"This whole trip has been a bust. Let's just go home to Utah," Cleo says walking into the lounge. Austin can't help himself when he smiles at her referring to Utah and their house as home. He always had a good feeling about moving them to Utah, he knew she would love it. "While I am sure you miss those lamas of yours, I think staying in LA for one more day may be a good idea," he says. She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. She was always stubborn. "You want to drive around LA? How are we going to do that when someone shoves a camera in your face every five seconds? I saw what happened at the airport. That was fucking insane by the way...there was a girl who landed up crying because she could not deal with her emotions at having seen you. How big are you?" she asks.
"I do alright," he shrugs. He hates boasting about his accomplishments, it feels weird and slightly asshole-ish. He is big. Very big. He has been referred to as this generation megastar, his concerts are all sold out months prior, he walks red carpets, people have fan pages for him, and there is even a restaurant and theme park named after him with his face slathered everywhere. His music has raked in so much cash that he does not know what to do with all of it. He needs to live three times over to spend it all and he is not frugal. He likes splashing out, it's a horrendous habit. But, he works hard for their money and it's not like they can take it with them when they die - so spend it and have fun.
Late nights, early mornings, long days and nights, sleep deprivation, and burnout are all common occurrences in his life. He is not good at saying no, but that's where Cleo had been so important - she gave no fucks about saying no and was very protective of Austin's downtime back in the day, shamefully he hid behind her like a little bitch. She protected him. But, Dre had stepped in for Cleo while she slept. His management team and Dre had planned for the day and months to follow Cleo waking up, that is the only reason he has disposable time to focus on her right now. Dre and his team are in the middle of a shit storm and running stories in the media in an attempt at some damage control. Austin feels bad given how stressed Dre is when he phones. But, Dre has insisted he focus on Cleo and his career will be there when he gets back. Cleo has so much on her plate right now it has been easy to hide how big his career has gotten and selfishly he likes that he is just him to her.
"I think you are downplaying it. When we get back I want you to show me everything about your career. Right from the very beginning till now."
"OK, deal."
"OK...let's go home now."
"Tonight. I have a plan for the day first."
Cleo groans and flops down onto the couch, she does not look happy about staying. "Baby, Decon said we need to try different things-"
"Photos are not working. I stare at photos for hours and nothing rattles loose. And before you suggest meeting more people the answer is no. Daisy was a good start, but the two after that have left me kind of fucked up."
"Would it help if I told you those were the only two people that would offer bad experiences?"
She sits up and stares at him then sighs heavily. "Fine, I know better now not to trust you. What do you have planned?" she asks. Austin moves and sits next to her, she takes his hand in hers.
"Remember that apartment you and Shaz used to share?"
"Yeah, the little box. You moved in there with us right?"
"Yeah. Well, I arranged for us to visit it. It will be a little different because people are living in there but maybe just being there will unlock a memory or two."
"Can we go home after?"
"We will, but before we go to the apartment I thought we could spend the day doing things we always used to do."
"Things we used to do?" she asks. He watches her cheeks blush and her eyes flick to his crotch for a second before she looks at him again. "Yeah, we used to do that a lot too," he says hiding his grin. "Sorry..." she whispers covering her mouth with her hand in embarrassment. "Don't be embarrassed. We were always very physically attracted to each other. But, I have something else planned today," he says. They used to fuck a lot. Any time, any place. Her simply batting her lashes at him got him going, he never got enough of her. He will never get enough of her, fuck, what he would do to get her under him once again - it's been a long ten fucking years.
"OK. I will go with you but I want you to answer a question first."
Fuck. He knows what she is going to ask and while he does not regret any of his choices or lack thereof, it is slightly embarrassing. "Go on then," he says.
"So were you celibate for these past ten years?"
"Geeze baby. You not even going to ease into it?"
"No point in pussy footing around...pun intended."
"No. I was not celibate, I am not a nun. But, there was never anyone else."
Her brows shoot up and then she frowns. "Did you..." she says waiving her hands around her body, "while I was sleeping?"
"Are you insane? I would never, that's fucking creepy."
"Well, if you were not celibate and there was never anyone else...unless... prostitutes count as someone else by the way."
Austin lets out a deep sigh because he has been acting like a teenage boy with a crush on his babysitter for the last ten years and her plastered to his fucking side in the bed every night does not help. He is fucking superhuman at this point in his dam life. "No prostitutes," he mumbles. Kill him now. "Then what did you do? Ten years was a long time and honestly Austin I won't be mad. How can I be mad at you for-"
"My hand...the scar you left on my palm has its uses."
