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Song for this chapter: Haley's comet by Billie Eilish
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Guilt is a totally useless emotion. It never makes anyone feel better, nor does it change the situation your in at the time of feeling it. So when I awoke the next morning you could imagine exactly how I was feeling. I was positioned comfortably on my front at the edge of the bed with nothing but a sheet covering the majority of my back. And the presence of someone beside me was strong.
I remembered everything.
We wasn't drunk when it happened. We was stone cold sober. So the emotions we had both felt at the time was indefinitely real and that's what scared me the most. A few kisses here and there hadn't ultimately ruined our friendship in Bahrain, but sex in Miami would've.
It's always scary when you get attached to someone. You spend time with that person getting to know them inside and out, you find yourself knowing silly facts about them like what sauce they have with certain foods or the way they style their hair in the morning. You discover their flaws, talents and ambitions and find yourself rooting for them in life. Then one day you'll start seeing them differently. And all it takes is a small touch. And ur in love.
I had that with Charles I had all of that.
Sex isn't ever just sex. It's intimate. It's you at your most vulnerable with someone. I had no doubt this was going to change our friendship forever. If you could even call it that anymore.
When I turned my head to the opposite side of my pillow that's where I saw him. He slept so peacefully, his bare chest rising and falling rhythmically with each breath. His face was relaxed, free of the tension that often clouded him especially after a race for example. I almost wanted to reach out and run my hand over his cheek. The look of innocence. But he wasn't so innocent was he. If I was going to lie to myself I'd be saying the sex was shit and that in that moment I felt nothing towards Charles.
But instead I was layed there wanting his body against mine again.
I needed air. A slight release from the cloud hovering over me. So I gently slid from the mattress trying my hardest not to wake him. He stirred slightly and my heart stopped for a second but he didn't wake up. The last thing I needed at that moment was those green beacons of light looking at me. Absolutely not. I threw on a dressing robe wrapping it tightly around my waist and walked quietly towards the bathroom door.
When I stepped inside I instantly ran the cold tap lingering my hand underneath until I was certain it could freeze my face off. I splashed my eyes a few times before turning off the tap and rubbing my face dry with a towel. I still felt groggy but the cloud had started to break apart above me and that was good enough for me.
I turned off the light sighing heavily to myself as I wandered back into the room.
"Hey.." Charles was sat upright in bed rubbing his eyes. He nearly scared me half to death. Even with bed head he looked majestic. God I loved to hate him.
"I didn't realise you were awake" He added with a yawn.
I positioned the right side of my body against a large ceiling beam that separated the bedroom from the lounge "Yeah sorry..I didn't mean to wake you"
He smiled softly, his gaze still half-lidded with sleep "it's okay" he murmured "I needed to wake up anyway I've got a meeting later" He stretched lazily. I'm sorry but was he even aware of his surroundings? He was naked. In my bed. And I'm stood in front of him with barely any clothes on. What more did he want?
"Charles about last night.." I had to say something, it was eating me up inside. It instantly got his attention, a small frown appeared on his face creasing his forehead slightly.
"Luce I can hear the cogs in your head turning, why are you overthinking it all so much?" His voice was low and nonchalant, but there was definitely an edge to it that spoke of nerves and uncertainty.
"Maybe because we agreed we'd stay friends and then I'm finding myself waking up in bed with you after we... well you know"
Charles looked away from me, his expression turning sheepish "I know and I'm sorry about that" he paused rubbing his stubbled chin softly "It wasn't supposed to happen like this"
"It wasn't supposed to happen at all after what you said"
"Luce come on"
"No Charles it's unfair on me. Yes it's unfair on you too because clearly your struggling with your emotions but if you tell me we're just friends then fucking stick to it" I'd finally snapped not fully but enough for it to stab something inside him.
He sat up instantly "Hey hang on Luce it takes two to tango here"
"Oh please I wasn't the one who tried it first. How could I stop myself when you know how I feel about you" My words had come out cold. A little more harsh then I would've wanted. But I couldn't help it. There was only two things in my life that i was passionate about in that moment. Devine and my friendship with Charles.
"You're not seriously pinning this all on me are you?" He retorted angrily, gesturing towards the pile of clothes discarded in a heap on the floor. I'd never seen Charles even remotely angry aside from after the quail in Bahrain. But this time it was different his anger was towards me. And I hated it.
"No course I'm not I'm just saying this shouldn't have happened"
There was silence as he rose from the bed wrapping the sheet around his bare waist as he fixed his clothes back onto his body before sitting down on the edge of the bed "No you're right it shouldn't have and I'm sorry"
"I know..and look I'm sorry too your right it took two of us"
He looked at me his face finally softening causing me to also relax slightly. Charles was right as much as I wanted to blame him for everything I led the situation on further. I wanted it to happen too.
"Come here" He patted his thigh gesturing for me to sit on it.
I couldn't help but scoff. Was this man serious right now?
"Seriously?"
He grinned at me playfully "yes seriously"
"Have you forgotten the whole point of that conversation or what?"
"Don't flatter yourself it's just a hug"
I rolled my eyes "Don't flatter yourself..prick" I repeated in a whisper causing him to laugh "fine but only a hug" I slid my body over to him and sat gently into his lap resting my arm around the back of his shoulder. Yes as predicted being close to him still made dizzy. So i planned to make it quick.
