to love a liar

black coffee

🧪 CW: violence, blood, gore

Wordlessly, he strode through the doors of the hotel, his ears burning a fiery red.

People were beginning to clear out of the wedding hall, the events of the evening coming to a close.

Eren tried straightening out his cut hand, not adding too much pressure on his burning skin. His wallet was still inside the dressing room from when Mikasa threw it at him and ran off. He needed that if he had plans to go home.

The beginning of the day depicted no indication that this would be the end of his night. Battered and fucked up, walking back alone.

Nobody else was in sight. The last person he was brave enough to lock eyes with was somehow you. Despite not even wanting to see those eyes, he coerced himself to do so.

None of his friends were around. Good. He didn't want to talk to anyone anyway. All he had to do was get his wallet and get the hell out of there.

"Eren—hey—man, you good?" Uri Reiss came into view.

He raised his eyes, still half-lidded as he glanced at the boy. The question's answer was obvious. No man that appeared that disheveled and that dissociated from reality would be okay. The goal wasn't to make that clear though, the goal was to get the fuck out of there.

Eren looked him dead in the eye, "Yeah, fine."

Uri furrowed his brows, watching Eren stalk past him and in the direction the rest of the guests were piling out of. Eren was headed toward the dressing room, where it all went wrong.

He walked back in, this time he was alone, not a single soul in sight. His eyes drifted around the area, hoping to find that black wallet somewhere on the convoluted carpet.

"You looking for this?" a voice spoke from behind him.

Armin's voice hadn't alarmed him in the slightest, and although it did trouble him, Eren didn't let it show as he turned around. A stone-cold and unbothered motion in his movement and a similar look on his face.

Armin held up the wallet, the leather glinting in the dim lights in the room. Armin gave an easy smile and tossed it toward him. Eren caught it, tucking it into the inner pocket of his blazer.

"How's your face?" Armin stepped further into the room. "Jean really seemed to get you there."

"It's fine," Eren replied, voice deep and blunt.

"Where's Y/n?" Armin asked. "She went after Mikasa but I can't find either of them."

"Don't know," Eren shrugged indifferently.

"You don't know?" Armin questioned, growing a tad tense. "You ran out of here because you said you needed to find her. What happened?"

"You really want to know?" Eren looked back at the blonde with a hint of challenge in his tone.

"Eren . . . why are you acting so weird?" Armin's blue eyes strained at the sight of his best friend behaving like he had no care in the world.

"Because every single person thinks they have free will to be in my business," Eren shoved his hands in the pocket of his blazer.

"What are you talking about? Where the hell is Y/n?" Armin interrogated again, his brows furrowing in anticipation for a backhanded answer in accordance with his best friend's style.

"Don't know—gone—ran off again—no clue," Eren spoke with a hair of mirth.

"What do you mean gone?" Armin's pupils blew wide.

"She left. How else do you want me to put it?" Eren bluntly stated.

"Wh—where'd she go? You didn't go after her?" Armin quizzed heatedly. "Why'd she leave?"

"I don't know where she went," Eren jabbed, enunciating each word. "I told her it was over and she ran off."

"Over . . ." Armin repeated. "You told her it was over. Why the hell would you do that?"

"What do you want me to tell you, huh?" Eren raised his chin in defiance. "I was sick of her, so I cut it off."

"Huh?" Armin's jaw tightened.

"You want me to spell it out for you or something?" Eren grunted. "Now get out of my way, Armin."

"What's the matter with you—" Armin furiously pressed. "After the shit they said to her—after Lara coming all the way here to ruin everything—you just told her to fuck off?"

"Yes." Boldfaced and no sign of remorse.

"Have you lost your mind?" Armin shoved him.

"Stay out of it," Eren scowled, warning him.

"That girl almost died for you—she's put up with all of your bullshit and when she needed you, you abandon her?"

"I said stay out of it, Armin."

"All her friends turned their backs on her, you don't get to do that too," Armin scolded.

"I don't fucking want her anymore! Don't you get it?" Eren glared back. "I just wanted to get back at her brother."

Armin wasn't sure what came over him. He was never the violent type. Even when he'd get picked on back in grade school, he never wished harm upon the people hurting him. If anything, Eren would come in and take care of that for him.

The fist that pummeled into the side of Eren's face was enough to jolt him back, nearly causing him to stumble over.

Not giving him enough time to recover, Armin moved to land another strike across his face but Eren managed to dodge the attempt. With seamless effort, Eren punched Armin in the side of the jaw. 

Armin wasn't a fighter, they both knew he'd lose.

That didn't seem to bother Eren as much as it should've because he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and began pummeling him, beating his best friend to an absolute pulp.

Armin's choked breaths weren't aiding him at all, nor was Eren offering a singular moment of reprieve. It was just fist after fist. Knuckles as hard as stone colliding with the side of his face. In that moment, he couldn't even recognize that this was his childhood best friend, wailing on him like he was a monster.

"Eren! Stop!" Sasha and Connie's voices blurred into one. They rushed over, pushing Eren off Armin to give the poor boy a moment to recuperate.

Shivers scattered over Eren's body when he met the sight of Sasha crouching down and holding Armin, brushing his hair from his swollen eyes.

Eren's eyes drifted between Armin's half opened eyes to Sasha and Connie's faces. The disgust in their eyes wrung him back to reality and made him take a slow step back. Like they couldn't see a man, only a monster in their midst.

With narrowed eyes, Eren backed away, turning around and leaving through the door. Sasha and Connie shared a look, the former's being lost and confused while the latter's was frustrated and vindictive. Their eyes dropped to Armin, helping their friend up.

"Sasha, take him up to your room. Try calling Y/n again, I'll look around down here," Connie ordered, getting Armin to his feet.

"Do you think Mason is actually here?" her brows pulled together.

"I don't know," Connie scowled. "Let's pray for everyone's sake that he isn't."

Sasha looked at Armin again, his gaze fixed on the floor. He didn't say anything, nor did it appear like he wanted to ever open his mouth again.

A commute of conviction. The rumble of the train wasn't even strong enough to shake the thoughts in your mind. All you could do was run through the past twenty-four hours—your body not permitting you to do anything else.

Everything that had happened felt no different than a fever dream. From your fight with Eren last night to him telling you he loved you. To the events of the wedding, Lara showing up and everyone finding out about you and Eren. . . to the last thing he said to you . . .

You couldn't fathom any of it. You were beginning to feel like a shadow of your former being . . . a ghost of who you once were.

You stared at your phone, Sasha, Connie, and Armin were blowing it up with text after text. Call after call.

Despite knowing their intentions would be noble, you couldn't bring yourself to face them. In all honesty, you weren't sure when you would.

Flashes of Mikasa screaming and hitting you were playing before your eyes. Glimpses of Eren and his disgust toward you did as well.

Eren.

Memories of the two of you were haunting unapologetically. Perhaps that had been his intention this entire time. His voice rung in your ears.

I was using you to get back at Mason. I just don't want to be with you anymore. I found a way to get back at Mason and I got to fuck you. I was just bored.

Bringing your hand up, you covered your mouth to hide the sobs.

You didn't kill her that night?

Your eyes closed as the tears stung again.

Just looking at you makes me sick. I could never love you. I. Hate. You.

You shook your head, keeping yourself from falling completely apart again. Frantically, you pushed your hair out of your face, dialing Pieck.

"Hello—Y/n—is everything okay? It's two in the morning," Pieck rasped, worry stitched in her quick response.

You sniffled, blinking as you looked out the window, "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Y/n," Pieck sounded much clear and firm this time, picking up on the distress in your voice. "Where are you? Is something wrong?"

"I'm on a train right now," you swallowed meekly. "I'm going to get to the station by the school soon. Could you pick me up?"

"Oh my god—yeah, of course. Babe—get up—we have to go get Y/n," Pieck sharply alerted Porco who must've been busy sleeping most likely. "We'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

"Okay," you murmured. "Thank you."

You ended the call, watching as the phone dropped in your lap. The sound of the train running kept reminding you of Eren and his love for trains. The memory of the two of you taking the train on a whim to Marley came to mind too.

Ugh, stop thinking about him. He doesn't want you.

Deep breaths, one after the other, were helping to keep you from having a full-blown panic attack. Although, after everything that happened, what set you over the edge had been the final blow of losing Aria's number—it was the final piece tethering you to her. The opportunity to hear her promise to talk to you again soon even if it wasn't real. Gone.

Her grave was all the way in Stohess too and you promised to go back only when you really had to. Alone it was difficult. Being with Eren last time you went made it bearable.

"Ugh!" you ran your hands through your hair. Stop thinking about him, you idiot.

Your eyes flicked out the window when you noticed the train was coming to another stop. Trost City Train Station—University Junction.

You skimmed over the sign, recognizing it as your stop as you gathered your belongings. Carrying your bag felt like a hassle when you were this exhausted, dreading the sleepless night you were bound to have already.

You stepped onto the platform, seeing that only four other passengers were getting off as well. Seeing that it was close to the witching hour, you didn't even think twice about it.

