The ride out to the party takes a while. The headlights cut through the falling dark as the two-lane road winds up into the hills, where the trees thicken and the houses grow farther and farther apart.
"Are you sure you know where we're going?" Irene asks Kai for the third time.
"Stop asking me that!" he says. "I'm trying to concentrate on driving. If I hit a deer, it's your fault."
"It's called the boonies for a reason, Irene," Rosie reminds her from the passenger seat.
"This is taking forever," Irene complains, slumping in her seat. She arches her back to look at Jennie and me in the back seat. "I don't know why you thought this was a good idea."
"Rosie made it sound cool," Jennie says. "And you wanted to do something together."
"I wanted to hang," Irene says. "I didn't want to drive out into the middle of nowhere to get eaten by a bear."
"At this point, the bear would be doing us a favor," Kai mutters.
"Hey!" Irene says, her eyes widening. "That's mean!"
"Oh my God, Irene, calm down," Jisoo says from next to her, pulling off her headphones. "You're acting like you've never left town in your life. We're not camping. It's a barn party."
"Turn around before you get carsick," Jennie says, twirling her hand at Irene, who rolls her eyes and slumps back into her seat, facing ahead.
"I don't know why we couldn't have just hung out at my place," Irene pouts. "Like normal." She shoots me a sideways glance that's pure venom. Like this was my idea.
I shift in my seat, trying not to let it get to me. She doesn't want me here. The look both girls gave each other when they saw I was with Jennie made me think she hadn't told anyone but Rosie that I was coming. Or maybe she hadn't told any of them, and Rosie was just nicer and better about covering. She at least smiled when she saw me. Kai just tried to pull on the pigtails that Jennie had styled my hair into.
"Maybe normal isn't good enough anymore," Jennie shoots back. "Honestly, you act like you just want to do the same boring stuff over and over. We're going to be done with school before you know it. Do you want to be some has-been, stuck in this stupid town, like Wendy Son?"
"Oh my God, take that back!" Irene says, horrified. "You know I hate her!"
Jennie laughs. "That snapped you out of it, didn't it?"
"You're an asshole," Irene tells her. "And I'm not weird for not wanting to go out into the middle of nowhere to get drunk."
"Lee and his friends are cool," Rosie says from the front seat. I'm starting to think she has only one mood: chill. You kind of have to be, with this group.
"Lee and his friends grow weed," Jisoo mutters.
"Chu..." Rosie's voice changes as she says it, and I suddenly am rethinking putting her in the chill category.
"It's not like it's a secret," Jisoo says.
"You can still have some fucking discretion," Rosie reminds her. "Be cool at this party. I'm the one it falls on."
"I'm not gonna ruin your rep with your grower friends," Jisoo scoffs. "God, what do you take me for, Roro? I've known you since I was five."
"Did you know about this?" I ask Jennie in an undertone.
She shrugs. "It's not a big deal. Just be cool."
"As long as we're not, like, walking into a barn full of weed," I say.
She giggles. "It's not the right season for that, sweetie."
I flush. "I'm sorry, I don't know a ton about the fine art of growing," I say sarcastically.
Jisoo laughs in front of us. "Don't worry; you live here long enough, you pick up some things."
"But it'll spoil you for the shit weed they grow anywhere else," Rosie calls back.
That has me laughing. "Hopefully I won't be here long enough to develop an educated palate."
"You gonna blow town as soon as possible?" Ro asks, shifting in her seat so she can look at us.
Her easy smile is all on me, and I can see Jennie tense next to me, her eyes flicking between the two of us.
"Aren't you?"
"Hell yeah. Maybe we can team up."
Is she flirting with me? Her smile certainly says so.
"Team Get the Fuck Out?" I suggest.
"I like it."
"I'll join," Irene adds.
"Oh please, it's not the same. You're gonna get a legacy slot at Princeton like your sister and your dad," Rosie scoffs. "Lis and I ... we've got to fight our way out of shitholes like this." She wiggles her eyebrows at me. "Isn't that right?"
