"Hello Payton my name is Dr.Hartman and it's a pleasure to be able to help you." She put out her hand for me to shake. I hesitantly shook it.
"Thank you for taking your time to help me." I said
She smiled "please sit down." She said gesturing to the tan leather couch.
I slowly sat down. Her office was really nice. It had a window for the wall and you could see the city beautifully. I stared at the window gazing at the view. It reminds me of the cliff that Kade took me too.
"Tell me what your thinking." Dr. Hartman ask
I looked back her breaking my gaze of the city.
"I-I was just zoning out." I told her
"But in the process of zoning out you were thinking of something." She said
I didn't say anything just played with my fingers nervously.
"You know these sessions can be about anything. Not just your nightmares and depression. Anything that you want to talk about I'm here to listen." Dr. Hartman said noticing my silence
"I'm just confuse." I finally say
"Confuse about what?" She presses
"Everything." I look at her
She doesn't say anything. I guess she wants me to continue.
I take a deep breath "when I wake up from a nightmare besides all the heavy breathing and sweating and screaming when I wake up, I wake up confuse. Confuse on how I could possibly dream about something like that. How I could possibly wake up from something like that. My mind just never works the same anymore."
She nodded her head crossing right leg over her left.
"Our my mind can play tricks on us. It can make us think one thing and another. Your nightmares look like they affect you in away you don't know how to deal with and in a way that is affecting you with your family and friends." Dr. Hartman explained
I nodded my head taking in what she had to say.
"But you need to focus on the things that take you away from that. If you stop focusing on the nightmares they won't bother you as much. It's going to take sometime I understand but it's worth a try." She continued
I didn't say anything again
"I feel like something else is troubling you." Dr. Hartman pointed out
"Don't you think it might just be my depression settling in?" I said not really wanting to talk anymore
"Maybe." She smiled pausing before asking "can I ask you a question?"
"Go ahead."
"Do you have trouble accepting who you are?"
Everyday
"Yes." I said shyly
Who doesn't?
"Why?" She pressures on
"I just don't like who I am." I shrugged my shoulders
She smiled again. What was she getting at?
"Why?"
What is up with the whys?
I decided to question her "why do you keep asking me that?"
"Well you are a very pretty girl, I expect you have a lot of friends, a loving family, and get everything you want. Why hate it?"
I sighed "Cause its not me."
She issued me to keep going.
"My whole life is a fake. I have to pretend to be someone I'm not with everyone around me. I can never be myself anymore and sometimes I don't even know who that is. So of course I hate myself. I hate myself for being so weak and a coward. I put a smile on my face only to frown when I'm alone." I let out
Dr. Hartman uncross her leg and leaned forward.
"It's good that you admitted that, I wanted you too. That's why I kept bantering you. This what I'm here for. For you to rant and let you emotions go and for me to help you cope them." Dr. Hartman explained.
I looked back out at the window staring at the scenery.
"You need to love yourself before you go and love anyone else." Dr. Hartman told me
"Well I don't love myself."
"Than how can you expect to love anyone if you can't even learn to love you for who you are." Dr. Hartman ask me
I bent my head low "I don't know."
"I want to help you, but it seems like you like to keep things to yourself and that's never good,"
I bit my lip
"You need to let me or somebody else in." She continued
I wanted to believe that there was a way out of this, but something was telling me other wise.
+++
"I'm leaving." Daniel said come in my room.
I was currently laying on my bed reading a book. I looked away from my book to look at him.
"Where are you going?" I asked him
"First day of work." He smiled twirling his new badge
"You know you don't really need to work right?" I raise my eyebrow at him
He shrugged his shoulders "got to start somewhere."
I laughed "where is everyone else?"
Daniel leaned against my door frame.
"Mom and dad are at work and Aylssa went to her friends house." He said
I nodded my head and continue to read my book.
"Mom left you money." Daniel announce
"Like I don't have enough of that already." I muttered
Daniel chuckled "Alright I got to go be safe."
"I'll be here."
He chuckled again before leaving. I heard the front door shut and I was officially alone. After a while of reading I heard my phone go off which caused me to groan. Why couldn't reality just leave me alone? I place my bookmark in the place I was leaving off and then close my book setting it next to me. I pick up my phone and look at the message.