He wrapped one arm around my slender waist, causing my heart to race with anticipation. I softly rested my chin against the top of his head as I held him close to me. The anger and frustration id felt before had been washed out and had been replaced with peace. I couldn't blame Charles for all of this i had my part to play, the main thing at that moment was saving the friendship we had. Not destroying it more.
"I need to go get ready" He uttered quietly against my chest, I gave his shoulder a quick squeeze before standing up.
"Yeah you've got meetings to prepare for"
"I shouldn't be too long and then we'll go out for food tonight?"
I nodded my head smiling at him. I had to act normal for my sake and for his. It was a stupid mistake we needed to put in the past and move on from. And we was going to get no where if carried on acting like two school children with crushes.
"Great right I'll see you later" He stood up leaning forward planting a quick kiss against my forehead and left without saying another word or looking back.
And then I was alone.
So to distract myself I decided to prepare for the day ahead. I jumped in the shower washing off the last touches of Charles Leclerc before unpacking my makeup and began the long journey of getting ready. Plus I could be bombarded by the media at any point so I wanted to look presentable enough.
When I was finally ready I decided to grab a few selfies to post considering I had been silent on Instagram since the Brit Awards. And it was only a matter of time before word got around that I was at another Grand Prix.
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Lucinda Stone: Hello Miami 😏
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There was only one thing I wanted to do and that was get out the hotel room that held so many memories. It hadn't even been twenty four hours since I'd arrived in Miami and I was already causing shit for myself. Brilliant.
There was a coffee shop that I had spotted when me and Charles were driving, placed round the corner so i planned to head there and clear my head.
Once I'd stepped outside the lobby the heat was warm. Not uncomfortably warm like Bahrain or Cannes but it was nice in the bright sunshine. The white short dress I had put on flapped softly in the wind breezing my thighs cooly. I made sure as I made my journey down the short pathway to keep my sunglasses close to my face to divert extra attention. I loved my fans every single one of them. But it was the last thing I needed.
When I saw the small white painted building on the corner of the sidewalk I let out a sigh of relief and headed inside. It was quiet thankfully and soft sweet music played in the background almost therapeutically, I ordered myself a small latte and found a quiet corner by the window bay.
I knew I felt emotional, my heart felt heavy, my stomach was churning with anxiety. But on the outside i was just calm. I couldn't freak out because what good would that do.
My phone suddenly pinged on the table beside me it was Charles.
Charles- Just got to the track. Should only be a few hours. See you tonight x
Me- Have fun x
I placed my phone down and cupped my coffee cup like it was a sudden life line. My head was a mess. Understatement of the fucking year. But the more I pondered on the idea of me and Charles the more my heart raced so I decided to reframe from doing so.
Until George Russell entered through the door.
He hadn't noticed me at first as he approached the counter. He too was wearing sunglasses and I was shocked to notice no one had seemingly followed him outside. Not even the paparazzi. He looked content and calm and I was jealous of that but I was also excited to see him again as it had been such a long time.
When he'd collected his drink and said thank you he turned around but stopped in his tracks when he saw me. He had a wide grin on his face "Lucinda Stone is that you?"
I smiled widely back "Hi George"
"How are you? Long time no see" He walked over to me offering a small hug before pulling out an empty chair and sitting down.
"I'm great it's nice to finally be settled somewhere for once" That was a fat lie. I wanted to throw up "How are you? How was Japan?"
"Japan was amazing as always. Such a special place for all of us. But come on enough about me I saw you won an award the other month congratulations again"
The one thing I loved about George was how he always sounded so interested in what I had to say. Don't get me wrong Charles and the other drivers did too but there was something about George. I would always joke with him he was true best friend material, our conversations were never forced or awkward.
"Thank you! Yeah it was nice to win a Brit award,
shows how much the fans love what we're doing"
"Stop being so humble I'm not surprised you won you really deserved it"
"Oh stop it you flatter me to much" I replied with a light laugh as I sipped my latte that I had forgotten was even there.
"I do try what can I say" he paused removing his glasses. He looked really well. Bright blue eyes as always. I swear every driver on the grid had beautiful eyes "Im presuming you've seen Charles then?"
Seen him. Fucked him. Same thing.
I nodded my head trying to hide every emotion that came with his name "Yeah he picked me up from the airport last night we're staying at the same hotel"
"Yeah I imagined he would. He takes care of you a lot from what I've seen"
I shrugged my shoulders trying to hide the heat rising up my neck nearly choking me out.
"Yeah vise versa"
"It must be hard though with everything the press write about you two especially after you released your new song"
I sighed "Yeah I suppose so but me and Charles just tend to laugh it off"
We was lying to everyone more like. Even ourselves.
"Best way to deal with it" he said with a small smile before patting my hand "I best head to these meetings I've got but it was lovely seeing you again Luce"
"You too George I'll probably see you before the race weekend"
"That you certainly will"
He stood up giving me one last small shoulder hug and walked out the door leaving me alone. I let out the biggest breath id been holding in and wandered my eyes out to the quiet street in front of me.
What on earth was I going to do?
I struggled to find a way to end this chapter ahaha but I've got a few chapters already written ready to be released soon🤍