FLASHBACK CHAPTER
[Charlotte Kendall]
The black car pulled up beside the curb in silence before our driver pulled the parking break up. I constantly rubbed under my eyes, trying my best to erase yesterday from my face completely. Emma was in my father's other car, leaving me alone in the silence with the man himself.
Last night my father had barged in unexpected during our end of summer celebration. He cut the lights and yelled at every single person to get out. The most embarrassing part was seeing Brent Stevens face as he was pulled from the crowd and out the door.
Who knows if he'll ever talk to me again, or if I'll ever see him again. Last night was the end of my freedom.
"Vanessa has been worried sick about you two." My father spoke for the first time since we got off the plane at Phoenix sky harbor. "We'll have a discussion at dinner about everything you two have done."
I quickly open my door and climb out before throwing my backpack angrily over my shoulder. Before I go to slam the car door shut behind me I peak my head through and glare down at my father across the back seat, "Please don't bring Emma into this, she deserves more than what you credit her."
Then the door slams and I am on my way, back up the steps of my front door in Arizona.
+
Benson had promised the last hill to be this one. The twins and himself were already to the top with Ashton closely hanging on behind them. I kept looking up past the roots and trees. You could easily hear the water stream close by and the wind vibrantly kicking at the jungles tree tops. I was most excited about seeing the view and finding a better way off this part of the island. Suddenly Ashton had made it and I was now being tugged up the side of the mountain as he pulled the vines from the top to alert us from the bottom. I went first, then Em, then Tyson.
Earlier Emma finally opened up to me about why she was so distant. She had explained that she was on the verge of a mental break down, ready to lose her mind out her in this massive jungle the longer we sat and waited for no one to come. I understood why she had attacked Ashton and I because seeing her best friend kiss a stranger in the jungle only made her more hopeless of rescue. Luckily for her I had just told Ashton that we couldn't just use each other anymore. He was heartbroken and alone and I enjoyed kissing him to get my mind off the idea of dying here on this island. It was crazy and inconsiderate but we both did it and it can't ever happen again. Everything I ever felt when Ashton kissed me or touched me had to disappear for good because nothing useful was coming out from it. However, seeing Ashton's face drop into a different color of understanding made me more nervous than ever and when Emma finally pulled me aside I almost felt like I was going to throw up.
I was just glad things were back to normal and Emma was at ease knowing that this island was making me crazy just as bad.
The climb up this particular hill was the shortest but the toughest. My muscles were already weak and fragile to begin with but something about this hill had me on edge and feeling sick to my stomach. It was the last hill connecting to the top of the mountain where Benson wanted us to be from now on, no ones knows what everything else surrounding it looks like.
I had made it, meeting Ashton at the top as he used both arms to pull me up. When I was over I shook him away from me so that I could catch my breath. He didn't say anything again and I was worried that he might still be embarrassed by our earlier conversation.
"What the hell went through Benson's mind to even want to try and climb this place?" I huff into the dirt as I rest on my hands and knees.
"Freedom." I hear Benson reply. I look up out of breath still, seeing the man standing tall and strong with his hands rested at his hips. Weirdo.
Ashton smirked and offered me his hand which surprised me. He helped stand me up just as Emma came climbing over the edge with Tyson right below her. All five of us helped pull the two up before resting one last time, out of breath.
I hadn't given myself the chance to see this grassland until Brandon breathlessly gasped at the grounds around him, "God damn. . ." He quietly spoke, shoving a hand up through his dark roots. Everyone stopped and stared, taking in the view of our new land.
I was right before, the stream Benson had mentioned was right beside the edge of the hill, falling slowly downward to where we had just came from. There was another taller mountain right above us casting a shadow across the grass field that carpeted the small hills. Treetops were aligned beneath the hill and also standing on top of it. It was the most beautiful scene until I got the chance to stand up tall, right in the middle of it all.
In the middle of the field was the best view of the entire island in itself. I clutched my chest and smiled, noticing our little beach far off in the distance beneath the island. We would have been just ants to any plane or boat looking for us. The island was covered in exotic trees and bright colors eliminating against the dark blue ocean all around us.
Emma wrapped around my side and held my shoulders into her chest, hugging me from the side. I left my hand on her shoulder and smiled back at her, "I think we're gonna get off this island soon." It was good to have her by my side again. Everything blew over quickly and I was glad she open to understanding.
