One month later
Despite the passing of time, the memory of my encounter with Negan lingered in the recesses of my mind, refusing to fade away. Each day seemed to blur together. His absence was everywhere I looked.
As the days turned into weeks, a sense of restlessness gnawed at the edges of my consciousness, a longing for something, or perhaps someone to break the monotony of my existence. But Negan remained confined to his cell, a prisoner of his own making.
Despite my efforts to bury my thoughts of Negan beneath the weight of my daily responsibilities, his presence lingered like a shadow in the corners of my mind. Each passing day felt heavier than the last, weighed down by the burden of unresolved emotions and unanswered questions.
I found myself wandering aimlessly through the streets of Alexandria, seeking solace in the familiar sights and sounds of the community I called home. But no matter how hard I tried to distract myself, his face haunted me, his words echoing in the spaces of my thoughts.
But amidst the uncertainty and fear, one thing remained constant, the memory of Negan etched into the fabric of my being.
That night, I stepped into the cool night air feeling empty. I don't remember making it home, all I remembered was the aching in my chest as I sobbed into my pillow. The next day I had to return to work as if nothing had happened. I kept to myself, eating alone, doing everything alone.
I was so ashamed, I couldn't face my friends, they would know that something was wrong. I couldn't bear to admit the truth. Jasmine noticed how distant I was being, she begged me to let her in. I think deep down she knew what it was.
Work. Eat. Sleep.
That was all my life had been lately.
I never realized the effect he had over me. I knew that this wasn't normal. Clearly I felt something for him after all.
More than anything, I was humiliated. I don't know how I believed he could truly care for me. I was there to help him pass the time, nothing more.
Negan's POV
There was nothing to do in my cell but think, think about Y/N. The look on her face when I told her I didn't care, It never escaped my brain.
Guilt plagued me. I regretted every word that had come out of my mouth. She had come to see me, she was inches away, and now she was gone.
I was all alone.
I loathed myself knowing that it never had to be this way.
I stared out of the window of my cell. Observing the world I was locked away from.
"What are you doing?" A small voice called out.
My eyes turned towards the voice, it was Judith. She looked the same as usual, blue jeans, flannel, cowboy boots, topped with a sheriffs hat and Rick's revolver strapped to her side. Judith's presence always made me genuinely smile.
"Absolutely nothing." I dragged out slowly.
She sat down on the steps outside my cell. "My mom won't tell me what happened."
I stayed silent, hoping she would let it go.
"So? What did you do?" she asked.
I let out a sigh, rubbing my hand over my face. "I hurt somebody."
"Why?" She wasted no time.
"He did something bad." I told her.
"But you did something bad too."
"It's not always that simple Judith..."
"If he did something bad, why isn't he a prisoner too?"
"Nobody knows what he did."
"Except you." She said.
Not just me, I thought to myself.
"Well now there's nothing to be done about it. Your mom said I have to spend a year down here."
"A year?" She said with a look of pity.
"Hey, what's one more?" I said with a toothy grin. I didn't want her to feel bad for me. I didn't want anyone to feel bad for me.
Y/N was right, this was all my fault. Oh but it felt good to beat the ever loving fuck out of Chuck. My only regret was that I didn't kill him.
"But who is going to take care of the gardens?"
I let out a sigh, I missed the sun on my skin, my hands in the dirt and the satisfaction of seeing everything thrive. "Someone more deserving I suppose."
I looked out into the distance and saw her, it was Y/N. There was a pang in my chest, some type of feeling that I couldn't identify. She was far enough away that she couldn't see me. Her eyes were downcast, not noticing the world around her. She had a book clutched in her arms.
She sat down in front of a large oak tree, leaning against the trunk. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she began reading.
I hadn't seen her since that night, it felt like forever ago.
"You really are a monster." rung in my ears, just thinking about it stung just as much as it did when she had said it.
Her removal from my life left me dazed and confused. I had no answers as to why I felt so empty, why I person I barely knew had so much control over me.
I never looked away, she was entranced in her reading, and perhaps I was entranced by her.
"Why are you staring at that girl?" Judith asked, causing me to snap back to reality.
"What?" I said with a laugh, pretending to be confused. "I'm not..."
A smile tugged at Judith's mouth as she gave me a knowing look. "Yes you were."
"No I wasn't." We went back and forth.
"Do you love her?"
"What? I said shocked.
"You heard me, Negan."
Do I love her? No... I haven't loved anyone since...
"No. I don't love her." I said firmly.
"But you care about her, don't you?" Judith said, her smirk growing.
"You sure are a nosy kid."
"I know. She's pretty. Why don't you love her?"
I was beginning to become a little agitated with this interrogation. "Look Judith, she doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Is it because you're a prisoner and look kinda dirty?"
I let out a sigh, "That's probably it."
Judith looked into my eyes as if she could read my soul. "What's the real reason?"