"It is harder without a silver spoon," I say.
"Ooh, damn," Ro crows as Irene lets out a little, laughing, "Hey!"
"Sorry," I say. "Just the truth."
"No, you're right," Irene says. "I am really lucky. My dad kind of tries to drill it into my head. He doesn't want me to be spoiled."
"You're not spoiled, babe," Jennie reassures her, reaching out and looping her arms around Irene's neck, hugging her close.
"You totally are," Irene says back, and Jennie gasps, pulling back as Jisoo cackles with laughter.
"My mom is stricter than yours!" Jennie protests.
"Yeah, but you've got your stepdad and your dad eating out of the palm of your hand," Irene says.
"Seriously, it's so unfair, you get to be a double daddy's girl," Jisoo adds.
"Yes, it's so great that my parents fell out of love and destroyed my family as I knew it," Jennie says. "I love being abandoned."
The way she says it ... it comes out a lot more harsh than sarcastic. Rosie and Jisoo exchange a look, staring straight ahead as they fall silent, unable to deal with the sore spot they accidentally prodded.
"At least you've got Suzy," I say.
"Yeah." Jennie nods jerkily. "I love Suzy."
"She really is the cutest," I say, trying to smooth out the moment, but Jennie's eyes are still dark, like she's remembering things she doesn't want to. "Is she gonna dance like you?"
"Of course," Jennie says. "She's been in dance since she was three. Just like me."
"Oh my gosh, Suzy does this little tap routine—it's so cute," Rosie gushes, latching on to the subject change like a pro.
Relief floods me as the conversation moves on, and Jennie relaxes, bit by bit. By the time we finally get on the driveway, which has a lone Solo cup turned upside down on the mailbox, she's laughing and running her mouth again.
"This is it," Rosie says as Kai turns onto the gravel road. The van rocks back and forth on the rough road that's more dirt than gravel in places. "Remember what I said about being cool," she warns us as lights grow visible through the trees.
The barn is old and red, like barns are supposed to be, I think. I'm not really up on my barn knowledge. It's lit up with twinkle lights on the outside and inside. When we get out of the van, it smells fresh and green: the hay is stacked outside in the barnyard.
There are at least thirty people inside. Music floats instead of blasting up through the rafters. It may not be harvest time for the weed or whatever, but it certainly smells like weed smoke in here. There's a thick cloud of it coming from the farthest stall. If we get any closer, I'm going to get a contact high. But maybe that wouldn't be a bad idea, all things considered.
One of those things being Kai grabbing Jennie's hand and tugging her forward, saying, "You wanted the absinthe, didn't you, babe?"
She lets him pull her, and maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if she didn't look behind her toward me, like she knows it isn't right.
"Come on, Lis," Rosie says. She follows the two of them, heading toward the middle of the barn, where a guy with curly hair is sitting on a hay bale, holding court, surrounded by girls and guys alike.
"Lee, public enemy number one!" Rosie says when the guy notices us.
"Roro, great to see you!" Lee gets up from the hay bale and hugs Rosé, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around 360 degrees while she laughs.
"Thanks for the invite dude." She answers amidst laughter while he sets her down.
"Beer's in the farthest stall. Glad you came baby. We'll talk later?"
Rosie nods, and Lee gives her a quick side hug before disappearing into the crowd.
"I'm getting a beer," Irene declares, and Rosie and Jisoo follow her, leaving me with Jennie and Kai.
"C'mon." Jennie moves into the throng of people, and I trail after her, hating how close Kai is. He's not holding her hand anymore, but now his hand's on her lower back, so casual, like he doesn't even have to think it through. Because he doesn't. He gets that, with no nerves, no looks, no worries, that she ...
I take a deep breath, the weed-scented air really hitting me. Fuck, at this rate, I won't need any absinthe.