"Y/n!" the couple's voice muddled into one.

Your head followed to where they were but far too slowly. Pieck and Porco were rushing over, their eyes widened and mouths agape in breathlessness. They met your dreary gaze and gawked at you like they'd been searching for eons.

Pieck didn't even hesitate before she grabbed your shoulders, assessing every indent in your face and gasping at the shallow gash under your eye.

"What happened?" she breathed, pupils dilating while she cupped your cheek.

It felt like a mother's touch. And in that moment you wanted no less than to bawl your eyes out. Pieck always felt like a sister to you—so why were you so suddenly so aware you'd been depraved of a mother right then and there.

"I'll explain when we're back," you kept your tires eyes lidded, pulling her hands away from your face because you knew you'd start sobbing like a wreck if they stayed there.

Pieck instead threw an arm around you and Porco reached to take your luggage. On normal circumstances you'd argue to carry it yourself, but you could hardly find your voice or any care.

"Come on," Porco insisted, leading the way and glancing back at you. "You look like you're freezing."

He was quick to guide you and Pieck off the platform and towards the parking lot. All that would cling to you was the bitter reminder that this train Eren had constantly been fantasizing to board with you, you had disembarked alone.

You got in the backseat. Pieck slipping into the passenger seat while Porco sat in the driver's side after securing your luggage in the trunk.

He began driving away from the station, heading towards your shared place with his girlfriend. Quietly, you gazed out the window. Since it began snowing hours ago, the white had frosted over the ground almost an inch, still flurrying like there was nothing else for the sky to bring down.

Pieck began hesitantly after a couple minutes of silence, "Where's Eren?"

"I don't know," you croaked pathetically, still watching the snow waltz towards the ground.

"What do you mean?" Porco asked, his eyes flicking towards you in the rearview mirror. "Weren't you supposed to come back with him?"

When you didn't reply, they shared a concerned look. Your eyes swooped back over to the snow, like soft comets hurdling towards earth. If you focused enough, it appeared like those same stars you would spill your deepest secrets to were shooting down from the sky, discrediting every little thing you once believed to be true.

When the car came to a halt before your apartment building, you didn't even move. Pieck was the one to come swing open your door and help your shivering frame pile out.

"I think you've got a cold," she draped her arm around you. "I'll make you some tea."

Once again, you did not reply. All that commenced in the next few minutes was the couple leading you up to the elevator and to your apartment. You stepped inside, knowing you were home but not feeling like you were.

Pieck led you to the couch while Porco went to drop your stuff off in your room. The soft golden light from the lamp you kept in the living room was the only one on in the entire apartment.

Pieck draped a blanket over you, patting it down and putting her hand on your forehead again to check for a temperature. She let out a troubled sigh as she backed away, heading for the kitchen and grabbing the kettle.

You could hear the tap running as she got started on that tea. Porco emerged from the hallway that led to the bedrooms. His brows were raised as he circled around to the kitchen, going to Pieck and murmuring something.

The rational answer was that it was about you, but you didn't care. You could only think about how this was the couch that Eren would sit on with you and lean on you innocently while watching shows. This was also the couch Mason sat on while he waited for you before he hurt you.

Porco was the one to come toward you first. Gingerly, he toed around the coffee table and sat in the armchair perpendicular to the three-seater you were on.

"Y/n?"

"Hm?" you slowly lifted your eyes from the floor.

"Are you okay? You need something?" he peered at you, voice soft.

You shook your head, your eyes once again avoiding his. He fell silent, trying to assess the situation. The two of you had begun to become friends in the past month since you and Pieck officially moved in together. It was nice to have finally become comfortable in each other's presence.

"You've got to tell us what happened, okay?" he gently coaxed. "Can you do that?"

"Yeah," you finally said.

You looked at him. His blonde hair was pushed back and his eyes were trained on you. Pieck came from the kitchen, setting a plate of cookies down and handing the mug of tea to you.

"Thank you," you mumbled, eyeing the steam emerging from the cup, like a makeshift phantom floating away.

"Y/n," Pieck cooed, rubbing your shoulder consolingly. "So, what happened?"

You closed your eyes, mulling it all over again. You'd been reliving it the past few hours but putting it into words truly gives it veracity, it was like carving it to stone.

All there was left to do was tell them. You began from the beginning—Dean. You first told them in excessive detail about you and Dean.

"Oh my god," Pieck blinked. "How come you never told me about this guy!?"

You let out a sigh but Porco was the one to speak, "What does that have to do with right now though?"

"I'm getting there," you said, mustering your courage to finish the rest of the tale.

Then you explained the night you went to the club, how you ran into Dean of all people. This had earned several gasps from either of your friends and you nodded knowingly, because it only got worse.

You explained the argument with Eren, then what happened after you and Sasha came back. How you ran into Dean again, talked things over and went up to have Eren come to you. How he apologized and told you he loved you.

Then you explained what happened at the wedding. Louise's behavior, Lara's sudden appearance, Mason's friend being there, then what Eren said to you by the garden. It felt like a week had passed but it had only been several hours.

"What?" Porco glared. "He said what?"

"Don't make me say it again," you covered your face, all forms of shame taking home behind the pads of your fingers.

"I can't believe any of this," Pieck breathed, her eyes glinting with incredulity.

"Yeah, well," you ran your fingers through your hair. "That's what happened."

"Something sounds off—everything sounds off," Pieck leaned forward.

She tried piecing together the parts of the story you had explained as you grunted and took a sip of your tea, already becoming lukewarm.

"Why would someone who's just fucking with you give you their dead mother's necklace," she gestured towards the diamond chain still adorning your neck. "That looks expensive and even if it wasn't—that's the necklace of his deceased mother. It doesn't make sense."

"I don't know or care anymore what his reasoning was," you clenched your jaw, defiantly reaching to unclasp the jewelry around you. "I'll never forget the shit he said to me—"

You stood up, walking around to the front of the room and after setting the necklace down on the coffee table. They watched as you exasperatedly breathed.

"He said—he said I killed her," you glanced back at them, pacing back and forth, lost in thought. "He said he'd rather be dead than love me. He got what he wanted out of me, so he's done."

They stared at you, lost looks of their own adorning their faces. You let out a defeated huff, rubbing your palm on your forehead.

"I'm going to go to bed," you swallowed, still not meeting their eyes as you began stepping toward your bedroom.

Your swift steps came to a sluggish pace when you passed the threshold of your room. You wanted to hold someone—Sasha, Connie, Armin—anyone that you were okay being vulnerable around.

You closed the door, slowly dragging yourself to your bed. Brokenly, you undressed yourself, wanting to get into the shower but too fucking tired to keep yourself upright any longer.

Seeing your body half bare, hints of the bruises from the other night when Eren was mad at you peeking through your skin. As best as you could, you avoided looking at the marks left by the boy who swore he could never love you.

Through faltering moments, a symptom of your capering heartbeat on a decline, you grabbed clothes that you could rely on to keep you warm through the night. Something—anything that would resemble a warm embrace without the feat of actually bothering somebody for one.

Sitting down, feeling the weight of the world sink with you on the sheets, you shuddered.

Without even realizing, you brought pulled your knees to your chest. Burying your face behind them, tears flooded once more. You let the sobs wrack through you, your shoulders jolting with each cry.

The door opened and Pieck strode over, wordlessly climbing into your bed and pulling you to her. She gently stroked the back of your head as you cried into her chest. Porco stood at the doorway, leaning against the frame with crossed arms as he watched the two of you.

You stared off out the window, the sky slowly becoming a murky white, signaling the beginning of a cold winter morning.  You had hardly slept all night. Only getting back around three a.m. and falling asleep around four-thirty, you were already awake by six o'clock and staring out the window with bags under your swollen eyes.

Pieck had seemingly headed back to her room once she was sure you had fallen asleep. Feeling like absolute garbage, you couldn't even bring yourself to move. If it was possible, you wanted to stay there for the rest of your life.

"Y/n," Pieck tip-toed into your room after several hours, gingerly sitting at your side. She reached out, moving your hair out of your eyes. "Let's try getting up, okay?"

"I just want to be alone, Pieck," you murmured. "I want to stay here . . . just a little while longer . . ."

Your eyes didn't meet hers. Nevertheless, she respected your wishes. She kept coming to check on you but each time you remained silent, turning her away. All day, you hadn't touched your phone, leaving it on do not disturb from the moment you lost Aria's voicemail on the train. As of now, you had zero interest or will to see who reached out.

You knew, though, that Armin, Connie, and Sasha were most likely worried to some degree. Still, you weren't ready to face anybody, even them.

The door to your room opened again and you cursed yourself for not locking it. Pieck entered with a bowl of mac and cheese and a glass of juice, taking a seat beside you and saying, "You need to eat, you haven't eaten all day."

You stayed quiet, taking a beat before slowly sitting up. Blinking begrudgingly, one eye opening after the other like you had no sense of bodily functions.

"Alright," she smiled at you tenderly. "Now eat up. I'm not leaving until that bowl is finished."

