Jackson
"Can we talk?"
These are the words I speak as she lounges in front of the bonfire, the reflection of the flickering light casting a golden dance across her delicate features.
"Sure," she replies, nodding and pushing off the sand. She wipes the stray specks from her shorts as she follows me out to the dock.
"What's up?" She asks, lifting a brow. She wraps her arms around her waist to ward off the soft breeze that blows in from the lake.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I gaze out at the ripples that move in a quiet motion. "I like you a lot," I begin, blowing out my breath.
"You're very pretty and you're exactly the type of person I've been searching for..." As I trail off, I chance a cautious peek at her.
Will she cry when she hears the rest of what I need to say? Will she throw a fit and stomp off, leaving me deserted?
"But?" Kelsi questions. She faces me, searching my eyes for the answer to my unspoken word.
I sigh and gesture back and forth between our bodies. "But...you have to admit that there's no chemistry between the two of us," I finish weakly.
She nods, a light of comprehension in her expression. "I have noticed that our connection seems to be a bit bland."
Grasping her hand, I stare down at her fingers as I massage them. "There's no fire, no passion." I shrug. "No spark. It's nothing against you, Kelsi. You're amazing. It's just that I've lived my life very rigidly and am at a point where I guess I'm seeking something more exhilarating."
She places one hand on my shoulder and smiles sympathetically. "I completely understand, Jackson. I'm not upset. In fact," She pauses as a small giggle tumbles from her lips. "I should be the one hoping that won't be mad at me."
Frowning, I furrow my brows. "What do you mean?"
Her sights shift past my shoulder and focus on something in the distance. I turn around to see what's caught her attention but it's just my friends and Sterling casually lounging by the blaze.
However, the grin on her face is wistful.
At last, she sighs, returning her gaze back upon me. "I'm not proud to admit this but perhaps, the reason why I was so agreeable to seeing you again is because I was wishing to get closer to Sterling."
My mouth falls open but in reality, I should have seen this coming. She had made her intentions clear the night of the threesome. It was never me who Kelsi was interested in.
"Oh, well..." I clear my throat. "I'm not her."
She chuckles again, shaking her head. "Definitely not. Your hair is far too short and not blonde enough to qualify, I'm afraid."
A silence descends upon us, and her sights fall to the wooden planks of the dock as she bites her lip. "Um...do you happen to know if she and Brandon are an item?" She continues. "They seemed rather cozy today."
Images of Sterling's flushed cheeks while I thrust inside of her, take center stage in the forefront of my brain and I can't help the snicker that escapes from my mouth. "I believe that she's spoken for at the moment."
Kelsi may be beautiful, but she is a bit dense to have not picked up on the reason behind the high tension between myself and my friend today.
Disappointment washes over her features but she doesn't pout or scream. Instead, she straightens her posture and extends her palm outwards to me. "That's alright. Friends?" She asks.
With a smile, I shake her hand.
Kelsi is my ideal woman. She has the ability to handle her heartbreak with grace. She doesn't dive off a canoe into the lake when she is hurt, and she certainly doesn't punch her friend in the face over jealousy.
But where's the thrill in that? Even if it is a mess.
***
"You've got to be fucking kidding me! I have no interest in speaking to you right now."
Brandon stares at me with a hard glint in his eyes while he sips on a beer. He is sitting alone in front of the fire as Jeremy has since gone off to bed after calling his girlfriend to wish her a good night and Sterling and Parker are in the kitchen having an animated discussion about who would win in a battle of vampires versus werewolves.
I have been immediately kicked from the conversation after making a joke that aliens would destroy them both and reprimanded for being unrealistic.
Because everyone knows how fictional vampires and werewolves are.
"I didn't come here to provoke you into another argument," I say.
Then lowering myself onto the sand, I pick up a stick that has drifted onto the shore from the water and toy with it in between my fingers. "How's your jaw?" I ask quietly.
Brandon scoffs. "It's fine. You hit like a toddler and your aim is shit. You got more of my neck than anything else."
I nod, offering up a chuckle to diffuse the tension between us. "I'll make certain I do better the next time you piss me off."
He shakes his head as he stares at me, the hint of a smile on his lips. "You know, if you practice your punches about as half as hard as you rehearse that damn violin then perhaps, you would have made for an equal opponent."
"Noted. Thanks for giving me solid advice on how to kick your ass." Groaning, I drag my hands down my face. "God, I hate that fucking instrument though. Do you ever just feel trapped by other people's expectations?"
He cocks his head to the side, studying me. "No..." he answers slowly. "But I didn't choose the same life that you did."
It is true. Brandon and I had first bonded in band class. He was shockingly talented at playing the saxophone but had seemingly woken up one day and decided that he was over it.
He saw his extracurricular through to the end of the school year as it made for a notable addition on college applications but after that, he had followed in a direction that required far less pressure on him. He had quit the instrument permanently and had zero regrets.
If he can be brave enough to flirt with the unknown, then there's no excuse for me not to either.
I pull my knees up to my chest, resting my elbows on them as I glance over at my friend. "I lied to you about Sterling," I admit. "When you questioned if I was involved with her, I told you no out of my own embarrassment."
"Yea, I think I figured that one out already." Brandon twists his mouth in contemplation before proceeding. "You're a prick, Jackson."
"I know," I agree, nodding. "It was lousy of me to not be upfront with you and then punish you for consequences caused by my deceit."
He gives me a long look before running his hand through his hair and I instantly perk up. I know what is coming next.
Brandon and I have been buddies long enough for me to recognize what certain gestures mean. And I've caught on that when he is gearing up to lay out something that I may not want to hear, he always starts fiddling with his hair.
"What is it?" I press. "Did you get her pregnant?"
I make the joke to deflect the wisdom that he's about to impart on me. Because I am certain it will pertain to me. It always does.
"Do you hear yourself?" He scolds. "The way you speak about Sterling...You have no respect for her, Jackson."
Leaning forward, he picks up the beer can that he has wedged into the sand and brings it to his lips, eyeing me over the rim. "You state that you were embarrassed to confess to fooling around with her and then previously to that, insisted that I shouldn't get entangled with her either. She doesn't deserve that."
I hang my head and stare down at my bare feet, knowing that Brandon is once again, correct about the missteps that I have made. "You're right. She should be with someone who will proudly show her off."
My friend sighs as he rakes his fingers through his locks a second time. "Do you even like her? I mean genuinely."
"I...I don't know, man." I shrug, grabbing a beer and cracking it open. "She's entertaining. I will give her that but she's not exactly my type."
Brandon nods at the dock, an imaginary hologram in his mind playing out the scene of my break-up with Kelsi. "Then who is because you just ended things with the sort of girl that you've always claimed to have wanted?"
I drag my hands down my face and groan. "I don't know," I repeat. "Is love and romance meant to be this complicated?"
My friend smirks at me before polishing off the rest of his drink. "The way I see it, the kind of women that you're used to chasing is similar to your relationship with your violin; appealing at first but after a bit they lose their luster, and eventually, you end up resenting your choice."
Exhaling, he sprawls out against the sand, resting his hands behind his head. "There's nothing wrong with being confused about where your life is headed, Jackson," he continues. "However, that doesn't give you the liberty to make an innocent bystander your casualty in the battle to figure it out. Do you understand what I mean?"
I nod. As expected, Brandon has laid out the cold, hard truth that I am too prideful to admit to myself. I have been an utter asshole to Sterling. And the only way to make things right is to put an end to our sexcapades.
Question of the day: Do you think Jackson will stick to his word of ending his physical relationship with Sterling?