Alyssa's view:
I'm in bed, and I wake up. I look around the room. I'm confused. I'm not sure what is happening to me.
Did I just have a nightmare or is this nightmare real?
Did I kiss Tom? Did he stop the kiss, and then tell me that he only thinks of me as a little sister.
You have no idea how badly I want this to be a dream.
I'm in sweats, and a tee-shirt. That is definitely not what I was wearing when I kissed Tom.
I was wearing a red dress. Wait, I don't even have a dress like that. I mean I do have that red dress, but I didn't pack it to bring with me.
I am trying to remember the whole scene, kissing Tom, him rejecting me. I remember it, and I vividly recall that it was at my house. We were at my house.
I look around the room. This is not my room. In my house. This is Tom's house.
Just then I hear knocking at my door. I look at the door. Tom's voice. Calling my name.
Tom said, "Alyssa."
I said, 'yeah."
Tom said, "Can I open the door?'
I said, 'yeah." I can barely find the words to talk, more like I mumbled them.
Tom opens the door.
He said, "hey I just was wanting to know if you wanted to order pizza. Or did you have something else you wanted to eat."
I said, "Eat?"
Tom said, 'uh yeah, I know it's only 4, but I'm getting kind of hungry. I thought pizza sounded good. Jake and I just came in and we worked up an appetite playing."
I said, "it's 4."
Tom said, 'yeah. Alyssa, are you okay?"
I said, "um yeah, I just woke up. Yeah, pizza sounds good."
I look at Tom. When I kissed him, he was wearing something different, it was night, I was wearing a dress.
Tom left to go order the pizza. Jake got in bed with me and sat on my lap.
I said, "Thank God Jakie, that was just a bad dream. I didn't make a fool of myself. But the bad thing is, I've fallen for Tom. Jake, you have to keep my secret okay. Tom can never know. I don't want this nightmare to come true."
I've decided that I have to keep my distance from Tom. I don't want Tom to figure out that I have fallen for him.
I can't trust myself with him. He has some kind of power over me. He is so hot, and his hair is perfect. His body is perfect. The dream was so real.
I'm so lucky that it was just a dream. But I have to make sure that it stays a dream. I don't want to kiss him and be rejected like that.
Tom's view:
Once again, I'm facing a sleepless night. Because of the girl that is in the bedroom across from mine.
This girl has me feeling all sorts of things. And I'm not just talking sexual things.
I'm talking emotions. And I'm not good at emotions, or feeling things, or dealing with what I feel.
The first night she was here, all I could think about was her.
The next night I was obsessed with her voice, hearing her sing that song lit a fire in me, and it made me obsessed with finding everything I could about her.
The next night I lied awake all night thinking about how good it's been, talking to her, how easy we connect, I think it's called chemistry, and I think we have great chemistry.
The last few days, getting to know her, talking to her, I felt lighter, I felt happy, not sure I've ever felt as happy, as I did. Almost a feeling like I'm unstoppable, I'm on top of the world, and no one can bring me down. A feeling like I could fly and I'm soaring in the clouds.
But then tonight, I'm feeling lower than I have ever felt. I'm feeling dark, depressed. I feel a deep pain in my chest. I feel sick.
Because I feel like I'm a fool. I've fallen for this girl. I never wanted to be in love. Never wanted to stay with the same girl. To commit to a girl. Be in a real relationship.
And then this pop star comes into my life, hitting my car, I didn't know she was a pop star then, but damn if I haven't let down my guard, and she is making me feel things I thought were impossible for me to feel.
And I thought it would be okay, you see that's because things seemed so perfect between us, so right, I felt such a deep strong connection. Almost like fireworks and electricity, lightning strikes when we held hands.
I try and not obsess over this girl, because I know I'll probably never know what it's like to kiss her, what it's like to hold her in my arms, to caress her, to make love to her, and then hold her after and watch her sleep. Hoping that it was as magical and good as I know it would be if we could make love.
I tell myself to stop thinking about her like that, because it's only going to make me hurt worse when she walks out of my life as quickly as she entered it. And I know that is what is going to happen.
Facts are facts. She's a pop star, I'm just a cop. She's got a busy life, with adoring fans, and guys all over the world, rich, famous guys, rock stars, athletes, movie stars that want her. She would never go for a guy like me.
My head knows that, but my heart is dreaming of a life with her, a future with her, where she chooses me, where I get to be the man who loves her every night, and the man who wakes up to her beautiful face.
Which brings me to tonight. I don't know what happened between us, things were going great, at least I thought they were, up until tonight.
But tonight, it was clear, she wants nothing to do with me, and she is never going to want me like I want her. She is never going to love me or let me love her.
I'm not even sure that she even is going to want to be friends, after tonight.
The last few nights we have had a connection, it was easy to be with her, easy to talk to her, but tonight, it was brutal.
It was silent. It was awkward. The silence was deafening. It was so bad that it made me feel sick to my stomach.
When I tried to make conversation, she shut it down.
Her voice sounded cold. Dismissive.
I know that she's a sweet girl. I've seen her with those kids. That was not an act. That was who she really is. When the cameras aren't around. When no one is watching.
When I listened outside of her door, and heard her sing, that haunting song, no one was around, she wasn't trying to act or get attention, or play the victim.
I've seen who she really is, and I've read as much as I could about her the last few days, and all the articles about her, are true. She is the same girl when no one is watching, the same girl that she is in front of the camera.
But tonight it's like she snapped at me if I even spoke to her. She avoided eye contact.
She didn't eat much, then escaped off to her room for the night.
And I'm left scratching my head wondering what I did.
I don't understand girls. Never have.
I've had lots of girls, but none that have actually lasted.
