Third person's pov
As the cold autumn wind blew, Sunoo shivered with sadness. The winter chill penetrated his thin jacket, seeping into his bones. But it wasn't just the frigid air that made him tremble. It was the gaze of that certain someone, the one he had been avoiding, now standing right in front of him.
Sunoo's heart ached. He wished he could melt into the dreary grey sky above. How cruel the fates were, bringing them together on this lonely rooftop. Sunoo wrapped his arms around himself even tighter, as if to hold his breaking heart together.
Meanwhile Sunghoon stood there, cigarette dangling elegantly between his fingers, wisps of smoke curling up towards the gloomy autumn sky.
It was a habit that had grown on him insidiously, like a creeping vine that slowly winds its way around a tree. He was smoking more than ever these days, Sunoo had noticed, the scent of it lingering on his shirts last night.
"You came baby-" Sunghoon began, but the words died on his lips as he realized he shouldn't continue.
He took a long drag on the cigarette instead, gazing into the distance, then letting his eyes settle on the petite figure in front of him. Sunoo looked ethereally beautiful, even just standing there in the cold wearing only a thin shirt that barely shielded him from the cold breeze.
Sunghoon admired the way the fading light of Sun played over Sunoo's features, accentuating his delicate beauty. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Sunoo, to warm him and keep him safe.
Sunghoon drank in the sight of him, cigarette smoke swirling languidly around his perfectly chiseled face, wishing things could be different.
Sunoo took a deep breathe thinking to leave, taking a one last glance at Sunghoon.
He froze as he saw Sunghoon approaching him, his eyes locked on the older's intense gaze.
Each step closer made Sunoo's heart race faster, even as his legs remained frozen in place.
Sunghoon's full lips wrapped around the cigarette, cheeks hollowing as he inhaled deeply. Sunoo couldn't tear his eyes away, utterly transfixed.
Tendrils of smoke curled into the air as Sunghoon flicked the spent cigarette away carelessly.
He moved closer, closer, until his hard body pressed against Sunoo's tense form. Sunoo shuddered, nerves and anticipation warring within him. Sunghoon's hand slid around his waist, pulling their bodies flush.
Sunoo's lips parted helplessly as Sunghoon's mouth descended on his own, the kiss hungry and desperate, full of weeks of pent-up longing. He clutched at Sunghoon's shoulders, surrendering completely to the blissful reunion of their lips.
He whimpered, the sound muffled by Sunghoon's demanding mouth. Their lips meshed together fiercely, Sunghoon's teeth catching younger's plump lower lip and nibbling gently.
Sunoo trembled, the butterflies in his stomach raging into a tempest as his eyes filled with conflicted tears. This kiss was so familiar, yet so painful.
Sunghoon held him tightly, possessively, as if he could erase all the hurt between them with the press of his lips. Sunoo's heart ached, even as he kissed Sunghoon back hungrily. His teary eyes stayed locked on Sunghoon's, communicating the tumult of emotions inside him.
The acrid taste of smoke invaded Sunoo's mouth, mingling with the sweetness of Sunghoon's lips.
Sunghoon kissed him like he belonged to him, owned him. The younger quivered, moaning softly at the bruising intensity of the kiss. It was a kiss of reclamation, of staking a claim.
Sunghoon knew this was Sunoo's guilty pleasure - those smoky kisses after he finished a cigarette.
He took advantage of it, ignoring the rift between them, just to taste those lips he had missed so much. To remember how Sunoo used to giggle and smile after those kisses. Back when things were simpler between them. Back before Sunghoon broke his heart.
"Mm~" Sunoo let out a soft moan of pleasure, the sound muffled by Sunghoon's mouth on his. Sunghoon held him tighter, groaning at the sweet sounds escaping Sunoo's lips. He took a step forward, backing Sunoo gently against the wall behind them, neither wanting to break the connection.
Sunoo's hand snaked around Sunghoon's neck, pulling him impossibly closer as he lost himself in the kiss.
Sunghoon's hand found its way under Sunoo's shirt, caressing the soft skin of his back and eliciting a gasp of delight from the younger. Their bodies melded together, the kiss deepening as Sunoo yielded to Sunghoon's gentle but passionate exploration of his mouth.
The cool autumn air enveloped them but all they felt was the heat radiating from each other and the electricity of the kiss.
In that moment, nothing else mattered but the two of them, caught up in the throes of desire yet still tender and reverent with one another. The kiss expressed a longing and affection that words could not capture. They drew apart slowly, breathless and flushed, eyes shining.
