November 2018
**YOUR POV**
After the ceremony, all the family members met up back at Anne's house for drinks as the couple didn't want a big party and all and Anne was so nice to host everything. The house was so beautifully decorated and catered. Everywhere was food and drinks for everyone and the whole family was having a great time.
I've met some of Harry's relatives I've never met before. Most of them were there with their own familes, their husbands and wifes with their children.
Children.
So many children happily running around. Children running around my legs, playing with each other, their sweet and contagious laughs sounding through the house. A little girl, the daughter of one of Harry's cousins smiling at me when she passed me in the living room.
Seeing what I could've had, what my life could've looked like if our daughter was born, if she grew up into this little girl. It hurt.
I went to get a drink. A strong one. Even though I knew exactly that I shouldn't drink. Not yet anyways. My medication after cancer was still not allowing it, but I didn't care.
I held the glass up to my lips, wanting to take my first sip when I saw Harry approaching me with a frown on his face.
„What's that?" He attempted to grab my glass, but I moved my arm away so he wouldn't get to take it.
„It's nothing." I said, but he grabbed my arm and eventually took the glass out of my hand, smelling the liquor in it.
„Y/n that's tequila. Why are you drinking this?"
„Just give it back." I reached for it, but he pulled his arm away.
„Fuck no I won't. You shouldn't drink, you know that. Why did you even want to?" He asked me and I just looked away, because I felt embarrassed and didn't wanna cry in front of him.
„I don't know. It's not a big deal, okay?"
„Baby, what is it? Talk to me." He said in a soft and gentle voice.
„Just leave it. Please." I fake smiled at him, kissed his lips and went back to the living room.
I've spent my time with Gemma for a while until she she left and another of Harry's cousins came to talk to me. Amelia was her name.
She was nice, smiling brightly at me. „It's been so long since we've last seen each other." She said. „I'm glad you're doing good now after your diagnosis. I don't wanna imagine how it must've been for you and Harry."
„Thanks, yeah it was a pretty hard time for the both of us, but Harry has helped so much until it was all over." I told her what I've told everyone over and over again. It wasn't her fault though, she was just a worried family member. She didn't know.
We kept talking for another while until that same little girl that smiled at me earlier tugged at Amelia's blouse, making me realize she was her daughter. I watched the wholesome interaction between mother and daughter until Amelia looked back up at me. „I'm sorry. My daughter is in this phase now, always wanting mummy for this and that." She told me. „Are you and Harry planning on having children at some point?"
Ouch. That hurt. Again.
„I know for a fact that he wants children at some point." She smiled even more, winking at me.
„Yeah...well I- I uh-..."
„You two would have the cutest babies, I just know it."
„I...I uh, I'm sorry, I just...I'm gonna go to the restroom quickly." I eventually let out.
I didn't even realize that Harry was stood right beside me by now, watching me all concerned when I turned around and left, quickly making my way through the kitchen and getting myself that drink again Harry took from me earlier before I went upstairs into our bedroom, closing the door behind me.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, tears running down my cheek before I took a sip of the tequila in my hand.
„Y/n?" The door opened and Harry entered, closing it again afterwards.
„I'm fine, go back to your family, they're probably waiting for you."
„Wha- no." He frowned, stepping closer when he saw the glass of tequila. „Oh honey..." He sighed, taking it away from me. „What's wrong? Are you okay?"
I shook my head no, more tears running down my cheeks. „I thought...I thought I was ready." I sighed. „Looks like I wasn't. Seeing all these children..."
„We shouldn't have come here. I should have known there would be kids and my cousin shouldn't have talked to you about this."
„So you heard... She doesn't know, Harry. It's not her fault and it's definitely not yours. I can't stay home forever. As hard as it is, I have to face such situations." More tears came. „It's all so overwhelming right now...I'm sorry I ruined this for you."
„Hey, you didn't ruin anything. Listen, you don't have to be ready. Nobody expects you to be. There are harder days and then better ones and I understand that. Don't apologize for anything. I told you already, take all the time you need. I'll be here." He rubbed my back, pulling me closer by my waist. „I won't leave you. Ever." Harry kissed my forehead. „But what you can't do is harm your body with alcohol when you shouldn't drink it. Not with the medication you're taking."
„I know, I know...I was just frustrated. Amelia asking me if we planned on having babies soon...it just hurt."
„I'm sorry, sweetheart." He kissed me again. „You know what, let's get out of here. Let's go out for a walk or something."
„Haz, we're invited to this wedding. We can't just leave."
„Actually, we can. My mum told me before the ceremony already if it was too much we should just go somewhere until it's over." He said, standing up from where he was sat and bringing me my sneakers so I could change into more comfortable shoes. „Here, your coat. It's cold outside."
I put it on after I changed my shoes and stood up as well. I watched Harry with a small smile, grabbing his wallet, keys and phone as he put his coat on before I walked towards him and tightly wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. „Thank you." I whispered and he rubbed my back soothingly. „I don't know what I would do without you. You're the most caring and understanding person I ever met." I let go of him and cupped both his cheeks as I looked up. „I love you so much. Thank you."
„No need to thank me." He smiled softly. „You're my wife, I'd do anything for you. Love you even more, angel."