"C-Can you... Help me change my clothes? P-Please...?"
"..."
"... What? W-Why are you staring at me like that?"
She couldn't be for real. There was just no way. I mean, I get that we kind of did couple's stuff in the past and all, but that was just taking advantage of my weak will at this point.
And I swear the moon was a paid actor for shining on her red face like that.
"Ahem! M-Maybe you haven't heard me, Y/N. Help. Me. Change. My. Clothes. Pleaseee?"
"..."
"... Pretty please?"
"Nah."
"Oh, you're such a- Why not?!"
The girl who just a few seconds ago was telling me she wasn't feeling too good to change her clothes herself was now throwing a fit like a whining child. The fact that she even asked proved to me that giving in, as tempting as it was, was a bad choice.
"Why not? Maybe because you won't remember a thing in the morning because you're so drunk?!"
Suddenly, Megumin averted her gaze at my retort, attempting to play coy.
"H-Hey now, I just wanted you to help me change! Who said anything about getting intimate all of a sudden?"
"Oh, right. Because you're so innocent that you totally haven't thought about that, and you don't actually suck like a vacuum cleaner."
"W-What are you insinuating, Y/N?! I'm a pure and innocent maiden who's been just corrupted by your perverted ways! Also, what's a vacuum cleaner?"
"Yeah right. Anyway, you have no idea how much I'm actually holding back to give in to your little tempations, you succubus of a girlfriend!"
"Argh! You did it again! You compared me to those women of the night again! Say that again and I'll explode you on the spot!"
With her half-baked threat, Megumin got up on her knees on the bed, trying to put on a fighting stance. I said 'trying', because that's a stance Aqua would take when someone tried to steal her booze.
"Then get out of bed and do it. I dare you. Or are you not Megumin the Dragon Slayer of the Crimson Demons?"
I taunted, with my arms crossed.
"So you're gonna play like that, huh, Y/N? Very well. Be prepared, dear lover, for tis' the last time thy have insulted my-"
Just as she stood up from the bed, the alcohol once again reminded her of its presence and she landed face first on the floor. That was the second time this evening.
"Do you want a bucket?"
"... Y-Yes please."
- After looking over the puking mage, it seemed like the alcohol was exiting her body the more she threw up. I held her hair so she wouldn't get it dirty with her vomit while scolding her for drinking so much in the first place.
I know it was ironic for me to scold her, given my track record with alcohol, but whatever; she was too focused on complaining like a middle-aged man during a hangover to care.
"Life is suffering, Y/N... Why did you let me drink? This is horrible..."
"Yeah, yeah, let it all out."
"Why do people drink this stuff? It's not fun at all... Ugh..."
"Yeah, yeah, it's not, right?"
"I hate it; it's hard to drink in the first place... And it makes me sick."
"Yeah, yeah, it does, doesn't it?"
"Shut up with your half-assed words of comfort already!"
When we were sure her depressive episode had ended, Megumin obediently tucked herself in bed. Her nose scrunched up whenever she took a whiff of the vomit bucket, and a disgusted frown made its way onto her face.
"Feeling better?"
Only a quiet hum of approval came from her. This night must've exhausted her.
"Okay. I'll take the bucket and you better go to sleep."
"Actually..." She spoke fainlty, peeking from under the covers, "Can I tell you something before you go? It's something I've wanted to tell you about for some time now."
A sigh left my lips, but sensing her suddenly more serious demeanor, I leaned against the door frame, eager to listen. It couldn't have been anything delusional again; her puke should've made her more clear-headed.
I nodded.
"Okay. It's actually about Chomusuke."
"Eh? What does this furball have to do with anything?"
"Well, actually... Chomusuke is not a real cat."
She said, dead serious.
"... For real?"
"For real."
I guess she didn't puke enough.
"Okay then, night Megumin."
"W-Wait! Don't you 'night' me! Haven't you heard?"
"Yeah, I did. A cat doesn't have wings, a cross on its head, or the ability to breathe fire; of course, the furball isn't normal. It looks cat enough for me, so this doesn't change anything. It'll still receive countless pets from me. Anyway, night."
"Stop nighting me!"
The sudden motion of her sitting upright in bed almost made her puke again, but she held it in, fortunately. But yeah, I already heard enough blabbering from her drunk self that night, and I didn't want to hear more.