"I don't think I want to anymore." She laughed jokingly. I shoved her away playfully laughing but also thinking the same. It was crazy to imagine staying longer since hours ago Emma almost broke down into tears over it all. Then Benson cut into our laughter.
"It's almost nightfall," He started and everyone was suddenly looking up at him, "We should build a signal fire and keep it burning all night in case of any search planes. From up here now we have a better advantage."
"Wait you want us to do this now?" Ashton erupts while still breathing heavy from the trek. "We're all exhausted could you give us a break?"
"Would you much rather search for wood in the dark?" There was a silence after Benson's counter offer and Ashton bit his lip from arguing. I touched his arm and he flinched down at me. He looked at me curiously again and I hated seeing him this way. Honestly no one is the same person they were two weeks ago.
"Let's just go. . ." I whisper, holding back some nervous vomit down my throat before taking his arm and having the group split up in search for the firewood.
+
Dinner was ready and Vanessa had everyone called down to the hall. I wasn't moving from my bed. I was too angry to even see my family face to face anymore. When a knock came from my bedroom door I knew I could no longer avoid the situation. I got up and opened to door to Melody, my youngest stepsister. I didn't even give her the chance to speak as I brushed past her towards the staircase.
At the dining table, everyone was there and time of punishment had begun. Vanessa had just put the last bowl on the table, it was tossed salad with Italian dressing in a gravy boat on the side. She saw me first and smiled sadly with her bottom lip sucked in.
"Charlotte sweetie, I've missed my two girls." She claimed walking up to hold me in her long thin arms. I hugged her back, burying my face into her shoulder, hiding my shame from the rest of the family.
Vanessa was my step mother. Her and my father got engaged months after my mother had left when I was only seven. She had two daughters of her own, Melody and Emma.
Emma Todd, my best friend in the whole entire world, had become my stepsister in a matter of months when we were little. And there at the table was Emma, hanging her head low in her plate as she scooped loose corn into her mouth that her mother had made for our entire family.
+
Something was seriously bothering Ashton and I can't tell if it was from our conversation earlier or something else. He was vigorously digging around the trees for thinner sticks as I stood off in the grass like a lost puppy. I was supposed to be digging around on the other side of him but I haven't managed to move. I took a glance over my shoulder at Emma and saw her with Denise. They were on the opposite end of the field. Once they passed the trees Ashton called over for me.
"Hey!" I jumped and turned around with some hair stuck to my lip. "You gonna help?" He raised a brow and I nodded quickly gathering my thoughts and meeting up beside him. He was just staring at me as I started pulling at some twigs. I tried to ignore the feeling of his eyes trailing from my face to my arms. The longer he stared the more dry my mouth became. I went to pull hair behind my ear and caught him glancing down at my hands.
"Why are you staring?" I finally snap tossing my hair back behind my shoulder. I was slowly growing annoyed by Ashton's flip flop behavior towards me. Ashton takes a slight step backwards and smirks sadly at my sudden reaction.
"Sorry, I tend to stare when I think." He brushes off his comment and bends down again to dig beside me. His staring was seriously making me nervous and to hear Ashton was thinking too made every chill vibrate with curiosity.
"Do you think we'll be safer up here?" I find myself asking, striking up a conversation. "Like we'll find a plane or something?" My voice was shaking and I had no idea why.
Ashton looked at me for awhile in silence, during that time the mountain's shadow brushed across his tan skin, shielding his green eyes. I sat back for a moment and rested on my knees with my hands in my lap. He still hasn't said anything, just stares and the occasional smile growing from the side of his lips. "I can't make you any promises here."
I nod in understanding.
We spend our time in silence, digging at the roots and pulling twigs and sticks from the trees and bristle. At the end Ashton was watching me again I tried not to question him this time instead I stared back. I trailed from his eyes to his lips, then his jaw and I swear so much time had past in between then but it was only seconds until Benson had called everyone over. I was embarrassed again for thinking about Ashton in that way still but he seemed to not mind.
Ashton jumped up and offered me his hand. I took his small gesture and stood up beside him. Then I asked him what had been on mind right then and there, "What do you think about when you stare?"
