Chapter Thirty-Six
One irony of love: “Being so close HURTS the most, but staying even just an inch away also gives you the same thought.”
After I left him standing in their door way I run to our house. I don’t know what else to think and I don’t know what else to say. But one thing I know that is everything ends here.
The next day I went to the library to return the book that I borrowed. Then I stayed there on the English area to read some books and kill the hurt out of me. I chose to borrow “Ghost Girl” by Tonya Hurley. Yeah, I chose the third sequel to the series because I thought the title was pretty cool; “Lovesick”. I’m kind of feeling gothic now than emo. Haha wow I made a laugh. Anyway I found myself blasting my ear phones with “Going Under” by Evanescence as I decided to go back to my table for my things.
I’m going under…
Don’t launch your hand this time I’ll save myself
Maybe I’ll wake up for once
Not torment to daily defeated by you
Just one night I thought I reached the bottom
I… dived again
I’m going under…
Drowning you…
I’m falling forever…
Got to break through…
I’m going--
*BOGSH*
‘What are you doing here?’
He picked my book, looked at it for a while then handed it over to me. I tried to grab it from him but he raised it up.
‘May I have my book please?’ I asked him patiently.
‘I don’t get you. Now you’re reading a…’ he thought of a right term for it. ‘…an emo book and then you’re singing a gothic song.’
‘Mind your own business!’ I pulled the book from him but it only made him pull me close to him and he locked his arms on my waist.
I breathed in.
He moved his face to me and that’s when my heart started to beat fast again. Argh! My heart’s bleeding right now yet still it knows how to beat for him. Horridious!
‘Stop it.’ I said as I looked away and he lets me go.
‘I’m sorry.’ He said.
There I blushed in front of him. My nose turned bright red! I know I gave it a different meaning. There I was imagining that he’s saying sorry for ignoring my feelings.
‘Uy… She’s blushing.’ He teased.
I scowled at him but it’s obvious that a smile wants to escape my own lips.
‘It’s not funny, Lover boy!’
‘You’re smiling.’ He said as he grinned.
‘No.’ I shook my head.
He closed his lips and nodded. ‘Why still play so hard to get when you already told me?’
I scoffed. ‘You guys, you are all the same! Not because I told you that I like you—‘
‘You love me.’ he corrected me with a grin and I rolled my eyes at him.
‘Fine—not because I told you that—‘
‘I love you.’ he said with a huge smile on his face. ‘Shocks, you’re thrilled aren’t you!’
I groaned. ‘Haha so not funny!’
‘You’re obviously turning bright red, babe.’ He winked at me.
‘Even if I told you that, that doesn’t mean you can play around with me!’ I really have to defend myself.
‘Wow, defensive. Well, I love playing around with you.’ he prompted.
I scoffed ‘You are so rude!’ but then a smile crossed my face.
He laughed into extreme that he came to the point that he was close to tears.
‘Owz… I’m rude; then why did you fell in love with me?’
I became silent. Then my smile faded and I started to fix my things. ‘I have to go.’
‘Psyche,’ I stopped. Then slowly I turned to him.
‘You forgot your book.’ He held it to my face.
I sighed. Of course. What was I expecting? That after I told him everything and I gave him my diary would make him fall for me? How lame.
‘Thanks.’ I got I from him and I went out of the library.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
All the seniors were informed of a seminar that was about teenage relationship. Sounds kind of stupid to me but all of us were required to go. But each class was asked to pick a number so we’re divided into four groups. How coincident that Andrew, Kelpie and I have the same number which was number two. While Janica was with Brail on number four. I wonder what number Cupid is. I saw that my twin was in number one. Then I saw Cupid exchanged number with Jason Sleeves and after that he went for a walk with Persephone on the other room.
‘Kai, I’m so glad we’re together for the rest of the day.’ Andrew said. My mind went back to the real world.
I smiled. ‘Me, too.’
‘Maybe this is what you call doubled destiny.’ Janica crossed her fingers.
‘Why don’t you just go to your group?’ Kelpie pushed her.
‘Wow, do you really need to push me?’ Janica growled at her.
Kelpie just laughed at her.
‘I AM NUMBER FOUR.’ Janica said.
