You were being clingy. Deliciously so. So much so that Sun and Moon keep asking themselves why they didn't do this sooner. Since your isolation, the boys have made sure to stay near and dear as much as possible and, you being the starved person you are, relished in the closeness.
There's a small niggling feeling buried deep down inside you that you know this is what they wanted, involuntarily happening due to them getting interrupted and so busy that week, but you also can't find it in yourself to care too much.
You want the warmth Sunny's hugs give you. You crave the feather light tickling touches Moon's chilly hands give you. The pleasureful way you shiver at their touches give you goosebumps for all the right reasons.
You no longer flinch or recoil at their touchy-feely fingers, you're not so disagreeable to their wandering nuzzles as they get close to your neck. The way they nibble or kiss at your earlobes, cheeks, neck, and collarbone isn't so bad anymore.
The voice in your head continues to bother you, though.
Worthless. Giving in to such disgusting acts.
You need to escape!
Finish what you started!
When those occurred, you'd shrivel up at the attention, not so much as eager as you were before. These days, your thoughts are so jumbled, you don't know what to make of them. Sun and Moon, always so attentive to your moods and signs now, are always sure to distract you.
They pull out the TV and you and Moon would watch movies for as long as you can stay awake. Sun would teach you how to draw methodically. You were grateful for the distractions; you never get any reprieve from your mind, it always takes over and you're left victim to what it tells you.
There is a door. Right. There. Use it! What are you waiting for! You're not even tied down!
You sigh for the tenth time since Sun had left you alone, untied, unbound for the first time in a week. Sure they left your hands undone, but the ankle ribbon was placed there for precautionary measures during daycare hours.
Which you understood.
Your brain, subconscious or whatever it is in your head, keeps yelling at you to go. Realistically, you know you could get the door open and descend those stairs at any point. Sun isn't here, he went to grab snacks, but also realistically, you know you wouldn't make it very far. Not without a pass, not without making noise, and certainly not without getting caught.
Where would that leave you? Tied back up on the bed. Left alone for an indeterminate amount of time and whatever else they see fit for punishment.
Is this healthy? No, of course not. You know this, you'd be stupid not to. But there is such thing as a survival instinct and with that, you've come to a realization, that you don't want to survive, you want to live.
Since you've been here, you've only been surviving. Surviving off the thought that you'd get out of here and then...what? Take your own life? Some days, you still get those thoughts where you'd be better off doing just that, but while here, albeit confined, you've been clothed, warm, fed, and loved more than you've ever been before.
No one cared about what happened to you before or after your attempt. But Sun and Moon did. They've given you the utmost care and love you never thought you'd receive in your life.
So if you're just a little bit grateful for them stepping in when no one else did, who are you to judge?
You're just a weak-willed little human that was easy enough to break. You're their prize. To control how they please.
The crayon in your hand snaps as you press down onto the coloring page top hard. You sigh and place it in the pile of three others. You're at war with yourself. You just want to relax. You want to be happy.
You're using them for your own gain. Abusing their gentle and loving touches. You don't even love them back. They brought you back to life and you're spitting on their love for you.
You can't even argue with that one. Because you're right, you don't love them back. You love their attention and affection, but can you really love your captors? The ones who stole you away and ripped your independence from you?
Thinking that, your thoughts spiral and you're thrown back into the whirlpool of despair. You don't want to use them. They don't deserve that and you definitely don't deserve theirs, or anyone else's, love.
Horrible, pathetic, gross, ungrateful, waste of a human being. Those sentient animatronics love you with all of their soul and you have the gall to use it for your own sick satisfaction and selfish desires.
Snap! Another crayon gets tossed into the pile. You face-plant into the floor, crinkling up your drawing in the process. You have to come clean to them. You groan at the thought.
Have you been leading them on this whole time? Should you not have started to respond to their touches? It certainly made them happy when you did but you never thought about it at the time.
You groan into the floor.