He paused and thought about it some more before opening his mouth, "Just everything." He lied.
+
The silence at the dinner table was bothering my father, I could tell by his fidgeting hands switching the silverware every second. He would peak his eyes up at everyone and then straighten his shoulders to relax.
I plucked a piece of broccoli into my mouth and looked up at him as well before he cracked. He slammed his fork to the table causing everyone to jump. Vanessa shot him a glare from across the table but my father just ignored it.
"Art school?" He mocked questioningly out loud and Emma dropped her fork as well. I shook her away, keeping her from the argument. "I-I just... what were you thinking?"
I felt a painful pinch in my stomach as my swallowing got harder and tighter.
"But Tom you should at least consider seeing some of her work before you judge." I failed at keeping Emma out of it.
My father held up his hand and shut his eyes, "This doesn't concern you Emma."
"Tom!" Vanessa piped.
I sat there awkwardly as everyone started to fight around me. I was the reason for the fight in the first place. Emma fired back a few times while defending me but I had nothing to say after.
"Here's the deal!" My father finally shouted and Melody excused herself from the dinner table. I flinched as my father's fist pounded the table. "Both of you have disrespected me and this family by lying to us all semester- hell maybe all year," His face was directed forward but his tone was for me only. "So for the fall semester both of you girls are going to attend college here in Arizona."
"What!"
"Dad I said not to bring Emma into this!" I shouted scooting my chair back and standing up instantly.
He held his hand up to me again but I backed away walking towards the hall, "I gave you a chance Charlotte. There are no second chances in this business." He commented and I turned around.
Emma was standing up, looking at the ground and shielding her eyes. I walked back and grabbed her by her arm gently pulling her out the door with me.
"You never gave me a chance, you gave me a to-do list. . . for you." I speak quietly once taking Emma out of the room. Emma wasn't looking at me once we left the room. I could hear her mother arguing to my father about the punishment. None of this was fair. "Em I'm so sorry." I say as I start to cry a little.
She looked up and her eyes were bloodshot. I stopped crying instantly and held onto her shoulder, I've seen this look several times before. She barely moved and mumbled incoherently before falling to the ground. She flopped and I tripped with her landing on my knees as her episode began.
"Em. . . Emma!" I screamed carefully holding her head as her body shook violently. It twitched as she mumbled and spit vowels.
Vanessa was in the room in a flash holding a pillow before sliding it under Emma's neck. We all backed away and Vanessa clutched onto my forearm as Emma elapsed from her panicked seizure. My father rushed in shortly after looking at everyone with scared eyes. He was the one to cause this, Emma can't handle what happens to her. I held Vanessa and cried as every emotion escaped from my body. Soon Emma was done and silent, not remembering a thing after the fight.
+
The sun was just about to settle. Benson had got the fire going by himself again, teaching Brandon how to catch the flame from different angles. The way he taught the boys reminded me of my father teaching me everything I was forced to learn. Benson was just as direct and firm with instructions and it wasn't pleasant to listen to. Brandon seemed too focused on catching that flame without even paying attention to how rude Benson was being about it.
I was sitting next to Emma again and she was already asleep on the grass beside me. I was watching her silently as everyone else chatted and gathered around the fire. I wasn't paying attention to anyone at this point really. Until Tyson's shadow walked up behind me and crossed his legs to the grass.
"Is she asleep?" He whispered and I nodded twice, not looking up. "I got to thinking about what Ashton had told us all earlier." I knew he was about to bring up Michael and I wasn't ready to fight with him about it.
"Stop talking about it." I warn a little to meanly.
He shakes his head, "Okay, but aren't you curious about him?" He asks quietly, widening his eyes before scratching his chin. "About this Michael person I mean."
My eyes graze across the grass finding Ashton. He was faced sideways from the fire and looking down the field. He was mistaken to tell the others about Michael because they were more freaked out than ever, including Emma. I had to tell her that it was just some ancient writing the guy was probably long dead yet even I know she didn't believe it. I'm surprised Tyson was the first one to bring it up to me considering that we still weren't on the same level together.
"Michael's dead." I mention, "Ashton just wanted Emma off his back. . . It's nothing Tyson." I hiss under my breath, warning him to leave me and Emma alone again.
Tyson was quiet, processing everything before standing up from beside me, "And how do you know that?" He was pestering me.
