Coming back home, I was left with a question. One that Dokyeom and I hadn't talked much about. Or at all, if given the thought. A few days after our camping outing, Dokyeom and I were sitting in his music room. A room that had his guitars, sogo drum, clap box, and a keyboard; one that he was trying to teach YuJin. Though I was convinced that YuJin had more interest in spending time with Dokyeom than actually learning the keyboard.
With wine glasses in our hands, Dokyeom sat on his beanbag chair with his acoustic guitar, Woody, as he played a few random chords and I tried to match them on the keyboard. Staying with him, I had added a few keyboard skills to myself, I was terrible at it, but a few basics worked sometimes.
Somewhere along the random chords that we played, Dokyeom started singing, singing his own creation as we kept playing. Before a new line, he'd tell me which chord to play and go on.
The way he was improvising on the spot impressed me way more than I had imagined.
"Did you just write this now?" I asked as he played the ending chords and he nodded with a sweet smile.
"Do you like it?" He asked and went back to playing soft chords on the strings.
"It was beautiful." I answered and turned back to playing the keyboard.
"Min-ah," I started as I kept playing the chords and Dokyeom hummed. Calling him Seokmin, Min-ah, Minnie was my newest habit these days.
"Why don't you release an album, or a mixtape." I asked and realised we really hadn't talked about this topic at all before.
"The company needs to bring it up with a sample, or you at least need to have a well made song ready. If they approve it then they go ahead with it." he informed me
"Well you have so many songs, why not take one of those?" I asked and he shook his head uninterested.
"I don't. Songs that I make out of boredom aren't production worthy, much less release worthy. I'm not good at writing songs. Songs that I make with you here are special to us, I've never thought of releasing them. Not that I don't like them, they're too personal." He explained and somewhere I understood his thoughts, but still a part of me refused to agree.
"I have a good amount of your impromptu songs on my phone which are pretty impressive, you're good at writing, those songs are deep and emotionally soothing to listen to, some even a bit of rock vibe, don't put yourself down like that. You could use one of those recordings and write the rest of the song with that part." I suggested and he leaned back looking at the ceiling.
"I don't know, I've released covers, they're well received, I don't know if my own song would be that well received, and I don't really want to use a complete sample and just give my voice to it you know? I want it to be written with my emotions. I want to write something that I'm satisfied with first."
"Is that why you find OSTs and covers easier to sing? I think you'll write a great album one day that you'll be satisfied with." I told him and he tilted his head to look at me and smile. Dokyeom's gaze softened as he listened to my words.
"You think so?" he asked, a hint of vulnerability in his voice.
I nodded, walking towards his bean bag. "Absolutely. Your emotions, your experiences—they're unique to you. And I believe that when you're ready, you'll create something extraordinary. You may not have the confidence right now, but you do write very well" I answered as I walked towards him.
"I sometimes think, maybe just singing is what I have, writing? I don't know how I feel about it yet. Might need to take a few lessons from JiHoon hyung" he answered with his voice lost in his own thoughts.
I laid my body on his, the small bean bag making enough space for us to be cosy with each other and instantly he wrapped me up in his arms, keeping his guitar aside.
"You could sit with him for a while, see what he thinks, but courage up a little, you're a good artist, not just a singer, in fact what you have as a singer is what a lot of others seek in themselves, so be proud of yourself." I spoke, laying my head on his chest as he played with the strands of my hair.
"Are you proud of me? As a singer? As a human? As a boyfriend?" he asked, with genuine worry and vulnerability in his voice.
"I am very proud of you Lee Dokyeom, Lee Seokmin, Kyomie. You should see yourself from my eyes one day, you'll see yourself in a new light." I told him and he tightened his embrace, the warmth of his affection enveloping us in a reassuring cocoon.
"Sometimes, it's difficult for me to comprehend that someone like you believes in me so much," he admitted, his fingers tracing absent patterns on my back.
I lifted my gaze to meet his own, "You are more than your doubts honey. I've seen your passion, dedication and hardwork. It's not easy, and you make it look effortless, you're so talented in everything you do, just know that you can achieve everything, everything you want."