"Pfft, Sunbite, why are you face down on the floor?" A breathy chuckle causes you to lift your head up at an awkward angle to see Sun standing in the balcony doorway with his face plate tilted.
You resume your position, answering with a muffled, "I'm wallowing."
You hear shuffling before seeing the iconic red and yellow poofy pants rest on the ground in your peripheral. A hand rests upon your back, soothingly rubbing it up and down. "Are those naughty thoughts back again?"
"Something like that..." you say, not really wanting to divulge into what you were really thinking about. Sun tsks, continuing to rub your back. He leans forward and you feel the paper beneath you get tugged.
"Now don't ruin your beautiful drawing, Sunflower! Come on, lemme see!" You slightly lift up and the paper is removed. You opt to lay with your face sideways now, your nose aching from the strain of being pushed into the ground.
Sun smiles at what you drew before it slowly falls, falls, falls, all the way into a frown. Words. Chicken scratch of all kinds of words litter the page. Highly naughty and degrading words, too. Sun spins the page around to read it all.
"I'll just uh..." he chuckles, folding it up, "put this away for now..." He shoves it into his pocket, making a note to return to that later. Now at his full height, Sun looks down on you with a hand on his hip. "Is there something else you'd like to do?"
The only response he gets is a long, tired groan.
The sunny animatronic lets out a huff. He looks you up and down, noting the grime building up on the soles of your feet. Your hair isn't looking too good either. "How about a shower, hmm?" The boys just know you wouldn't deny a shower!
"I don't wanna shower..." you whine, shocking the jester. Sun bends down, knees splaying outwards, and pats your head.
"My little Sunray...I know you're having difficulties right now, but maybe getting cleaned up is just what you need! You'll feel refreshed and energized, I just know it!" You don't move so he continues. "We'll get you all washed up, get you some new jammies!" He nervously eyes the tattered one in the corner of the room. The one you had since your first night here.
You twitch at the sound of new pajamas. The current ones have been getting scratchy lately. Seeing the twitch as a good sign, Sun flips you onto your back and puts his hands on his crescent cheeks.
"Moon'll even take you out for some ice cream! How about that? Doesn't that sound so good?" Gosh, as you look up at his bright smiling face you can only think to yourself.
They're doing all of this because they care for you. They could just leave you up here and let you drown in your depression, like others have, but they don't, and here you are moping to yourself.
Ungrateful. Selfish.
You scrunch your nose involuntarily from the thought. Sun misinterprets it and frowns. "Oh, Starlight... We don't have to do anything. We could just cuddle in bed if that's what you want."
You sit up, berating yourself. "No, no...that uh...that all sounds really nice actually."
The grin returns and he stands back up, clapping his hands. "Oh, goodie! Well, let's not waste any time, shall we!" Sun links his elbow with yours. He spins you around to face him and then picks you up bridal style.
Startled by all of this, you giggle as you land in his arms. Maybe he's right. Maybe a shower is what you need.
~~
A shower is not what you need. If anything, you somehow feel worse than before as you sit on the shower floor, knees up and arms curled around them, up against the wall. You don't deserve a shower. You deserve to rot on the floor.
Moon, over in the laundry room warming up your new pajamas for you, idles in front of the rotating machine. He's jostled from within his head when the machine beeps, finished. He blinks a couple of times before opening the latch and retrieving your clothes.
The laundry room is right by the showers so he's not worried about you running off without him hearing, but he figures you should be out by now and only wrapped in a thin Fazbear brand towel.
"Poor thing must be freezing, there's not exactly heating around these parts of the building..." Moon murmurs to himself as he enters the showers. Instead of seeing your tiny adorable form shivering on the middle benches, Moon hears the shower still running and the curtain still closed.
A niggling feeling of suspicion grows inside him as he eyes the curtains warily. He doesn't hear any movement within the small confines, only rushing water, and, because of the rushing, hot water, he is unable to get a reading on you if you were in there.
Anger wells up inside him. Surely you weren't stupid enough to sneak away and set the shower up as some distraction, were you? Mind now running through several different scenarios, Moon closes the gap between him and the curtain and pulls it back quickly, like ripping off a bandage.