Heaving a forced sigh, you took the bowl, using the fork to poke at the pasta. You leaned back against your headboard, finally picking up a fork full of mac and cheese and bringing it to your mouth.

After not having eaten much in over twenty-four hours, eating a warm homecooked meal felt so nice.

"You know we're going to have to talk about what comes next now right?" she asked, tilting her head.

Your eyes flicked up to her, "Do we have to?"

"Yes." She sat across from you, crossing her legs.

While chewing, you lowered your gaze again, admitting defeat in a sense. You didn't know what came next. How could you even plan out what to do next?

"I need to work," you muffled through your half full mouth. "The library is hardly paying me enough."

"Are we not going to talk about Eren?" she asked.

"Is talking about him going to help me pay rent?" you kept your voice calm.

"So are we going to just brush past this all without acknowledging anything? What about Sasha, Connie, and Armin?" she asked.

"They . . . they're tight with the group. I'm the outsider," you said. "I don't want to make them have to choose. It's already gotten as messy as it is."

"Why haven't you been answering their calls?" Pieck peered at you.

"How do you—"

"Because they called me—all three of them," she cut you off, eyeing you with apprehension. "They're really worried about you."

"Wait—Pieck, what did you tell them?" you glared at her.

"Nothing," she said. "Never replied to their texts. I wanted to  . . . get clearance by you first."

She joked but you closed your eyes and leaned your head back.

"You have to face them at some point," she pursed her lips, her eyes softening. "What're you going to do when you run into them?"

"Then I'll deal with it when I have to then," you mumbled. "My mom's been texting me and trying to talk to me. I think she wants me to take the restraining order back."

"No," Pieck bluntly said. "Don't—"

"Obviously not," you replied, opening your eyes and staring at the ceiling. "Pieck."

"Yeah?" she softly asked.

"Please, if any of them come looking for me, tell them I'm not here," you blankly said.

She didn't reply, only staring at you as you stared out the window.

You finally picked yourself up again later, heading for the bathroom. Grabbing your robe and another comfy set of clothes to rot in for another couple of days before the semester started.

"Look who's finally out of bed," Porco teased with a smirk. "How're you feeling?"

Huffing out a breath, you let go of the door handle and faced him, "I'm okay."

Picking up on your blank and apathetic response, he frowned, "Hey, how about we order a couple pizzas and watch a movie? You'll feel better if you're with people."

"He's right, you know," Pieck emerged from her room. "It's noon and this is the first time you're leaving your room all day."

"Nah, I'm okay," you repeated. "I'm not really in the mood for anything."

Just as you were about to push the door to the bathroom open, someone knocked on the front door. You stared at it, frozen with an emotion you couldn't pinpoint. Pieck looked at Porco and then headed for the door.

She leaned in, quietly looking through the peephole. Gently pushing herself off the door, she looked back at you, whispering, "Sasha and Connie."

You shook your head, eyes wide. Taking your call, she opened the door just enough so she was in view. You pushed into the bathroom, leaning your head on the door frame to listen in.

"Hey—" Pieck began.

"Hi—where's Y/n?" Sasha asked. "Is she here?"

"No—"

"Listen, Pieck," Connie cut her off again. "We've been looking for her all night and she hasn't been answering her phone. Her location's off and we've driven six hours and gotten no sleep and haven't eaten anything. Please—if you know anything—tell us."

You covered your mouth behind the bathroom door. You made eye contact with Porco still in the hall, his eyes widened as if to tell you to go to them.

You averted your gaze, disgusted with not only yourself but everything else. Not to mention you looked like a wreck. You didn't feel put together enough for anyone else to see you.

"I'm sorry but she's not here," Pieck replied. "Maybe she went back home to Stohess. She'll probably be back before school."

"I-is she okay?" Sasha pressed. "Did you at least talk to her?"

"Listen, guys," Pieck countered quite sternly. "I hardly know much more than you and I wish I could help."

"Oh my god," you could hear Connie groan in aggravation. "We know she's in there—Y/n! Y/n! Please come out—"

"Alright, guys that's enough," Pieck firmly warned. "She needs to be alone—she'll talk when she's ready."

"Please let us see her," Sasha pleaded. "It's important that we talk to her."

"She's not ready," Pieck's voice faltered. "Please respect that. I'm sorry."

You couldn't hear whether someone said something else in response or not. But even if they did, you couldn't bear it. With a feeling of guilty concocting within your guts, you stepped back, avoiding Porco's judgmental gaze. With that, you shut the door.

The next few days, you stayed in your room, save for the trips to the bathroom or the kitchen. Other than Pieck and Porco, you did not speak to anyone.

In your heart, you knew you couldn't keep going on like that. For as long as you could though, you wanted to try.

Collecting yourself as best you could, you prepared yourself for your first day of classes. Today, you had two, so you figured you'd try to look decent enough.

"Oh—you're up . . . and looking all cute" Pieck tucked the carton of milk away. "You going somewhere?"

"Class," you replied, ducking your head into the fridge to grab a quick breakfast.

"So . . . you going to see Sasha, Connie, or Armin?" Pieck asked. "They've been spamming you like crazy."

"I'm busy this week," you squinted inside the fridge, finally just settling on peeling an orange for yourself that was in a bowl on the counter.

"Y/n, please be rational—oh grab me one too," Pieck pointed at the orange.

You grabbed a plate, peeling one for her since you had more than enough time before you had to leave.

"The semester just started and it might be better if I just focus on myself," you responded without looking at her. You finally glanced up, "Last semester I made all the wrong decisions. Let me just go to class and think about it all later. I'm still worried about paying rent."

Pieck grunted, folding her arms. You slid the plate in between you so she could eat as you moved onto unpeeling another orange.

"Thanks," she mumbled, popping a slice into her mouth. "But you really should eat a full meal. You hardly ate anything the past three days."

"I'll grab something after class," you stated, taking a slice and eating it while you continued unpeeling.

"I'll drop you off," she sighed. "I don't want you to walk."

"It's fine, it's a ten-minute walk to Maria. There's a bus stop for the shuttle by the theology building and library," you stated. "Shuttles to Sina go from there all the time."

"I'll just take you—it's going to take you an hour to just get to class itself," Pieck explained.

"No, I want to have some time to myself anyway before class," you held up your hand, revoking her from countering once again. "I need to clear my head with a walk."

Her only refute was a dreary stare, a thwarted yet anticipated defeat. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips apprehensively.

"What are you doing later tonight?" she asked, breaking the lull in the air. "Maybe you and I could grab dinner."

"Uh, sure," you replied casually, dusting off your hands. "I have class right now and then another one but I should be done by six. You missing Porco?"

"He only left last night," Pieck scoffed. She made awkward eye contact with you before blurting, "Yeah."

You chuckled halfheartedly, looking back at the orange slices and eating another two pieces before washing your hands and heading for the door.

"Wait, Y/n," Pieck called, making you stop as you reached the exit. She had pursed her lips and her brows were furrowed, "I'm worried about you—I care about you and want the best for you."

You softly smiled, facing the door again, "See you later,"

"See—" she piped but you slammed the door, "you. . ."

The commute to class was a bit longer considering you didn't have a car. Not only did you have to worry about rent and bills but getting a car would also be an added expense.

Striding into the lecture hall for your heavily populated communications class, you noticed almost half the seats filled up. While probing the hall for a decent seat, your eyes fell on a familiar face.

"Floch?" you tilted your head as you neared him in an almost empty row.

The brunette raised his head, brown eyes meeting yours, "Oh—hey—I didn't know you'd be in this class."

"Yeah," you reticently smiled. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Oh—yeah, no problem," he shifted his bag to his other side so you could sit in the seat next to him.

Setting your bag down, you fumbled through it to grab your laptop, "You got classes after this?"

"Nah, not today," he answered. "Wednesdays I work from noon till closing."

"Oh right," you mumbled in recollection. "At that diner."

"Yeah," he said. "Do . . . you have class?"

"Yeah, I've got one at three," you replied, trying to recall what campus as well. "It's on Rose."

"What class?"

"Bio," you grunted, holding your cheek in your palm.

He chuckled lightheartedly at your misery. You looked over at him, shaking your head with a tired smile. A stillness resided in the air, when you looked at your laptop again, waiting on the professor to arrive.

"How are things with you and Eren?" he suddenly asked, poking at the topic as if it were a corpse.

Immediately, your body stiffened at the mere mention of his name. Not hearing his name, the past two days served as a nonverbal process of moving on.

Two syllables, four letters, all it took to tear down your resolve. You weren't sure what it was exactly that always served as a catalyst to talk about him.

"Oh . . . um . . . we don't really talk much anymore," you brushed past it as smoothly as you could. Your eyes flit towards the front of the room, avoiding his observant stare.

"Hm, that's a shame. I thought you guys would be good together," he remarked, a casual note in his delivery.

The hum that apathetically rumbled in your throat created a pained letup in the conversation. For some reason, Eren wasn't even what you were thinking about now. Now you were just wondering about the aimless shift you'd have at the library tomorrow.

"Hey, Floch?" you called after a moment had gone by.