"Hey." A girl with copper hair brushes her hand over the tops of my shoulders as I pass. I come to a stop, looking up at her. "I like your jacket. Vintage?"
"Yeah."
"Cool." Her eyes are kohl-lined, the tips wickedly sharp. "I haven't seen you around." Her eyes shift up. Jennie's watching her.
"Hey, Jennie."
"Hanni."
"And you are...?" Hanni asks, looking down at me.
"Lisa."
"Nice to meet you."
"Are you the one who brought the absinthe?" Jennie asks.
Hanni laughs. "Who else? C'mon, I've got my setup in the tack room."
"How's college?" Jennie asks her, pushing past Kai to put herself right between Hanni and me.
"Great. Wish I was back there right now, but alas, I'm here." Hanni shrugs as we follow her into the room.
It's like the size of four of the stalls outside, full of saddles and horse gear, a table to serve as a makeshift desk, with windows looking out across the field. The room smells like leather and some kind of oil, and the noise from the party is muffled here; light from the outside slants in. Kai trails after us, trying to look unbothered.
"Jennie and I used to dance together," she explains to me. "I'm a year ahead, so I got out of here."
"Yet you're right back here," Jennie singsongs in a way that tells me that she and this girl definitely took the competitive part of competitive dance seriously.
Was this her former dance rival? I've seen enough dance movies to know that's definitely a thing. I'm achingly curious to find out more: a glimpse into Jennie's inner life, even though I get the sense that dancing is way more important to Jennie's mom than it is to Jennie.
"Not all of our stepdads can pay for summer vacations in France, babe," Hanni says, patting Jennie's arm. "We've gotta work for a living. Speaking of ... You going to Babbitt's Round this year?"
"Always," Jennie says.
Hanni clambers up on the wooden table, sitting cross-legged on it.
"Did someone say there are drinks?" Kai booms from behind me.
I wince. "That was right in my ear."
"Still your charming self, I see, Kai-Kai," Hanni says, bending down and pulling out a bottle with a paper label that's been treated to look old-timey.
"You know I hate it when you call me that," he says.
"I know, Kai-Kai," she answers sunnily.
I decide then and there I like this girl.
Hanni sets two glasses down on the table in front of her, pulling out a bag of sugar cubes and this fancy slotted spoon with curling scrollwork punched through the metal. It reminds me of those S holes in a violin. She places the spoon over the first glass and rests a sugar cube on top of it.
"So what are you doing hanging with this one, Lisa?" Hanni asks, nodding to Jennie.
"You make me sound like trouble," Jennie scoffs.
"You're a bitchy competitive nightmare, sweetie," Hanni tells her.
"You are so lucky you have the good drinks." Jennie flicks her hair over her shoulder.
"I bet deep down you miss me," Hanni says. "No one else can keep you on your toes. Literally."
"Just pour the drinks," Kai interrupts.
"Like I'm sharing with you," Hanni says. "Go get beer with the rest of the cave dwellers."
"I think that's an insult to cave dwellers," I mutter, and Hanni grins, hot and brilliant.
"Oh, she is much too sassy to be your friend, Jennie," Hanni says.
"You're surrounding yourself with bitches lately, Jennie," Kai says disgustedly. "You know what they say about the company you keep."
"What does that say about her hanging out with you?" Hanni asks.
Kai's mouth flattens, his lips disappearing. He's done a bad job shaving, and I can see a patch he missed, even across the tack room. But he doesn't move. It's like he's in a one-sided war with Hanni, because she completely ignores him now, focusing on me.
"Have you ever drunk absinthe?" she asks.
I shake my head.
"Come here." Hanni beckons me forward, and Jennie follows me.
Hanni uncaps the bottle and begins to dribble the green liquid over the sugar cube. "La fée verte."
"Does it really make you see shit? Like mushrooms do?" Kai asks skeptically.