At first, all he felt was panic. You weren't here. You weren't screaming at him for opening the curtains on you, covering yourself in a panic. Before he can backpedal, his eyes lower to the ground to see your form curled up against the wall.
He coos, all anger instantly drying up at the sight of you. He bends down to your level. As soon as his eye lights wash over you, you startle. "Moo-Moon!" you squeal, pulling your knees into your chest even though they can't go any further.
You squirm, trying to back up from his gaze. He only continues to stare at you with a wide, toothy smile, looking like a starved predator and you, its lowly prey. "What's wrong, little Nightingale?"
You're unable to come up with an answer as you struggle to cover yourself, terrified that he's getting an eyeful. Moon almost smiles wider at your struggle, but maybe you're imagining it as he outstretches a hand.
It lands on top of your head. "Stop. I'm not looking, you're okay." You cease your squirming, though unsure if he's only saying that to make you feel better. You doubt he'd have any qualms over gawking at you but you quickly shove that away.
"You gave me quite a scare there..." Moon chuckles. You look at him in confusion. "I thought you weren't in the shower..." He shakes his head and then gives you a reassuring smile, removing his hand from your head to hold it open for you to grab. "Come on, you're getting all prune-y, let's get you all cleaned up. Have you been sitting here the whole time?"
"Yeah, sorry...I just got distracted." You make no move in taking his hand. When he doesn't remove it, you tell him, "I can finish up really quick. If you could just give me a minute?"
Silently, the bot extends his knees and stands up. You reach out and quickly close the curtain before standing up yourself. You notice his shadow has not moved from behind the only thing separating you two, but you try to ignore it.
Sighing, you squirt some shampoo into your hands. You wince at the knots that have formed in your hair as you scrub it all in. "Starlight... You only have to ask one of us and we'd gladly help you if you weren't feeling up to it."
Your actions slow as you ask just as slowly, "...washing myself?"
"Mhmm...we know when... humans feel the way you're feeling, they may have trouble doing things for themselves. We want to help you in any way we can. If you need help with this, Sun and I would be happy to lend a hand."
You flush at the thought of them scrubbing you down. Then you berate yourself for having them feel the need to even ask. You're so helpless aren't you? "I-I uh..." You're unsure how to answer. You look down at yourself and cringe. "I'm not exactly a pretty sight..."
Moon coos. "We love you just the way you are, sweet thing." You put a hand to your mouth to muffle your whimper. How can you deny him when he says such sweet things? They only ever want to help you, don't they?
You begin to tremble and stutter, "I-I-" Moon stops after hearing this.
"Hey, hey, if you're not comfortable, Star, it's okay. I promise." You almost want to sob. Why is he so considerate?
They do everything for you and you're denying their wish to help. Ungrateful. You owe them.
"Oh-okay..." you whisper. Lucky for Moon, he has superior hearing, so he heard your confirmation. He almost shivers in delight, giddy that you're trusting them to help you with this.
"No fair, no fair! I want to help her, too!" Sun whines. Moon rolls his eyes.
"You just want to see her na-"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence! " Sun cuts him off indignantly. Moon can practically see Sun cross his arms and look away with his nose in the air. "Besides, why are you being so persistent to assist her?"
Moon immediately pulls his hat down over his eyes as his cheeks burn. "She's just having a hard time...I want to show her my love and support..."
Sun grumbles, knowing the feeling all to well. "Yeah...me too..." Sun quiets down and lets Moon proceed in giving you a hand.
Moon gently tugs the curtain to the side. You stand straight up, nervously covering up your private areas. "Gonna get you all nice and clean, little Star." Your eyes meet his and you fear to find lust in his eyes but all you can see is love and devotion.
Your shoulders relax a bit as he gets started on your hair. He pulls the shower head off the wall and washes away the shampoo you had already applied. He runs his nimble fingers through the knots, being very careful not to tug and hurt you.