Wait, do I act the same when drunk?
"I'm going to bed- Ow! Don't throw your staff at me!"
"It's not a real cat, you hear me! It's not a cat!"
"Shut up and sleep!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"- Hey Megumin. You really look happy making those; I'm feeling happy too just watching you."
Aqua, who was smiling through the pain of Emperor Zell's pecks, commented while lying leisurely on the sofa next to Megumin, who was fiddling with something around her neck. According to her explanation, it was an amulet with magical properties. Stuffing hair from people with powerful magic into the amulet and then giving it to a comrade is supposed to be a sign of physical reassurance and such, in agreement with some Crimson Demon tradition. She was wearing it just like the necklace I'd bought for her so long ago.
The fact that she was still wearing that thing after so long made me have a pleasant feeling in my chest.
"Of course I'm happy. These amulets hold my wish that everyone will stay together forever... I'm grateful to you too, Aqua. Let's always be together."
"M... Megumin! This is... I'm so touched! I understand, I can't go back to heaven anyway, so I'll just ditch my job as a goddess and spend my time here happily! Kazuma will deal with the issue of money somehow, so let's play together as much as we can and enjoy our time with everyone!"
"Hey, by the way, I don't think you've made one with Aqua's hair yet, right?"
As I said that, we naturally shifted our gaze at Aqua who was in pain from Emperor Zell's assault. She looked around uneasily as we stared at her with a blank face.
"...? What? Are all of you so insolent that you'd ask for the hair of a goddess like me? Listen carefully, the hair of a goddess's sacred and rare-"
"Hand over the hair, fake goddess."
"F-Fake? Y/N, you out of everyone, should know that my divinity and sancity are totally real and legitimate-! Okay, I get it, Megumin, don't pull my hair like that! It hurts; at least use some scissors to cut a strand off!"
Ignoring the goddess of sulking, Megumin turned to me with a new amulet in hand.
"Here you go, Y/N. It's only for mental comfort, so everyone else can do whatever they like with it-stuff it into their pockets or something-but you need to wear it."
"Why only me?"
"Because I said so, and you have to, or I'll expose your perversion from-"
"You'd be outing yourself too, then!"
This girl can be ruthless, saying things like that with a straight face.
Taking the amulet from her small hand, I put it around my neck, gaining an approving thumbs up from Megumin, to whom I must've looked incredibly cool.
Thankfully, Aqua either moped about her hair being forcefully yanked by Megumin earlier or just got temporarily deaf because she didn't hear Megumin's threat and just grunted, going back to forcing her love onto Emperor Zell.
"You better cherish that amulet, Y/N. It has my holy hair in it. You'll receive divine punishment if I hear you disrespect it."
"Just saying, if this brainwashes me and I become like those Axis lunatics, you have permission to explode me, Megumin."
"... Now that I think about it, Darkness promised to help me build a pet house for Emperor Zell."
"Wow, are you actually maturing? I thought you'd throw a tantrum."
It was really weird for Aqua to act like a functioning member of society-a sane functioning member of society-but what's weird is that we haven't seen Darkness nor Kazuma for some time now.
The three of us fell silent, catching on at the same time. Like a hivemind, we naturally thought about the same thing.
"From what my clear eyes tell me, they must be playing board games in one of their rooms."
By hivemind I meant me and Megumin.
"Maybe we should let them be? I mean, I know I wouldn't want to be interrupted in the middle of something like this."
Megumin pondered, giving me a side glance.
... What, you said it, not me.
"Hah! What are you talking about, Megumin? They have the nerves to play board games without me?! I don't care if I'll interrupt; I'll remind them why they're playing in secret; they're too scared to face me and lose!"
Without giving us any time to stop her, Aqua made a beeline for the hall with her chick closely cradled to her.
"This woman really has to learn to read the room!"
"No, Y/N!"
The second I got up to run after the blue airhead, Megumin grabbed me by the sleeve. Tilting my head at her, she explained.
"Don't. It's time Aqua finally understood the adult world. She's big enough now, anyway, so it'll be fine. She'd have had to learn sooner or later."
She said all this in a warm and thoughtful tone, with an expression as if she were talking about her own child.
Who was this girl suddenly pretending to be?
"You're talking like you have plenty of experience yourself."