A gasp escaped Sunoo's lips, realization crashing over him like a wave.
He had kissed Sunghoon.
Sunoo's wide eyes searched Sunghoon's face, fearing he had made a grave mistake. But instead of anger or disgust, he found only softness in Sunghoon's gaze. Tenderness radiated from his eyes as he looked at Sunoo in a way that made Sunoo's knees weak.
Before Sunoo could process what the kiss meant, the glint of necklace on Sunghoon's neck caught his attention.
The pendant rested just above Sunghoon's heart, rising and falling with each breath. Sunoo reached out to touch it, his fingers brushing Sunghoon's chest, as he tried to steady his own racing heart.
"He wore it." Sunoo thought biting his lips, staring back at Sunghoon.
Sunghoon leaned in closer, his forehead resting gently against Sunoo's shoulder.
He moved slowly, nudging his nose against Sunoo's nape and leaving faint, featherlight kisses that brushed over the younger's skin. Sunoo's breath hitched, his fingers curling tightly around the pendant hanging from Sunghoon's neck.
"I miss you." Sunghoon whispered, his voice thick with yearning. "I miss you so much that it hurts Sunoo-ya."
He pulled the younger closer, wrapping his arms around him in a protective embrace, his face still hidden in Sunoo's neck.
"You have no idea how much I regret everything."
"If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat."
Sunghoon's voice cracked with sadness and regret. He placed another soft kiss to Sunoo's shoulder.
"Please give me another chance. Let me make things right again."
"No-" Sunoo started but Sunghoon's words poured out in a desperate plea, his voice cracking with emotion.
"I won't hurt you this time." he insisted, aching to show Sunoo how much he cared.
"I want to be with you. I want us to be together." he begged to stay close, to hold Sunoo's hand, to earn another chance.
"Let me stay close to you Sunoo. Let me hold your hand."
"Give me a chance baby."
Vulnerable and desperate, Sunghoon continued.
"I want to make things right between us."
Though Sunoo couldn't see his face, he felt the warm tears dropping onto his neck - Sunghoon was crying.
Sunoo slowly hugged him back, patting his shoulders gently, allowing Sunghoon to hide his tear-stained face in the crook of his neck.
The older clung to him tightly, sniffing and pulling their bodies closer until no space remained. His muffled pleas for another chance at Sunoo's love pierced the silence.
Sunoo never imagined Sunghoon would cry like this, raw and aching, just to win him back.
Sunghoon, always stoic and composed, was crying for the first time, laying himself bare in front of Sunoo in a final desperate attempt to win his heart back.
The autumn chill surrounded them but all Sunoo felt was Sunghoon's warmth and his tears soaking into his skin.
"Let me think about it." Sunoo uttered softly, breaking the heavy silence between them. Sunghoon pulled back, looking at him with pleading eyes brimming with tears that shattered Sunoo's heart.
Sunoo averted his gaze, trying to remain stoic despite Sunghoon's anguish. He feebly attempted to wriggle out of Sunghoon's firm grasp, but Sunghoon refused to let him go.
"Can you...loosen your hold?" Sunoo murmured, his hand reaching behind to gently pry Sunghoon's hands off his back and waist.
Sunghoon wordlessly gazed at Sunoo, tenderly cupping his jaw as they stood face-to-face.
Sunoo's eyes involuntarily flickered to the necklace around Sunghoon's neck, but he quickly met Sunghoon's yearning eyes again.
"Take all the time you need-" Sunghoon began desperately, "but let's not ignore eachother."
Sunoo stayed silent, his conflicted eyes searching Sunghoon's. Finally, he gave a small nod.
Relief washed over Sunghoon's face. He leaned in, planting a gentle kiss on Sunoo's cheek before enveloping him in a
tight embrace.
"I haven't gave you permission to touch me." Sunoo stated coldly but the older clung onto him tightly.
"I can't Sunoo. I need you." Sunghoon stated, his lips making it's way to younger's ear, brushing it against his lobe.
Sunoo yelped, eyes rolling back on his head at that soft intimate touch on his skin.
"Fine- but not now. I need some time." Sunoo insisted, wanting to make some distance between eachother but he was unable to do it, the older's hold was too strong.
"What do you want?" Sunoo asked softly facing him now.
"You. I want you baby-" Sunghoon paused again biting his lips and releasing it before he spoke again.
