❃𝙺𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚊❃
There are still things I can't wrap my head around. Things that need to be talked about, but I don't think anyone actually wants to sit down and talk about it.
Cameron's issues at school are dwindling, but there are still issues like blurting things out in the middle of class. My mother hates my...guy I'm seeing, and I don't really know how to fix that. But I need to because Guy I'm Seeing would like me to stand up for him the way he does—rightfully so, right?
Guy I'm Seeing would also like me to open up more. I mean, he hasn't specifically said it, but he would. He's already opened up to me a bunch with all the things I know about him like most of his thoughts, his feelings, his depressing childhood of being parentified by the ripe age of five...
There is one thing he doesn't go into detail about. Arguably one of the biggest events of his life, and he hardly ever mentions it. Not to me, anyway.
Maybe it's because of how nervous I get at the mention of alcohol, but I thought I was...I don't know. Maybe getting a little better. I've taught myself to trust him. He's never given me any kind of reason to be afraid of him or his choices.
Or maybe it's just that sensitive of a subject for him. It's entirely possible that it is, so I just haven't had the heart to bring it up. There are other things we talk about. Less serious things. Like how his day was. The drama in my office right now. How Cam's doing with the girlfriend he refuses to admit he has.
We're just having too much fun, I think. I'm afraid to ruin that. I mean, right now, he kisses me and he hugs my body close to his. He shares his warmth. Coffee and eggs are ready in the morning when he has a sleepover at our house—whether he's in the room with me or on the air mattress in the living room with Cameron. He likes to play with us too. Not just stupid boardgames, but fun little games he makes up with on the fly. Mostly just teasing us. He loves to tease us.
He used to love teasing my mom too. It's his love language, I think. And she shot it down with teasing him without any playfulness in his tone.
"Mom," I begin quietly as I cautiously approach the couch beside her, taking my chance to talk while Cameron's in the other room sat at the table eating. "We need to talk."
She sighs. "If it's about that man, I don't want to hear it. You know I don't want to hear about him."
"That man has a name, and you know it."
She almost looks caught off guard, but she looks at me and relents. "I don't want to hear about Noah, Kiara." She dismisses.
"Fine." I agree. "I won't tell you things about him, but we still need to talk about this."
"We don't."
"You need to be nicer." I get to the point before I lose her. She watches me like I just grew a second head. I continue quickly. "You realize you're hurting his feelings, right?"
"Oh, God." She scoffs. "His feelings? Has his age suddenly regressed to match your child's?"
I frown. "Mom." I scold. She shakes her head as she looks away. "Look, he's Cameron's dad. That's exactly what you wanted Wyatt to be." I reason. "What more do you want from me? I'm dating your grandson's father, Mom. How does that not make you happy?"
"I'm not talking about this with you, Kiara."
"Fine." I huff. "Fine—Don't tell me then. Just stop being mean to him. It's not fair to anyone. And if you don't care you're hurting his feelings, then care because you're hurting Cameron's."
She doesn't seem to understand. Like she just can't understand why I don't want her being so mean to Noah. "I haven't said anything." She insists. "Cameron hasn't noticed."
"You know how smart he is." I argue. "You know what he catches onto. You know he's already catching on, so you're going to stop being so mean to him. I mean it, Mom. He's a good man. He doesn't deserve it."
"How do you know what a good man looks like?"
"How do you?" I return. She blinks. "It's not like you've ever seen one. Your father was like mine. Your grandfather too—probably. How do you know, Mom?" I shake my head slowly.
Her lips press together, and I almost think she's about to slap me right across the face. But then her lips begin trembling. I falter when I notice the shine to her eyes. The redness, and the regret. She starts shaking her head as she looks away from me. And she does this thing I haven't seen from her since I was little—She does this thing. It's when she curls up into herself, almost like a protective ball. She'd do it a lot. When they were fighting, and afterwards when we were on the bathroom floor at midnight with a box of band aids and Penny. Penny my stuffed bunny.
I straighten. My first instinct is to help her. My second though...it comes when I hear the clatter of a fork and a groan. He dropped his fork on the tile. He doesn't come running to us though, old enough and smart enough to get up and grab a new one from the kitchen.
I don't want him to comfort his mom on the bathroom floor when it's way past his bedtime.
"Mom," I whisper as I get up from the couch. I reach for her hands. She lets me take them and I try pulling her up. "Come on." I plead. She stands from the couch just as a tear slips down her cheek. "I'm sorry." I don't know if I have anything I need to apologize for. She's being mean to my—Guy I'm Seeing. She's being mean to Guy I'm Seeing, and I'm trying to fix it. While also making sure my son can't see it.
I manage to get her to her room before my son starts calling for me. "Mom! Your phone's ringing!" He informs. I think I left it on the table after giving him his plate.
"Okay, Cam! Just give me a minute." I call back as I sit my mom down on her bed. "Mom," I try, whispering to her as I reach for a little box of Kleenex. "I'm sorry."