"Yeah?"

"You get paid well at that diner?" you inquired, voice filled with innocuous curiosity.

"Yeah," he slowly answered. His eyes glinted at you, "You looking for a job?"

"Are they hiring?" you quizzed back.

"Yeah," he nodded. When your eyes met his, he smirked, "I could talk to my manager. Marlowe still works there too so maybe one of us could train you."

"How soon would I be able to talk to your manager?" you lit up, facing him.

"I'm headed there after this. I'll text you later—here," he handed his phone over to you so you could put your contact information in. After you gave it back to him, he tucked his phone away, "I'll keep you posted."

"Perfect," you smiled. "Thanks."

"No problem," he chuckled.

After lecture, you headed to the library, waiting out the time before your next class. Once your class was approaching, you began making your way to the building. Luckily, it wasn't far as it was on the same campus.

That class ended up being a longstanding lecture, almost making you fall asleep, and it was only still syllabus week. As you were leaving class, your phone buzzed. Dropping your eyes down to your screen, you expected it to be Connie or Sasha but you got a text from Floch.

Floch
Hey u free to come in tomorrow?
Carly wants to talk to you

You
Yes
What time?

Floch
I gave her ur number
She's gonna text u in a bit

You texted back, quickly switching your phone off to prevent yourself from going through the calls on your phone. But your curiosity got the better of you and you went to your notifications. After being on do not disturb for a solid three days and probably leading people to believe you were dead, you finally checked for updates.

96 Missed Calls from Sasha
23 Missed Calls from Armin
61 Missed Calls from Connie
3 Missed Calls from Mom
78 Missed Calls from No Caller ID

13 Voice Mails from Sasha
3 Voice Mails from Armin
6 Voice Mails from Connie

Your heart sank when you saw the log. Of course, you felt terrible about the calls you had received from your friends, but you couldn't see any of them right now. Not yet.

"So when can you start?" the woman beamed at you, her eyes glimmering a fiery gold.

"As soon as you need," you bowed your head slightly to reaffirm your gratitude.

From your conversation with Carly the past fifteen minutes, your impression of her had been great. She made you feel welcome and she seemed to have a nurturing sensibility to her.

"Perfect, and I'll grab you a uniform. As you know, the diner's a bit old school so we have uniform dresses for the server girls. But of course, you're welcome to dress in the collared shirts the boys wear for their uniform with black pants. Whatever you're comfortable with," Carly lifted the edge of her pen from the notepad she was jotting down information on.

"Oh, um," you paused for a moment to think. "It doesn't really matter which one I pick right?"

"Not really, it's all personal preference," she clarified. "But girls usually get tipped more when they wear the dresses."

"Really?" you winced, and Carly nodded disappointedly, the unspoken fact lingered in the air that men enjoyed seeing girls all dolled up while serving them. "I'll take the dress."

Carly simply smiled as she etched something down on her notepad and ventured to another room to get your uniform. You let out a breath, waiting till she returned.

The next day, you were there again. You'd be training with another server, so it was your first official day. As soon as you walked in at seven in the morning, you were greeted by the smell of fresh French toast and coffee.

"Y/n!" someone called your name as the bell jingled above your head. You followed the voice, finding Marlowe as he circled around the counter.

"Hi," you smiled, mustering as much energy as you could.

"Carly must've let you know but I'm going to be the one training you today," Marlowe said. "You ready to get started?"

"Yup," you nodded, following him behind the counter.

So the next couple of hours, you spent with Marlowe, getting to know the ins and outs of working in a diner—an old fashioned one at that.

"So anyway, how come you decided to work here?" Marlowe chimed after you returned from helping a customer.

"I need money," you put it bluntly. "My family is still surprisingly sending me some, but I don't know. I have rent to worry about and I just want to buy my own car. I haven't had a car in months and I'm sick of it. Plus, I miss driving."

"Well, I hope you save up enough soon," Marlowe said as compassionately as his stoic self would let him. "How far off are you?"

"Actually, not too bad," you watched him wipe down the counter. "Like a few thousand away from getting the car I want. Obviously, I have monthly payments to worry about, but it'll be worth it once I start driving again."

"A few thousand is still a lot," Marlowe frowned, brows raising. "It's not going to be a quick week."

"Who said I'd only be here a week?" you challenged.

Marlowe smiled, "Good to know."

You caught your recently defensive exterior morphing into a softened state, smiling gently too. It felt nice talking to him.

"I guess I need a distraction too—one that I can benefit from anyway," you let your arms fold as you chewed on the inside of your cheek.

"Distraction? How come?" Marlowe asked.

"It's not really important," you blinked. "I just need to get my life back on track and stop getting caught up in things that shouldn't matter."

"Good luck," Marlowe's lips turned down in thought.

Glancing at him, you nodded slightly, acknowledging what lied ahead.

The next few hours, all you could think about was what you and Marlowe briefly discussed. Or more off, what you had almost discussed. You had gone home to get ready for class, attended class, left class and all you could think about was what you'd been avoiding to talk about for nearly a week now.

As you made your way from class to the bus stop, it was wracking your mind. You'd been mulling it all over but not letting it out. There wasn't a soul besides Aria's you knew you could let it all out in front of. Of course, there was someone else that had been your closest confidant for years, someone you felt beyond safe with . . . someone that wasn't Eren or tied to him.

Your eyes fell the on the bus that was rolling in. The one to take you back to Maria so you could walk back to yours and Pieck's place. You looked over your shoulder, seeing that same train station you had arrived at days ago in the distance.

There's only one person I really want to talk to right now.

You looked back at the bus, the final few people getting on, your time to embark becoming razor thin. In a split-second decision, you turned on your heel heading for the train station, pulling your phone to your ear.

"Pieck, I won't be able to make it back for the movie," you said when she picked up. "I have to go somewhere."

Your feet carried you and you trusted them, following where they chose to venture off to.

"Oh," she breathed. "Where are you going?"

"Marley," you replied, eyes narrowing at the sight of a train rolling in from a distance.

Trost: Five months ago

He sat there, staring at the girl in the bookshop, not sure if he should look away or not. While lost in her eyes and gentle smile, she said something, and it was only then Eren realized he still had his music blaring. Frantically, he moved to take his headphones off and let them sling around his neck.

"I'm sorry?" he rasped.

The pretty girl laughed softly after a beat of silence, like a realization of something had settled in on her features before she spoke, "That volume, I love that one."

Eren glanced quickly at the comic in his hand. He was hardly paying attention to it since he was so lost in his own mind. The fact that this girl had even pointed it out was a bit shocking to him.

"You actually read these?" He wasn't sure if he came off condescending or judgmental, but the way he responded had him reeling in embarrassment.

Luckily, she didn't seem to mind. She was nonchalant with her response and proceeded to ask if she could join him. He was good with being direct with girls, skipping over most small talk and getting down to business quickly. But there was something about the fact he was in a bookshop and how this girl seemed smart in the way she spoke that had his throat drying up.

Most of the time, the girls he spoke to were flirty to begin with. Playfully touching him or giggling at everything to come from his mouth but there was something so . . . wholesome about the way she appeared suddenly. It hardly helped his nerves that she was so cute.

While they sat together, she showed him an old Batman comic. It depicted the masked crusader holding the body of the second Robin on the cover. She began telling him about how the storyline was one of her favorites in all of comic book history and Eren felt like he was a little boy again, bonding over comics the way he did with Armin. He thought about how she was kind of a geek and found her even cuter somehow.

As she explained the story, Eren cocked his head to the side, "Oh—I remember the story now. But keep going."

She feigned a look of disappointment, one that was shielded with a frazzled smile, "Is there really any point of me continuing if you know it already?"

Eren suddenly felt guilty. He had unintentionally stripped away that glimmer of excitement from those eyes. So even if he knew the story, he'd listen to it over and over. Just so he could see those eyes light up again.

"You look really excited about it, I don't want to ruin it. So keep going," he said. And just like that, those beautiful eyes lit up again.

The pair got to talking, realizing they both were there that night because they couldn't sleep. That they were both a few hours shy of officially beginning their college careers. Eren felt his tensed limbs relax after . . . days . . . possibly weeks. Shortly after, Isabel had come up to ask if either of them wanted anything to eat or drink. It got Eren thinking about a conversation he had long ago with that waitress from Shiganshina.

"Hot coffee," Eren answered. Usually, it would be black but this time— "with milk and sugar."

It was hardly a doubt that he had finally had a nice night after such a long time. This occasion was better than most to be indulging in something sweet. He wondered if she had a sweet tooth, unlike him. He hardly indulged in sugary sweets all that much, reserving that circumstance for when it was really needed.

The next hour or so had flown by and when she declared that she had to head back, Eren couldn't help the utter disappointment he felt. He figured he'd see her again, but it wasn't until he saw her smile one last time from the window of the 3:15 a.m. bus that he realized he forgot to get her number . . . or her name.

He felt like the biggest idiot for spending all that time with her and forgetting to ask her for her fucking name of all things. It was like all his senses had been altered, rearranged in a way that legos would be when built without a set of instructions. Just a child setting and clipping together blocks without any thought, just emotion.