Cleo's mouth drops open and she stares, shocked, at Austin. "Oh. That's...wow... that's some real restraint, Austin. Ten years...ten."
"Can you please stop repeating ten years? I know how long it was."
"I...I don't understand. Why?" she asks him, looking at him with big eyes. She feels sorry for him. At this point, he feels sorry for himself too. He can also see that she truly would understand, that she would not hold it against him if he had slept with someone else. But, even if he says it was a choice - it wasn't really.
"Because you are my wife, Cleo. I promised to stay faithful to you through everything. You being in a coma did not change that for me. Besides, it just did not feel right. Can we move on? My pride is severely bruised."
Cleo stares at him, he can see her face is a mix of guilt and pity. But, thankfully she just nods and then stands quietly and pockets her phone. "Let's go," she whispers. Austin stays quiet too, hopefully, she forgets this all soon and they can pretend it never happened. They walk down to the underground parking lot and climb into the car he had rented for their day trip. Then head out to the neighborhood they used to live in and fuck around in. He gets a little nervous when he starts driving over the bridge, the scene of her accident is just on the other side and he does not know if seeing it will trigger anything for her but they drive past and she looks out the window with no response. She does not remember. Just after her crash site, he turns left into the studio parking lot.
"Where are we?" she asks looking around as she climbs out. His heart sinks a little. They used to spend most of their time here. Almost every day and even late into the night. "It's a studio," he says. He can see her trying to remember it, growing slightly frustrated with herself when nothing comes to her. "Come on," he says ushering her inside.
"Austin!" Hank, the studio manager greets. He had arranged this visit with Hank. He knows the whole story. "And Cleo," Hank says with a bright smile. He always had a soft spot for her. Cleo looks at him with a confused face and then at Austin with a worried face. "Cleo, this is Hank. He is the studio manager," Austin says. "I should know you...I am sorry," Cleo says. "Don't worry about it. I know you, Cleo. You are one hard girl to forget," he says, still smiling. "Um...were we friends?" she asks leaning into Austin. "We were. We still are. Want to know how we met? It's a banger of a story," Hank says, he has always been a bit of a character and he can see Cleo relax a little now that she can see she has not offended him by not remembering him. "Yes please," she says.
"Well, you wandered in here one day and asked to book some studio time for your boy here. We said no and you made such a fuss that the staff called me down. Then you went on and on about how your boy is the next big Hollywood star and that I would regret not working with him when he gets his big break and takes the world by storm. By the time you had finished talking him up, I too was convinced he was a superstar. I let you book some studio time. You also used to drum for me when I needed it with other artists from time to time. This became your second home," Hank explains. Cleo hangs onto every word and nods as he talks, but Austin can see she recalls nothing Hank is saying.
"I am sorry...I..." she squeaks, getting a little emotional. "Don't worry about it. It's my favorite story to tell when I am now invited to those big fancy music award shows and now you know how we met. Me telling you the story is now your memory," Hank says. Austin could hug him right now. "Come on, let me show you the studio the two of you practically stole from me. Austin still uses it when he is in LA. I get a ton of business from being Post Malone's favorite studio," he chats happily as they walk down the long corridor. "You are Post Malone, right?" she whispers. "Yeah," he whispers back with a wink. She flushes and swallows thickly. "Don't wink at me," she hisses. She was always a sucker for his winking eye, seems she still is.
"Here you go," Hank says stopping at a studio door and pushing it open. "I will give you guys some privacy. It was nice seeing you again, Cleo. We will cross paths a lot," he says. "Thank you, Hank...I promise not to forget you again," she says. Hank laughs and pats Austin on the shoulder before he disappears down the passage. Cleo looks at him for guidance and he gestures for her to step inside. The studio is divided into two rooms. The first room has the soundboard and a large oversized couch and the second room is the sound booth. Cleo looks around quietly, she looks a little lost. "You used to practically live on that couch and I practically lived in the sound booth or here at the soundboard," Austin says softly. Cleo walks around, stopping to study a few things or to touch to couch or the buttons on the soundboard then eventually turns to look at Austin. Her chin is wobbling and her eyes are pooling. "I don't remember anything. It's all blank," she sniffles.
Austin wraps his arms around her and pulls her in tight. "We are just trying to jiggle the memories. They will take time to fall out, baby. Don't be so hard on yourself, OK?" he tries to soothe her, but he would be lying if he said he too was not a little disappointed. They spent so much time here and have the most amazing memories here - it hurts that he no longer shares them with her. They are now only his memories.
