"Sae?"
[Name] whispered once more, his voice more hopeful and pleading this time as he gazed at the back of the figure in front of him. His heart thumped loudly within his chest and rang aloud in his ears.
Is it actually him? Has he really come back after all these years? Why now? Why not sooner?-
Too many thoughts swarmed his mind yet the loudest one was the realization of how long it's been since they last saw each other. Somehow, that hit him hardest as he thought of another question.
Are we still friends?
It's been years, after all. They kept in contact for the first few months after Sae left but it didn't take long for their communication to suddenly cut off. For some reason, he woke up to Sae's number not being available anymore.
He was distraught when he first saw it and cried to his mom, wondering what happened. They went to Hana that same day out of his insistence but even she didn't know how to fix it.
They permanently lost contact after that and as the years flew by with [Name] focusing on his own career, he eventually stopped trying to get in contact with Sae. He learned to be satisfied with learning about Sae's progress through articles but now that he possibly stood before him again, his tongue burned with the questions he's been aching to ask.
Why did you cut me off?
He opened his mouth to ask but when the person turned around to finally face him, his words died before they escaped his throat. It was Sae, definitely Sae, but not the Sae he remembered.
This one was thinner and taller. His hair was different and his eyes looked tired, seemingly lost the glimmer he would always search for when staring into them. His gaze no longer held the same childish excitement and innocence he once did.
No matter how much he changed, this was still Sae, he was sure of it. The thing is, this wasn't his Sae anymore, was it?
"How've you been?" [Name] mumbled shakily, trying to offer a small smile. Despite his realization, he chose to hold out hope. Maybe if Sae realized it was him, then he'd crack a smile his way?
"Who are you?"
[Name] froze as he dropped his popsicle onto the ground. "Ah." He mumbled as he turned to the fallen treat, feeling shaken up a bit. He knows they both changed but was it really to the point of no longer being able to recognize each other? He recognized him, didn't he?
He swallowed his shock as he balled his shaking hands into first, not realizing that it was shaking in the first place. "Right, sorry." He breathed out as he stared back into the eyes that continued to remain indifferent to his presence. "It's me, [Name]..." He mumbled, not feeling as confident anymore. "Do you not remember?" He whispered.
Was it dumb of him to have expected Sae to remember him? They've only known each other for a little over two years and that was when they were both still young. They've spent more time apart than together.
"Oh," Sae spoke in a monotone voice causing goosebumps to litter [Name]'s skin from the coldness. "I know you." Somehow, that last part brought back a surge of hope within him as he perked up.
"Then, how have you been?" [Name] asked, still quiet yet feeling a bit more frantic now. His heart sped up inside his chest once more as he looked at Sae with some sort of longing in his eyes. Maybe there was still some hope in this after all! "You...you've changed a lot, obviously. And..."
"You look like a mess." Sae cut him off as he stepped closer, the wind still making his hair fly slightly in the air. He pulled out his left hand he'd hidden this whole time inside his pockets in order to brush away a loose strand of hair on his forehead.
[Name]'s eyes widened as he felt the hair being tucked back into place on his head. Although Sae didn't look any different, now that they were a lot closer, he could notice the slight softening of his features.
For the coldness the afternoon wind brought upon them, he sure felt warm right now.
The moment lasted a lot shorter than he hoped it would as Sae eventually pulled away, putting them back to square one as they stood the same distance they started in.
"I, um..." He stuttered out, unsure of how to continue after the surprisingly intimate action. He chewed on the inside of his cheek before deciding on something to say. "Why don't we catch up?" He finally asked the question he'd been hesitating to say as he held out an inviting hand for Sae to take. "We can talk about all that's happened over the years. It'll be fun don't you think? To be able to-"
Sae let out a loud sigh, cutting [Name] off.
Somehow, during his rambling, Sae's face morphed back into a cold and neutral look as he stared at him. Even the tiny change he'd seen earlier was no longer visible. "We don't have anything to talk about."
"What?" [Name] let the word fall out of his lips as his expression dropped just a bit.
"You talk too casually as though we're friends." Sae's cold words felt like a shot in the heart as he furrowed his eyebrows in both confusion and frustration.
