Hello you sexy bunch, I'm sorry Ive been a bit MIA (it's been a week I'm being dramatic) but I've been going through a bit of a shit breakup LOL just my luck. Anyways I have got a few chapters already written and will be released today. Aren't I spoiling you lot ;) ❤️
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The days that followed Charles's accident was raw and emotional for the pair of us. His recovery was getting progressively better but I could tell he was still in a low mood about not being able to jump straight back into the car. I on the other hand had spent the days moving in a blur, from the hotel back to the hospital everyday had left me totally exhausted. But it was worth it, because as long as I was by his side I got to see his smile slowly come back.
Four days later and I was preparing to head back to Charles with a few more clothes as they were still yet to discharge him but it had been spoken about. I was heading for the door when my phone buzzed in my pocket, when I retrieved it I noticed it was Camille phoning me.
"Hey Camille is everything okay?" I tried my best to hide the tiredness that had drugged me, I hadn't spoken to anyone really aside Charles and a few of the drivers when they popped in to visit. Leigh had officially headed back to London to see the girls in hopes on calming their nerves too. But it was like a hole had been left in my heart.
"Lucinda do you have a minute?" She asked sounding rather calm and collected. I dropped the duffel bag reluctantly back onto the bed before sitting down "Yeah course, whats up?"
Camille took a small sharp breath as she started to speak "I got a call from one of the tabloids earlier, they want to speak to you about you and Charles"
Ugh fuck. Knew that was coming.
"Shit really?"
"I'm sorry hun I know you've got bigger things to think about but they're pressuring me for you to speak out"
Rubbing my forehead with frustration I tried to answer back as best as I could "No..no it's okay don't be sorry it was bound to happen at some point" There was a long pause after my response until I could hear Camille on the other end. It sounded like she was rustling through endless paperwork.
"And then there's the thing that the tabloids wants to know.." Her voice echoed off almost like she didn't really want to speak on the subject but had too.
"What thing?"
"Well they want to know about the relationship rumours..do you know if you're going to confirm this or..?"
I let out a heavy sigh cursing myself in hushed tones "I mean what would I even tell them? There isn't really much to say at the moment"
"I know it's a struggle and it's the last thing you need with Charles but for PR reasons that I understand you haven't got time right now to go through it's best you speak up truthfully" I nodded my head with my face in my hand, knowing there was no chance on earth I was going to get out of this one. The longer I left talking to the tabloids the more complicated it would be when I eventually did.
"Yeah that's fine i understand" I deeply sighed before continuing "How are the girls? I'm sorry I can't be there just yet"
"We miss you but you're doing the best thing staying in Miami Luce and to put your mind at rest I've extended the tour announcement till next month but I will need you back in London in the next few weeks" As encouraging as she was trying to sound, the last thing I wanted to do was go back to London even though I knew Charles was going to be okay.
"Understood..and thank you again"
"See you soon Luce"
When I arrived at the hospital it was quiet in the room I'd become so used to. Charles stirred slightly in his sleep as I closed the door behind me. Between me and Andrea we'd managed to keep a rota on who would sit with him and who would go freshen up and sleep, now it was my turn to do the graveyard shift. The concussion had subsided and the bigger focus then was making sure his arm healed properly, but he was still so tired all the time. I approached his bedside cautiously and gently pulled back the covers to climb in beside him. I was careful not to lay on the numerous of wires still connected to his fragile body, his soft breathing changed slightly as he felt my movement beside him.
But he didn't immediately wake up.
Instead he shifted his body slightly, turning his head towards mine. He always looked so angelic when he slept, even with the countless bruises against his flushed cheeks. He was still beautiful to me. I reached out to gently stroke them when his eyes fluttered open, taking in my presence before closing them again. I could feel my body relaxing into his familiar warmth.
"I'm guessing it's your turn to hawk me?" He muttered contentedly
"It sure is"
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he reached over to me intertwining his body with mine "I prefer it when you're here" He whispered softly, his eyes drifting shut once more. I could tell he took comfort in my presence, he'd found solace amidst the recent chaos that surrounded him.
"You're not going to like me so much with what I'm about to tell you" Not that i wanted to have that conversation immediately, but it was only right Charles knew the tabloids and my manger was finally onto us. Either that or id spend the rest of the day letting it slowly eat me up inside. I could feel he'd tensed at my words, but for a moment he didn't pull away from me. His eyes fluttered open meeting mine with a guarded expression "What is it?" His voice was low and cautious. I probably could've worded it better for his sake.