"It's Dad!" His voice sounds a bit closer, so I quickly step away from her and leave the room. I'm sure she understands. "Can I answer it?" He asks, just barely making it into the hall.
I stand in front of him before he can venture off down the hall and to the left where her room is. "Okay, thanks." I casually hum as I take my phone from him.
He frowns. "Can I say hi?" He asks. I sigh deeply but hand him the phone after I answer it. He smiles and holds it to his ear with two hands. "Hi, Dad!" He greets. He sways around some in silence, listening to Noah for a minute. "Yeah, we're at Grammy's." He hums, shrugging to himself. I check over my shoulder. "Mhm. She's in front of me." He assures. Pauses for a moment. "Okay. Love you too. Bye." He returns. Then holds my phone up to me.
I smile briefly as I take it from him. "Go finish your lunch." I wave my hand. He spins to march off. I put the phone to my ear but don't say anything until he's out of my sight. "Hello?" I breathe.
"Hey." His voice makes me smile to myself. "I didn't know you were visiting your mom today."
I frown. "Were you planning on seeing us today?"
He chuckles. "Yeah. Sorry though. Should've called."
"No, don't be." I'm quick to argue. "You don't call most of the time and I've never stopped you so..." I trial off briefly and look over my shoulder when I hear my mom sniffle. "Um,"
"You okay?"
"Yeah." I answer fast. "Sorry, um," I lower the phone to listen for a second before bringing it back to my ear. "I think I," I start tiptoeing further down the hall, lowering my voice even more to the lowest whisper I can. "I think I hurt my mom's feelings."
"Kiara Stone. How could you?"
I roll my eyes with a little smile. "I was trying to make it so she wouldn't hurt yours."
"Oh, well. In that case it's okay to hurt a seventy-something-year-old lady's feelings."
"Noah,"
He sighs, dropping the teasing for now. "Sorry." He offers quietly. "Is everything okay?"
I shut my eyes. "I made her cry."
"No shit." He doesn't sound like he believes me. "The fact that she can't glare at me anymore made her cry? Goddamn, I guess I can handle it then. If she's going to cry over it."
"No, it's not that." I breathe. "I..." I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut tighter. "I brought up my dad." I lower my voice even more, almost not even audible.
He doesn't answer for a good few seconds. I start to think he didn't hear me. "You brought your dad up to her?" He asks. I can hear it in his voice. Even he knows how bad that is.
I shake my head even though he can't see. "And her dad...And her dad's dad."
"Shit, Kiara." He whispers. I take another breath as I check over my shoulder again.
"I gotta go." I keep my eyes on the open door down the hall.
"You want me to come over?"
My eyes fly down to the floor like it's him. "What?"
"Do you want me to go over there?" He asks again, slower this time. "Or maybe pick Cameron up if she doesn't want me there?"
"Um," I think I knew he'd ask when I told him. Like I said. He's a good guy. He cares for us all, even if my mom hasn't done anything to earn it. He cares about her automatically because we care about her. "I—Yeah. Please. I don't know if she'll let you in, but please come get Cameron if you can." It's awful that I'm asking him to do me a favor despite that conversation we had.
It's hurt him that I haven't said anything to my mom. Not just because she's being mean to him, but because he just needs to feel the same kind of care he gives out. He wants to be cared about. Wants to be able to feel it too.
"Give me fifteen minutes."
"Thank you." I whisper. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be." He dismisses. He laughs to himself. "All I wanted was for the passive aggressiveness to relax some. Didn't want you to make her cry."
I scoff at that, almost smiling to myself. "Stop it. That's not funny."
"No, of course it's not. That poor old lady."
"Noah,"
He laughs. "Okay, go sit with your mom. I'll be there as soon as I can."
I nod to myself. "See you." I mutter, the brief moment of fun simmering down when I look down the hall. After I hang up, I slowly head over and peak into the room cautiously. "Mom?" I whisper. She's still sat on the bed where I left her, dabbing her eyes with the tissue. I come further in and carefully shut the door behind me. "Mom."
I take a careful seat on the edge of the bed beside her. "Oh," She breathes, shaking her head as the tears just keep coming. My mom doesn't lose her composure often. But when she does, it's bad. And everything she swallows down comes rushing in.
"It's okay." I assure, shutting my eyes as I lean over on her and drop my temple on her shoulder. "It'll be okay, Mom." I mumble. I tell her what I thought I was supposed to when I was young. It always seemed to help. At least, she made it look like it did.
__________
He isn't allowed inside. I try. I do try, but he's not allowed inside.
He smiles at me when I tell him he can't come in. "I'm so sorry." I shake my head. "She'd be meaner to you today." I reason weakly. It's not an excuse though. I was supposed to stop the meanness.
"I know." He nods. Glances briefly at the unnamed dog at his feet. Aaliyah was right. Naming things is hard. I'm starting to think calling him Rex like Cam wants is our best option. Noah doesn't think so.