Finally Tyson excused himself and walked off towards the creek bed. At the same moment Ashton got up and brushed the wet grass from his jeans. He fixed his collar and walked off farther down the field. I watched him as no one else noticed. Emma hasn't twitched from her sleep. She cuddled her hands under her head and kept her knees close to her chest. If I know her as well as I think I do I would say she was pretending to be asleep but when I poked her cheek and whispered her name her eyes fluttered to the back of her head before she flipped over in the grass and began snoring.
Tyson was back from the stream and sat next to Denise. I felt his eyes on me still as Denise talked on and on. Soon everyone started lying down in the soft grass, covering themselves closely to the fire and staying warm for the night to come. Everyone but Ashton. He still hadn't come back from wherever he went off to and now I am the only one sitting up straight and waiting for him. I waited several minutes until Benson was the last to shut his eyes. I got up and dropped the blanketed tarp from the beach over Emma's shoulders before heading off down the direction Ashton went.
I hadn't taken the tour of this grass field as much as the others. When we were digging for twigs in the trees I only saw the stream that zig-zagged through the area. The grassland dips down into short valleys and hills. It was a wide field below the base of the first tallest mountain here on this island. When I finally spotted Ashton in the dark I noticed he was facing the ocean to the East. I walked faster through the grass, cautious to keep quiet while holding my arms across my chest from the mountain air. When I was almost behind him, I stepped on a twig and caused him to jump.
"Oi, don't sneak up on me like that." He laughed once he realized it was only me.
"Mind if I join?" I ask and he nods, patting the grass beside his right. I take a seat down in the grass and hold my knees to my chest. "Benson wasn't kidding about these views." I mumble while taking in the night sky. It was splattered with white specks of stars, millions that could never be seen from the city. A truly irreplaceable moment. "You can't see stars like this from the beach." I add. What am I doing? Ashton's got to still hate me or something.
"Are you from the city or the country?" He suddenly asked and I was interested in his polite demeanor.
"City. I lived in Los Angeles for two years but I'm from Phoenix."
He smiles gently to himself then just looks at me. This was just talking right?
I could see that he was attempting to get to know me since I had mentioned before that we knew nothing about each other. So my nerves were at ease knowing that my sensitive hormones weren't about to attack Ashton's lips or anything. However he was still just such a mystery to me but I can't tell if I enjoy that side of him or not. Not knowing much about him makes it more intriguing for me.
We both stared off over the side of the hillside. The grass dipped down underneath the lower field towards the East side. We weren't close to the edge or anything but we were in the perfect spot between the mountain and the trees to see the stars. I laid back first and rest my hands on my stomach while stretching my legs out and crossing my ankles for comfort.
"What do you thinks out there?" I ask, questioning the water and sky surrounding our massive island.
Ashton laid back too and kept his head inches from mine while mimicking my position in the grass. He let out a sigh before throwing up his arms and tucking his hands underneath his head. He was careful not to smack me in the face but his bicep was now rested against my temple. It was flexed yet comfortable to lean against.
"I think that we are a lot closer to people and civilization then you can imagine right now. Have you ever heard stories about different constellations?" He asked, changing the subject instantly.
"Sure," I point out, "I know Orion's belt and all that. . ."
"Have you ever heard how the stars relate to each and every person that walked this earth or if they still walk it today?" I rolled my neck to face him and I pull away slightly once his face turns closer to me as well. He adjusts his position in the grass and looks back up at the stars awkwardly. "A star represents a soul, dead or alive." I watch his jaw move sharply as he speaks so intently. He looked truly involved in his theory which made me blush as I watched him point up to the sky, "See those stars right above us?" He points at a little patch directly above us, "Those are our souls. Those over there are the people that are close by. . . or watching over us."
He finished with a proud smile on his face. I never looked at the stars just at Ashton. When he rolled over to face me again I couldn't help but smile.
"What? You don't believe me?" He laughs while bringing his other arm back behind his head.
"I do believe my father is up there watching over me."
"As do I with Alana." He sighs bringing his attention towards the stars again.
"How are you?" I decide to ask. He ignores me but I see his jaw tighten beside me. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything about your girlfriend."