Just as mysteriously as she appeared, the stranger had disappeared.

He stood there in the dark, watching the distant light of the bus with a frown, eyebrows knitting together. Who are you?

He spent the next morning reeling in defeat, cringing at his stupidity. On his way to class, that's all he could think about. His idiocy.

While he was on his skateboard on the Maria campus, he noticed the sun beating down on hair a familiar shade. It looked like that girl from the bookstore . . . she turned to talk to the blonde next to her and Eren realized it was her. Bookshop girl.

He broke out in a grin, letting out a sigh of relief as he got off his board. He grabbed the end of it and began walking in her direction. But then, the blonde she was with waved at her, telling her she'd be right back. Then he realized just who it was she was talking to.

Historia.

He froze in his steps. She's friends with Historia . . . she'll know all about me in a matter of time.

Especially now that he knew Historia would come back out to her, he couldn't stay there any longer. She'd hate him once Historia would tell her all about his wrongdoings. It was better to leave that night behind anyway.

He narrowed his eyes in frustration, getting back on his board and skating again. He should've skated away but he wanted to see that pretty face up close again. Lost in his mind, he didn't realize just how close he'd gotten, accidentally bumping his shoulder against hers.

He looked back, regretting having shown his face immediately when she had clearly recognized him. All he did was mutter an apology and race off again before Historia could see.

Later, he had pushed aside the fact he'd ever known the girl from the bookshop. He went about the rest of the day and the morning after not having any second thoughts about her. That was until he bumped into her again at the football game Armin had pleaded him to come to.

She was hanging out with all his old friends and somehow that was what mortified him the most. So he pretended not to know her, and she luckily went along and pretended not to know him.

Finally, he learned her name—he learned who you were.

Unfortunately, he learned it far too late. The others had gotten to you first. Then again, it could maybe have been a blessing in disguise that he was late on the uptake. That he couldn't do something to taint that grace you carried. You might not have even been that innocent, but you carried a kindness that exuded all kinds of purity.

So yes, maybe it was better that he left it be.

At the afterparty, he heard all sorts of wild things about him. Theories that he had been the one to kill his aunt because he was indeed crazy and that Historia's now ex was close to becoming his second victim. After a while, it became apparent that he was in desperate need of a smoke.

Just as he was rolling a blunt in the dining room, Mikasa had spotted him, "Eren . . . you never told me you were coming."

"Huh . . .oh. . . yeah, well. I talked to Armin and he thought it would be good," Eren shrugged. He flicked his eyes up, seeing you with Connie and Sasha in the living room. "Isn't that your new friend?"

"Hm?" Mikasa raised her brows, turning around to see you with her other two friends. "Oh, Y/n. Yeah, she's really sweet."

"And pretty," Eren muttered without realizing.

"What?" Mikasa glared. Eren shook his head and kept his eyes on what he was doing. She scowled, "Listen, Eren. You can't fuck her, okay?"

"Relax, jeez. All I said was that she was cute. That doesn't mean I'm going to fuck her," Eren scoffed with much more attitude than he should've.

"Yeah, because you can't. I really like her and so do the others. I'd like to be her friend and you trying anything on her isn't only going to mess up how she sees us all but also how we see you," Mikasa warned.

Eren rolled his eyes. Knowing while all that might be the case, the real reason was that if Eren had been with a girl, Mikasa would loathe that person. So if she wanted to protect the feelings of a potential friend, Eren wasn't going to mess that up for Mikasa. At the end of the day, he still cared for her and loved her.

"Yeah, alright. Damn," Eren irritably grunted.

He walked away from her and toward the kitchen to see if there was a lighter in there by chance. Once he got there though, he walked in to see that in the crowded space, you and Jean were giggling about something. If he couldn't talk to you before, now he knew for sure he couldn't. Jean was still his close friend.

Eren grunted, turning around and seeing some kids that he knew. He took his mind off everything for a bit, he didn't even get to his unlit blunt because he was handed a cup of jungle juice. The two times it emptied, it was replaced by another cup full of it. He continued talking to them and eventually snuck off upstairs with a girl they had dared him to get with. A girl who got upset with him when he started getting dressed and making an exit without another word.

Eren was a lightweight, he should've known better than to agree to something so foolish. But hey, he was a cold, selfish person.

When he went outside, he finally lit his blunt, swiping a lighter off some kid he knew. Although his tolerance was weak with alchohol, his tolerance to weed was stacked high. So he sat alone on a lounge chair, smoking and knowing he shouldn't because of the chances of cross fading. But he did it anyway.

While he sat there, he heard Bertholdt and Reiner talking and asking a girl if she was okay. That earned his attention as he turned to see that girl happened to be you.

Shit . . . she looks like she's going to pass out. How much did Jean let her drink?

Once Reiner and Bertholdt walked away, Eren called out, "You're not trying to make your way around the entire team, are you? Cuz that's a lot of people."

Wow, Eren, you idiot. Why did you say that?

"Are you insinuating something, Jaeger?" you narrowed your eyes.

Fuck. She's cute when she's mad. "We aren't even on first name basis? Damn."

You didn't respond and Eren noted the way your legs trembled, hardly being able to stand upright.

He needed to get you to sit down and not make it weird that he wanted you to sit with him again. "You gonna smoke with me or just stand there all night?"

He wasn't actually going to let you smoke. Once you would settle down, he'd just put out the blunt, let you know that you were too tipsy to be walking around by the edge of the pool.

"I don't smoke," you flatly said.

Ugh, just take the hint and fucking sit down already. Damn.

"But you drink," Eren finally shot back. He pointed to the lounge chair next to him. "Here, you look like you're going to fall over."

You glared at him and his heart blared in his ears. Eventually, you sat down. He didn't know what to do or say then. He looked over you. He'd taken note of how your body looked the night you met—he couldn't get the way your clothes looked on you out of his head. So much so that he was thankful he was getting the chance to see your figure beside him once again.

Then he remembered what Mikasa said and that Jean had clearly set his sights on you. And in his unsober state, Eren made the idiotic decision to say the most outlandish thing to push you away.

He told you about the girl he fucked earlier, not exactly knowing what it would do for anyone. When you two argued about it and you walked off with Jean, Eren dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. He needed to stop smoking.

The rest of the night only proceeded to get worse. He watched you get all giddy and giggly with Jean, even kissing him after your team had beat Eren's in whatever game it was you were playing. He couldn't even help the jealous stare he was drilling into you in Jean's arms as he was about to jump into the pool as punishment.

Yeah, worst night ever.

Things turned around when he walked into class late on Monday morning, seeing you in there with the only open seat beside you. Eren was embarrassed by his behavior at the party. He couldn't even let his eyes meet yours. He figured once class was over, he'd apologize properly and bring up the fact that of course he remembered you from the bookstore.

Clearly you weren't in the mood to even see him when you bolted out of there. He grunted, chasing after you until he lost sight of you. Then he figured he might as well head to the library to get a head start on his research paper.

When he got there, he began roaming the aisles in pursuit of a book. As fate would have it, there you were, reaching for a book on a higher shelf. He should've just apologized and tried to interact like a normal human being the way he did when you met in Bellflower. But something was stopping him from that and he wasn't even sure. So once again, you two argued and he watched you get in a car with Jean.

Oh . . . right . . . that's what was stopping him. That and the fact Eren was truly finding you irritating. It was kind of his fault, but he found your anger amusing and aggravating all at once. He wasn't sure why he couldn't just leave it be.

Leaving you alone wasn't easy at all. Armin and Connie were your neighbors, and he didn't even mean to be spending as much time as he did with them at first. But he realized he missed his bond with them and Sasha. . . He also realized he enjoyed catching glimpses of you every so often as well outside class.

He was grateful to whoever suggested that everyone go to Scouts Arcade. Sure, he'd have to tolerate Historia being there, but he was slowly feeling relief that he wasn't just indulging in smoking and partying too much anymore. That he wasn't alone.

When he noticed you and Connie getting into the car, he registered your clothes. His eyes falling over the lax yet clean attire. He took note of everything, down to the spare hair tie on your wrist, the warm subtle sheen of gloss on your lips, and the fact you wore a necklace. He couldn't see the charm as it was tucked beneath your shirt. . . and all he wanted was to know what was dangling around your neck.

When Connie pushed you into the middle, you bumped against Eren. You were so close to him, even closer than the party or at Bellflower or even in class. Eren couldn't even help shuddering at the fact you smelt so nice . . . so sweet. He had to regain his composure, mumbling a compliment about your outfit without being too . . . friendly.

Things only got more complicated. He tried apologizing but of course you wouldn't accept. He was growing frustrated with your brattiness and outright made up the fact that the others told him to apologize. Sasha, Armin, and Connie did, but he wanted to do it too.

He talked to you by the crane machine as you won a cow plushie for your roommate. It was possibly the most civil the two of you had been with one another. Then you mentioned how you wanted the duck in the machine for yourself but were unable to win it. There was something endearing in the way you focused on getting the one you won for your friend instead of keeping it.