"No, Kai-Kai, it doesn't. Rumors of it being a hallucinogen have no scientific basis."
"But it does get you a different kind of drunk," Jennie says. "I know girls who've tried it."
"That's what some people say." Hanni shrugs. "It's, like, a clearheaded kind of drunk."
"But no hallucinations?" I ask, just to be sure. I am not up for a drink that's going to make me see monsters in the woods or something.
"I promise," Hanni says. Her smile widens. "But I can protect you all night if necessary."
"Oh my God," Jennie mutters behind me.
"Still a prude, honey?" Hanni asks Jennie, her eyes glittering with a kind of challenge I don't even begin to understand.
"She's definitely not," Kai smirks. "Trust me, I have hands-on experience."
My stomach curls in revulsion at his smugness.
Jennie rounds on him, smacking him hard on the chest.
"What?!" he asks in mock outrage.
"Shut up," she snarls.
I stay rooted to the spot, stuck amid the kind of animosity that has history—shit I wasn't here for, so I have no way of understanding. Hell, I barely understand the stuff I have been there for. These summer weeks with Jennie are stretching out in a whirl, little cyclones spinning me toward and away from her.
Hanni rolls her eyes like she hasn't set off all this drama, and caps the absinthe, reaching for a bottle of water.
"Next step," she tells me.
"I know this step." Before Hanni can stop him, Kai barges forward, pulling a lighter out of his pocket and flicking it at the alcohol-soaked sugar cube.
"Kai! Dammit!" Hanni yells as the entire glass goes up in flames. She jerks backward, narrowly avoiding her bangs catching on fire, and in the process, her foot sweeps the flaming glass onto the ground, rolling toward the stack of hay bales.
"Shit!" Frantic, I spot a saddle blanket and grab it, throwing it on the flaming glass and stomping hard on it. Glass crunches beneath my feet, and the smoke putters out, the fire smothered.
"You are such an idiot!" Hanni leaps up from the table and shoves past Kai.
"That's how I've heard it's done," Kai protests as she lifts the saddle blanket to make sure the fire's out.
"First of all: it's not. And second: even if it was, you don't light alcohol on fire in a fucking barn. You could've set this whole place on fire. You know better than this, asshole. You're just trying to score points with your girlfriend."
"He's not my—" Jennie starts.
"Oh my God, I do not care," Hanni interrupts. She looks at Jennie, pure exasperation radiating off her. "He's going to be one of those things you look back on and cringe. I bet you."
"I thought you didn't care," Jennie says. She grabs Kai's hand. "Come on. Let's dance."
She drags him away like I'm not even in the room—like she's got tunnel vision and the only thing she can see is proving her point to Hanni. I watch them join the couples in the middle of the barn, the reek of weed smoke and beer sweat high in the air, gyrating bodies and thumping beats.
Jennie plasters herself against him and he grins, his hands all over her hips like he's gotten a prize for shitty behavior.
"I can't believe she's still with that guy," Hanni comments behind me. "He used to terrorize my little brother in middle school. He's such a fucking bully."
"I don't know if they're—" I stop, because I'm not sure, still. Being with Jennie is like shifting sands: you think you've got a hold on her, and then she's streaming in little pieces through your fingers. "I think they broke up," I say. "But then—" I shrug.
They're still dancing. Someone's passed Jennie a red cup, and she's sipping beer out of it as she sways with him, her other arm around his neck like she wants it to be the only thing keeping her up.
"Why is it always so hard to leave the assholes?" Hanni mutters, maybe a little to herself. She touches my arm, and I turn to see she's fixed me the absinthe in the other glass. "Here," she says. "You earned it, keeping us all from burning up."
"Thanks," I say, taking the drink. It smells like herbs and black licorice and tastes the same. My eyes and lips screw up against the shock of the tiny sip I take. It's like what I think a winter forest might taste like, snow on the tip of my tongue, green in the distance. I cough a little, not downing the rest, hoping she won't notice.