He drives her around the neighborhood, stopping at a restaurant they always went to and a coffee shop. He stops outside a movie house and nightclubs they would often hang out at. She remembers the area and spending time with Shaz and their friends there but she still can not pull any memories from her time with Austin. That block in her memories with him remains permanently stuck. When he heads past the crash site again she does not react again and his heart squeezes. He drives to their apartment and parks in the parking lot. "I remember moving in here with Shaz. I loved this place and everyone was so nice," she mumbles.
"Well...it was a great place. Ready to go in?" he asks. "Austin...please don't be mad. But, I just don't think I have it in me to stare at rooms and draw up blanks anymore. My head is killing me and I just...I am tired. I don't think I can do this right now," she says softly. He can see she is feeling despondent. It's been a long grueling day for her and according to her it was a failure. Austin is not sure what he would class the day as, but he just can't feel it was a wasted day. It never is when he gets to spend it with her. She is awake and talking to him, he can reach out and touch her. She is here and so he just can't be upset.
"It's OK, baby. We have the rest of our lives to figure all this out."
"Thank you," she whispers and then curls into a ball and hides her face. She just wants to shut the world out. Austin wants to unclick her seat belt and pull her onto his lap. Would he overstep? He starts the car but checks his phone before he backs out, he needs to phone his assistant to get their bags sorted and to meet them at the airport, but he sees an unread message from Sharon so he opens it.
I am glad she did not run off with that dipshit and told her mom to fuck off too. I know it's fucking scary but I am glad you have stopped treating her like glass. Let me know when you guys are home.
He stares at the message for a while. Sharon is right. He has been treating Cleo like glass, but Cleo is not glass. She is a tiny thing but the woman was always a force to be reckoned with. She is a fighter and sometimes she pushed him forward even when he didn't want her to because he was scared, but she believed in him shamelessly.
Fuck it.
He puts his phone down and turns off the engine then unclicks her seat belt and pulls her onto his lap ignoring her squeak of surprise. "Wanna know where we are?" he asks. She frowns and looks around. "We are in the parking lot of my old apartment building," she says looking at him now as if he is stupid because he brought her here, he knows. "Yeah," he says reaching up and wiping her tears off her cheeks and brushing the hair out of her face, "but we are also in the exact parking bay that I parked in when I drove you home after the party in your car," he says. That makes her smile a little and she looks out the windscreen. "We were right here?" she asks. "Yes. Given it was dark because it was 3 am. We had gotten so caught up in our conversation we lost track of time. I was in love with you and ready to marry you but I had been shit scared to kiss you even though I had been dying to all night."
She turns her head and looks at him. "Did we have our first kiss in the car? In the parking lot of my apartment building?"
"Yes."
"You plucked up the courage finally...right here?"
"No. I was too nervous. I was shaking. You kissed me, you were always just a little braver than me, baby."
She stares at him, biting her lip as her eyes flick to his mouth and back to his eyes. They lean into each other, not intentionally, their bodies have always just done that naturally. "You nervous now?" she whispers.
"Yes."
"I can feel your body shaking a little."
"Mhmm."
She cups his beard, sliding her fingers into it, and stares at him then dips her head and presses her lips to his. Austin feels like he can breathe again. From the second her eyes closed ten years ago his chest has always felt a little tight and so he just got used to it. But, right now he feels that tightness melt away like butter on hot toast. Kissing Cleo always made him a little weak, a little shaky, and after all this time her soft warm lips elicit the same feeling, if not a little stronger, than it did eleven years ago. He parts his lips slightly to invite her in further then grips her hip and knee to steady himself when he feels the gentle swipe of her tongue as it snakes into his mouth.
Fuck.
Kissing Cleo is something he missed, something he would dream about, and something he longed for. She explores his mouth and he does not even attempt to pull back when his jaw gets painful. He will kiss her for hours if that's what she wants. But, they do have a problem. Kissing Cleo never just led to innocent cuddling afterward and he can feel his body growing hot as the fire in his abdomen grows. They will need to stop soon or they will get arrested for public indecency. But, Cleo has him in a vice grip and is showing no signs of calling an end to this kiss.
Eventually and painfully she pulls back and looks at him, her eyes are wide and she runs her fingers across her now swollen lips. "You are very good at that...I never...," she whispers, her eyes a little dreamy. Austin's lips split into a smile.
"I have kissed you before."
"I know this," she says tapping her chest.
"Explain what you mean. What do you know?"
"I mean...I have no memory of kissing you but I know how to kiss you as if my brain has forgotten but my body has not. I recognize this feeling. I have felt it before...I am not sure I am explaining it right."
