trigger warning: miscarriage, blood, please don't read if any of these topics tend to trigger you, thank you <3.
1323 words
taylor's pov:
the car ride back to our house is completely silent, other than my quiet crying. i'm thinking way to many things at once. i feel stupid for crying about loosing the baby when i didn't even want the baby in the first place. i just wish none of this has ever happened.
"baby, do you wanna talk to me about it? it's okay to cry tay"
"no. i wanna go home."
we arrive back at our house, and travis helps me get into our house, and into bed. it's sort of late at night so i decide to just turn on a kids movie to try and take my mind off of everything just happened.
travis's pov:
"tay, you want anything to eat? i can order
something if you'd like."
"no, leave me alone."
i can tell taylor doesn't feel right. i don't want to leave her alone, she sometimes has a tendency to hurt herself when something doesn't go the way it was planned because she thinks it's her fault. but i decide to leave her alone for a little bit as she wished, and just make sure to check up on her often.
a couple hours passed by, she hasn't eaten or had anything to drink. i haven't even heard her get up to use the bathroom. it's only 10pm, so she probably isn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. the doctor told her to shower everyday to minimize the risk of getting an infection or something. i'm not too sure if she'd be in the mood for that yet, but i thought i'd ask
i'm walking back up to our bedroom and can hear the sound of her crying mixed with the sound of what appears to be toy story on.
"tay? can i come in baby?"
"fine. what do you want?"
i brush her gorgeous curly hair behind her ear and sit down beside her, resting my hand on the pillow.
"the doctor said you need to shower every day so you don't get an infection. i understand you probably don't want to right now, but i just don't want you to have to deal with an infection or anything."
"i don't want to."
"i know baby, but you need to. but it can be quick, we don't even have to wash your hair. do you want me to help? i don't want you to get hurt"
"fine. just don't look at all the blood, it's embarrassing."
"i won't, i promise. plus it's just some blood, it's not gonna kill me tay."
she scoots to the edge of the bed and i help take of her clothing. i slowly walk her into the shower and turn on the water so it's nice and warm for her. she quickly cleans her body, while i stand by just in case she needs help with something.
i notice a small blood stain around the spot she had been laying in. i decide not to tell her, she's been self-conscious about things like this before, and i don't want to make her feel any worse about herself especially right now. so i decide to change the sheets quickly.
i found one of her favorite pairs of pajama pants and a nice oversized hoodie for her to wear after her shower. i also set up her underwear with a new pad. i figured she didn't have much energy so im trying to do everything i can for her. i grab a warm fluffy white towel for her to use after her shower and hand it to her once she turns off the water.
"are you an idiot? white and blood don't look cute together." she scolds at me
"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to yell at you. i'm just a mess right now " she says
"it's alright baby." i say as i reach for a black towel instead.
taylor's pov:
travis helps me dry off put my clothes on. i'm so lucky to have him. i feel awful that he has too deal with me right now. i know he's trying so hard to help me, and im just being a bitch about it. i just wanna cry.
"sorry travis."
"for what baby? you didn't do anything?"
"i know you are trying to help me, and ive just yelled at you. i promise i dont actually mean most of the stuff im saying. i guess its just hormones or something like that."
"it's alright taylor. i love you."
when i come back into the bedroom i notice the bed sheets are different, did i get blood on them?
"trav?"
"what's up baby?"
"did i get blood on the sheets? i'm sorry"
"don't apologize taylor, it's really okay. just a little bit. it's okay though, i just threw them in the laundry.
"thank you. i love you."
"i love you too. can i get you anything to drink? you haven't eaten or had a drink in a while tay"
"can i have some water please?"
"of course, i'll be back in a minute."
travis's pov:
i go downstairs to the kitchen and reach for her favorite cat water bottle and fill it up with cold water and some ice cubes.
i'm glad i was able to get taylor to at least speak to me, she's still upset obviously, but i want her to be able to talk about what's going on inside of her head, i don't know how well she's doing mentally.
"here's your water babe"
"thank you trav" she says while taking the water bottle out of my hands.
"tay, i hate to ask, but are you doing okay? like mentally, i know you are upset, which is very understandable, but i want you to know that it's not your fault. you had zero control over the whole situation."
"im fine i guess. it just hurts. i was so exited to have a kid even though we didn't plan on it. i knew this would probably happen, but i was too exited to think about the possibility of this happening."
"i don't want to be invasive or anything, you don't have to tell me, but what do you mean you knew this would probably happen? did something happen before? it's okay if you don't want to talk about it."
"if i tell you, you can't tell anybody. promise?"
"my lips are sealed."
"it's kinda a long story but, me and joe where trying for a baby during the pandemic. i was able to get pregnant 3 times, but i ended up miscarrying every single time."
"oh my god taylor. i had no idea, im so sorry tay."
"it's okay, it just hurts. whenever i think about it
i think about how different my life would be today. would i still be making music? would i have ever met you? i guess it just wasn't the right thing at the time."
i notice she is very clearly trying to hold back tears, i don't want her to feel like she can't cry in front of me.
"tay, it's okay to cry. i'm not gonna judge you, it's always okay to cry especially when you didn't have a good day"
"i know. i just have a habit of not crying in front of people, it's just awkward. anyways, cuddles?"
she says and gestures me to lay down beside her.
"of course baby. anytime."
almost immediately after i lay down beside her she falls asleep. i'm so glad that she can at least sleep. i know she's in tons of pain, both mentally and physically, so im hoping sleeping will help with it.
____
sorry this was sad again, but i have a plan and the next chapters will be getting happier for a bit.
thanks for reading. love you <3!