4th December 2023— 00: 51🥀
Our eyes talk. The moment the door shut, a silence engulfed the room, filling every space and every thought. Intimate.
Olivia's room is a cluttered mess on a white carpet. The white desk in the corner is filled with piles of books that are on the verge of falling. The blankets on her bed are wrinkled, sticking out in weird places.
There is a teddy bear on the floor and then there's her wardrobe that I only see a glimpse of before she shuts it, flustered.
She forces her gaze away from me, her eyes straying elsewhere.
I want to walk around her room, get a closer look at everything. There is a collage of pictures on the left wall that captures my attention.
Instead, I stay standing, watching her closely. Her pink pajamas, the cute t-shirt and the long pants are something I never knew I needed to see. She looks different, more at ease, a natural beauty taking over her features.
“You shouldn't be here.” She says again, but it's softer and less defiant.
“I know…”
She lifts her head, and for the first time since I stepped into the room her eyes linger on mine, a stronger hold.
“Your brother, he let me in.”
She nods.
I'm a little dry from the rain, the cold having left my skin but I still feel it in my bones.
“You're insane.” She says, “standing in the rain like that. Coming here at this hour, throwing rocks at my window. What if my mother wasn't working the night shift? What if my sister wasn't away with her friends? What if —”
“Well, thank God all those things didn't happen.”
She sighs, her brown eyes softening, her shoulders easing.
We're four feet apart.
Olivia takes a seat on the white carpet, crossing her legs. After hesitating, I take a seat as well.
She clears her throat, her eyes lingering everywhere but me. “That poem…those words that you said outside in the rain...Did you mean it?”
“Every word.”
She looks at me, her eyes searching.
Everything that's built up the past weeks. The fights. The pain. The misunderstanding. The people. It all stands before us, like a blockage, a barrier. Even if we're only four feet apart, it's like all that's happened between us has created this impenetrable force.
Olivia's eyes water, grief transforming her face. When she speaks,her voice wavers. "You make me question my worth."
Her sentence hangs in the air, freezing my heart in one emotion.
She's said this before, I remember but it wasn't like this. It wasn't in the tone she's using now. Her eyes didn't look sad and broken. It was different then than it is now.
"In a good or bad way?" I ask, not wanting to know the answer to that question.
Olivia stares, silent, until "...In a bad way.”
She looks down at her hands, tears escape her eyes and she lets them fall. They drop onto the palms of her hands.
My heart is torn, I've lost the words I never had. I think of leaving, of turning away and sparing Olivia any more pain.
There's no way to fix this. We're four feet apart but the distance seems to stretch for miles, it makes me miss her when she's still in the room.
“I'm going to leave…” I tell Olivia and for a moment I see a flicker of disappointment. Or maybe I'm just imagining. Hoping.
“But before I leave. I want you to answer one question. Just one. Okay.”
“Okay.”
“If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, share what would be important for him to know.”
Olivia stares at me for a really long time, not saying anything. It doesn't even take her long to realize that this is one of the questions in 36 Questions. I expect her to be angry, confused and feel —
Olivia laughs, it's abrupt, coming out of nowhere. It's hearty, bringing relief to my soul. She calms down, the smile still in her eyes.
This is where we left off.
In truth, we were supposed to be further ahead. We missed days of this because of everything that tried to pull us apart.
“I know…” Olivia begins, “there's no such thing as the perfect friend or companion.
“In the end…”she hesitates, her eyes holding mine, intimate, certain. “–the only thing that matters in my heart is if you stay. Even if you don't have the right words as long as you stay.”
Her words crash into me like a wave, washing away the doubt, the pain, the confusion. I can see clearly now. I can see that she's always wanted me to keep fighting, keep pursuing. I can see that I'm right where she wants me to be, even if she pretends otherwise.
“In case you haven't noticed Olivia. I'm not going anywhere.”
My chest warms, a vulnerable, fiery feeling rising up within me. “That's what…that's what I've always wanted too Olivia. Exactly that.”
“I missed you…”Olivia confesses, her eyes glimmering with new tears. “I missed this too.”
“Me too. That's why I couldn't wait a second longer. Back home, while watching this movie with my grandfather. I thought about the 27th question. We stopped at 26 and I wondered what your answer would be. I sort of knew your answer, in my heart and I just had to be…here.”
Olivia's eyes flutter shut, tears escaping her eyes.
“Leo, I'm so sorry.” Olivia says, her face covered in shame. “I hurt you a lot and you don't deserve that. I was not in a good place and —I have no excuse.”