"You're talking like you haven't given me this experience yourself."
"... Touché."
"Eh? I swear, sometimes you say even weirder stuff than me."
In that moment, I thought to myself that it was a good thing no one heard what we just said, but I was once again reminded that fate is a bitch.
There was a loud thud coming from the closet near the front door, only an earful away from us.
"Damn it, you useless meat shield! We were this close to hearing it! You really can't do anything more than get off to being a punching bag!"
"Hey, I know I said I wouldn't abuse my noble status, but I just might make an exception for you and get you executed for slandering nobility!"
The two missing members of our dream team, Kazuma and Darkness, were arguing on the floor while incredibly flushed and sweaty. I guess it had to be a really intense session of board games in there. That's maybe also the reason why Darkness was bound in Kazuma's bind, like in some ero game.
But more importantly, my mind played Kazuma's words over and over on repeat. When the two noticed me and Megumin looming over them like hawks, they went silent immediately while trying to make themselves as small as possible.
"H-Hey, if you need anyone to redirect your anger to, use her, not me! It's all her fault in the first place, anyway!"
"K-Kazuma, don't use my fetishes against me!"
"Hey," The two froze at my voice, averting their gaze right on the floor, "What did you two hear-"
"I'm sorry, forgive me, it wasn't me!"
Kazuma, in an instant, assumed a perfect gomeza position, rubbing his forehead furiously against the floor to the point it turned red.
The amount of power I held over him was terrifying.
"You... You scum! Don't listen to him! It's all this depraved man's fault! This pervert used the occasion to restrain me and do with me whatever he pleased...! Mnph... T-That actually sounds..."
"See?! Don't trust her perverted mouth!"
Crossing our arms, Megumin and I gave the two a look mafia members would give to someone before making Swiss cheese out of them.
"Come to think of it, I don't think I had my daily explosion today..."
A look of terror mixed with arousal from one of them came over their faces.
Those two were truly hopeless...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"... Why are you staring at me? Ah, you want this? You want to drink too?"
"... Kazuma has become an amazing bum ever since the festival ended."
Aqua commented while staring pitifully at Kazuma, who was leisurely sipping champagne on the couch.
It was as if the two had switched places. Aqua was sitting on the rug with her arms around her knees and looking up as Kazuma indulged himself without a care in the world.
I got chills just by looking at them.
"What are you talking about, Aqua? Who you're looking at is a successful man who owns a mansion and so much money in the bank that I can live off of just the interest alone, you know? I'll go adventuring when I'm in the mood; doing work is stupid."
In response to those irrefutable words, Aqua just muttered, "Oh, you're right," and joined in on sipping on the expensive drink.
Now, that looked more like it. The balance has been restored. I ignored the alarming feeling I got from finding them two wasting their days as a normal occurrence.
"You know, it's not me who you should worry about, Aqua."
Kazuma commented while pointing with his eyes to the other side of the living room.
Following his gaze, Aqua found herself stunned. If she didn't know any better, it by all means could've been considered a miracle.
"Why's Y/N doing push-ups?"
"I know, right? What a weirdo."
"How can you two say it so casually?!" Megumin shrieked while huddling herself in the corner of the room, in fear, "Are you even seeing what I'm seeing? Have I gone crazy?"
"A long time ago, yes."
I don't know what their deal was, but I was too focused to care. Yes, more muscle, more strength-the anime physique I always wanted-here I come!
"Muscles... Abs... Biceps... Weights... Squats... Calories..."
"Ahhh! He's chanting something weird! Kazuma, Kazuma, I think Y/N's possessed by some nasty demon! Quick, Aqua, cast something to get rid of this hellish creature!"
Megumin said some very hurtful words while refusing to come even remotely close to me.
"If it truly were some icky demon I would've been able to sense it with my awesome divine sniffers."
"Please, don't call your nostrils sniffers..."
"Besides, there's a super strong barrier around our mansion, remember? There's no way a wicked creature like that could sneak by it."
"What about Vanir that one time?"
"Grrr! I still hate that masked fiend! I say he should've been exorcisted on the spot! He even stole my precious Zell's love from me! How cruel can one get to steal someone's kid?!"
"Hey, that devil is my source of income, so you better leave him alone."