"Huh? What do you mean?" [Name] asked, his voice louder than he'd ever used it in the duration of their conversation. "Are we not friends?" He asked desperately for an answer.
"Were we ever?" Sae shot back coolly as he shoved his hands inside the pockets of the jacket he wore. "Even if you thought of me as someone special, you still fail to understand that I've never considered you as a friend. Not even once."
"But then..." Why? Why act so kind to him in the past? Why smile at him so warmly and pull him along to places you've only shown Rin? Why open up your heart to me? Why? Why? "Why?"
Sae rolled his eyes as he could practically read the questions on [Name]'s face. "Because I had to, that's all. My mom kept setting me up on play dates to get some friends. It became annoying so I decided to pretend I became friends with whoever she introduced just so she'd stop. It just happened that you showed up, that's all." He explained.
Tears appeared in [Name]'s eyes as he remembered all the fond memories he'd had with the Itoshi family, with Rin, and with Sae. In an instant, his heart seemed to shatter into a million pieces as the memories he held so dearly suddenly lost their importance. So it was all an act?
Despite the grief that passed through [Name]'s face, Sae merely reacted indifferently to it as he kept rubbing salt into the fresh wound. "Why do you think I cut you off as soon as I was finally in Spain? You were annoying me. You just kept chatting and I had no time to deal with you."
Oh. That made a lot of sense...
"I see," He whispered shakily as he looked down, hiding his face away before the tears finally fell down.
Sae watched as [Name] his bowed head and now that he couldn't see his expression, he let his true feelings show. A similar look of grief appeared on his face as he longed to reach out. He wanted to provide comfort but how could he when he's the one causing it?
'This is necessary.' He breathed in deeply as he gripped the inside of his jacket tightly. He couldn't fail now after he's already reached this far. 'It's for the best.' He repeated in his head, whether as a reminder or something to convince himself, he didn't want to know.
He turned around and finally walked away. He would've stayed longer if only to punish himself, but he didn't think his heart could handle hearing any more of [Name]'s quiet sobs.
Before he could move too far, he suddenly paused. He bit his lips as he strengthened whatever was left of his dignity. "Don't show your face to me ever again. You're nothing but an annoying pest to me." He needed to make sure [Name] didn't run after him.
Sae didn't need distractions.
The Football World is a cruel place so he needs to be even crueler. He couldn't afford to have weaknesses, he couldn't afford to feel. If he wants to survive then this is how it must be.
if he needs to continue acting like an uncaring asshole for the world then he mustn't let his image drag down anyone else's, least of all [Name]'s. He could see through his performances that he'd suffered and gone through a lot just to get to where he was.
If he were to ruin that for him, then Sae doesn't think he'd be able to forgive himself.
'I'm sorry.'
He took slow steps as he left, his heart heavier than it's ever felt. Although he didn't deserve to enjoy the beauty of the place they once walked together, he kept his eyes open as a form of punishment. Images of their younger selves flashed by him as he walked in a composed manner, the laughter and whispered promises echoing in his ears.
"When you're back, let's buy popsicles together again." A younger version of [name] smiled in front of him, his pinky being lifted towards his face.
Sae took a shaky breath as he kept walking, ignoring the image his mind conjured up.
He was being haunted by the memories of their childhood right now but he couldn't find it in himself to complain. He deserved it, after all.
Sae's right hand, which had been buried inside his pockets this whole time, gripped the leftover stick from the popsicle he had eaten before he met with [Name]. Although the latter might never know of what he's done, at least Sae knew that he had kept his promise. It was the least he could do after everything.
From where Sae had left him, [Name] let his body fall onto his knees, uncaring for the dirt and the small rocks. Multiple tears fell down his face as he sobbed into his hands. Long forgotten was the popsicle he had initially dropped as it melted beside his feet.
For some reason, it felt like he was losing so many people.
As the sweet treat trickled down onto the edge of the road and into where the sea was below him. As it kept melting, the stick slowly revealed something etched on it.
'Winner.'
_________
I don't think I executed this as well as I hoped :')