"𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲, 𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧. 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲."
18 | THE STAGES OF GRIEF
THE NEXT MORNING, HERA COULDN'T FIND ANAKIN ANYWHERE until she found him on the veranda with his back ot her. She wore a white wrapped nightgown with a dark purple robe over top. She had on lilac sandals, and her hair was in it's natural curly waves. She steps onto the veranda, and she realizes he is meditating so turns to go.
"Don't go," Anakin said, his eyes still closed as Hera turned to him with a blank face.
"I don't want to disturb you," Hera told him softly, her voice a bit hoarse from having just woken up.
"Your presence is soothing," Anakin said, breathing in deeply before letting it out, and there is a brief pause as Hera began putting the puzzle pieces together in her head.
"You had a nightmare again last night," Hera said, and she could feel Anakin's panic rise.
"Jedi don't have nightmares," Anakin said with his eyes still closed tightly and hands behind his back.
"That's wrong," Hera chuckled, turning towards her. "I have them all the time... and I heard you." This caused Anakin to open his eyes, slightly wide in shock.
"I saw my mother," Anakin revealed, as he turned to look at her in the eyes for the first time since their fight the nigth before. "I saw her as clearly as I see you now. She is suffering, Hera. They're killing her! She is in pain..." Anakin sighed, and he looked at her with apologetic eyes. "I know I'm disobeying my mandate to protect you, your Highness. I know I will be punished and possibly thrown out of the Jedi Order, but I have to go. I have to help her!" Anakin ran his hands over his face. "I have to help her! I'm sorry, Hera. I don't have a choice."
"I'll go with you," Hera told him as he stepped towards her, slightly shaking his head."That way you can continue to protect me, and you won't be disobeying your mandate."
"What about Master Obi-Wan? And Demaia?" Anakin asked, not wanting her to get in trouble for his wrongdoings.
"I guess we won't tell him, will we?" Hera said with a small shrug as she smirked mischeviously at him. "I'll have the pilots prepare a craft, be ready by the afternoon."
With that, Anakin was left on the veranda alone as Hera made her way back inside to change into something more presentable.
~~~
Hera and Anakin carefully landed the ship in one of Mos Espa's space-ports. Hera now wore a flowy light blue wrap dress with white boots and a silver headband. She had on a light blue robe that matched her dress, and it had sparkly navy blue accents. Anakin managed to find them a rickshaw that just so happened to be right outside of the port. The droid was ordered to drop them off at the one person who would know the whereabouts of Shmi Skywalker.
They came to a stop in the center of a small cup-de-sac, where many shopkeepers where running their shops. Anakin stepped off the rickshaw first before turning and helping Hera step down.
"Wait, please," Anakin ordered the droid softly, who nodded as Anakin led Hera to where Watto sat on a stool in front of his shop. There are three droids helping him, but they seem to be making his anger levels rise much higher.
"No chuba da wnaga, da wanga! (No, not that one - that one!)" Watto exclaimed ot one of the droids inf ront of him as Anakin and Hera stepped up.
"Chut, chut, Watto, (Excuse me, Watto.)" Anakin greeted, causing Watto to look up at them in shock.
"Ke Booda? (What?)" Watto muttered under his breathe.
"Di nova, 'Chut, chut', (I said excuse me)" Anakin repeated, and Watto turned to the three droids next to him.
"Go ana bopa! (Shut down!)" Watto exclaimed to the three droids, who snap into their storage positions.
"Ding mu chasa hopa, (Let me help you with that.)" Anakin said, gesturing to the piece of equipment that Watto had been working on when they arrived. Anakin picks up the piece of equipment as he starts to fiddle with it, and Watto blinks in surprise.
"Ke booda? Yo baan pee hota. No wega mi condorta. Kin chasa du Jedi. No bata tu tu, (What? I don't know you... What can I do for you? You look like a Jedi. Whatever it is... I didn't do it.)" Watto chirps, causing Hera to send Anakin a small look, and Watto drops the screwdriver and curses loudly in Huttese.
"Mi boska di Shmi Skywalker (I'm looking for Shmi Skywalker)," Anakin said, looking down at Watto, who's eyes widen in realization. Anakin continues to work on the droid, and Watto glances at Hera before fully turning back to Anakin.