As Kazuma and Aqua bantered and bonded over being two of the laziest human beings, Megumin continued muttering something incoherent under her breath and having a mental breakdown.
But me. I've made a discovery. Well, I couldn't call that a discovery; I guess it's common knowledge, but whatever.
I've noticed that with each level up I had and with each time the funny numbers next to my strength stat went up, I was getting stronger. I know; who could've guessed?
Of course, it wasn't a big difference; if it was, then there would've been no point in working out at all. Going out on adventures and significantly raising one's level was already something that wasn't meant for everyone. Building up muscle by normal means was safer than leveling up by fighting monsters.
With my strength stat already pretty high, I could do things I couldn't do before; doing 30 something push-ups without as much as breaking a sweat was an empowering feeling. Basically, I could do things I physically shouldn't be allowed to do.
And so, by doing those difficult-by normal standards-training sessions, getting a proper diet, and other things I planned to ask Darkness about, I planned to get ripped like the proper protagonist should. It took longer than expected, but my training arc was here!
"Training arc... Biceps... Abs... Muscles... Anime physique..."
"He's doing it again! Wahhhhh! Please, help me get my man back!"
"Hey, Kazuma. I want some Neroid too."
"... Isn't that champagne?"
"It's Neroid. There's no carbonic acid in this world. Basically-"
"Darkness blacker than black and darker than dark...-"
"Okay, okay! Aqua go pretend you cast a spell at Y/N!"
Even at the face of death at the hands of an Explosion spell from my beloved, I did not yield. There was nothing tearing me away from my dream.
Aqua begrudgingly got up and casted a Sacred Exorcism on me. It wasn't very effective...
"It seems Y/N's really turned a new leaf. Kazuma, you should take an example from him and not laze around, wasting your youth."
"What are you saying? Are you secretly that old that you started having memory problems? A second ago, you were just sipping on my Neroid and being a bum like me. I thought we had finally found some common ground, but I guess not."
"Hmph! Kazuma should really understand my role in the world. You've seen what I'm capable of, yet you still don't show any appreciation or praise toward me. If anyone deserves to laze around and waste their time, it's me! Not a loser NEET like you who can't even play fair at a simple board game!"
"It's over... He's too far gone... I can't save him... Oh, Y/N... If we can't stay together, then let's bid each other farewell in a fiery blaze of glory! Oh, blackness shrouded in light... Frenzied blaze clad in night..."
"... What are you all doi- No, Megumin! Don't cast Explosion in the house!"
- Darkness, clad in her adventuring gear, did something useful for once-aside from serving as a meat shield-and saved our butts from getting exploded.
She was looking down on us with her arms crossed, like a mother scolding her children.
"Seriously, I wasn't even gone for that long. If I hadn't been so quick, I would have to block Megumin's Explosion with my body."
"You'd like that, so stop bitching."
The quiver of her body and a crimson flush on her cheeks did very little to hide her opinion on Kazuma's retort.
"A-Anyway! Y/N, I heard you started training your muscles; is that right?"
"Good timing. I was actually going to ask you for some advice, Darkness."
"Darkness, don't listen to it; it's not Y/N talking. The man I know and love is a total waste of space who would rather jump off a cliff than exercise."
I don't know where that came from, but that wasn't very girlfriendy of her. I was glad that she loved me even without a fit body, but that was uncalled for.
I made sure to deny her any intimacies for the next week as punishment.
"I don't know what's bad with what Y/N's doing, Megumin. Sure, his strength stat might be high, but having a strict routine and exercising regularly is important too. It builds discipline and endurance, and it boosts your self-confidence! There's a lot of health and physical benefits to exercising. It also... You're not listening, aren't you?"
"... Huh? Whaddya say?"
"... So, Y/N, what did you want to ask me? Don't be shy now. Do you want to know my training plan? Or maybe you want me to lend you my weights? Oh, I know, we can train together, too! But you'd have to wake up every day at 6 AM, eat a specially prepared breakfast, go on a morning run of about 10 km to the other side of Axel and back, then just 45 minutes of jumping jacks, a whole minute of rest, then, one of my favorites, deadlift your entire bodyweight in reps with no rest, oh, and I can't forget about challenging Axel's top wrestler for a friendly spar. By the way, if you lose, you have to run 10 laps around Axel's walls, but I never yet lost, so I never did it! Haha! ... Hey, why did you all back away from me so much?"