"Turn around for me, Dear," he tells you softly, hand on your shoulder. You turn your back to him, feeling vulnerable. The lunar bot's eyes watch as the water rolls down your shoulders and down your back. "So soft..." he whispers, wanting to reach out and feel your skin.
Would it be as soft as your arms? As soft as your neck? As soft as your ankles? The boys long to touch and feel more of you but you always shy away. Maybe after this...you'd trust them enough.
Sun sighs dreamily at the thought.
"I feel like a baby," you admit in a small voice.
Moon begins to rub conditioner into your hair, clicking his tongue at your words. "No, you're our beautiful, precious Sweetheart who just needs a little extra help right now. Nothing to be ashamed of."
Those words shut you up, completely embarrassed. You are not sure if you enjoy the situation you're in, but you definitely needed to hear something like that. You were always ignored or talked down to when you got like this back at home.
You make no attempt at conversation, opting to get out of the shower sooner than later, and so Moon does his best to methodically wash your hair. When he rinses out the last of the soap, you go to pull the curtains back while he grabs a towel for you.
Blue tipped claws prevent the plastic covering from shutting all the way, though. "We have some soothing body soap, Starlight." Moon smiles down at a couple different options before looking at you expectantly. Your eyes dart to and from both bottles. "Lavender or green apple?"
"I kinda just wanna get out..." you chuckle awkwardly, hoping you're not offending him by refusing his care. Moon's face scrunches up, disappointed.
He sets the bottles down and waves his hand. "All is well, let me go get your clothes." You wait for only a moment, but that's all it takes for you to start shivering. Moon returns with a nicely folded new pair of Superstar Daycare theme jammies. "Sorry, little one, I warmed them up but they've since become room temperature."
You shake your head. "It's alright, it was my fault for taking so long." You take them from him, hands brushing together. He intertwines his fingers as he watches you unfold them before dressing yourself.
"How are they?"
You lift your arms up, enjoying the sight of the sleeves over-extending past your hands. "I like them, thank you," you tell him genuinely. Moon claps his hands, smirk resting upon his face.
"Lovely. We knew you would! Now, I believe ice cream was in order?"
~~
You've never been to Bonnie Bowl before. Well, you've taken care of some trash by the entrance, but that hardly counts. Moon walks you to the concessions counter. It reminds you of bars from retro diners.
You order your favorite flavor, mint, and turn to Moon. "Can you eat?" you inquire curiously. You point at his mouth. "You can open your mouth and you have a tongue." You almost shiver at the memory of your first encounter with it.
The lunar bot's sharp, tooth filled smile opens wide, tongue lolling out at the side. "I can. However I don't recommend it. You know of Chica's bad habit, hm?" You eye the inside as inconspicuously as possible, missing the question.
Moon giggles as he catches you horribly trying to hide your curiosity. He leans into your personal space, causing you to lean back a bit as he does. "Wanna touch?" he asks, closing his teeth but leaving his tongue poking out from the middle.
"Uh..I...kinda..?" you admit, cheeks reddening. His grin widens, mischievously opening wide for you again.
"Go on, I don't bite." You hesitantly lean in, hand raising to take the opportunity to satiate your rampant curiosity. "Unless you want me to," he adds. You pull your hand back and then huff, avoiding eye contact.
Regaining your courage, you try again, this time placing your pointer and middle finger on the tip of Moon's articulated tongue. It twitches but otherwise Moon is as still as a statue, watching you intently.
"Huh," you say, now pinching the tip. "It's dry?" You thought it was wet before?
The jester guffaws as you lift it up to look underneath it. He retracts it and finally closes his mouth. "Well, we can't exactly produce saliva like you humans now can we?" His eyes curl at your embarrassment.
"R-right." You look away with your hands on your cheeks. So then...how was it that he licked you? You're not sure you want to know at this point.
"Here is your food. Enjoy." The STAFF bot places your bowl of ice cream down in front of you and then immediately wheels away. As you eat, you absentmindedly check the place out. It's full of neon lights, games, and of course bowling lanes.