"I said I'll give you a chance so give me some time to think." Sunoo spoke softly but something felt odd.
Sunghoon's heart didn't seemed to be at peace and relief.
"What if I let you go and you'll never come back to me. Then?
"Sunoo I don't know what to do next without you. Don't leave me now, or ever."
The raw urgency and desperation in Sunghoon's voice made Sunoo's heart ache. Sunghoon's pained expression and ragged breathing alarmed him.
"I'm telling you I won't leave. We need some time." Sunoo said gently.
"Then stop locking the door of your room- don't isolate yourself when I'm with you. I couldn't even see you for more then a week."
Sunghoon's usual stoicism cracked, emotions spilling forth that he scarcely knew how to express. He had never felt this way before, never needed someone like he needed the air in his lungs.
"I did it because of you."
Sunoo hesitated, hating to see Sunghoon so distraught. He wanted to reassure him, but he needed this time to think. Sunghoon's reliance on him was becoming overwhelming. Still, the anguish in Sunghoon's eyes gave Sunoo pause.
"I'll be good to you."
Sunoo felt his resolve weakening. Sunghoon's raw pain made him question if he was doing the right thing. But the relationship couldn't continue like this - something had to change.
Sunoo's heart raced as he nodded, wrapping Sunghoon in a tight embrace. He could feel Sunghoon's breath hot against his neck as the older gripped his waist with trembling hands.
"What can I do? To put you at ease."
Sunoo asked softly, noticing how Sunghoon's grip had loosened to something almost gentle.
"Eat breakfast with me."
"I'll help with apartment cleaning."
"Go out with me."
"Don't lock the door of your room." At that last request, Sunghoon's fingers dug into Sunoo's hips, sending a shiver down his spine.
"Is it too late? To resist." Sunoo thought as he listened Sunghoon.
"I won't touch you without your permission." Sunghoon continued, his words tumbling out in a rush.
"Let's do our small skincare routine again."
"And....love me."
Sunoo's breath hitched. With Sunghoon's face buried against his neck, he couldn't read the older's expressions. Was this another manipulative game? Or had Sunghoon genuinely changed? Fear and doubt twisted in Sunoo's gut. What if he opened himself back up to Sunghoon, only to have his heart broken again?
"We should go now." Sunoo spoke breaking the hug and the older nodded.
"But we can't tell our friends that we are trying again." Sunoo hesitantly spoke and Sunghoon agreed, wiping his nose with a shy smile. Sunoo's heart fluttered at the endearing gesture.
"You won't ignore me when you are back at the dorm right?" Sunghoon asked, vulnerability creeping into his voice. Sunoo shook his head, whispering "I won't." hoping to reassure him.
Sunghoon's hand caressed Sunoo's cheek tenderly. "Can I kiss you again?" he asked.
Sunoo didn't respond, but his eyes conveyed consent. Sunghoon placed delicate kisses on his cheeks and forehead before enveloping him in another warm embrace. Though still worried, Sunoo felt at ease in Sunghoon's arms.
"I'll go first." Sunghoon spoke and ran out while looking back once more, Sunoo turned around waving at him until his figure disappeared, even after everything that happened uncertainty still clouded Sunoo's mind.
Few mintues passed, Sunoo took out his phone and dialed someone's number.
"Jungwon- you were right."
Sunoo said and the other side went silent before he spoke with a series tone.
"This is your chance Sunoo."
"Convince him to delete all the videos."
Sunoo sighed and whispered "Yes." knowing this was the only way to regain control, he have to let Sunghoon trust him.
"I'm sorry for being like this." Sunoo confessed with a guilt in his voice.
"I told you multiple times- if any of us was in your place, we would have did the same."
"Atleast you opened up to us." Jungwon reassured him softly.
He told them, everything the night they got drunk, Sunoo told them about his and Sunghoon's secret.
Jungwon and Niki came up with the idea, to trap Sunghoon in a guilt and make him realise that he did wrong, fueled by liquid courage, Sunoo was certain it would fail.
He expected Sunghoon to retaliate, to push him away and hurt him even more. But it had gone better than he could have dreamed.
Sunghoon's eyes were filled with remorse, his gentle touch so unlike the cruelty Sunoo was used to.
He was stunned - this was not the Sunghoon he knew.
The Sunghoon he knew was cold and calculating, aggressive and manipulative.
This Sunghoon was concerned, eyes shining with tears as he realized the pain he had caused to younger.