"Are you even human?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The adventurer's guild.
I don't even remember when was the last time I was here.
Probably not that long, to be honest.
Joyful laughter reverberated through the grand hall of the guild, and the strong stench of alcohol filled the air. Adventurers were gathering at their respective tables, chatting, eating, thinking of diverse strategies, or just simply drinking their days away.
Some of the faces I even recognized from previous quests or run-ins. Like the certain passed-out blonde deliquent lying unconscious on the table. Some of the staff ladies tried to get him off, but he wasn't really cooperative.
We walked past this never-before-seen person and headed for the notice board. The reason was to force Kazuma to not become like the blonde on the table we just passed. Sure, it took a bit of force, but he eventually agreed. It took some threats, but he agreed.
However, he wasn't going to go down so easily. According to him, we were going to have a match. With Megumin as the judge, Kazuma wanted to see who could kill the most monsters to prove to us that he could laze around as much as he wanted to without worrying about falling out of shape.
Beating Kazuma's ass and slapping him in the face with reality was the best motivation I could've had.
"Subjugating a pair of manticores. A request to repel a subtype of wyvern building its nest on a rocky mountain... They all lack impact..."
Aqua got banned from making any decisions. Also, she was paired with Darkness because, on her own, Aqua naturally would have a hard time fighting monsters.
Darkness cried in the corner, hearing her teammate's mumbles.
Then, Kazuma picked up a notice.
"'Subjugation of Rookie Killer and goblins'. This thing will use a weak group of monsters as bait to lure in rookie adventurers, right? We'll compete and see who can kill the most number of goblins that are protected by this thing. Also, the one who defeats the Rookie Killer will win huge bonus points, all right? We're already veterans... How about we show it who's boss?"
- In a forest, relatively far from town, there was a clearing. A group of small and armed demi-humans was gathering there. The most basic of monsters-goblins.
The notice said that a Rookie Killer was spotted nearby, protecting them. Rookie Killers use smaller and weaker monsters, such as goblins, as bait to lure unsuspecting adventurers and use the element of surprise to attack them.
For now, it was nowhere to be seen. The coast was clear.
"The goblins are here! I can kill an enemy of this level in a second with my God Blow!"
If she kept being obnoxiously loud, even the hiding Rookie Killer would throw caution out the window and just pounce on us in order to shut her up.
We quickly hid in the bushes and observed those small green gremlins. They were digging at the roots of trees to expose yam-like things to feast on. Sharpened sticks flew into the air as they tried to hit the fruits hanging on the trees.
Some of them dispersed into the forest, leaving only three of them.
"Weren't you helpless against the frogs in the past? They're gonna prickle you with their sticks, and you'll be wailing on the ground."
Kazuma sneered at Aqua, who pouted in response.
"The rubbery stomach of the frogs can absorb impact. Everything in this world has compatibility, you know? Kazuma, you don't even know that? Are you stupid?"
She quickly ate those words when Kazuma pulled on her cheek, bringing her to the verge of crying.
"The only one who will be left wailing is you, Kazuma. You're gonna see why people call me 'Goblin Slayer'."
"No one calls you that. And what's with you being so confident recently?"
"Fufu~ I'm in my prime now. Prepare to face reality, and brace for it to slap you hard across that NEET face of yours."
"Don't act like you weren't a NEET until literally today!"
Just then, the goblins let out a startled shriek at our antics. Two of them took a stance while trying to put on a brave face, and the third let out an ear-piercing war scream.
"Look, Kazuma, they saw your ugly face and got scared."
Thankfully, before Kazuma could retaliate, Megumin announced, with a flail of her staff.
"Alright. Goblin subjugation, begin!"
"Watch carefully, Kazuma! It's just three goblins, I'll finish them off easily!"
Aqua declared and charged head-first towards the goblins. Her body emitted a faint glow, probably from some kind of support spell she cast on herself.
Darkness rushed in to save her teammate's ass.
Even in her full set of armor, which clanked loudly with each step she took, she was still fast. But I was still faster. If it came to speed, my class was the best suited for the job.
I rushed in after them, easily overtaking them and taking a swing at the first goblin!
Shoo!