"You should keep an eye on him," Hanni says, leaning forward so I can hear it properly.
I raise my eyebrow, not saying anything else, waiting.
"Guys like that—bullies like that—they turn on everyone eventually," Hanni says.
There's something in her voice that makes the back of my neck prickle. "What happened to your brother? The one Kai bullied?"
"He went to live with my dad so he could go to a different school," Hanni says.
"Seriously?" Kai's still hanging all over Jennie, but now she's turned so she's facing us.
Jennie's staring right at Hanni and me. I realize with a flush that we're standing really close.
"Like I said, bullies like that turn on everyone," Hanni says, pulling my attention back to her. "Especially anyone they view as weaker than them ... even their girlfriends. Jennie should watch out. And if you're her friend, you should watch out for her."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Real-world shit sneaks in," Hanni mutters, almost to herself. "That girl's gonna get her bubble burst."
"Huh?"
"Nothing," Hanni says with a smile. "I should go find my friends. And you should go follow Jennie before he does." She nods toward the barn door right before Jennie disappears through it.
"I—" Before I can say anything else, Hanni's walking away and I find myself moving, pushing through the crowd, into the cooler outside air.
I breathe it in. The stars are brilliant above me: with no light pollution, I'm seeing stars I didn't even know existed shining at me every night. Sometimes I think about sitting on Marco's porch, a blanket and some hot chocolate, trying to count them.
She's not hanging out in front of the barn, so I make a circle around it, and there she is, leaning against the wall, fumbling in her purse.
"What are you doing back here?" I ask her.
"I just needed some time," she mutters, searching her pockets. "Can you hold this for me?" She shoves her tiny purse at me and pulls out a lighter and a cigarette. She lights it, setting it against her lips and sucking in deep. She blows out in a rush, coughing a little as she hands it to me.
The filter's wet from her lips. I put my mouth where hers was and I try so hard not to think about it. Is this all we get? Our lips touching through shared nicotine? She watches me like it's all she can think about. Like it's inevitable, our minds making the connection our bodies won't.
We can't ... right?
"I'm surprised you're not with Hanni," Jennie says.
I raise an eyebrow. Her words are like ice. Slicing jagged and cold against me.
"She seems cool."
"Mm." Jennie shrugs, taking back the cigarette. The music from the barn thumps through the wall we're leaning against. I can feel the vibrations.
"You two competed against each other."
"She likes to think so. But it's hard to view things as competitive when I was the one always winning."
"Wow, smug much?"
"More like truthful."
"She seems like she gets on your nerves, though."
Jennie takes a long drag off the cigarette. The filter will be too wet at this rate. Someone needs to teach the girl how to properly smoke a cigarette.
"You should be careful with her," Jennie says finally.
"Careful?"
"There are rumors."
I stare at her. She stares back like I'm supposed to just know.
"You're going to have to give me more than that."
"You know." Her eyebrows raise. "Rumors. She was really close to another senior cheerleader when she graduated."
It's like sinking and having no way out. The way she lowers her voice and leans in, like it's some terrible secret, and I guess it is? Does it have to be? Can't it just be simple? Because the feeling...
God, the feeling of wanting her is so fucking simple. Like a magnetic pull I don't want to resist.
"I don't gossip about stuff like that," I say, so quickly it has her straightening, like she's getting away from an unexpected electric shock between us.
"You—you don't?"
"Not unless the person is open about it. Um. Out about it."
"But what if you're just curious?" Jennie asks. "It's not bad to be curious. Or to, like, want to know."
"You gotta follow the other person's lead," I say firmly, like I actually know what the fuck I'm talking about. I don't really. I just want a way around this conversation and the look on her face, like the idea of it is unfathomable.
I know what she looks like when she's faking. But I'm not sure she's faking that.
