Ichinose POV
I'm heading towards the direction that Kanzaki-kun left Hachiman-kun , he was quite tired, I'm glad he decided to rest here.
Although there are times when my chest gets tight a little when I'm with him, I don't hate the feeling, on the contrary it's too comforting.
What I'm thinking? Several strange thoughts are running through my head, when it comes to Hachiman-kun . I don't want him to think I'm ignoring him.
I'm worried that he'll take Mako -chan's pranks seriously, although an image of the two of us walking together doesn't bother me.
Wait, wait, again I let my strange thoughts wander uncontrollably.
Fortunately i arrived at the place where he is. I talk to him to get his attention.
Honami : What do you think? It's a great place to think.
It has a great view to relax in, it gives a complete view of the camp and the scenery.
Hachiman : You're right, but I'm more impressed with their teamwork.
Unexpected praise leaves his mouth, his trademark cynicism not present.
Honami : Do you think? I think there is still a lot to improve.
It's quite difficult for everyone to try to cooperate, but in the end I think everything is working little by little. I'm a little proud of the confidence we've achieved as a class.
Hachiman : Of course, we all always want to improve something, we will never be satisfied with what we have.
It is unusual for him to speak this way, at these moments he would be complaining about the work he has to do or that collaborating with others does not give the expected results.
Honami : Why so philosophical all of a sudden?
Hachiman : Do you prefer sarcastic insults? I didn't know you were that type.
I was wrong, there he goes again with his weird jokes.
Honami : I take back what I said, welcome Philosopher Hikigaya-kun.
Hachiman : That's better.
We were left with nothing more to talk about, this kind of atmosphere between the two of us is not uncomfortable for me.
Hachiman : Hey, Honami , what do you think about this exam?
An unexpected question appears, I am going to answer honestly, there are many I can say about this exam.
Honami : It's something extreme, I think no school would throw their students on a desert island.
Hachiman : Besides that, for what purpose did they do it?
We're getting deeper and deeper into this topic, the purpose of this test, I haven't fully laid it out because I've been focused on making it all work. Maybe that's it.
Honami : Maybe they wanted all the classes to come together to work as a team, this way they could put their differences aside.
I say what I think, cooperation in this test is crucial, if we cannot work with other people we will not be able to go out into the real world.
Hachiman : It's a good answer, but is that all?
Huh? This time he takes me by surprise, I don't understand what he means. So I'm going to ask you to tell me what you mean.
Honami : Could you explain to me?
Hachiman : If so, what need is there for the additional rules and leaders? At the end of the day this is still a competition, there will be winners and losers.
They are problematic rules, they seem to me to be just trying to get us to jump at the necks of the other classes, sacrificing the defense of our camp.
Honami : You're right, however we don't have time to worry about that, just managing the camp makes our hands full.
Hachiman : Other people don't see it that way, you are very innocent Honami , tell me what is your goal?
Don't other people see it that way? That means there are movements behind the scenes. Am I underestimating the other classes? Still, why is he telling me this?
My objective is clear.
Honami : Get to class A.
Hachiman : Very good, and what do you do when there is a danger that one of your classmates could be expelled?
There are more questions that the answers are obvious to me.
Honami : I will protect him.
Hachiman : Admirable, and if a special exam comes up that a classmate needs to be expelled? And the situation gets worse knowing that if you don't expel him he will lose 500 class points. What will you do?
Huh?
That situation is very specific, this time I am left without a solution. What will I do if something like this happens?
Honami :…….I…..I………
Hachiman : You can't tell me that you will protect him and then come back, there are different situations.
So a comeback is unlikely.
A situation where I have two paths but I can only choose one, I don't like it.
Honami : …….. then……. What I do?
Hachiman : It's a harsh answer, you know, being a leader sucks, because being a leader is not about making everyone happy, but that a leader must make the right decision to guide a group.
the right decision? Does being a leader mean abandoning someone? More and more doubts are accumulating in my mind. Multiple contradictions arise.
Honami : …….. can I do it?
Hachiman : It is an answer that I cannot give you, I can only say that if you are not capable of making difficult decisions it is better that you leave the position to someone else, do not misunderstand me, leaving the position does not mean that you ran away but rather that you ran away. you left it to someone who is better suited for the job. Anyway, it's something you have to think about for yourself, if you're capable of making those decisions.
Doesn't that make me a coward? My entire class trusts me to guide them. Won't abandoning that position create more cracks?
Honami : Everyone expects the best from me, won't they be disappointed?
Hachiman : What if they're disappointed? No one will suffer what you will suffer, you must think of yourself first before others, you are not going to run away, you are going to find what your strengths and weaknesses are. Only capable people do that.
My strengths and weaknesses? You're right, if I'm not able to know myself, I can't know my opponents, what's the point of me trying to win?
But I definitely cannot abandon my colleagues, they are people who entrusted themselves to me, it is unfair that I just throw them away.
Honami : Even so, the faces of all my classmates are engraved in my mind, I don't think I'll be able to abandon them.
Hachiman : Do you hear yourself? You want to advance to class A and at the same time you want to protect everyone. I think you know what that's called.
He's right, I'm so stupid, I never realized the biggest flaw I have right now, it's so visible that even he is able to see it.
Even if I know, the word doesn't come out of my mouth.
Honami :……….
Hachiman :………It's greed.
It's true.
Hachiman : You're being greedy, Honami.
I'm being greedy, I want to have everything without losing anything, what a human being I turned out to be, even when I desperately tried to look away to the side, there was someone who told me the harsh truth.
It's pathetic, in the end I haven't changed anything, I never learned from the biggest mistake I've ever made.
It seems like I have to think about too many things.
Am I a good leader? Or do I just want to protect them all?
If I am a good leader, my path would be to go all out towards class A, even if that means... abandoning a classmate, the thought alone tears me apart.
But if I want to protect all of them, I may never reach class A. I don't know what more crazy exams may appear, like the example given by Hachiman-kun.
It's just like he said, I have to realize what I have and what I lack