He couldn't help but keep his eyes set on that duck resting in the glass chamber.

That night he overheard a heated phone call between you and a man, understanding that something was not right. There was a part of you that you weren't telling the others about. It only made sense, you hardly met them a few weeks ago.

You admitted that it was just your brother, and you finally left the arcade. Eren made his way back over to the crane machine, thinking about how you annihilated everyone during laser tag, how excited you were with the others, how you smiled and how sickeningly adorable it was every time you did.

"Eren?" Sasha snapped him out of his trance while he tried the crane machine again. "That was like your sixth time trying. Is there a plushie you really want or something . . .? I'm starting to get worried for you."

Eren didn't even look at his friend who stood there with her arms crossed as he replied, "The duck."

"Hm, it's cute," Sasha agreed. "Just move over, I'll get it."

"No—I have to be the one to do it," he denied her offer.

"Why?"

"Because . . . then Y/n will forgive me for being an ass," Eren admitted.

"Awww," Sasha grinned. "Does someone have a crush?"

"What? No," he outrageously rejected her theory. "I'm doing this so there's peace and I can hang out with you all again."

"You're trying to make amends for us?" Sasha smiled. "That's so sweet, Eren."

"Uh, yeah," Eren halfheartedly went along. Then suddenly, the claw sunk into the plush yellow duck and pulled it up. "Yes!"

He reached for the duck that fell into the prize box and collected it. As he rushed toward the exit, he called back, "Tell the others I had to go home early!"

He left Sasha standing there with a dumbfounded look. The entire way to your dorm, he couldn't help but think about who your brother could have been. He learned your full name from Sasha just a few days ago and didn't even think much into it until now . . . until he found a resemblance in the faint voice from the call and demeanor of whoever you were talking to on the phone.

He left his apology at your doorstep and sauntered home. There's no way she's his sister. No fucking way . . .

Just a couple days later, he saw you in class and he couldn't shake the thought of you being Mason's sister. He tried to keep his words with you limited on account of Mikasa and of Jean who had expressed his growing interest with you.

He felt bad being curt with you but it was to protect everyone he knew. It all set him off though—seeing you with Jean. To have been witness to you and Jean being alone in your dorm. That Jean wasn't wearing a shirt—Eren could only imagine what was going on behind closed doors and it filled him with a burning rage.

You insisted you weren't doing anything and Eren could only think liar.

He was relieved that Jean had a sudden team meeting he had to leave for, leaving you with him. Well, with him and Sasha, Armin, and Connie. When you all decided to go to Garrison Park, Eren began skating, not sure what to say to you.

"You're really good at this," you commented from the edge of the ramp.

Eren stopped in front of you. Maybe he could redeem himself, "Want me to teach you?"

Please say yes. Please say yes.

Finally, after some convincing, you agreed. And when you nearly fell over, he wrapped his arms around you to stop you from falling. And for the first time, he genuinely laughed with you.

The two of you got to talking and finally, Eren asked straight up if you were related to a man named Mason. When your eyes widened, his heart dropped.

You appearing so suddenly in his life had thrown him for a loop. And now he fathomed just how way in over his head he was.

He spent the rest of the day with you—Mason's little sister. He hadn't accounted for how enamored he'd become by you. He listened to you talk about your life, how Mason was so controlling with you and how you had been hurt by him before many times. That you lost your best friend in a car accident before coming to Trost.

Eren was definitely way in over his head.

That night, he recalled teasing you and saying you wouldn't be able to guess what his favorite color was despite not even having one. When you said red . . . it felt like he'd always been waiting to recognize that was his favorite color his whole life.

After that, he grew fonder of you. He wanted to be around you all the time. Now that you two had moved past your rocky start, even you were cracking jokes and talking to him like you truly cared for him.

He found himself changing in a good way. His mood was brighter and he was less cold with other people. Everyone had been pleading with him for months to apologize Historia but right when you told him to do it, he did it the second he saw her.

He always stared at you without realizing how long he'd let his gaze linger, occasionally earning strange stares from Sasha. He thought about what it would be like to hold you again, to see you smile . . . to kiss you . . . to have you pinned beneath him as—

He'd always have to stop his mind from going too far. He couldn't help it most the time. It most certainly did not help when he saw you in your bikini at Historia's pool party. All he wanted was to grab you and sneak you off into some quiet room and fuck you like he'd never be able to fuck ever again. Again, he would feel guilty for even thinking that.

Why did he feel guilty though? He never felt guilty about wanting to have sex with anyone before. So why now?

It all made sense to him once Willy Tybur had hurt you that night. When he wasted no time in pummeling the man senselessly. When he ran off with you and the others to the drug mart and he sat outside with you as you stuck bandaids to his face, it all made sense.

Mitras: Day Three: Wedding Day: Eren

"Are you watching me sleep?"

Eren felt his heart stop, feeling a bit flustered at the fact he'd been staring at you as you slept for at least an hour. He wasn't ashamed of doing so, it was more the fact that you caught him.

It wasn't long before he managed to make you laugh. God, he'd venture to the sun a million times and back just to hear that sound.

Your time alone was of course disrupted soon enough. It somehow always worked that way. Sasha was one of his best friends but you and Eren could hardly ever get enough time to soak in each other's presence before someone intruded it.

Afterwards, Eren thought about what Sasha said—about you and Dean. How you must've loved Eren a lot to turn down someone like him.

Instead of the rage he normally would expect himself to feel, it was quite the opposite. He found himself smiling as he headed back to his room to get ready for breakfast.

His thoughts were fortified the moment you had slipped that magnet of a ghost into his hand, promising to haunt him. He knew without a shadow of a doubt, that any moment he was away, the thought of you would indeed haunt him.

While the two of you were in your hotel room alone, just basking in each other's warmth, he realized many things. He always felt lonely, but he enjoyed being alone with you. He enjoyed the fact that you could both cling to joy and peace with one another without sex.

Just watching shows with one another proved to be the highlight of the trip. That fact alone was all but telling.

Constantly, it was all he thought about. Running off with you, leaving everyone else behind.

At the wedding, it plagued his mind as well. He never thought about getting married—he didn't think he'd ever be fit to be anyone's husband. He wasn't even sure he could ever learn to be a decent life partner.

He peered around, looking at Frieda's groom at the altar, the pure look of love on his face as Frieda walked down the aisle.

Am I going to look like that much of a sucker when I get married?

He looked back, looking over at the look on your face as you watched the bride. You glanced over at him and a soft smile appeared on his face.

Yeah, I'm going to be a mess.

His eyes veered to you holding Armin's hand. He faced forward again, still smiling as he looked over at the best man standing beside Frieda's fiancé.

At the reception, he managed to find a secluded area outside the wedding hall. It was a cast stone temple, all lit by lights and surrounded by flowers. You could hear the music from the hall out here, reminding him about how he wanted to slow dance in there with you and not Mikasa.

He texted you, hoping you wouldn't take long. The wait was worth it, of course, when he saw you walking toward him and when you slipped your hand in his to dance.

"Let's get on a train and go back," he searched in your eyes, hoping he'd get the answer he wanted.

It took some convincing and some looks of craze from you, but finally you agreed. He grabbed your hand and ran with you, rushing to head in when you both ran into Ymir. He was certain that was the end—that Ymir would run in and tell the others.

Surprisingly, she agreed to stay silent. Or so he hoped.

He didn't have enough time to worry, he just wanted to get out of there. And to do that, he needed his wallet.

"Fuck—I must've left it inside. I'll go grab it. Can you just call a cab for us? We can't take any of the cars," Eren frantically said.

When you nodded, he ran off inside in search of his wallet. The first place he went to was the table you all sat at—nope, not there. The dessert table—no. Every square inch of the ground—no. Where the hell was it?

He'd been searching for so long now that he had no idea where to even look. Just as he made his way back to the doors that led out, Connie blocked his path.

"Here, Y/n wanted me to give this back to you," Connie held Eren's blazer out for him to take.

Eren cocked a brow, taking the jacket, "Where'd she go?"

"She said Mikasa spilled something on her dress and asked for her to help cleanup or something," Connie answered disinterestedly.

Eren narrowed his eyes, "Is she in the bathroom?"

"Um, no I saw her go down that other hall—there aren't bathrooms there," Connie explained.

He just needed to pop in and somehow get you to head up and pack your stuff so the two of you could head on out already.

"Okay, thanks," Eren looked away from Connie, already heading down to the direction Connie indicated.

He hadn't seen any of the others in a while either. Perhaps they all chose to turn in for the night. Very peculiar though considering Historia wasn't in his sights either and this was her family's wedding. He also couldn't see . . . Ymir.

Something was off.

He picked up the pace, practically running now when he turned right, down the secluded hall that led to the dressing room at the end. As if they weighed next to nothing, he pushed open the double doors to the room.

He wasn't sure what it was that he was expecting. But it wasn't this.

