CEDRIC
CXLII
Terrible didn't cover how he felt.
In the silence, he heard his heart pounding with alarm.
He needed to understand what he had just dreamed even if his subconscious recognized it. The fact that the kiss with the other Harry hadn't been real didn't lessen the guilt one bit.
Before he wondered what it meant, he understood.
The realization hit him hard.
Why his decision to walk away had hurt him that way.
He had feelings for him.
It was so obvious all of a sudden, with the memory of the sensation crushing him.
The worst betrayal and he had to tell his boyfriend.
Cedric did not go back to sleep.
He had destroyed everything without even meaning to.
In the blink of an eye, the future he imagined vanished.
CXLIII
Mixing lack of sleep and crippling anxiety was not a good combination. In class he could barely hear the review of upcoming exams. As the students worked on their parchment during History of Magic, Cedric closed his eyes for a moment.
Someone touched his shoulder.
Professor Binns allowed him to leave the classroom.
"Those who can rest, should be able to do so."
"Because he can't anymore," a nearby student laughed.
Accustomed to jokes about his status as a ghost, the professor let it pass. Sometimes, Cedric remembered, he used it to his advantage, like when he made some about himself and showed off his supernatural abilities.
Maybe death had its advantages.
Good hearing. Speed... Passing through walls.
He shook his head, surprised at his thoughts.
Then he remembered that dream that bordered on the nebula of oblivion.
The idea felt fictitious, a bad joke and a mistake.
But it was true and Harry had to know it.
No matter what the result was.
HARRY
CXLIV
After the last class he was exhausted.
The reviews and having to be present while the rest took their exams was the most boring thing. He wouldn't say it, of course. Ron wouldn't appreciate it.
Cedric's face usually made any situation better.
Harry was concerned about the seriousness in his expression.
"I need to talk to you," were the exact words that caused a sudden, stinging pain in his stomach.
They entered an empty classroom and Harry tried to remember if he had done anything.
He wondered if perhaps Cedric had decided that whatever Harry could offer him was not enough. If...
Cedric stood inches from the desk.
Harry sat up, watching him eagerly.
"We said we would tell each other these things..."
"What things?" Harry had no idea what he meant.
"If anyone had feelings for someone else," Cedric answered after a second.
Each word made his heart drop and he was grateful for the wooden surface beneath his trembling hands. "Who?"
He thought about Malcolm, not entirely convinced.
Harry thought he knew all the significant people in Cedric's life and he didn't expect this.
"The... The other you..." He couldn't explain why the weight that was sinking him evaporated and he could breathe, relieved. "It's confusing. I don't... This isn't... I'm so sorry."
"Okay."
"I understand if... You don't trust me anymore and we should break up."
"Wait," Harry stopped him, grabbing his arms.
Cedric frowned. "What? It's... It's infidelity."
Harry turned his head, getting used to the idea. "Technically it's still me."
As if he hadn't heard, Cedric continued, "An emotional one, the worst type there is in my opinion."
"Technically it's still me," he repeated.
"But it's not you," Cedric countered.
"Are you saying you're going to go to his timeline to be happily ever after?"
Just by looking at him he understood his answer before he said it.
"I wouldn't do that. I know I thought about it once so I could be with my mother, but I wouldn't sacrifice my life here. With you," Cedric added slowly, under his breath. He plopped down next to him. Harry had never seen him this defeated with anything before. "I'm really sorry. I feel horrible, which I know doesn't matter. It matters how you feel. I... I didn't mean to do this to us. I didn't plan it."
They remained silent.
Harry didn't know precisely how he felt.
Or how he should feel.
The fact that they were, in reality and in multiple ways, the same person confused him. An unprecedented fact: that was his life.
If he stopped to think about it, he wasn't so surprised.
He already knew for months that they spent time together and that didn't make him jealous.
He saw how Cedric looked after that Harry took his distance.
His disappointment and pain.
CEDRIC
CXLIV
"Harry has feelings for you, you knew that, right? That's why he walked away, I think."
"I didn't know," Cedric admitted. "I asked myself that once, but I wasn't sure. It didn't sound like..."
Harry pursed his lips. "He didn't want to tell you."
"Why are you telling me now? Do you think... that I'll go look for him?"
"Will you?" Harry's voice broke his heart and the worst part was that he did it to himself.
Cedric shook his head, a lump in his throat. "I don't intend to do anything with it. I felt like you should know. Nothing has changed for me. I love you and I want a life with you. But I would understand if everything has changed for you and I would respect that."
He felt Harry's knee bump into his leg and the question knocked him out. "Are you in love with him?"
Cedric took a breath. "I don't think so. It feels different. It's as if..."
To a certain extent he could differentiate his feelings.
Somehow they converged at the edges. One inside the other. Mixed.
He was so in love with his Harry that the mere idea that he would have to let him go and give up everything he dreamed of with him stung his soul. He wanted it so much that he doubted he would ever be able to not wish for it.
But somehow that Harry was also the boy he loved.
In another time, in another life.
"As if deep down it was still you and I would love you in every dimension. I don't... I'm not saying this so you can forgive me. I know it is unforgivable."
HARRY
CXLV
He attended classes the next day, unfocused.
In all those hours he couldn't think of an alternative way to carry out a conversation without it involving knocking on the door where he knew Harry had been staying for weeks, and leaning back against the wall of the narrow hallway.
At times he was on the verge of telling Cedric where to find him.
He would do it if he asked him to —which wouldn't happen.