Kelpie and I laughed.
‘Oh, you are next then.’ Kelpie giggled.
Janica rolls her eyes and she walks away.
‘Jealous!’ she shouted back at Kelpie.
‘Hey, bro.’ my heart beat accelerated when Cupid went close to us.
‘Hi.’ Andrew said bluntly giving him their brotherly clap. It was kind of long to explain.
‘What number is this?’ he asked.
‘Number three.’ Andrew prompted.
‘Oh, I thought number one.’ He scratched his head. ‘That moron.’
‘Why is it, bro?’
‘Jason exchanged numbers with me. I thought Pers was number three.’
Ouch. Does he have to point that put in front of me?
Then the bell rang and Andrew held my hand. I flinched at the contact and I tried to pull away but he won’t let me go.
‘Come sit with Me.’ he said and he pulled me to the back of the room. Kelpie followed us.
The seminar was a bit boring because they talked mostly about teen infatuation, relationship and sex. And when the topic sex came all of the audience became active.
‘But teens, we must remember that sex is for married couples only!’ the speaker stated and the audience “Boo”.
I looked around searching for Cupid but just in time I felt an odd feeling that someone’s watching me. I turned to my right and not far from our seat, Cupid locked gazes with me.
‘Psyche,’ Kelpie elbowed me.
I turned to her as to “what?” form.
She nodded at the speaker.
‘Miss, would you like to share—‘
‘Oh no! I don’t drink except on special occasions!’ I blurted and everyone laughed inside the room.
The speaker laughed. ‘Thanks for sharing, miss. But I was asking if you’d like to share about your own love life.’
I gaped and then laughter escaped my throat.
‘I don’t think I have one.’ I almost whispered but all the audience laughed.
‘I don’t believe that you don’t. Every person has a love story. Don’t tell me you haven’t loved anyone.’
‘You mean aside from my parents?’ everyone laughed again. Argh, this is sooo humiliating!
‘Exactly, so would you mind if you’d like to share your experience of it with us?’
I swallowed hard then I glanced at Andrew who gave an assuring nod at me. I know that if they throw tomatoes at me after my sharing he’d block them to save me.
‘Come on, don’t be shy. It’s just us.’ The speaker said.
So I stood up, and as soon as I did I met Cupid’s eyes again and my knees quivered in its place. The speaker has to pull me in front because I couldn’t move.
‘So what’s your name?’
‘Psyche.’
‘Your name means soul. Did you know that?’
I laughed. ‘I always thought that it only means butterfly.’ Like I always thought that I only like Cupid and I don’t love him.
Then I took a deep breath, I steadied myself as I faced my audience then my eyes caught sight of him.
‘Everyone deserves to have second chances. Maybe that’s why God sent those second chances to make things right because we weren’t ready for the first one.
‘My heart told me the first time that I saw him that he was the one for me. That after the day I’ve seen him, my heart knew exactly why it must be him even though I don’t.’ the audience seem so quiet. I looked around and I saw half listening and some sleeping or texting. Still I continued.
‘My love story was like a teledrama.’ I stopped and I looked at the audience. ‘There would be times that I would be thrilled because he looked at me… he smiled at me. Then there would be those times that I would cry because he had hurt me. Every girl wanted their own prince charming but then sometimes life would just be unfair because it can’t provide us with the right prince that we want. There would be people who would offer their love for you.’ I looked at Andrew. ‘But then you can’t love them back the way they want you to because you know you love somebody else.’ I looked at Cupid.
I sighed. ‘I remember my first love.’ I smiled as I thought about it. ‘He came in my life unexpectedly.’ I looked at Cupid. ‘He’s like this angel who was clumsy enough to shoot his arrows so he accidentally shoot me. I can’t make myself get close to him because the more I do the more I hear the drums of my heart beat.’ They all laughed. ‘There were a lot of times that I’m about to give up because there’s no way that I can make him mine. But I always end up asking myself why is it every time I’m ready to let go, I always end up falling for him over and over again.
‘That’s why when my second chance came I don’t even know what to do. Maybe God was just so good to me that he even met us up in a church.’ I remembered that time when I saw Cupid in the church. ‘I actually run away from him because he smiled at me. I thought I would melt if I would stay there. After that I didn’t know that the rest would be magic.’ I shrugged my shoulders.