"Camille phoned earlier" I felt my voice trial off before continuing, I suppose there wasn't really a best way to break that kind of news "The tabloids want to speak to me..about us"
Instantly a groan of frustration left him, his free hand moving to rub his eyes. It was obvious he didn't want to deal with it at that moment in time, but it seemed fate had very different plans for us "I knew this would happen" He muttered.
"I know..I'm sorry it's the last thing I wanted you to think about" My voice came out guarded and quiet.
"It's not your fault" He replied, reaching out to gently brush away a lose strand of hair crowding my eye "I just wish sometimes they'd leave us alone" A sharp sigh escaped him as he contemplated the situation we now found ourselves in "What do you want to do about it?"
"I have no choice but to speak to them Camille seemed pretty persistent" I spoke as I sat up perching myself on the edge of the bed "It's just...what am I going to tell them?"
"Ah" He said quietly as he rested his head back against the pillow averting his attention firmly on the ceiling he'd been staring at the past five days "Yeah that's a tough one"
"I mean I can't exactly say we're together because we're not" Over the days since the Grand Prix I'd become closer to Charles not realising at the time the reasons why, but it was love. I'd fallen in love with him and after nearly losing that I knew that I wanted nothing more then to be with him. But it was having that conversation at the right time, and I was deciding to take my opportunity then.
"There must be a way to dance around that though right?"
I knew he wasn't being malicious when he said that, but something in me was unsettled by it. Dance around it? Was I not that serious to him? I cocked my head to the side narrowing my eyes at him "Do you ever see us actually being in a relationship?"
He hesitated for a moment. I saw the hesitation clear as day and that only unsettled me more "Where did that come from?"
"Oh I don't know maybe because you're saying phrases like dance around the fact we're not together like it's not that serious to you"
He could only watch on as I got up from the bed, a frown printed on his face "I didn't mean it like that" He spoke as he quickly sat up, reaching out to grab my waist "I just meant that maybe we don't have to define everything right now"
"We don't? Charles I've been pictured practically tearing my hair out over your accident. Not to mention the endless paparazzi photos of us two clearly very cosy because we can't control ourselves in public" I didn't realise I'd raised my voice till I paused to lower it "I'm tired of waiting for this to become something more. I came here hoping me speaking to the tabloids would be enough for you to want to be in a relationship so we didn't have to continue lying to everyone"
He reluctantly let go of my waist causing me to sit down beside him anyway. I'd just rambled way to much for me to continue standing confidently "I thought things were good between us as they were?" The tone that came from him was one of concern, had I not been happy with him this entire time? That wasn't the case at all.
"They are Charles but I can't keep pretending I don't want something more official with you"
"Being in a relationship with me brings a whole level of scrutiny and pressure Luce" He spoke but his voice was shaky and hesitant "I wanted to protect you from that. I wanted to make sure you were ready for it" He gaze chose the open window next to us, it was clear the bombshell I'd dropped had sent his mind racing.
"Don't you think I should be the one to decide if I'm ready?" I spoke quietly and delicately, trying to hide the pain creeping through. At that point I'd totally convinced myself he didn't want to be with me, that it had all been a lie. At last he turned to face me, his gaze was intense, almost passionate "Of course you should..but my life isn't easy and I can't exactly offer you quiet and private"
I smiled sadly at him "My life has been far from private Charles and you know that so what are you really scared of?"
He swallowed hard and it was in that moment I knew he was hiding something from me. The Charles I knew a week ago would've happily jumped at the idea of saying yes to a relationship. So what changed? Was it the accident? Or was it just him had he changed his mind?
"I'm not scared"
"You're not?" I glanced at him with confusion "Then why does it feel like you're hiding something by throwing a million and one reasons at me as to why we can't be together"
And with that I had him. And not in the nice way. "Because it's not just about me Lucinda. It's my family, my team and my sponsors. They all have expectations of me and a relationship could affect my performance on the track..or so I've been told" He sighed heavily with that, his eyes fixed on the ceiling still.
I didn't really know what to say back, I couldn't tell if I was shocked. Slightly hurt. Or extremely pissed off. Maybe a combination of all three because the only word that could leave my mouth was "Right.."