The light spread when that Harry opened it.
He was wearing the worst combination of clothing his eyes had ever seen.
"I wasn't expecting your visit these days," he took a step back.
"Did you expect me another time?"
Both of them smiled.
"We have a thing for breaking the rules."
CXLVI
There, against the cold of the wall, he unleashed every emotion, insecurity and sadness in front of himself. Not only his own incarnation but also the one from his past, present and future.
He almost thought it would be comforting.
"Are you crazy?" that Harry answered.
"That was one of the possible effects, right? So it can be."
"That and killing each other," he grimaced.
They had been close.
His head was starting to hurt. It was a minimal, continuous annoyance.
"I told Cedric that you had feelings for him."
Harry was grateful that, even though he knew it hadn't been the right thing to do, he didn't reproach him.
"He has feelings for you too," Harry added.
"That doesn't mean anything. He loves you. That's what he sees in me. You."
"And you don't love him? You came here to save him. You know that..."
That he won't be there when you return, he didn't dare say.
A reality that was so horrible he could barely imagine what it would be like.
That Harry looked away. "He's not... He's not my Cedric. He's different, which doesn't mean I don't love him. I love him enough to let him go. Save him here even if I couldn't save him there. As long as you have the luck that I didn't have. Promise me you won't waste it."
This version of him, so broken and yet so...
He wondered what he would do in his place.
If he would have the same strength.
Harry wished he wouldn't have to find out.
CXLVII
That Harry went further and told him everything he knew about the day of the third task. So that anything would take him by surprise. He understood, at last, why Hermione didn't agree with him going.
In addition to "putting his life at risk", he would be...
Helping Voldemort get his body back.
His power.
Was it worth it?
How dire would the consequences of not going be compared to doing so?
CXLVIII
He asked him for a favor.
"Could you... say goodbye to Cedric before returning to your line?"
Maybe he was overdoing it.
Cedric had not expressed it, but...
A nod was enough.
"By the way," Harry turned one last time as he headed down the hallway, "I promise. And you too can handle all of this and whatever comes," he returned those words, looking at his other self for an extra moment.
If things went according to plan, this was goodbye.
CXLIX
He understood why Snape wouldn't let him get out of the exam schedule.
He even gave him a fucking assignment to work on.
Of course, Professor Trelawney wasn't half as cool as McGonagall, who gave him the free hour. It's just that Harry thought that with a little convincing she would agree to release him.
Apparently she enjoyed the bad fortune that came from his presence.
At least she didn't scold him for closing his eyes.
"Harry, please don't fall asleep," he heard the teacher's soft voice. "We must pay due respect to the art that is happening at this precise moment in this classroom on this beautiful Wednesday."
He shook his head, emerging from his stupor, and put his hand to his forehead like a reflex.
His scar burned, his vision blurred and...
What had she just said? Harry, don't do it.
"Do what?" he barely let out, blinded by the pain.
"Sleep when..."
"Harry, are you okay? Professor!"
He heard Ron's voice and a hand helping him to his feet.
CL
Poppy gave him a potion so powerful that it ended the pressure in his head that he had since talking to his other self the day before. In the calm it provided, he struggled to remember what Trelawney had told him last year.
Why hadn't he written it down?
It was true that he took it as gossip from a non-sane person...
Time. Stop something.
Why didn't he tell anyone? Hermione would remember it perfectly.
Ron would joke about it for months.
CLI
He woke up when someone shook him.
"I tried to walk you to the hospital wing," Ron explained, "but she wouldn't let me. She thought that I wanted to get out of the exam, which was an undeniable benefit but..."
Cedric was leaning over him, attentive. "How do you feel?"
"Madam Pomfrey said your scar hurt," Hermione mentioned. "It isn't the first time it has happened. It's worrying, Harry. We should inform Dumbledore."
"And what will Dumb do?"
He ignored the small argument between his best friends, focusing on Cedric.
Harry extended his hand toward him, lowering it at the last moment.
There was a single student at the other end of the room, admitted for nausea before an exam. Potions, for a change.
And he didn't really know how things were between them.
Harry didn't think they were taking time off or something like that.
He bet that Cedric believed that he wouldn't want anything to do with him.
"I feel wonderful. I got away from Trelawney."
Cedric smiled weakly. "Seriously, Harry," he grimaced.
"It doesn't hurt anymore."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"I won't tell Dumbledore," Harry addressed his friends. "He must already know it. Poppy usually informs him of that sort of thing."
Considering that he had no family...
Would they tell Sirius?
He would write to him when he could through his notebook.
CLII
In the afternoon his friends told him how their exams went that day.
Each one sitting in a chair on one side of the gurney.
Cedric was the only one who didn't utter a word.
"You are all very chatty," the nurse commented as she passed by. "I see you're feeling much better, Potter. I think you can leave now."
"Thank you, Poppy." He jumped out of bed, barefoot.
The action made her hold back an amused smile.
"Where are you going in such a hurry? Someone already wanted to leave."
"I stayed out of respect for you," Harry admitted.
"As it should be," she agreed and headed to her office.
He looked for his shoes and the four of them walked through the door.
As Cedric was about to leave, Harry said goodbye to his friends and followed him. Yesterday they hadn't spoken at all. A thick silence spread between them and Harry wanted to break it with every step they took until they entered a classroom.
Whatever Cedric was going to say was interrupted by a kiss.
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I would love to know your opinions. What I like the most and what is the most difficult thing about writing these chapters is how complex the situation is. With no precedent