Something flew through the air with high speed, blowing a slight breeze in my face, and before I knew it, the goblin I picked to be my target let out a pain groan that quickly got cut off as it fell to the ground with a thud. An arrow was stuck in its face as it quickly bled out.
"Ah!" x3
I looked back to meet Kazuma's smug grin looking back at me, bow in hand. This bastard stole my kill!
I quickly turned to the other two goblins, but they met the same fate as their fallen comrade.
"You're literally the worst type of person in the world. But the difference is that here I can actually beat up those pain-in-the ass guys stealing my kills!"
"Hey Kazuma! What's the meaning of killing the goblins that I was about to kill?"
Aqua chimed in, harassing Kazuma.
"If I kill off the monsters you lay your eyes on first, I'll never lose."
-"Stop chasing me already!"
"Then stop stealing my kills, asshole!"
Dashing through the trees with my sword drawn, I was chasing the one stealing all my kills. The score was me 2, Kazuma 5, and the two inconveniences 0.
I managed to save two goblins for me, but I wasn't lucky with the rest since Kazuma was constantly on my tail.
So right now I was trying to get the bastard who just used Lurk to lose me. Using Sixth Sense was pointless to find him; there were too many sounds all at once, and while I could've recognized the sounds coming from him, it would take too much time to stay still and listen carefully, and staying still and listening would mean no goblins for me.
"Think you're the only one able to vanish? Have fun stealing from Aqua and Darkness; you won't find me anywhere! Deadly Camouflage!"
Before I headed in a different direction to search for more goblins, I saw in the corner of my eyes how Aqua and Darkness suddenly slipped and fell because of Kazuma's Create Water and Freeze combo.
Megumin's POV:
I didn't know what happened, but I lost Y/N in the chaos. Last time I saw him, he was yelling like a madman about having his kills stolen by Kazuma while chasing him around the forest with a sword.
How despicable yet predictable a move from Trashzuma!
Unfortunately, I couldn't participate in the game because I'm too powerful. That, in and of itself, was actually a compliment, but I really wanted to play too. At least I got to see Y/N show off a bit before he decided to disappear on me...
"Serves you right!"
Kazuma's mocking voice echoed around us, making Aqua jump up from his icy trap with a raging expression.
"Darkness, let's surround this man! Beat him up! Surround him and give him a good beating!"
Aqua's enraged words made Darkness get up clumsily. Her face was flushed with shame, and I bet in... something else too.
"... We chased him so hard, but we're still getting beat so one-sidedly... It's vexing, but... it... It actually feels exhilarating... Hah..."
Yes, Eroness was definitely into it. So much so that all of them forgot about hunting goblins whatsoever.
As the judge, I had to exercise responsibility and step in.
"Really, what are you all doing? Don't forget about hunting goblins."
Hmph. That's right. Listen to the judge. After all, I wasn't made the judge without reason; I would've destroyed them all and shown them who's the strongest among us, but alas, I had to keep hold of the firey feeling inside of me that screamed at me to blow up.
No, it just wasn't the right time.
"So you're not running anymore, Kazuma? Anyway, apologize. I'll think about how to punish you later, hikikomori dog!"
Aqua took her time to mock Kazuma when she noticed how he stood still, possibly activating one of his bizarre skills.
"Wait, we're surrounded."
Ah.
I was too deep thinking about my Crimson Demon urges to notice.
Their immature yelling and bickering draw the attention of the entire goblin tribe. It was as if they were begging for the goblins to attack us, with the way they were screaming without a care in the world.
Between the trees, I've counted around ten. But wait...
"They're in the trees?!"
On the branches and on top of the treetops, there were even more than on the ground. All with their primitive weaponry and bows pointed at us.
And then, a low growling came from deeper into the forest. The creature slowly came closer until its figure revealed itself to us completely, walking into the sun and making its raven-black fur shine.
As if it were their protector, it swaggered between the goblins.
Rookie Killer.
The competition suddenly turned into a team effort, and it felt like our thoughts were completely in sync.
Darkness cautiously took a stance in front and used her Decoy skill to make herself the bait.
"Alright Kazuma, I'll reluctantly cast buffing spells on you."
Aqua said quietly and buffed Kazuma, who stood behind Darkness, nocking an arrow onto his bow.
"I'm counting on you. I won't let any of them pass; I'll leave the attacking to you."