"Fiance." He cuts in, "She would have been my fiance. . . if we made it off that boat together." He corrects and I start to feel nervous inside my stomach again.
"I'm sorry. . ." I want to try and change the conversation but I start thinking about Alana, the girl I never got to meet. She must hate me for messing around with her fiance but I have to remind myself that it was over, it was behind us-
"Charlotte you honestly believe I used you as a distraction?" My heart leaped at the sound of my name rolling off of Ashton's tongue. I looked him in the green eyes and swallowed, not quite responding. He just rolled his eyes and looked away, scooting his bicep away from my head as well. I couldn't tell if he felt ashamed about it or disappointed.
"I-I"
"No." He cut me off again, "You're right. We should just focus on getting off this island." He words stun me and yet I don't understand why he was still bringing this up. I felt clueless sitting right beside him now.
"Can I tell you something?" I ask quietly after several minutes of silence. He shrugs and I lick my lips with nervousness. "When I was little my mother walked out on the family. She had told me that my father had done a bad thing and that she couldn't stay. I was seven." He looks at me with furrowed eyebrows probably trying to understand where I was getting to. "Months later my father got engaged. . . to my best friends mother. . . they were seeing each other behind my mother's back, and I only figured it out when I got older."
Ashton sat up onto one elbow and rolled over to rest on his side as I kept my direction towards the stars. I don't know why I was suddenly telling Ashton my most ashamed story but it felt good finally getting it off my chest. I felt like I needed something to tell Ashton that way we can trust each other again.
"I haven't heard from or seen my mother since the day she left. One day my best friend told me that exact same story. . . that everyone's souls are up in the sky. But I lived in the city, so I couldn't see them and that included my mother."
I had stopped and turned to face Ashton once again. His eyes were squinted and burrowed intensely. I didn't want this to seem like some sob story I just wanted Ashton to understand my life. My bizarre and washed up life. I no longer wanted this block of ice between us, I wanted to feel safe with him again and without the unnecessary distractions surrounding us.
"I'm glad you reminded me of that story because now I can see both of my parents together again." My eyes began to water so I turned from Ashton to wipe under my eye before looking back at him.
"Can I ask you something?"
I nod once bringing my lower lip in between my teeth.
"Is Emma. . ."
"Yeah," I cut him off, "Her mother was sleeping with my father when we were both in the second grade. When my mother found out, she left me with no hesitation."
"And you forgive her?"
"My mother?" I question curiously.
"No, Emma." He says as his accent deepens with sympathy. I nod against the grass as another tear quickly falls. I let this one go.
"Emma is all that I have. I didn't have to forgive her for our parents mistakes." I wanted Ashton to say something else or perhaps change the subject again but letting this off my chest felt amazing. I have never told anyone how I felt about my family, not even Emma though she was part of it in some way. But Ashton just sat there. One last tear trickled down the side of my face. It touched the bridge of my nose and before I could wipe it away Ashton's thumb beat me to it. He smoothed his skin against mine and brushed the tear away. Chills prickled down my spine and I started to inch away discreetly. When he started leaning in closer my heart stopped and I had shot up into the air again.
Ashton noticed how nervous I was and lowered his hand from my cheek, "I wasn't going to do anything." He warned.
"Y-you were going to kiss me again." I stutter, sliding my butt across the grass to scoot away from him. "Ashton I told you we can't do this here."
"No, I was just going to whisper something to you." He started quietly. My breathing slowed down and I waited patiently for him to recover. Why was I be such a spaz around his boy. I normally am with others but wanting to stay away from him was pretty much impossible. "I just wanted to say that I'll be the one to look after you two." He whispered with disappointed eyes, "I won't let anything happen to you." He promised before pulling away to sit up.
As he shook his head in discomfort and walked away my chest sunk into my stomach. I was being such an idiot with him yet his last words still put another smile across my lips. My heart just kept sinking the farther he walked off back towards the fire and I knew right there that I couldn't keep away from Ashton. It was selfish but there was no time to think about being that way when your entire life rested in the jungle trees. Being out here on this island made me fear for my life and yet being next to Ashton felt like we were the only two in the world. Ashton felt safe and being with him wasn't a distraction. . . it was real.
Chapter Songs:
"Clouds"- One Direction
"Written in the Stars"- Eric Turner
"Look After You"- The Fray