a thick smile "So are you ready for your surprise?"
My eyebrows cocked up in curiosity "There's more?" Lacey glanced behind me at the girls who only nodded in silent communication causing my stomach to stir slightly "Oh fuck what have you done Lace?" I asked anxiously.
She scoffed clearly offended by my question "Have some faith in me"
"Absolutely not"
Rolling her eyes as she continued "Now I know you've had a rough last few weeks which I want to know everything about by the way..but in the meantime" She reached behind herself into her back pocket retrieving a large silk rectangle box "I want you to feel appreciated again so.. I got you a little something"
I let out a breath of relief. For a moment I was convinced she was going to have Charles walk unannounced through the door. Something dumb she'd do for sure "Thank fuck for that I had something much worse in mind"
She handed me the box "Just open it" And when I did I was met with the same silver friendship necklace me and Lacey wore as children. But I had lost mine one day at the beach when we'd gone for a swim in the sea, I was heartbroken when I lost it but there it was. Maybe not mine originally but something similar. I bit back the tears of happiness as I looked up at her with a warm heartfelt smile "Oh Lacey you shouldn't have"
"I wanted too" She laughed carefree as she examined the water in my eyes. There was no words needed, she already knew how grateful I was for her. For all my girls.
"You don't need a man anymore you have me" She suggested with a playful smirk. I gathered her into my arms again with a giggle "Damn right"
Once my time at the studio was done I had spent a little time with my parents. Making sure all the while I was keeping as much hush about Charles as possible, the last thing I wanted to do was ruin the time they had in London with the stories I was unwilling to share. As time went on the girls had called it a night and went back to their apartments, my parents back to the hotel and that left me and Lacey cooped up on an outside terrace at a restaurant I was quite fond of. I'd managed to fill her in on pretty much everything when she leant back swirling the remaining wine in her glass.
"You know when I said back in Cannes to hold onto him with both hands I didn't mean let go Luce"
"I didn't let go even when Emily was in the picture I never let go fully"
"What can I say hun, you gave the man your heart completely" She leant forward taking a quick sip from her glass "You had something clearly special no wonder you can't move on" I felt myself repeatedly tap the rim of my glass as I looked aimlessly out onto the busy streets of London "I don't want to move on..not really"
She let out a deep sigh as she took notice of my somber expression "So what are you going to do about it?" I shrugged with the same long sigh "What can I do? The last time I saw him it was like he hated me" She stayed silent for a second as she took in what I had said, her eyes darting around for a second "You genuinely think he hates you?"
"I tried smashing up his car I think that answers the question"
"Damn..forgot about that part" She stared at me for a moment or two before shrugging "But it's still clear the man is in pieces especially from what the guys have said"
"I suppose..but that's not a nice thought"
"He will just need time to process things babe" I knew she was trying her best to reassure me, and in some ways it was working "You do look like shit though Luce" Reassurance my arse.
I scoffed "Oh cheers"
She giggled running her tongue over her teeth amused "You do though! You haven't slept in weeks you look exhausted"
"It's just been a lot of work since getting back" My eyes wandered over my home city that no longer felt like home anymore, Bahrain did. In Charles's arms.
"Without Charles things just don't make sense at the moment" I paused swallowing back the large knot in my throat "Every time I close my eyes to sleep there he is"
The sorrow in my words hadn't gone unnoticed by her "He will text you when he's ready trust me" and if by coincidence my phone pinged beside me "God I'm good" she echoed. The notification had made me jump slightly, leaving a tingle in its wake. I instantly peered over to see a notification from Instagram, surely it wasn't Charles. And it wasn't the post I was looking at was far worse.
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"WHAT!?"