Darkness stabbed the sword into the ground to steady her footing, sounding and looking like a proper Crusader for once.
"I'll heal you if you're hurt Darkness, so don't worry! Go, we'll definitely take out that beast this time!"
I bet Darkness wouldn't mind not receiving Aqua's gracious heals, but maybe her tendencies turned themselves off when it really counted.
Everyone had a role to play. We weren't like those puny beginner adventurers; no, we were far beyond them. That dark beast was facing the party that defeated numerous of the Demon King's generals, yet it stood proud and bold in the face of its impending death.
Darkness the Crusader, Aqua the Arch-Priest, Kazuma the Jack-of-all trades with the weakest class, Y/N... And finally, me! Megumin, the Arch-Wizard! The one that will bring calamity to this wretched creature, burning every fiber of its being in a magnificent blaze of fire and ash!
So many enemies in such a perfect spot...
All so close together...
Just one spell would be enough...
Yes, just one, the most powerful spell in existance!
Can I refuse the call of the bringer of destruction? No, I cannot!
"Megumin, you-"
"Explosion!"
Y/N's POV:
Boom!
...
It really wasn't hard to find them. Megumin's signature and only spell were basically like a big arrow pointing me to them and saying, 'Hey, here they are'.
With my sword and clothes stained with goblin blood, I strode peacefully towards the big boom. It seemed like Kazuma's luck stat got tired of his lazy ass and came over to me because, when I split up from the group, I found a massive goblin colony, slaughtering them all.
Was it creepy that I didn't feel any remorse for them?
Probably.
It was worth the win, though.
Brushing through the bushes, suddenly the air got hotter and stuffier around me, meaning I was close. It didn't take long to find the site of the explosion-a smoldering crater in the middle of the forest.
In its center, lying face down, were my friends. Darkness was lying motionless, her eye whites showing.
"Eh, she'll live."
"Bleh... Bleh... My mouth's full of sand..."
Aqua whimpered and spit the mouthful of sand and dirt out.
Beside Kazuma, the mastermind of this painting of carnage laid on her back with a satisfied grin on her dirty face.
"I couldn't resist the Crimson Demon instincts of stealing the limelight. Now, it's confirmed that I'm the strongest in the team, right?"
The ones still conscious suddenly turned to me when they heard my footsteps approaching. Before any of them got a chance to ask where I'd been, I showed them my adventurer's card.
49 goblins were killed in the past few minutes. Meanwhile, Megumin took out merely 36, plus one Rookie Killer that, for the sake of convenience, counted as 10 goblins. I'd beat her by total of three goblins.
The road back home wasn't very pleasant for any of them.
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It was early in the morning. The bright rays of sunshine gleamed through the window in the living room. Normally, I would probably be snoozing away the day in bed.
"28... 29... 30... Come on, Y/N, just 70 more to go."
"Y... You monster..."
After careful negotiation, Darkness agreed to modify one of her training plans and become my personal trainer. She sipped on her tea and read a book while torturing me physically.
That's when we heard footsteps descending the stairs to the living room.
"It's a rare sight seeing you up at such an hour. What's the occasion? Going on a quest?"
Darkness' shocked voice didn't slip past my ears. Judging by her surprised tone, the one who entered was Kazuma. It was unnatural for him to be up this early.
"I just haven't slept yet; it's hot nowadays after all. During such times, it'd be best if I made the room really cold and slept until the evening. What's up with him, by the way?"
Yes, this letharging voice could belong to only one person.
"I've become Y/N's personal trainer. He's really putting his all into it. Wait, I lost count; how many was that?"
"Y-You were supposed to... keep count."
"Hm... Well, then start over. Remember to keep count this time."
"You're a sick woman!"
I could only glance up at Kazuma, who was showing me a look of pity, ignoring my silent begging for help.
Seriously, I was about to die...
"It's great that you're the same as usual, Kazuma. By the way, it's the same as the time you went to that mission; recently, you haven't done any maintenance on your weapons or armor at all. You've completely lost the bearing of an adventurer."
Darkness turned back to Kazuma, as if she didn't just sentence me to death.
She was kind of right, though. Kazuma was starting to look less like an adventurer as the days passed.
"Personally, I think it's fine even if I retire. The next step will be working as a merchant of all sorts, living an easy life from the margins I make in business."