You stood there with your eyes blown wide, your body completely frozen as your gazes met. Mikasa, in front of you, her dark brows scrunched and her eyes cold. Her breaths were heavy, he could see it in the rise and fall of her shoulders.

By her was Historia, a furious glower on her features and Ymir on her side, a mortified look of her own that almost matched yours. No way. There's no way she told them.

Then he noticed Jean, a blank look on his face. His features were sunken as usual but there was a distant, far-off way in his look now. Like he was physically there but he wasn't actually there.

Louise was present as well, but Eren hardly paid her any mind. He was too concerned about what they were saying to leave a look like that on your face.

"What's going on?" he quizzed, eyeing each of them and prepared to tell them off about whatever they were doing to affect you. But then he noticed a final person in the room—Lara—"What are you doing here?"

"We're just talking about the night Aria Rall died," Lara crooned. "And how Y/n was throwing herself at her friend's boyfriend. She was high out of her mind and ended up killing that poor girl but this situation's not all that different—"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Eren snapped furiously, he couldn't tolerate anybody defaming you—especially with lies about difficult moments of your life.

"She got behind the wheel all drugged up. What's so difficult to understand?" Lara pressed challengingly.

"Will you shut up? That's not what happened!" you screamed.

"Oh right, because you have a knack for telling the truth, don't you? You made up a ghost car that ran you off the road—and well, this whole situation . . . You probably didn't tell anyone about that blonde with the scar on his nose. What was his name?" Lara tilted her head, acting dumb.

Every word she spewed was calculated, all the perfectly timed pauses creating a dramatic effect to every lie she uttered. She brought up Dean, a topic Eren knew you tried to bury in your memory.

"Hmm, I remember now—Dean Cassidy. Oh, that poor boy. Almost died because you kept jumping at every opportunity to get into bed with him. Even after Mason warned you and everything. Scarred that poor boy for life because you couldn't keep away. You've got a bit of a habit for doing that." Lara's eyes fell on Eren.

"Watch your mouth," Eren glowered at her, considering breaking the don't hit a woman rule.

"Eren, have you two been sleeping together?" Mikasa interrupted your stare off with Lara.

"Why are you asking me that?" he deadpanned. Fuck . . . they all know.

"Is it true or not? Don't lie to me. Have you been fucking her?" Mikasa angrily quizzed, holding up the polaroid he kept of you in his wallet.

His eyes dipped to her other hand, his missing wallet in it. He hadn't seen it for a while—now that he thought about it, he still had it before he danced with her.

The fact she stole it off him when he wanted to be spending that time with you made him livid enough, but when she stepped in your direction, Eren was done. He stepped in front of you, stopping her from approaching you and the pain on her face was palpable.

"Give me my wallet back," he demanded.

"So you're not going to deny it?!" she screamed.

"No, I'm not," he firmly stated. Deny? At this point, why would he? Whatever happened now, he was prepared to keep you safe. "We've been together. So what? You want the details?"

"Oh my god," Mikasa stepped back horrifyingly, covering her mouth.

"I expected this from Eren but . . . Y/n, why?" Historia finally chimed in. Her face held raw confusion and uncertainty. Eren had known that girl for a long time and he could tell that for once, she wasn't being fake.

The doors opened again, cutting you off from being able to answer. As if the situation wasn't mortifying enough, you all had garnered an even bigger audience. Armin, Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, Sasha, Connie, Nicolo, and Marco had entered.

"Tell me, Eren," Lara decided to entertain this crowd, treating it as her very own talk show. "Did you fuck Y/n because you were bored? Or because you wanted to get back at Mason?"

The gasp that spilt from Sasha's throat made his heart thrash. He could tell you were reeling in pain. He simply stared back at her, ignoring the concerned and befuddled murmurs of his other friends.

"He probably made you feel really special too. Of course, he had to put more effort in considering . . . it took you a while to realize how much this would hurt your brother," Lara eyed you with an unnerving smirk. "You weren't always that clever, you know."

"God, you're so fucking stupid," you shook your head with a humorless smile, for some reason shocking Eren. "Are you really this sad and pathetic that you came all the way here just to screw with peoples' lives?"

"I'm just trying to save your victims. You seem to leave a leave a trail of them wherever you go. I'm just lettering these other people know that you're not a good person," Lara pouted but you cut her off by warning, "Get the fuck out of my face."

"She's trying to change the subject," Louise of all people spoke up. "The truth is she went after Eren because Jean was in love with Mikasa, and she wanted to get back at both of them."

This ostensibly triggered something within Sasha as she strode in front of you to yell at the girl, "Who the fuck even are you? You don't know anything about her! Watch your fucking mouth!"

Every little detail thus far had visibly shaken up Mikasa. From learning you and Eren had been together to him defending you. But what shattered her weak resolve was seeing Sasha, her best friend, charge in like a soldier to fight for you and protect you. That had conspicuously been her final straw, leading her to barge out of the room.

"Mikasa!" you turned to go after her, but Louise had grabbed your hand.

Eren wasn't even sure where his mind was at. Whether he was shocked by Louise threatening you or Ymir stepping in to get Louise away from you, he wasn't sure what struck him more.

"Hmm, I'm curious now. You really hooked up just to get back at Mikasa and Jean—and you," she faced Eren, "just slept with her to get back at Mason? Did you have something against Jean too?"

Jean . . . he had hardly even looked at him. . . Eren's jaw tightened, "When will you shut the fuck up?"

"I'm just thinking about your poor friend over there," Lara glanced back at Jean. "Someone had to."

Eren's eyes chanced with Jean's, eyes meeting and a blaze of dangerous electricity fastening in between them. Jean had attacked him, getting him on the ground and punching him like he'd become an entirely different person.

By then, you'd already fled—most likely having gone after Mikasa. As Jean's fist came to hit the side of Eren's face again, Eren had somehow grabbed ahold of his wrist and stopped him.

"Jean, I'm sorry—but—" Eren breathed, "we can talk about this—"

Reiner, Bertholdt, Armin, Marco and Connie ran over but Jean warned them, "Don't come near me!"

They all stopped in their tracks and Jean pulled his arm back, resulting in Eren shoving him off.

"Jean—listen! Wait!" Eren yelled, trying to voice some reason.

Eren tried getting on his feet while Jean was back to hitting him, not listening to his pleas at all. Eren managed to fend his punches, becoming frustrated.

"Enough!" Eren snapped, tackling Jean to the ground, one hand grabbing the collar of his shirt and the other curled in a fist, ready to strike. His eyes were aflame with anger, absolutely prepared to pummel Jean.

Jean's eyes wilted, looking back up at Eren in defeat, "What the hell kind of best friend are you?"

Struck by a whirlwind, Eren's eyes widened. His hand dropped and he backed away, letting go of Jean.

Jean shifted back on his palms. Moving back before he got up, he refused to let his gaze meet anybody else's. Leaving through the same doors Mikasa and you had, he was gone.

The tumultuous display of everything that had played out thus far was finally catching up to him. Jean was right. Eren had not been a good friend. That was what upset Jean more, that Eren went for a girl he had his sights on, not the fact it was you.

"Eren, what are they talking about?" Reiner quizzed.

"Is Mason here?" Eren's eyes shot toward Lara who wore a look of mirth.

"Maybe," the grin on her face grew. "You don't want to catch up with me first?"

"Catch up? You came all the way to Mitras just to spite her and you decided to bring Mason, of all people, here?" Eren scowled. "One call to the cops and we could have him arrested just for being here. Or are you that stupid that you don't know how restraining orders work?"

"Woah, woah, calm down, sweetie," she coaxed with faux refinement. "I never said if he was here or not. All I said was maybe."

"Stop playing games," Eren seethed, jaw clenching. "Is she in danger or not?"

"Wouldn't that be your own fault if she was?" Lara countered, her smile fading. "You do realize he went after her because of you in the first place, right?"

"Shut up. Why can't she just live her life without you idiots interfering?" Eren scowled.

"She's the one always interfering with others," Lara frowned menacingly.

"Oh my god, I have to go find Mikasa. Come on, Ymir," Historia stomped towards the door. She froze, looking back, "Ymir?"

Ymir stood where she was, shaking her head. Historia's brows arched, lips parting as she read the look on her girlfriend's face. Grumbling in aggravation, she ran off as well, Louise following closely behind.

"Y/n's always been self-centered," Lara sighed. "I never thought she'd weasel her way into a friend group and break it up by passing herself around."

"Shut the fuck up about her," Sasha scowled.

"I'd watch myself if I were you," Lara's eyes narrowed.

Nicolo was the one to spout back, brows pinched and eyes tapered, "Are you threatening her?"

"Are you seriously that obsessed with her and Eren that you had to come all the way here to try and break them up?" Connie interrogated.

Lara rolled her eyes, facing Eren, "None of this would've happened if you stayed away from her like you were supposed to. I really hope it was all worth it."

"Where is Mason? I'm not going to ask again." Eren quizzed heatedly. When he was met by a silent smirk from her, he growled, "I don't have time for this."

Without another second slipping by, he rushed out the door as well. His pupils darted around the hall, looking for you in that blue dress. He ran back into the hall where the wedding reception was ongoing.