"Neither am I. My brain is fuzzy," he said curling his hand around the nape of her neck and pulling her back to him. He is going to kiss her till his jaw locks.
They kiss...
And kiss...
And then, kiss some more.
Every time she pulls away he grabs her and pulls her back, locking their lips and sending them down a fucking rabbit hole. Then when he pulls away her fingers sink into his beard and she holds him in place as she devours him. Fuck, they might just be on the 6 pm news - lovers found dead in a car from essive kissing. He is OK with that, it's not a bad way to go, not with Cleo on his thighs like this or with her fingers tangled in his beard like this, or with her tongue sweeping his mouth like this. Besides, he can't feel the pain in his jaw anymore - his jaw has gone numb, he still kisses her though.
Eventually, they stop kissing but don't pull apart as Cleo peeps up at him with her lips resting on his. He can feel her lips pull into a smile and then so does his, their grins are both so wide their teeth knock together and Cleo leans back with a soft laugh. "Your teeth are ridiculous, by the way," she says. Austin keeps his grin and shrugs. He knows she likes them.
"Lucky for me, you like weird shit and were my biggest cheerleader back in the day. I have always been eccentric, even as a kid."
"You ever felt a little self-conscious about it?" she asks. "Yeah," Austin says nodding his head. "When I met you I was hiding. I had just been lambasted by a boardroom full of snobby label executives and my ex. They told me I looked like an idiot and needed to change if I wanted to be taken seriously. Clean my act up."
Cleo frowns and then pulls a face. Austin chuckles softly and reaches for his wallet, opening it he pulls out one of the most important documents he has - confirmation that his meeting Cleo was not just a fever dream. Confirmation that he had not just dreamed her up the night they met. It's a photo of them sitting side by side on a pool chair on the night they met, leaning on each other and grinning with bright eyes and flushed cheeks - it's the happiest moment of his life. The photo has wobbly edges and frayed corners, it has also been bent a few times and is a little faded from being manhandled in his wallet for the past eleven years.
"Wow...we were so...we were babies," Cleo whispers taking the photo and handling it carefully - she can sense how sentimental it is to Austin. "We were babies. Only eighteen and fresh-faced. We had no idea what life would throw us," he mumbles, looking at the photo. "See how cleaned up I looked? Clean shaven, hair pulled back neatly, normal teeth, simple clothing, and not a tattoo in sight," he says. "Boring...like the rest of us...but so handsome," Cleo whispers running her finger softly over his young face. "You picked up immediately that something was off about me. You would not let it go until I finally caved and told you that I preferred pulling my hair into an unwashed rat's nest on top of my head. I liked letting the hair on my face grow till it looked like I had been shipwrecked. I shared that I had over-the-top clothes that consisted of camo pants and purple-dyed shirts with cute kittens on them. I wanted face tattoos, silver teeth, and maybe one day diamond teeth, I wanted over-the-top flashy horrendous jewelry on top of it all. I didn't look at you as I spoke, slightly embarrassed by my eccentric true self. But I should have, because when I eventually did your face was beaming, your eyes were dancing. You threw your arms around me and begged me to go back to all that - you wanted to see me be me and told me the rest of the world can go fuck themselves."
"Well, they can..."
"You encouraged every new tattoo, applauded every over-the-top outfit. The more eccentric I let myself be the more you shone. You were proud of me. You made me feel I could be anything I wanted to be and in the end, all I wanted to be was myself and your husband."
"You became both."
"Both, are my biggest accomplishments in life."
Cleo smiles at him and then holds the photo to her chest, hiding it with her hands. "I want this photo," she says
"You can have everything your little heart desires, baby. Except that photo, that's mine."
"But, I was in a ten-year coma...feel sorry for me and give me this photo."
Austin chuckles and shakes his head, reaching for his phone. "You may hold it for the time I take to phone my assistant and get our bags and jet ready, but when it's done I want it back. No negotiations," he says dialing his assistant and holding the phone to his ear, smiling at her while he talks because she is lost in the photo as she holds it close to her face and inspects it. He knows she has no memories to connect to the photo and one would think she would be looking at it with a sad face, but she is not. Instead, he watches as she very clearly falls in love with that young fresh-faced boy all over again. He sees it the second it happens.
When they hit the road to the airport Cleo stays quiet, looking out the window with a soft smile on her lips as she clutches his wallet where he placed the photo back in its safekeep. She touches her lips occasionally too, lost in thought. She looks happier than she has for a long time and Austin feels that last piece of his once-shattered life click back into place.
Come what may...he has her back.