You can't remember the last time you've gone bowling. Maybe at a kid's birthday party? Moon notices you eyeing the lanes. "Wanna play?"
Your eyebrows shoot up and you almost drop your spoonful of minty deliciousness. "Really?!" The sparkle in your eyes fuels the two jesters. How could they deny you something so simple when you get excited like this?
Moon nods. "If it would make you happy."
Happy
None of this should make you happy. You should be plotting your escape! Surely there's a security desk around here you can hide behind!
Your mood dampens visibly. Sun begins fretting in the shared mind-space and sends waves of anxiety and worry through Moon's wires. Overwhelmed, Moon wraps an arm around your shoulder and starts guiding you over to the lanes.
"Come on, Starlight. It'll be fun." You return his smile with a small one, trying to get the excitement to return.
You spin around a few different balls before finding the right weight. "Have you bowled before?" You ask Moon as he picks up the heaviest ball there is.
What is this a date? Trying to learn about him? Small talk? Maybe get to know each other a little bit? Pathetic. You're a prisoner. A plaything.
You clench your fist until your knuckles are white. You wish you could run away from your thoughts.
You zone back in to catch Moon halfway through his response to your question. "...-ouple times before when I was bored after patrols, but not recently. Boring without someone to play with."
"A-ah, well um, you can start..." you tell him. Moon winks at you cheekily before bowling with the most perfect execution you've ever seen. Aaaaand there goes all of your confidence. Surprisingly he doesn't get a strike but does knock out a spare.
"Dial it back, Moonie! You're going to destroy her self esteem!" Sun pouts to his brother.
Moon watches your facial expressions go through five different emotions in the span of a few seconds. "I'm afraid there isn't much left to destroy..." he laments sadly. They're going to have to fix that, too.
You take a deep breath and roll your green, Monty themed, bowling ball down the lane. You surprise yourself by knocking over four of the ten pins. You turn to Moon who gives you an encouraging smile. He grabs your ball from the return and walks up behind you.
He places the heavy item in your hands and then runs his arms down yours until his hands cup your own. "Now if you hold the ball just right and then flick your wrist when you throw it, you can control the velocity at which it turns on the way down."
You blush as his face is right next to your cheek. If he was able to, you'd have been able to feel his breath tickling your ear. As he guides you and whispers in your ear, goosebumps run down your arm and your spine shivers.
What is this feeling? Why is he making me feel this way?
You don't even realize the ball left your grasp until the pins all fall, earning you a spare. You mourn the loss of Moon's hand on yours as they move to your shoulder, giving them a squeeze. "Look at that, Starshine, an expert already."
"I don't think I've ever gotten a spare before," you commented with a laugh.
The lunar jester chuckles with you. He goes to respond but gets interrupted by a notification. He grumbles, "Sorry, little Nova, the STAFF bot behind the counter sent out a distress signal. I'll be right back."
"I hope it's okay."
Moon waves off your worries just as soon as they pop up. "It probably just got stuck. Happens a lot with the models that work behind counters." He turns around to go to the food bar but stops, whirling back to face you. "For the sake of both of us, please do not run off."
You nod.
He decides to add on the threat of what might happen if you do. "Unless you'd like another week of isolation and restraints." You nod faster this time. "Perfect. I'll only be a moment."
You watch his dual colored back until it disappears behind the counters. You take a seat on the nearby chair and watch the neon colors pulse.
Go. Run. Grab a phone. Do anything! Stop being useless!
Your leg starts shaking as you nervously look around. You wouldn't even be able to dial anyone fast enough before Moon caught you, what's the point in trying?
Then instead of escape, finish what you started.
You eye the bowling ball return.
Stick your head in it.
You grimace. You're pretty sure it wouldn't kill you but it'd probably maim you enough that it'd force the two to call medical services.
Go on. Do it. Make it out of here. Back to the real world.
You start to hyperventilate. "And do what!?" you yell at the machine. You lift a bowling ball above your head, arms wobbling from the exertion. "Get out of my head!" You release the item.