"Hana?"
"mhm?"
"You're my sunshine on a cold winter morning." he spoke with a sweet soft smile.
I was speechless to answer anything, but I don't think he expected an answer from me so instead he wrapped me closer in his arms and kept hugging me through the night.
The next month came with a news, one that I didn't know if to be happy or sad about. Dokyeom was definitely happy though. Dokyeom and I were at JiAh's place for lunch as we discussed it.
"You're going on a tour?" JiAh asked him as he sat down on the couch beside me.
"Yeah, I thought I told you about it, it's for the new album. This one's going to be a long one." he smiled as he told her, happy about going on a tour.
As exhausting and hard a tour was, I had never seen a single member sulk about it once.
"When does it start? What about the musical? Weren't there a few replays?" she asked, and I was already calculating how long we were going to be in a long distance relationship.
"The musical is only a cinematic reply, it's not live. By the way, you're coming for the shows, I'll send you tickets, tell me when you're free." He spoke and JiAh nodded, confirming her presence.
"So you're going to be away for 5 months?" I added, turning around with a frown and slumping my shoulders and his pacing slowed down. "You were here only for a few months and that's because you had your comeback."
"I know I've been busy" he said, understanding where all my dejection was coming from.
"Busy? You've been impossible to reach out to. It is wonderful that you guys are getting full shows and that you have so many shows lined up, but ever since your first comeback in April you guys haven't stopped at all. You need rest. Your bodies and minds need rest. Even NaEun agrees with me." I was anguished about the fact that they were not getting all the rest they needed. JiAh sensing we needed privacy to talk, walked inside to check on her daughters.
Sighing, Dokyeom wrapped his hands around mine, "We do, but we're at our peak and to maintain it and keep growing better, it comes with this hard work" he explained.
I understood, I understood it all, and I always want to stand with him- to support him, there is nothing I would do that would pull him down from his career. And yet I spoke the deepest part that hurt.
"It's too much," my frown was visible and he pulled me close, holding me close to him.
"I'm sorry, I don't get to spend much time with you. I'll make it up in any way you want." he spoke in a pout, his voice apologetic and I shook my head.
"You don't have to be sorry for your success, or the work you put into it, my rant was for my boyfriend not for the idol. Never apologise for it. I'm going to miss my Seokmin while Dokyeom is busy being the superstar he is. You know, making all his fangirls and fanboys smile." I spoke, caressing his cheek and his frown broke into a smile as did mine.
"I'm afraid you're going to get tired of me and my never ending schedules one day..." he started and I swatted his hand.
"Your never ending schedules just show how big of an artist you are. I'm not going anywhere, go do your world tours, but you'll find me waiting at home for you." I told him and his face broke into one of the best soft smiles I had ever seen on him.
"Where and how did I even find you?" He chuckled and I kissed his cheeks and he stood up taking my hand and walking to where JiAh was.
"Noona!" he called out loudly and she shushed us from her room as she put her daughters to sleep. After walking out of their room she joined us
"What?"
"Convince her to let us buy a small puppy at home so she can be with it when I'm not home." Dokyeom advocated and I shook my head.
"No, please no puppies." I debated my side and JiAh looked at both of us.
"You and SeoJin are going to love each other, he keeps asking for a puppy too," JiAh added and Dokyeom smiled widely. SeoJin, JiAh's husband was also a pet enthusiast.
"There's no way we're getting a puppy, please Dokyeom, I'd rather surf the internet finding your pictures and videos than look at a puppy and we both end up being sad that you're not beside us," I debated and JiAh nodded agreeing with me.
"Noona, you were supposed to be on my side." Dokyeom complained and she simply smiled and shook her head. It was adorably cruel to deny him like that.
"I am always on your side, today I'll choose my sister's side or she'll start guessing our blood relations" JiAh added and Dokyeom laughed wholeheartedly.
Thank you for reading
Please comment your thoughts
Just soft chapters without much drama :)