‘What happened then? Did you two end up together?’ the speaker asked and I felt my heart sunk.
I plastered a smile on my face. ‘No. He loves someone else.’ There were “awsss” from the audience especially the girls.
‘But,’ I looked at Cupid. ‘I never stopped loving him. I just… stopped showing it.’ Then my eyes flickered to Andrew. ‘Yet I’m still happy because there would still be people who are willing to take my heart instead.’ He smiled after I said that.
The speaker clapped her hands. ‘That was a heartwarming experience, dear.’
‘Thanks.’ I said then I went back to my seat.
‘How about we talk about life and destiny—‘ she stopped and everyone looked at the person who raised his hand.
‘I would like to share a story.’ he said.
My heart beat accelerated when his eyes met mine.
‘Oh,’ the speaker laughed awkwardly. ‘Sure, sure—‘
He grabbed the mic from the speaker and he went in front before the speaker could even tell him to do so.
‘What’s your name son?’
‘Cupid.’
The speaker smiled. ‘Sounds very interesting.’ Then she looked at me, good thing that Andrew blocked me with his back.
‘Can I start now?’ he asked and the speaker nodded.
‘Hello guys are you still up?’ he asked us first and all shouted “yes”. Of course who wouldn’t wake up with a face like that?
‘Well, I just want to share to you a story of a girl I’ve been in love with for almost three years.’
Something inside of me screams that I don’t want to hear this. That I should get out of here and be on my own.
‘That girl,’ he looked at me. ‘She’s innocent in so many ways, but childish in her own way. She’s simple but she out of the ordinary for me. I don’t know why but when I first saw her… I knew that she was the one. She never wears the same clothes on the same day, her hair never falls in quite the same way…’ he smiled as if he remembers something. ‘She was different—quite rare for me. Because I would never find a girl with the same name as hers.’
I thought of my own name. It’s kind of unique because I’ve never heard anyone in school with the same with me but hell there’s my sister Persephone. *sighs* dream on again Psyche.
‘Destiny. I believe in destiny. It’s because I know it brought me close to her.’
I don’t know about this but I found myself getting my iPod from my bag and placing my earphones to my ears. Kelpie pulled them out for me and she shook her head.
‘Listen.’ She whispered to me.
‘I remembered when I went to church one day even though I really don’t go there. It was like I had a feeling that I should. And there, out of nowhere I saw her lighting a candle and silently praying. When she finally saw me I smiled at her and I decided to walk up to her and start a conversation…’
Damn it. I should put my earphones and blast some “Devil Wears Prada” songs that I don’t even know that I have. Maybe Silverstein or Alesana would do. I don’t want to hear his words anymore. I don’t want to believe this. I don’t want to hope.
‘But she runs away from me like what she always does. That’s when I thought that maybe she doesn’t like Me.’ he shrugged his shoulders. ‘And now that I finally knew that I was wrong, I want to scream at myself because I knew I have hurt her.’
A tear escaped from my eye again and I didn’t even have the strength to wipe it away. I felt Andrew’s hand on mine but I didn’t felt his touch only the warmth of his skin.
He smiled as he looked at the audience. ‘There are moments that are a lot of fun but corny. There are moments that are corny but a lot of fun.’
Then he looked back at me. ‘But when I’m with her… I’m always happy… I always have a lot of fun. It’s corny right? But it was fun…
‘I wish my eyes could speak what my heart feels, for I can lie with my lips and keep it closed but I can’t lie with my eyes. For if I close it, I would only see her.’
I felt more tears running down from my cheeks this time. I wanna run out, I don’t want to hear this but why on earth of all the guys it should be him that I should love? The only guy that I want to love. Now look at all the torment that I’m facing.
‘Maybe it’s destiny that brought us here now. It’s no longer coincident.’ He took a deep breath and the next words from him took me to action and more tears.
After he said that, I let go of Andrew’s hand and I went out of the room, ignoring the suspicious eyes of the people who have seen and heard it.
‘I never stopped loving her. And now I’m showing it.’