"Annie? Little Annie? Nah!" Watto exclaimed in slight shock. Anakin manages fix the droid in his hands as it whirs to life, and he places the droid down ont he bench in front of Anakin as Watto blinks at it. "You are Annie! It is you! Ya sure sprouted! Weehoo! A Jedi! Waddya know?" Watto then became serious as he leaned towards Anakin and lowered his voice. "Hey, maybe you couldda help wit some deadbeats who owe me a lot of money..."
"My mother," Anakin reminded sternly, and Watto pulled back.
"Oh, yeah. Shmi..." Watto trialed off, scratching the back of his neck. "she's not mine no more. I sold here."
"Sold her..." Anakin trailed off in confusion and shock. Hera glanced up at him as she intertwines her fingers with Anakin's and gives his hand a squeeze.
"Years ago," Watto started. "Sorry, Annie, but you know, buisness is buisness. Sold her to a moisture farmer named Lars. least I think it was Lars. Believe it or not, I heard he freed her and married her. Can ya beat that?"
Hera looked up at Anakin, who was completely and utterly shocked. Anakin leaned toward Watto, "Do you know where they are?"
"Long way from here... someplace over on the other side of Mos Eisley, I think..."
"I'd like to know," Anakin said with a grim look, and Watto took the hint that Anakin meant buisness.
"Yeah... sure... absolutely," Watto said, and he gestured for the two to follow him inside his shop. "Let's go look at my records."
Watto leads Anakin inside, and Hera trails slightly behind them as she stops in the doorway. Anakin glanced back at hera nervously, but she sends him a reassuring smile and nod.
~~~
Anakin lands the Selenian cruiser on the sandy ground in front of a somewhat large farm as dust clouds appear around them. Anakin leads Hera off of the ship, and as R2 begins to follow them Hera turns around to him. "Stay on the ship, Artoo." R2 whistles before turning back to the ship as Anakin and Hera continue walking to the moisture farm.
However, Anakin pauses for the moment at the sight of a fmailiar droid working outside the small homestead. He and Hera share a confused look, both of them recognizing the droid. The droid looks up at teh sight of the two humans walking toward him, "Oh, hello. How might I be of service? I am See-"
"Threepio?" Anakin finishes in a questioning tone. For a moment, C-3PO seems confused, but he seems to lighten up as he finally recognizes the two.
"Oh, my... Oh, my maker! Master Anakin!" C-3PO exclaims, causing Hera to giggle under her breathe. "I knew you would return, I knew you would! And this must be Miss Hera."
"Hello, Threepio," Hera greeted with a soft smile on her face.
"Oh, my circuits! I'm so pleased to see you both!" C-3PO said happily, causing Anakin to chuckle lightly. Hera was happy, not just because they had been reunited with C-3PO, but it was the first time she had seen Anakin smile in the past day or so.
"I've come so see my mother," Anakin said, his smile slowly diminishing.
"I think... I think... Perhaps we'd better go indoors," C-3PO said, beginning to walk into the homestead, with Hera and Anakin following him in confusion.
C-3PO led them through the homestead and into an open courtyard, where the droid was shuffling in front of them. "Master Cliegg, Master Lars! Might I present two important visitors?"
A young man and woman appear in the courtyard, both seeming confused at the two new visitors. Anakin steps up first, making sure Hera was slightly behind him in case of any slick moves performed by the unknown humans.
"I'm Anakin Skywalker," the 19-year-old introduced, taking a few steps in front of the man.
"Owen Lars," the man introduced, and he gestured to the women next to him. "This is my girlfriend, Beru."
"Hello," Beru said to her guests softly.
"I'm Hera," the platinum blonde haired girl introduced, and she recieved a nod from the homestead owners.
"I guess I'm your step-brother," Owen said, causing Anakin to glance to Hera in confusion. "I have a feeling you might show up some day."
"I smy mother here?" Anakin asked, stepping away from the group and closer to the center of the courtyard.
"No, she's not," a new older voice said as Hera and Anakin looked over to see an older man in a floating wheelchair. The man has a bandage wrapped around one leg while the other one is missing.
"Cliegg Lars," the man said, holding his hand out to Anakin. "Shmi is my wife... Come on inside. We have a lot to talk about." Anakin shook Cliegg's hand, before the older man led them into the dining room area of the homestead.