"You and Kai seemed to be having fun," I say, desperate to change the subject, unable to get away from what Hanni said about bullies. It circles in my head—how bad did shit have to get for her brother to change schools? How would Jennie react if I called Kai a bully? I think I already know, which is why I don't think I can say it.
"You know Kai," she says.
"Unfortunately, I'm getting to."
She sucks in and then blows out blue smoke. "He's not a jerk," she says.
"Um."
"Okay. Yes. He is. Sometimes."
"Most of the time, from what I can see."
"It's just the way Kai is."
"He needs to change," I say, and she stares at me for so long, I think I've crossed some line. And then she lets out a laugh and it's all bitter.
"Lisa, guys don't change," she says. "Girls just tell ourselves they will if they love us. But what actually happens is that the girl changes, so that they'll keep loving us."
I have to grab the cigarette from her and take a few puffs on it before I answer. "You forgot something."
"What?"
"That life philosophy doesn't have anything about you loving the guy. Why is that, you think?"
It's like all the blood drains out of her face. She takes the cigarette out of my hands and throws it down, stomping on it with her shoe.
"Love is about sacrifice," she says. "That's what my mom says. And every couple I know who's actually made it..." She looks at me, eyes burning from the emotional fire I accidentally triggered. "Do you think it's easy, loving someone?"
"I think love is a shitload of things. But most of all, I don't think making yourself smaller to be with someone is worth it. Ever."
"Kai doesn't make me—"
"I didn't even say his name," I interrupt her. "You did."
Her cheeks glow red in the light coming from the barn. "You are a—"
Her words are drowned out by the screech of feedback, the music stopping abruptly. Silence fills the space, the murmur of voices halting.
"Neighbors narced about the noise," someone yells. "Cops are coming!"
"Run!" someone else hollers.
Slam! The barn door five feet away from us crashes open and kids pour out, heading toward cars.
"Shit!" Jennie says.
"Oh my God." I grab her hand. "Where do we go?"
"We need to get the others!" Jennie runs toward the barn, dragging me with her as more people scatter out the back doors.
We push through the swelling crowd as people flee. Someone slams into my shoulder and I almost go down.
"Lisa!" Jennie pulls me toward her and I tumble into her chest, her arm looping around my waist. "Stay close to me!"
We make it back into the emptying barn, my heart thrumming in my chest as I spot Rosie.
"There you are!" Rosie stops in front of us, Irene right next to her. "Have you seen Kai?"
Jennie shakes her head. "Where's Jisoo?"
"I haven't seen her for a while," Irene says. "She headed off with some guy."
"And you let her?!" Jennie shouts.
"Hey!" Kai comes loping forward. "We've got to get out of here."
"We can't find Jisoo," I say.
He shrugs. "Too bad. Come on."
The rest of them exchange looks.
"I've got the only ride there is," Kai reminds us, dangling the keys. "I'm not sticking around to get busted by the cops."
"If Jisoo gets in trouble..." Rosie starts.
"Oh fuck this," Jennie snarls, snatching the keys out of Kai's hand before he can stop her. "You made me ditch Jisoo at the club, and the bouncer nearly got her. I'm not leaving her behind again. Jisoo!" She cups her hands around her mouth as she hollers her name. "Rosé, you and Kai go outside and see if you can find her. Irene, go out the front. I'll look up in the hayloft."
They scatter to look for her, and I'm just standing there in the rapidly emptying barn.
I walk the corridor lined with stalls as I hear Jennie call Jisoo's name up in the loft.
"Jisoo?" I question, peering into one of the stalls that's got extra feed stacked inside.
"Lisa!" a voice hisses.
My head jerks toward the sound.
"Jisoo?" I hurry across the way, yanking open the stall door. She's crouching there, holding her arms in front of her, stripped of her shirt, down to her jeans and bra.
"Are you okay?" I ask, alarmed. "Where's your shirt?"
"The guy I was with—we were making out. He had it tucked in his back pocket, and when everyone started yelling, he ran and I kinda froze."