I looked at the ground, ashamed. She was the only one I could confide in. A child. I might as well reveal part of the truth. "I may have..." I paused for a moment. "said some things I shouldn't have. Things I didn't really mean."
"You were angry." She said.
"No I wasn't angry. I was scared." I admitted.
She looked shocked. "You were scared?" She said as though she couldn't believe it. "I didn't think men like you got scared."
"There's a lot of things you don't know about men like me." I chuckled.
"You should apologize to her." She suggested.
Apologize.
I felt myself start to sweat. What would I say? I didn't apologize to people. I remembered the days people fell to their knees, begging for my forgiveness. I did act like a monster, she deserved an apology. I was wrong, cruel even.
I thought about it everyday. I feared it was now too late. "How would I do that?" I gestured at my enclosure.
"I have an idea!" She said excitedly. "I'll be right back!" And with that she took off running, her boots clicked away as I resumed staring at Y/N.
The sun had just reached it's golden hour, it illuminated her. Making her entire body glow. She looked like an angel. The sight of her made me feel warm. Despite the warmness, I was sad. It were as if I was grieving her.
Judith came back, running, she stopped, out of breath. She was holding sheets of paper and a pen. "You can write her a letter! And when you're done, I'll give it to her, and then she'll read it and forgive you! And then y'all will fall in love and and get married and have lots of babies!" The words spilled from her mouth so quickly I barely understood.
"Slow down kiddo. Let's take this one step at a time."
She finally caught her breath and shoved the stationary at me, through my tiny window. I caught the papers before they flew everywhere.
"Come on Negan! You gotta get started!"
"Hold your horses sweet pea, I don't even know where to begin..."
"Don't think. Just write." She said. "You gotta let your heart do the talking, not your messy brain."
She was so intelligent for her age.
"Yes ma'am. Now the sun is getting low Judith, it's time for you to go home."
"Fine. But you better finish that letter soon, I'll be checking on it everyday..." She sing songed.
After she left I sat on the crate in my room, the papers still in my hand. I stared at the blank pages feeling overwhelmed. Dread loomed over me as I imagined all the outcomes.
Whatever I was going to write, it had to be perfect.
Y/N's POV
I knocked softly on jasmines front door. Nerves built in the moments before she opened the door. She was shocked to see me.
"Y/N? What are you doing here?" She said confused.
"I'm sorry... for showing up so late... and for shutting you out." I looked down after I spoke.
Jasmine pulled me into a tight hug and whispered "I'm here for you. Whether you like it or not."
I buried my face into her shoulder as tears slipped out. Even as I cried I couldn't help but smile.
"Come inside" she gestured.
We sat down on the couch in her living room. Her house was so warm, there were candles burning, making everything smell so good and feel cozy.
I allowed myself to relax into the soft couch cushions. "I didn't know how to talk to you.. I'm just so embarrassed Jasmine.."
"You seem heartbroken." She stated.
Was I heart broken? Yes, what had happened hurt but was it true that Negan had broken my heart? The realization had set it. He had. Tears bubbled up to the surface and almost instantly broke through.
"Oh Y/N." Jasmine pulled me close to her and held me. She let me cry in her arms for a moment before asking "what happened?"
I pulled away, wiping away my tears and sucking in a deep breath. I looked into her eyes and decided to start from the beginning.
Absolutely everything, from the first time I saw him to the last.
Jasmine's facial expressions changed throughout my story telling, from smiling, shock and grimacing as she listened intently.
It felt so good to finally let everything out. When I was finally finished, Jasmine was momentarily silent, absorbing all the information I just dropped on her.
"Why didn't you tell anyone about what Chuck did to you? That's not okay." I could sense she was getting angry. "It's not your fault. At. All. But that asshole needs to be punished. I mean technically he was, but the council needs to know. He needs to be exiled!" She said, standing up from her seat.
I grabbed her hand, pulling her back down. "Wait no. I don't want to make things worse.. what if no one believes me?"
"You said you bit him right? I bet he still has the scar! Come on, I'll back you up."
"Please Jasmine... I'm not ready. Please don't do anything."
She looked at me sadly, "Ok Y/N.. it's up to you. I'm confused. Wouldn't Negan of told the council when they were questioning him?"
"He didn't want to involve me, I know that he told them he just did it because he hated him."
"I would tell you to report Chuck because it might get Negan out of trouble but, that dickhead deserves it for how he spoke to you."
"Despite what happened, I don't want him to be locked up in there, I still care about him."
"I get it. I really do, I just think maybe you should try to move on... I mean there's been no attempt to fix things on his side, I mean I know he's stuck in his cell, I just think he's an asshole."
"How do I move on when's he's all that I think about? I can barely go ten minutes without him crossing my mind. I can barely sleep."
"Time heals all my love. You can't fix everything right away but you have to try."
"I know... he must be so lonely down there..."
"Y/N. You need to start thinking about yourself."