Beru leaves to get some drinks for them, and the other take a seat at the table with Cliegg at the head of the table while Anakin and Owen sit on either side of him. Hera stands up as she takes off her robe to reveal her Wrap dress that had a cut out in her stomach. She lays the robe ont he back of her chair as Beru enters and places a tray of cups on the table. Hera sits in her seat next to Anakin, while Beru was next to her boyfriend.
"It was just before dawn. They came out of nowhere. A hunting party of Tusken Raiders," Cliegg begins to explain, and Hera feels Anakin's worry and concern as she interlocks their hands together under the table. "Your mother had gone out early, like she always did, to pick mushrooms that grow on the vaporators. From the tracks, she was about halfway home when they took her. Those Tuskens walk like men, but they're vicious, mindless monsters. Thirty of us went out after her. Four of us came back. I'd be with them, only... after I lost my leg I just couldn't ride any more... until I heal," Cliegg grimaces, patting his injured leg as he glances below the table at his missing leg. "This isn't the way I want to meet you, son. This isn't how your mother and I planned it. I don't want to give up on her, but she's been gone a month. There's little hope she's lasted this long."
At this point, Anakin had turned away from the group, looking to where he and Hera had entered with C-3PO only moments ago. Suddenly, he stands up, disconnecting his hand with Hera's hand.
"Where are you going?" Owen asked Aankin, who turned to his step-brother.
"To find my mother," Anakin simply said, and Hera began to shake her head.
"No, Anakin!" Hera exclaimed softly, and Anakin only spared her a glance.
"Your mother's dead, son," Cliegg said, as he seemed to have given up all hope on his wife. "Accept it."
"I can feel her pain, and I will find her," Anakin said with determination clear in his eyes.
"Take my speeder bike," Owen suggested, and Anakin nodded in thankfulness.
Anakin turned to Cliegg. "I know she's alive." With that, Anakin turns to leave as he rushes out of the homestead. Hera stands quickly to follow him. She quickly turns to the others.
"Thank you for everything," Hera said before following after Anakin in an attempt to catch him before he leaves.
She rushes up the stairs in time to see Anakin standing and looking at the desert. Sensing her presence, he turns to her as her lips part in slight shock at the sight of Anakin worry, concern, and anger all mixed into one.
"You are going to have to stay here," Anakin told her as she stepped towards him. "These are good people, Hera. You'll be safe."
"Anakin..." Hera trails off softly beofre wrapping her arms around his neck, while his wrapped around her smaller waist. After a few moments, Anakin pulls away slowly as Hera's arm fall from his neck.
Anakin begins to walk to the speeder as he glances over his shoulder at her. "I won't be long."
Anakin swings his leg over the bike as the engine fires up, and he takes off into the desert without looking back. Hera watches as he goes with a small frown on her face.
~~~
That night, Hera had been unable to sleep. Hera was provided a white nightgown from Beru as well as a colorful shawl the Tatooine woman had bought at a recent market. However, despite being given a room for herself and comfortable clothes, Hera found herself pacing in worry for Anakin. She could sense his distraught and anger, but she didn't know what was causing it and it worried her.
Hera hears some clanking in the garage, and her brows furrow in confusion as she follows the sound. She enters the garage to see C-3PO working at a workers bench. "Hello, Miss Hera."
"Hello, Threepio," Hera greeted softly, slightly startled by his mechanical voice.
"You can't sleep?" C-3PO questioned, and Hera shook her head.
"No, I have too many things on my mind, I guess," Hera shrugged as she took a seat on a nearby bench.
"Are you worried about your work in the Senate?" C-3PO asked, and Hera shook her head.
"No, I'm just concerned about Anakin," Hera explained, and C-3PO's mechanical head tilted slightly in confusion. "I said things... I'm afraid I may have hurt him. I don't know. Maybe I only hurt myself. For the first time in my life, I'm confused."
"I'm not sure it will make you feel any better Miss Hera, but I don't think there's been a time in my life when I haven't been confused," C-3PO said, and this caused a small smile to come to Hera's face.
"I want him to know I care about him," Hera said, her smile fading. "I do care about him."
"Don't worry about Master Annie," C-3PO said reassuringly. "He can take care of himself. Even in this awful place."
~~~
Hera had been able to get some sleep but not much. However, she had been awokened in the morning at the sound of a speeder bike nearing the homestead. She leaped from her bed as she met Beru and Owen in the hallway. The three, eventually acompanied by Cliegg and C-3PO emerged from the homestead to find Anakin arriving at the homestead with what looked to be a body tided to the back of it.