"Oh shit." I immediately shrug out of my jacket and take off my own shirt, handing it to her.
"Oh my God, thank you, Lisa," Jisoo says.
I pull my jacket back on and button it up as she slips on my shirt.
"We've got to get out of here before the cops come," I say. "Hey! I found her!" I yell.
Jennie climbs down from the hayloft. "Are you okay?"
"Lisa saved my ass," Jisoo says.
"Hey! Guys!" Jennie shouts out the back. "I found her! Let's get out of here."
The rest come loping forward. We all turn toward the big barn door just in time to see the blue and red flashing lights heading down the road.
"Time's up," I say. "We have to go out the back."
"The van's the other way!" Kai protests.
"Shut up and run!" Jennie says, grabbing my hand and pulling me forward as sirens sound.
We bolt out the back of the barn in a group. I can't see shit as we hit the field out back, grass whipping at my ankles as I run. The air and sound blur around me, my heartbeat pounding in my chest and in my hand that's still wrapped around hers. I stumble and Jennie pulls me up and we keep going, my breath burning in my lungs as lights dance behind us.
"We need to hide," Irene gasps out.
"We're in an open field," Kai growls. "Great fucking thinking, Lisa."
The sirens are getting louder.
I squint in the darkness, turning in a circle. "There." I point to the shadowy slope at the end of the field. "Go! Go!"
We dash toward the slope, my sneakers sliding in the soft dirt, as one by one we climb down into the gully, the tangle of plants, mud, and water kneedeep in places. We're completely hidden from view here. I peek over the top of the slope, watching flashlight beams scan across the field. I duck down as a beam swings in our direction.
"We just need to stay low until they leave," I hiss. "And then we can get to the van."
"If they find us..." Kai whispers.
"Kai, just shut up," Rosie snaps, and finally Kai shuts up.
We stay hidden and quiet, and I feel like I'm holding my breath forever, but finally the lights and the sirens fade away, and we climb out from the embankment, muddy and covered in who knows what.
"I was right about hanging out at home being a better idea," Irene says grumpily as we cross the field and head up the road to where the van's parked.
"Sorry for trying to shake things up," Rosé says as we come to a stop in front of the van.
"Give me my keys," Kai says.
"How much have you had to drink?" Jennie asks.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" His voice breaks as he goes from annoyed to pissed in seconds.
"Hey," Rosé says, muscling in between them in an instant. "Stop it, right now. You've had too much, and I haven't had any. I'll drive, okay?"
"As long as it's not the bitch who stole my keys," Kai says, sneering at Jennie.
"Don't call her that."
All three of them—no, actually, all five of them—stare at me.
"What did you—" Kai starts to say, but Jennie interrupts him.
"Oh my God, Lisa, what is that?"
"What?" I look where she's staring, realizing that a leafy branch is snagged in the cuff of my jeans. I reach down.
"No!" Jennie and Jisoo and Rosie all say it at the same time.
I freeze. "What the fuck, guys?"
"That's poison oak," Jennie says. She bends down and plucks it out of my cuff after covering her hand with the hem of her shirt. "Shit, that gully must've been full of it." She stares down at her hands. "We're all covered in it."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kai asks. "This is your fault," he snarls at me. "You led us in there!"
"I don't even know what poison oak looks like!"
"Being a little itchy is a lot better than getting arrested," Jennie reminds him.
"Just do a poison-oak wash before bed tonight," Jisoo says. "If you don't have the medicine at home, go to the drugstore and get some."
"This is such bullshit," Kai says.
"I don't care—we've gotta go," Rosie tells us. "Keys, Jennie?"
She tosses her the keys and we pile into the van.
"You can shower at my house," Jennie tells me as Rosé drives through the night, darkness and a tired, drunken hush filling the van.
She smiles like it's a good thing.
I force myself to smile back, even though all I can think is: Holy shit, I cannot get naked when you're a wall away.