Which left an awkward silence in the room as we both then seemed to struggle with what to say next.
"Look.." He finally began, fixing his eyes back onto me "I want you Luce you have to believe that"
I shook my head in disbelief and stood up away from him. After all that? And he still wanted me? Talk about mixed fucking messages.
"No please listen" He said urgently, stopping me in my tracks "I know this isn't easy for you. But I want us to be together. I want to make it work..it's just.." But before he could finish his pressing sentence the door opened and George's figure appeared in the doorway. He looked fresher then what he'd previously looked like over the days, his interruption was almost welcomed to break the tension between me and Charles.
"Mate what are you doing here?" Charles asked with a smile, only just managing to tear his eyes off me. I too offered a smile "Hey I didn't expect you to be here"
"I thought I'd pop in on the way to the track, I heard talks about them finally discharging you?"
That had been the talk of the ward since the day before. Releasing Charles was finally been negotiated which meant he was heading in the right direction, and that's obviously something I could not be excited about. It was great news.
"Supposed to be but they haven't yet" Charles grumbled beside me as George planted himself in the seat on the opposite side of his bed.
"Do you know if anyone has actually addressed the media yet? Because I've seen zero interviews covering your recovery?" George asked with curiosity.
"Not as far as I'm aware" Charles replied rubbing his eyes to alert himself more.
"Funnily enough the tabloids want to speak to me" I spoke up trying my hardest to remain from looking at Charles when I did. It was clear it was still a touchy subject. For unknown reasons that made me uncomfortable.
"Shit really? Are you going to?"
"Got no choice" I shrugged it off like i wasn't shitting myself at the idea. I most certainly fucking was. In the corner of my eye however, Charles began to shift uncomfortably. If George hadn't walked in maybe I would've found out the reason for the weirdness. But instead I was left stood racking my own brain for the answer.
"How long have you got before you fly to Baku?" I asked George, in hopes it would steer the conversation away from the awkwardness lingering.
"I think I'm heading out there tomorrow" He paused scratching the top of his head as he positioned his body more comfortably "Most of us are"
"Who's sitting in Charles seat?" It was the main question on everyone's mind let's face it, of course Charles being out was a bigger problem for Ferrari but it meant that a gap was left open. And one that was very much up for grabs. Charles seemed to flinch at my question, I knew it was hard for him to think about missing out on the next race.
"I actually have no idea, no one has really said anything as of yet. Not about the car. Charles's replacement. Nothing"
"What about my brother?" Charles voice came out quiet but loud enough for the pair of us to hear, I bent forward and put my hand reassuringly against his leg "You don't have to think about it right now Charles"
"Arthur would be a possibility" George confirmed encouragingly, as much as a slap in the face it would be for Charles to have his brother replace him I couldn't help but imagine how proud he would be of Arthur. And just maybe then it'd be easier to deal with.
As time went on my phone began to ring in my pocket, putting the conversation about Baku to a halt. Of course I wasn't surprised when I saw it was Camille. I still hadn't got back to her about the tabloids when I said I would.
"Hey Camille"
"It's only me, I need an answer now unfortunately we have some tabloids waiting to meet you back at the hotel"
My eyes fell on Charles, you ever heard that saying a look can speak a thousand words? It was definitely one of those situations. I didn't even need to speak Charles knew the situation I was being handed. All he could do was nod, a nod of confirmation. I had to do this.
"Okay set it up I'll be there in thirty minutes"
"Perfect. And thank you again Luce"
When I hung up the phone I felt two set of eyes burning into me, but surprisingly it was George who spoke up first "I'm guessing that was about the tabloids?"
"Yeah" I sighed "They want to speak to me back at the hotel"
"Are you sure you're ready to speak to them" His eyes flickered to Charles who was just layed there not really giving much of in terms of facial expressions "I mean is there much to tell them"
"Nope" I could've said it with a less harsher tone but I was still upset with the conversation I was enlightened to before George's unexpected arrival "The longer I leave it the more questions there going to have, if I put this to bed now then Charles can finish his recovery in peace"
I'd begun to stand up and collect my belongings when I turned back to Charles "You going to be okay?" The look he gave me following was one of reassurance, a simple smile and nod "I'll be fine Andrea should be back any minute now" I nodded, gave him a quick peck on the lips before departing out the door leaving the two drivers to resume their conversation.
It was time to face the music.