Every strike of his foot against the ground served as a reminder that he needed to take you away. He needed your feet to strike the earth together, both of you side by side, abandon everything and run away.

He opened the doors that led to the top of the steps, the garden and the mazed landscaped stretched out in the distance around a hundred yards away. He told you to meet him out here before shit went sideways, maybe you were in the maze.

He fled down the stone stairs at a pace too debauched that he was surprised he hadn't stumbled and cracked his skull open. Just as his feet touched the bottom of the steps, a pair of hands grabbed onto his shoulders.

Before he could get a sense of what was going on, he felt his back harshly press against the stone wall along the side of the stairway.

An indignant grunt escaped his throat before he opened his eyes. He was met with the sight of two guys before him, both he couldn't really recognize.

"Let go of me!" Eren writhed, but each of the guys pinned his arms back, restricting his movement.

"Why? You looking for my sister?" a familiar voice drawled.

Eren's eyes widened, and he looked up, not even needing to see to know who it was. A menacing glint resided in his eyes, a glower to match. Mason.

"What the fuck do you want?" Eren grimaced.

"What do you think? Tell me where she is," Mason demanded.

"You think I'm dumb enough to tell you that?" Eren chuckled.

"I saw her going back into the wedding hall after I grabbed her, if she's not out here then she's gone," one of Mason's friends said.

"You put your hands on her?" Eren's eyes shot to the boy that declared having grasped you.

"Just tell us where she is, man. No one has to get hurt," the boy grunted half-heartedly.

"No." Eren kept it blunt.

The boy raised a fist, but Mason cut him off, "Wait. I'll give you one more chance."

"Great," Eren flatly stated. "No."

"Fine, I won't go after her, I won't even hurt you," Mason straightened up. "If you agree to do one thing."

"What?" Eren tapered his eyes, sensing deceit.

"You get her to drop the restraining order and the case," Mason answered shrewdly.

"Are you fucking insane? No," Eren spat ludicrously.

"You want to die, Jaeger?" Mason yelled back.

"You want to beat me up? Go ahead. You want to kill me? Go ahead," Eren sharply taunted. "I'm not letting you anywhere near her."

"You realize I beat her last boyfriend so bad that she ended up listening to me anyway, right?" Mason's lips split in a humorless grin. "I could do the same with you. She wouldn't want to ever be the cause of you or anyone getting hurt again. She was always too fragile like that."

Eren went silent, realizing there was truth to what your brother was saying. Years ago, Mason had beat you so terribly and told you to stay away from Dean, but you rejected. It was only when Dean was sent to the hospital that you decided to stop seeing him and do as Mason pleased.

This offer though. . . it meant that Eren could be with you and you wouldn't have to worry about Mason coming after you.

This time, you at least had the power of the restraining order on your side—another thing that could keep you safe and land Mason in jail once and for all. He couldn't risk you losing something like that. Your safety was the number one priority.

"No," Eren shook his head. "No way in hell. She's keeping the order."

"I don't give a fuck if she's with you or not anymore. As long as she gives up the fucking order, I won't come around that bitch at all," Mason shoved Eren.

Eren's eyes dipped to the bottle of alcohol that was in Mason's hand, the auburn of it glinting in the moonlight.

"You're a liar," Eren bared his teeth. "As long as she has the order, she can throw you in jail. She can't do that if she takes it back."

Mason chuckled, nodding his head as if he'd heard some hilarious joke. Rolling his head, he wasted no time in punching Eren in the face.

Despite the pain, Eren tried acting undaunted. Mustering every bit of his strength, he shook off the guys holding either of his arms. Unencumbered for merely a second, he tried to make a break for it but your brother had smashed the glass bottle of liquor he held against the stone wall and slashed it in Eren's direction.

Protecting his face, Eren was quick to shield his eyes but the shards of glass had sliced clean across his palm. He shouted out in pain, feeling the cold air of the night needling at the bloody wound on his hand.

Both Mason's friends pinned him back against the wall, Mason stepping in to punch him a few times more.

"Go on, keep talking," Mason threatened. "I'll kill you right here."

"Fine by me," Eren grinned. "As long as you aren't near her."

"I'll kill her after I've taken care of you then," Mason's features flattened. "I've gotten to her before, I could do it again."

"What the hell is your problem? Why can't you leave her alone? Why are you so fucking obsessed with her?" Eren quizzed.

"If you hadn't stayed away like you should've, none of this would've happened," Mason glared. "If you never fucked my girlfriend this never would've happened. You're my fucking problem. This is your fault."

"Get the fuck off me!" Eren snapped, becoming irritated.

"Listen," Mason calmed down, softening his tone. "I won't hurt you again. I'll walk away and I won't contact her. She either takes the order back or you never see her again."

Eren nearly broke out in a fit of laughter. What a ridiculous proposition.

"What are you going to do if I say 'no' again?" Eren's brows furrowed.

"I've gotten to her before and I could do it again," Mason tilted his head, eyeing the broken bottle in his hand. "I could rough you up even more, persuade her to take it back."

"You could slit my throat with that right here and now, I'm not going to let you get to her and she's not stupid enough to let you do that either," Eren frowned.

"No, you might not think of it as stupidity like I do but she's too noble to be the reason I send another one of her boyfriends to the hospital," Mason argued. "She'd take it back and stay away from you and I'd get what I want."

Eren was prepared to argue back, but he knew that Mason was surprisingly right. You got hurt with Dean and kept being with him. You got hurt with Eren and kept being with him. With Dean, you only let Mason get what he wanted after he hurt him, terrified he'd do it again.

[play "black friday" by tom odell]

Throwing your own safety to the wind, you were only concerned about him. You should've stopped seeing Eren too when you got hurt, at least Eren should've been wiser and stayed away.

"If I promise to never see her again, you won't go after her, right?" Eren's eyes flicked up from where he was held against the foot of the wall.

Mason looked Eren up and down, "Yeah."

"None of your little lackies will bother her either?" Eren questioned.

"Done," Mason nodded, eyes hooded.

"Okay," Eren rasped.

Mason and Eren stared back at the other, silence stilled in the air, piercing through the cold winter wind.

"Let him go," Mason ordered the other two individuals. They did as told, dropping Eren and stepping back. Mason nodded at him, slowly backing away. "I find out you've been around her again, don't count on me being so understanding."

Eren didn't reply, he simply watched the men walk off, circling around the back of the building and entirely out of view.

Taking a moment to gather his breath, he started walking toward the garden where he had a feeling you'd disappeared off to.

Last night, you had told Eren that when you and Dean eventually did find your way back, only several months passed afterward when Dean left. Before he did though, he told you it was for the better. You said you couldn't hate him for it because he was doing it to protect you, and it simply agonized you even more that you couldn't even talk about it.

You stated that it would've been much easier to hate Dean but the circumstance had not allowed you to. If hate would make it easier—

"Oh thank god," he heard the sweet sound of your voice. You were hurrying toward him, the pretty blue of the dress shimmering in the pale moonlight. "I thought—oh my god what happened to you?!"

He couldn't even stomach looking you in the eye. He knew that everything that he was about to say was going to change the trajectory of both of your lives.

He also knew that if he needed to make it believable—to be successful in protecting you—he had to calculate his responses and lies well enough that it shattered your will to want to see him ever again anyway.

The pain of every second that passed pressed down on his chest. Each lie was like a razor against his skin, he didn't want to say any of it—he knew everything Lara said wasn't true, but it was for the better. This way, you could move forward with your life and be safe.

When glass breaks, it can't be pieced back together. He had gone to the fullest extent of creating irreversible damage. He watched tears form in your eyes, feeling nothing but shame at being the cause for that.

He watched as snow began to fall. The chilly air clinging to your freezing frame. He didn't think it could be possible to find someone so beautiful, even knowing you were in pain.

Do God and the angels sit back and watch what happens?

No, Eren didn't think so. God sits there, skimming his choices in ingredients. trying to figure out whether he should add water to the sky, ice to the sea, paint the clouds gray, frost the mountains, or simply just crack, the entire earth open on the edge of the rim of the universe, spilling its contents into it like an egg.

In simpler terms, this entire thing was out of his hands and outside of how he wanted things to go.

All he wanted was to fall into your arms, collapse into you, collapse the way stars do. Despite all his efforts and all his preparation, he fell short.

I read Shakespeare to learn the art of deceit, the Odyssey to learn the triumphs of war, the Illiad to learn the rage of man, and still I had learned nothing.

When he was sure that the job was done, he looked back, relieved his ears were covered by his hair. That the shade of red brewing would be hidden away from you.

"I hate you. I never want to see you ever again," you trembled, somehow braving through enough to be severe.

Eren held back a pained smile, I'll watch the stars the way I watched you.

"I know what it is now . . . A fate worse than death . . . is to love a liar," he said, hoping it would serve as a farewell that made sure you truly would never want to see him ever again before he turned around.

Goodbye. He looked up at the moon.

Don't run after me. Don't yell at me.

This is me fighting for you.