"Will it kill you to not periodically utter nonsense? I've never heard of anyone retiring from adventuring in their teens without taking an arrow to the knee. Take Y/N, for example. Although I'm still scared, he at the very least tries to maintain an adventurer's facade."
Megumin, who until then was peacefully sitting on the couch with the not-cat Chomusuke, said resignedly.
Having her cheer on me could've been a nice way to show some mental support for her boyfriend, who was trying to work on himself. She was probably still mad that I banned her from any intimacies for calling me a waste of space.
"Whatever. In the end, an accomplished adventurer like me will read the newspaper and take note of world events while recharging my batteries; this is for the good of the town."
The real waste of space said as he sat leisurely on the couch, flipping the newspaper.
Then the blue waste of space chimed in.
"Hey Kazuma, let me read it first. I just want to read the comics, I'm curious what happened to the Winter Shogun who was chasing after the abducted snow fairies in the last issue."
"Wait, I'm curious about that comic too. I came downstairs just for that, alright?"
As the two fought over the newspaper like children-
"100...!"
I collapsed on the floor in a pool of my own sweat, with a flushed face. Darkness clapped her hands for me, but that only added to the fatigue.
"Wow, good job, Y/N! You've earned your 5 minute break."
"Just kill me already..."
I climbed onto the couch like a caterpillar and drank Megumin's tea.
"Ah! It's hot."
"Of course it is; it's tea. Also, don't sit so close to me; you reek of sweat."
"You know, I've noticed you've been extra mean to me recently. What did I ever do to you?"
"Hmph! Better ask yourself what you didn't do..."
"... Speaking in riddles again."
A piece of news that piqued Kazuma's interest brought us back as he read it out loud for us.
"'The Demon King's general moved to the frontlines, the battle is intensifying. The capital is in danger'-? Hey, that's dangerous. Will my sister Iris be okay?"
"Don't treat Princess Iris as your sister, impudent fool! - Crisis in the capital? Let me read that."
Darkness practically ripped the newspaper out of Kazuma's hands, wearing the most serious expression I've ever seen on her.
"It seems that the forward fortress near the capital's being attacked by a general of the Demon King's army. The paper says that the general is an evil god that can use terrible spells."
"What, another boss fight? But I haven't done my training arc yet... Can't it wait?"
Suddenly, Megumin stood up, hearing Darkness read the paper. She was staring off into nothingness with a somber. Her quick movement caused the not-cat Chomusuke to leap off her lap. Strangely, the furball also perked up at the mention of an evil god.
"What's up, Megumin? Ah, the phrase evil god must make you have flashbacks or something. You did say something about being an evil god in your past life."
"I was probably an evil god in my previous life, but that's not what I want to talk about! It's that I probably know that evil god..."
"What? Is that Chomusuke's relative or something?"
Megumin only huffed and glared at me with her piercing crimson eyes.
Right then, Aqua, who snatched the newspaper from Darkness to read the comics, frowned.
"I don't know what this evil god is, but anyone proclaiming to be a god will receive divine retribution."
"Aren't you proclaiming to be a goddess too?"
Aqua didn't hesitate to pounce at Kazuma, giving Megumin the chance to take the newspaper and read out loud.
"The Demon King's general who drastically changed the battle, evil god Wolbach..."
A/N: Bet you didn't saw it coming, did ya? Me neither to be honest.
I've been working on my book for so long, having little to no progress, that I figured that maybe I should just take a step back and come back to it way, way, later into the future. I know that one of the bigger reasons why I ended the fic was to start writing something original and move on a step to become a more proper writer, but I guess it's not time yet. Besides, I kind of missed it, to be honest. Even after I didn't post for over a year, I still received reviews and comments about this fic, which I'm all grateful for. Seriously, it's sometimes too much for me!
So, the plan for now is that I'll continue the fic for as long as I can (until I get bored again, lol). Maybe I'll be able to make up for the false promises I made in the past.
Also, I tried to be consistent with the way I wrote the characters in the past, so I hope they won't feel too out of character.
Learning from my mistakes, I won't make any 100% sure promises this time and will just update when I can.
Also, yes, I made you all wait more than a year to blue-ball you at the beginning of the chapter. You're welcome >: )
That's all for now. Thanks for the support, and I hope you enjoyed the great comeback. See ya!