"Dad!" Cameron beams and pushes me aside to get into the doorway. "Rex!" He gasps at the little dog too. His tiny tail wags in response to being acknowledged. "Look! Grammy has a really ugly puzzle!" He grins as he reaches for Noah's hand.
Noah doesn't budge. Not an inch. "Maybe next time, Nut." He hums. "You got your stuff with you, don't you?" He asks.
Cameron starts to frown, but he nods. "Yeah," He moves away from the door to pick up his bag from the ground. He looks up at me like I'm going to come with them, but he knows already I'm going to stay a while with her. I softly smile at him, so he steps out into the hall with his dad. "Um," He looks up at us both cautiously. "Grandparents Day at school is on Monday." He whispers reluctantly.
He cringes when I groan. He told me, like, two weeks ago and hasn't mentioned it since. I forgot to ask her. More importantly, I forgot to ask if I can take the first few hours of the day at work so I can at least drive her to the school and pick her up afterwards if I can't be with her.
"Okay, um," I check over my shoulder as I lift my hand to rub my forehead. "I—I'll, um, ask her about it, Cameron. She'll probably say yes, but I don't know if I can get out of work long enough for that." I shake my head softly. He frowns at that.
"I probably can." Noah admits. I frown while he smiles. "If she'll let me, I'll take them." He nods. That doesn't get rid of my frown, so he sighs and takes a short step closer. "It's for him, Kiara. Remind her when you ask her." He whispers. While he's close enough, he kisses my cheek.
"Ew."
"Hey, what happened to you being so excited to see Mom and Dad kiss?" Noah scoffs as he steps back again. I smile to myself, my frown fixed for now.
"Before it was cool." Cameron mutters with a scrunched nose. "But now you're gross."
"Your face is gross."
"Noah,"
He smiles. "Say goodbye to Mom, Nut." He nudges Cameron's shoulder. Cameron sighs as he comes closer to hug me really quick, muttering his goodbyes.
"Um," Cameron stops us again as soon as him and Noah are about to go before the puppy decides to pee on the carpet right here and now. We both sigh, but we stop to wait. "Can we stay at Dad's this week?"
We blink at him. Then look at each other and awkwardly down at him again. "This week?" I repeat, pointing to the floor. "Like, all week?"
He nods slowly as if he understands how big of an ask that is. "Yeah."
I shrug softly when Noah gives an encouraging nod. "Um...Yeah. Sure, Cam. You can stay with him this week if you want. You still need to go home and pack some stuff, but you can go." I agree. He's already spent half a week over there, what's a full week? We have to start doing that eventually, right?
He frowns. "No, us." He repeats. "Me and you."
I frown too. "Me and...you?" I slowly repeat. "You want me to stay at Noah's too?" I whisper. I shake my head quick. "Sorry—Your dad. You want me to stay at your dad's too?" I correct myself. We're not calling him Noah anymore. Not when we're talking to Cameron, at least. Noah's Dad now.
"Well...you spend the night sometimes with me." Cameron reasons quietly, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.
"That's—I mean, that's different, Cam." I shake my head with a bit of a nervous laugh. "That's only a couple of days. I—I have work. And I can't just stay at...um, Dad's all week like that. The weekends are fine, but all week is...a lot."
"Oh." He whispers, disappointment tugging his frown down even deeper.
Noah lets out a breath. "The dog's getting antsy, buddy." He rests a hand on Cameron's backpack. "We'll figure it out and talk more about it later." He decides, I think only to get Cameron to go with him.
Cameron sighs. It doesn't make him feel any better, still sadly looking down at the ground. "Bye, Mom." He mumbles.
"Bye, baby." I return just as quietly. I watch with a frown as Noah gently coaxes him away from the door.
"I'll text you." Noah whispers before they get too far. I give a brief, halfhearted smile. He returns it. Once they make it to the end of the hall, I take a breath and shut the door, slowly turning around and trying to shake that off so I can prepare myself to go back into the room with my mom.
I jump when I turn around to see her standing behind me a few feet away. I scoff and lift my hand to my chest. "Mom! You scared me."
The tip of her nose is pink, but her tears are all dried up and her eyes don't seem to have any more tears in them. She presses her lips tightly together. "I don't trust him, and I want him nowhere near Cameron." She decides firmly.
I stare blankly for a few seconds. "Shut up." I mumble. She blinks. "You realize that he just drove all the way over here only to be told he can't even come inside. He drove all the way over here just to pick up our son so he wouldn't have to see you cry." My voice shakes with anger. I take a step closer, and she falters. "And then proceeded to offer to drive you to Cameron's school Monday morning so you don't miss out on Grandparents Day with him. Even though he knows you're going to refuse to sit in the front seat with him like a child. He's doing that for you, Mom."
We stare back at each other for a long moment before she turns away from me, shaking her head as she shuffles slowly along. I shut my eyes and rest a hand on my hip, the other over my eyes while I try to figure out just what the hell I'm supposed to do.
She's never been so mean. So upset. She was rude to Wyatt, but this is different. This is just plain...unfair. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it.