“It's okay now. Olivia. None of that matters anymore. We both want the same thing. Each other. I want you now, tomorrow and forever —as long as that is for my life.”
“...”
“I want to be the one that stays…for you and I want you to be that for me. It's not going to be easy, it never is but it's always going to be worth it. You never have to question your worth because of me. Don't you see how much I love you? You're more than worthy in my sight. You're all I want.”
Olivia doesn't say anything after that, her eyes are glued on to her lap. My heart races, anxious. She looks up, a resolve settling in her eyes.
For a tense moment I'm scared, I'm scared Olivia will find a way to throw it all away. To throw us away.
She gets up abruptly, walking towards her white desk. She looks through the pile. Finally, she pulls out her phone, exhaling.Olivia stares back at me like I'm supposed to understand what she's doing.
She comes back, taking her seat on the carpet floor. It doesn't go unnoticed that she has sat closer. We're two feet apart, the tear marks on her cheeks are visible but so is the glimmer in her eyes.
“Question twenty eight.” A smile adorns her face.
I hold my breath, and when it releases, it's laughter. The laughter is soft, hearty and it's mixed with tears in my eyes. I'm on the verge of crying, the joy bubbling within me is overwhelming, growing.
Olivia's stare is vulnerable, honest. She answers all the questions and doubt in my mind with only her eyes.
When I can breathe again, Olivia looks through her phone. When she finds it, her brown eyes light up.
“Question twenty eight.” Olivia reads, “ Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.”
The nostalgia crashes over me, crashes over us, bringing a new wave of tears. The emotion in her eyes mirrors mine.
I thought that we'd never get to do this again. I thought that it was truly over.
I clear my throat, blinking back the tears. A smile grows on my face.
“You start.”
She rolls her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. A silence ensues, thoughtful. We don't have to remind each other to be honest.
Suddenly, Olivia pokes my cheeks, a cute smile on her face. “ Your dimples.”
I laugh. “What about them?” I ask, trying my best to cover up my flustered state.
“I…like your dimples.”
“What else do you like?”
She chuckles. “You're enjoying this, aren't you?”
“Absolutely.”
We share a laugh, every burden, broken off. The impenetrable force, the barrier, the blockage, is gone. Olivia's closer now. Only a touch away.
Thank you God!
“I love how you never keep me guessing. You're always open, telling me everything that's in your heart, that's in your mind. Most guys don't do that.”
“...”
“I know I haven't always been easy but I've never been confused…about how you feel for me.”
“And I like your sense of humour. It's refreshing.” She smiles, the last of her words ending in an exhale.
“The way you talk, it's just nice. Your character. The way you envision your dreams and future, you make it sound so incredible. Being a pilot is the closest thing we get to flying as humans and you make it sound exciting. I like how you love the people around you…your friends, your grandfather and—” me, she wants to add, I see it in her eyes. The last of her words ending in an exhale.
“I like your confidence. You're very compassionate, kind and yeah.— I think I'm done.”
She holds my gaze, waiting. She always had this look in her eyes when it was my turn to answer. The smile would be in her eyes, touching her lips. The excitement would be contained, glimmering.
She has that look now. That look that tells me she's not just listening, but engraving my words.
“I like…” I hold her gaze, smiling. “—Everything. Your eyes, your smile. Those little freckles. Your laugh, the loud one and the quiet one where you can barely breathe. I love hearing you speak, how you put your words together like poetry. Your faith in God, how your eyes light up when you talk about him.” And maybe the question isn't meant to be this long but Olivia doesn't stop me.
I freely talk, telling her everything I like —love about her and it feels like I haven't reached the tip of the iceberg.
In the end, Olivia’s got tears in her eyes. I want to tell her that we're done with that. It's over.
“I love you Olivia.”
She blinks back her tears, sniffling, she smiles. “Leonardo…”
“Yes.”
“Maybe the reason it hurts so much, the reason I pushed you away so much and why people think I wasn't a good match with you. Maybe all that hurt as much as it did because the truth is…I've never felt like this for anyone before in my life. I—”she stops, staring at me, beckoning me to read the unspoken words hidden in her irises.
I love her, my heart melts sinking into those deep, unspoken feelings I never knew a guy like me could have.
Her breaths don't go unnoticed by me. The room is alive, with an intimate joy and peace.
The space between us is closed in more ways than one. Olivia is close enough for me to see the fallen eyelash on the apple or her cheeks.