The Skywalker boy stepped off his bike as he lifted the body into his arms as he makes his way towards the house, but not before holding a long stare with Cliegg. Hera wa the first to follow him inside, with the others following closely behind in silence.
~~~
Hera and Beru are preparing food for Anakin in the kitchen, and they stand next to each other as Beru cuts some vegetables, and Hera prepares them on a plate.
"What's it like there?" Beru asked, breaking the silence.
"I'm sorry?" Hera questioned in confusion as her brows furrowed together slightly.
"On Naboo..." Beru simply responded. "What's it like?"
Hera, who is really preoccupied with her concern for Anakin, tries her best to reply. "Oh- It's... very green. With lots of water. And trees. Not like here at all."
Beru takes out a tray so Hera can put the food on it. "I think I like it here better," Beru said, looking around the kitchen with a small smile.
"Maybe you'll come and see it one day," Hera suggested with slightly raised eyebrows, and Beru shakes her head slightly.
"I don't think so," Beru said, and Hera sends her a look for her to continue on. "I don't like to travel."
The two finish preparing the tray as Hera smiles at Beru, "Thanks, Beru." The said woman smiled and nodded before Hera left teh kitchen to find Anakin in the garage.
She could hear the clanking of metal from the hallway as she found the said Skywalker boy with his back to the door as he works on the speeder bike. Not wanting to disturb him, Hera speak softly, "I brought you something. Are you hungry?"
Hera puts the tray down on a small nearby table as Anakin speaks up, his voice hoarse as he sounds like he's been crying. "The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things. I'm good at fixing things... always was. But I couldn't..." Anakin trails off, as he stops working and looks to Hera with tears in his eyes. "Why did she have to die? WHy couldn't I save her? I know i could have!"
"Sometimes there are things no one can fix. You're not all-powerful, Annie," Hera spoke softly, trying not to anger his already lit bomb that was slowly ticking off in his head. Anakin pulls away from his workbench.
"I should be!" Anakin exclaims in anger. "Someday I will be... I will be the most powerful Jedi ever! I promise you," Anakin turns as he looked Hera directly in the eyes, and her lips part slightly at his outburst. "I will even learn to stop people from dying."
"Anakin..." Hera whispered softly, but he ignored her.
"It's all Obi-Wan's fault. He's jealous. He knows I'm already more powerful than he is. He's holding me back," Anakin yells, grabbing a wrench and hurling it across the room, causing it to clatter to the floor. Anakin looks at his tembling hands as he turns his back to Hera, and she looks at him in pure shock.
"Anakin, what's wrong?" Padme asks, trying to sound strong when she was filled with shock on the inside.
"I... I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single on of them..." Anakin said, turning to look her dead in the eye as he focused only on her and stepped towards her. "Not just the men, but the women and the children too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals... I hate them!"
A moment of silence is shared between the two, and Anakin then breaks down as he sits on one of the steps in the garage. Hera looks at him in sympathy before sitting down next to him and wrap an arm around his shoulders, and she began to run her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.
"Why do I hate them?" Anakin sobbed, and Hera's eyes softened. "I didn't... I couldn't... I couldn't control myself. I... I don't want to hate them... but I just can't fogive them."
"To be angry is to be human," Hera spoke softly, moving her hand to rub up and down his back.
"To control your anger is to be a Jedi," Anakin reminded her, calming down his sobs as he sniffled.
"Ssshhh..." Hera shushed him softly, sensing that his breathing woudl soon become eratic. After he took a second to calm down, she spoke again. "you're human."
"No, I'm a Jedi," Anakin said in determination. "I know I'm better than this. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
Hera wrapped both arms around his neck and pulled him into her chest as she rubbed his arm. "You're like everyone else..."
Hera begins to rock them back and forth as he weeped into her chest. After the past few days that they had gone through, she didn't care about their disagreement from a few days ago, but she cared only about comforting him because she knew what it was like to lose your mother.
~~~
A/N: I'm currently on Spring Break so I'm hoping to get some chapters out in the next few days! However, I won't be posting much at the end of next week because I will be out of town for my brother's baseball tournament with my friend. Hoping to finish AOTC by Tuesday but we'll see!