A gasp rips out of you as it's intercepted before crashing into the machine. "Let's not destroy Fazebear property, hmm?" Moon smirks, though it doesn't reach his eyes, and puts the ball down safely.
You don't know if you want to scream in anger or start bawling.
"Just let me get rid of the voices!" you snarl, reaching out for the ball. Moon snatches your arm, keeping hold of it.
Doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit
"Whoa, whoa...what voices, Starlight?" His red eyes scan you all over.
You struggle in his grip. "I don't know! It's probably just my stupid subconscious, it doesn't shut up!" You attempt to go for the ball with your other hand, only to get that one caught as well.
"And what does it say?" Moon inquires.
You point over to the employees only desk. "Get to the security desk...escape...that sort of stuff."
Moon's lip curls as he growls, "Don't even think about it."
You scoff. "It's kinda hard not to!" you gripe back. Fed up with your attitude, Moon begins dragging you away from the bowling lanes. Feeling spiteful, you make it as hard as possible.
"Come on, stop being difficult, we're going home."
"Your home."
"Our home."
You become dead weight, earning a huff from the larger animatronic. One of Moon's eye twitches before he drops your wrists and turns to face you. "Alright then." You gasp as he swiftly picks you up and puts you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before you could even protest.
"Moon!" you smack his back in futility a couple times before giving up altogether.
"We were having such a nice night, Stardrop..." Moon laments. "Were you not having fun?"
You scrunch your nose up at the question.
He's trying to guilt trip you now.
"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up," you repeat like a mantra. Moon cranes his head to glance at you. He doesn't say anything, opting to give your thighs a little pat as he continues to speed walk back to the daycare.
~~
The daycare is bright when the two of you return, so the coloring on Moon turns to yellow as they switch over. Sun begins to ramble as soon as he's able to. "Wasn't Moon such a gentleman tonight, Sunshine? Oh he had so much fun on your date! Such a shame it went sour at the end there."
You sigh in guilt. You suppose it was good until you mucked it up. Wait. "That was a date?!" you cry.
Sun laughs as he takes you up into the room. "Well of course, Starlight! That's what people do when they're together! Oh boy, I want to plan our date next!" Sun goes off again, about to hop off the balcony after placing you on your bed.
"Wait!" Your anxiety starts to rise. Was he leaving? Where is he going? "Don't go!" Moon's threat of isolation rears its ugly head and you refuse to go through that again.
Sun blinks, standing still as soon as you call for him to wait. "Well, if that's what my Sunflower wants! I was just going to grab some paper to write my ideas down, but I can just make a mental note, no worries!"
You relax as the bot slides in bed next to you. "Sun, I don't really see us as dating. I haven't exactly had the best record for it."
"That's because Manny was awful and mean! But me and Moonie would never be like that. We already love, love, love you so much!"
"That's not the point, Sunny." You sigh and put a hand on your forehead. Are you really going to reject them like this right after ruining Moon's night? "I just don't...see you guys like that. You know, considering the circumstance."
You hope that sounded reasonable and mature enough.
Sun leans up on his elbow to stare at you worriedly. "Butbutbutbut Sunflower, what more can we do!? You're safe, warm, fed, and loved!" His lip pokes out in a pout and while he has no pupils, you can imagine they'd be large and puppy-like.
"I..." You don't really have an answer for that.
It's because you know it'll be inevitable. They aren't letting you go. What other choice do you have besides loving them like they want?
This time, your thoughts have a point. Rejecting them would only hurt you in the long run. But loving them how they want would be giving in to their twisted desires. How long could they realistically try to make you love them? Because you can never love them. Right?
Sun lays his face flat on your chest, wrapping his arms around and under your waist. He nuzzles into you. "It's okay, my Honeybee. We have all the time in the world. We can wait..."
Daemonophobia: Fear of Demons
Phobias can be very vague sometimes, so for the context of this chapter, it's more like: Fear of your inner demons