Meet me at the park in 10 minutes. ~ Kade
I haven't heard from him since the homecoming dance which was a week ago. It's not like he hasn't been on my mind since sarcasm intended.
Why is he just texting me now?
I decided not to text him back, but I was going to go. Right now I was in sweatpants and a white t-shirt. I got up and switch my sweatpants for a pair of leggings. I slid my converses on and threw my hair in a messy bun. I grabbed my keys, phone and my Michael Kors sling bag.
I headed out the door grabbing a Gatorade before leaving.
I got in my car, turn on the engine and headed to the park to meet Kade.
I was wondering what Kade was going to say. What was going to happen. I was kind of freaking out.
I got to the park parking my car in one of the parking spots. He didn't tell me where he would be exactly so I started to walk around looking for him. I finally saw him sitting on a bench watching the kids play on the park. I saw he had playful smile on his face which made me smile. He was wearing a grey v neck shirt with tan khakis shorts with his usual black vans. He also had black shades on which made him look a lot hotter.
Stop drooling Payton.
I walked closer to him hoping he would spot me soon enough. Then when he finally turn his head a little his eyes landed on mine. He smile got bigger and it seemed like mine was still on. Finally I was standing in front of him. He was looking up at me.
"Hi." He greeted
"Hi." I said back to him
I slowly sat down next to him and my eyes never left his. It seems like his smile never left either.
"So what's up." I said getting straight to the point
"I wanted to talk." Kade said
"Well that's never good." I implied
He let out a short laugh "no I promise it's not bad I just want to talk."
"I've been waiting to talk to you for a whole week." I said seriously
He sighed "I know."
"So why now?"
He leaned back "I guess I had got the courage to finally talk to you."
He was now looking at the playground.
So I decided to go off topic a little
"Why did you want to meet at the park?" I said taking a sip of my Gatorade
He didn't look away from the screaming children just laughed at them.
"I always loved parks. Taking walks, just sitting down and thinking and then not to be weird but I like to watch the kids play and have fun. Reminds me of a childhood I never had." He told me finally looking at me.
That was sad.
"That's sad." I said quietly
He shrug his shoulder "I try to not let it bother me."
Where did I hear that before?
I bit my lip and looked at my hands. This was really awkward.
"Look Payton about that night I didn't know what got into me." He admitted causing me to lift my head back up to him
"Are you only saying that because I ran out after you kiss me?" I asked him
He thought about it then shyly shook his head yes.
I couldn't help but smile at his awkwardness.
"Look Kade I don't know why I ran out so quickly it's not like I didn't enjoy it. I guess I was just shocked." I bit my lip again
"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it." He smirked. There was the Kade I knew.
I rolled my eyes "you're a jerk."
"A lovable jerk."
I giggled loudly
He smiled at me "I love your laugh"
I calm down blushing a bit.
"Payton I don't know what it is about you but you give me this weird feeling that I never felt before with anybody. It's amazing feeling." Kade said truthfully
"Me too." I whispered
He chuckle biting his lip.
"I guess I'm just glad I met you." He whispered
"Yeah I think so too." I joked
"So you don't mind if I kiss you again?" He said leaning closer
My heart was beating so face.
"I don't actually." I barely manage out
He grinned "good." He said before smashing his lips against mine.
I loved the feeling of his lips on mine and this is only the second time really kissing him. He brought his hand and wrapped it around my neck pulling me closer. It was a nice gentle kiss and I loved it. Wish we could go a little faster though but then I remember that we were in a park. I finally pulled away from him giving him a small smile.
"I wish we weren't in public now." He growled
I was surprise at his response.
I didn't say anything.
Just stared into his eyes as he stared into mine.
Then I remember something that my therapist told me yesterday
You need to love yourself before you go and love anybody else.
~~~~~~~~~~A/N~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey guys what's up? I like this chapter I thought it was cute. I think we need to get serious again and I know you aren't going to like it but it's part of the story. More Payton and Kade cute moments coming soon:D
What you think about her first therapy appointment? The meet up with Kade was cute wasn't it!
I think they should have ship name. Thoughts?
I have nothing else to say.
So goodbye!
See you next update.
Vote and comment
-gabby