After a heart pumping hesitation, my lips graze hers, a whispering touch. Searing. Her lips linger, beckoning. Our lips meet, move and meld in what can only be described as a dream. We're confident, easing into each other, holding each other. We kiss deeper and just like that, she has melded and coloured herself into the future I want with her.
I'm close to tears, but I don't pull away, it's only when I feel her tears trailing down her cheeks, touching my cheeks. That's when it hits me, like a wave that's been held back from the damage it can cause. That's when it hits me, and I realise just how much I've missed her. We taste each others tears, on our lips, breathing in the air we thought we'd never know the feeling of again. Like the very first time, I'm awestruck.
When we pull away, we're laughing, with stars in our eyes. There's relief flooding through my bones and this overwhelming feeling to cry because what I thought I lost, I have found and somehow it is more beautiful.
Thank you God!
“Question 29?” Olivia asks, the blush adorning her cheeks in a glow.
She looks through her phone, an excuse to avoid my gaze.
“Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.”
Olivia chuckles, lifting her eyes to meet mine. She smiles, amusement dancing in her eyes. “Any embarrassing moments? Dare king.”
I laugh, the sound full. “Good to know that you haven't forgotten, you're in the presence of royalty.”
“How could I forget?” She plays along.
“ I can't remember but I probably have a lot.”
She rolls her eyes. “Really? Your embarrassing moment must have been the day you had a pimple on your forehead”
“How shallow do you think I am,” I lightly shove her, she giggles.
“What about you?”
Olivia's cheeks tint red.“ My whole life is an embarrassing moment.”
“Okay, but what takes the prize?”
She pauses, thinking. A distant look is in her eyes, until her cheeks redden. She looks away, flustered, embarrassed.
I laugh, curious. “Tell me.”
“No way!” She covers her face with her hands, “okay…you go first. I'll go after you so I can feel better about myself.”
“Fine…there was,” I hesitate, “ I'm not that much of a dancer. I enjoy doing it but Mkhulu has told me more times than needed that I should preferably dance in a corner, in the dark at parties.”
She chuckles.
“Basically the dance Dominique and I were practicing involved cool back flips and stuff like that. We practiced at school during break…”
Off her look I go, “ I know that's how everyone horror movie starts.”
She laughs.
“ Long story short, I tried out the move, broke my ankle and ripped my pants. It wasn't even a normal rip. It was sort of like it was torn in half by a tiger and even holding up my pants didn't work. I had to do the walk of shame, down the field and to the office, with everyone having a view of my SpongeBob underpants.”
Olivia giggles. When she calms down, she's still smiling. “What grade was it?”
“Grade 8.”
“Okay that's embarrassing.” She confirms.
“Your turn.”
“I want to shrink and hide under my bed right now.”
“Do that after you tell me.”
She pushes me, playful.
Olivia's cheeks hold a hint of red. She covers her face with her hands again, making me curious.
She says something into her hands, it's muffled, inaudible.
I laugh.“ I didn't catch that.”
Olivia groans into her hands, saying it again, clearer. Her words sink in only after a paused second.
“I peed in a jar…” her hands are practically glued to her face, like she'll never look me in the eye again.
I chuckle, a contained humour. I have so many questions and that's what makes me laugh even more.
“ I swear my bladder was about to burst.” Olivia moves her hands away, only to defend herself. “—and we had one bathroom and it was gonna be a long wait. I couldn't hold it in. I had to pee.”
While Olivia tells the story I'm laughing, it's uncontrollable. She laughs too, breaking in between words, her cheeks flushed.
“I thought of anything I could use. Anything at all. Embarrassing, I know. I closed the room, squatted lower than I've ever squatted in my life so I could pee and I tried not to spill. I was scared that the pee would overflow because after a few seconds I realized I wasn't stopping. Thankfully it didn’t. I threw the jar of pee away, when no one was looking.”
When the laughter has died down, and smiling is painful, we hold gazes.
“No judgements here. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Olivia smiles, nodding. “Don't ever bring this up again…please. I never told you. I'll pretend to be clueless if you ever bring it up.”
“I promise, you can trust me.”
She smiles, stars in her beautiful brown eyes. “Yeah…”she says after a thoughtful moment. “ I can trust you.”
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
For old times sakes,
Let's fall in love in the comments!
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27.If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, share what would be important for him or her to know?
28.Write about what you like about your partner/crush/friend; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29.Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
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Thank you for reading!❤️