And I've never cared that I didn't understand girls, until now. Now I wish I could.
It's crazy how this girl has turned my whole world upside down and changed me. And now I'm thinking not for the best.
Because now I'm twisted and feel sick inside, over some girl.
The way she is messing with my head. I mean we aren't even a thing, we aren't a couple, and I feel guilt. it's crazy, but it's like I feel like I've done something, f---- up big with her, and I feel guilty. When I haven't done a thing.
I tried staying in my room, but that is no use, I'm not going to be able to sleep.
I get up and stand in front of her door. Look at me, I'm becoming a stalker. If she would come out of her room right now, she'd probably think I was a freak.
I go in the kitchen grab a beer and go and sit on the couch. Staring at the blank tv, that I didn't bother to turn on.
Trying to figure out what happened between us.
How could things be perfect this morning at breakfast, laughing, talking, enjoying our conversation. Then tonight things are so bad between us. She is like being a bitch to me, and I have not done anything to her to deserve that.
It makes me mad at her, honestly, because I don't deserve it, but I'm madder at myself, for getting feelings for this girl, and letting her play with my emotions, and mess with my head. Giving her that kind of power over me.
I'm actually sitting here all twisted up in knots over this girl, feeling guilty like I cheated on her, when one we aren't a couple, and two I haven't had sex since Jackie.
This girl makes me feel like I did something to her. She was dismissive, cold as ice, so what the f--- is going on.
Because either she was acting with the kids, and has been acting in front of her fans, and is not who she claims, or then something happened, to cause her to treat me this way.
Maybe she found out that the neighbor hit on me? But how? I mean Alyssa hasn't gone outside. And I haven't even seen that bitch. I swear if that bitch said something to Alyssa about me and her, making Alyssa hurt, and mad at me.
But how would she say something to Alyssa?
Is it Rob? Did that asshole get to her again, taunt her. Did he text her or post something.
I am not on social media. But I searched Alyssa's IG, and twitter, and Alyssa hasn't posted anything for the last couple of days.
I feel like a stalker and a creep to do this, but I went to Rob's IG, and immediately it made me so angry, almost makes my blood boil, I think the only other time I've been this angry, wanting to kill someone angry, was the guy who killed my dad.
Rob hasn't made any new posts, and I doubt seriously Alyssa looks at his page, I'm sure it would make her sick. But his IG feed, is full of pics of his trashy girlfriend.
I'm more convinced than I was, that Rob is punishing Alyssa because he is upset that he lost her.
There is no way that Rob is happy with that chick that he is with now.
That girl is just another wanna be star, using him for his money, for who he knows in the business, almost every picture he and her are all over each other, and she is pretty much posing nude, or suggestive pics, and yeah, I'm sure the sex is good for him, but I'm betting that after being with Alyssa, the sex is empty, and he feels numbs inside. When it's over, he probably turns and faces the wall, and feels alone, lonely, and dark inside. Because he knows he lost the good, he lost the light that was Alyssa.
This girl he is with is nothing like Alyssa. I see why she is copying Alyssa. Even this girl knows that Rob is in love with Alyssa. She is desperate to hang onto him, because he's her money ticket, and so she is trying to make herself like Alyssa to keep him.
I'm a man, a full-blooded man, who thinks about sex nonstop, and yet looking at this naked girl, I feel sick. Instead of it being a turn on, it's disgusting to me. The way she is posing. Does she not have any shame?
I regret looking at his page. I thought maybe he had posted something mocking Alyssa and that is why she was mad, angry, and taking it out on me, instead of him, because I'm the one who is here.
Maybe that's what it is. I know that she's been hurt deeply.
Why is it bothering me so much? That is what is making me mad. That I'm getting so worked up over it.
I shouldn't care if this girl is mad at me, or if she's just mad at all men. But I'm desperate for it to be that she's not mad at me.
What I need to do is forget this girl. Stop all thoughts of her. Maybe I should call Adam and tell him I need a few days off from guarding her. Maybe she could go stay with Judy.
What I need to do is go out and find a girl go home with her. Forget all about Alyssa.
But that thought makes me feel worse. I don't want any other girl. I want Alyssa. Only Alyssa. But she hates me. And I don't know what I did wrong.
Alyssa's point of view:
I'm spending another night wide awake. Jake is sleeping his paws are pushing me in the back.
I was a real bitch to Tom tonight. I feel so guilty. I know what I need to do is apologize to him.
I honestly didn't mean to bitch at him or be so cold and mean. It's just that while we were eating dinner, all I could do was relive that kiss. The kiss in my dream. The fact that in my dream, I was bold enough to make a move on him and kiss him.
I have to stop the feelings that I'm feeling for him. I can never be with him. And even if he wouldn't reject me, and he would kiss me back, that would be just as bad, because in the end I will get hurt.
The more I looked at him tonight, the more I was thinking about kissing him, and being with him, and I can't think like that about him.
I have to stop those thoughts and push those thoughts and Tom out of my head, and out of my life. It's the only way.
But I could tell he looked confused, and I saw pain, and hurt in his eyes. And that makes me feel so bad about myself. I hate to protect myself, to protect my heart, I hurt him.
I wanted to push him away, not talk as much, but then today my period started, and now I'm just all emotional and in a bad mood. And I was bitchier than I planned to be. I feel so bad.
And the thing is I can't explain to him why. I mean I can apologize for being a bitch, tell him that I'm sorry I was in a bad bitchy mood and took it out on him, but then what. Because I'm going to have to keep my distance. I need to do it in a way that I'm not cold to him, but at the same time, if I don't stay away from him, I'll fall completely in love with him, and I can't do that.