Sunoo almost couldn't believe it was real. He had expected his plan to backfire, for Sunghoon's anger to rain down upon him even harder.
But Sunghoon had given in to the guilt, his unexpected tenderness only making Sunoo's own guilt intensify, guilt of using him now.
And now that Sunghoon was being so gentle, Sunoo wasn't sure he deserved it after everything that had happened between them.
__________
As Sunoo opened the apartment door late that night, exhausted and famished after a long day at the library, he flinched in surprise to see Sunghoon standing right there in the hallway, arms folded sternly across his chest.
"You're late." Sunghoon spoke in an uncharacteristically soft tone, no longer cold or angry like before.
Sunoo shifted awkwardly, mumbling "I was studying at the library." as he tried to slip past Sunghoon. But the older grasped his arms, pulling Sunoo against his chest in a tentative embrace.
Sunghoon helped Sunoo removing his heavy bookbag, casting it aside, before wrapping both arms around Sunoo's slender waist.
"Listen, I-" Sunoo began nervously, heart racing from their sudden closeness.
"I made dinner." Sunghoon interjected gently, guiding Sunoo's gaze to the aromatic food on the kitchen table.
"Let's eat." Sunghoon spoke, grabbing Sunoo's wrist and pulling him to their small dinning table.
They ate in silence, Sunghoon attentively serving Sunoo, keeping his plate full and thoughtfully dabbing sauce from the younger's lips with his napkin. Sunoo blushed each time Sunghoon's fingertips delicately grazed his cheek.
He had to remind himself this affection was just an act. He couldn't actually be falling for it.
While cleaning dishes, Sunghoon watched wistfully as Sunoo disappeared into his bedroom and shut the door.
Moments later came a hesitant knock.
"You can't close the door." Sunghoon called out, hating how controlling he still sounded.
Few seconds passed, the door creaked open and Sunoo peered out cautiously. "Is this okay?"
Sunghoon nodded, pushing the door wider.
His lips grazed Sunoo's cheek in a feather-light kiss. "This is okay." he murmured, gazing around the familiar room that somehow felt completely different even though it's same.
"Let's go out tomorrow." Sunghoon suggested hopefully, his fingertips playing along the lobe of Sunoo's ear.
Sunoo gulped and shook his head.
"I can't."
"Why?" Sunghoon asked, his fingers retreating back slowly.
"Why don't you understand? We need time." Sunoo snapped, irritation etching, deep lines across his face. His voice was sharp and impatient.
Sunghoon stepped back as if struck, hurt blooming openly across his features. He was trying, trying desperately to make Sunoo comfortable, to earn his trust. But he didn't know how to bring someone back once they pulled away, he didn't know how to reclaim them emotionally or make them want to stay.
He had never learned, since everyone always left him without explanation.
Sunoo sighed and stepped forward, but Sunghoon recoiled further.
"I didn't mean to-"
"It's okay. I made you uncomfortable." Sunghoon murmured, his eyes downcast and shoulders slumped in dejection.
His heart ached at yet another failed attempt to make Sunoo happy, to be worthy of his affection. He was like a child fumbling in the dark, trying over and over to get it right but never quite managing to.
"Get inside my room Hyung." Sunoo beckoned gently, his fingers curling around Sunghoon's wrist as he led him into his bedroom.
"I didn't meant to shout on you." he implored, his hand resting lightly on Sunghoon's shoulder as he guided him to sit on the edge of the bed.
Sunghoon simply nodded, taking his place beside Sunoo in resigned silence. Neither spoke as an uneasy quietness stretched between them, interrupted only by Sunoo's delicate yawn.
"Can I stay here with you tonight?" Sunghoon finally asked, his voice small as his fingers twisted together nervously in his lap. Sunoo hesitated, uncertainty flickering across his features.
"We shouldn't..." he began carefully.
"You're right." Sunghoon interjected, though his crestfallen expression betrayed his words.
"We need time to heal."
With that, he rose swiftly to his feet.
"I'll go. I'm not upset." he assured Sunoo, though his eyes glistened with barely-concealed hurt.
Without another word, he slipped out of the room, leaving Sunoo alone with the echoes of their heartache hanging heavily in the air. A chasm of sorrow and regret now stretched between them, vast and deep.
"We need to let go everything."
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Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
Also, am i doing justice with this book? I feel like something is lacking. Do give your opinion about this book, cause it matters to me.
I'll try to update faster.
P.S.- I'm writing a HEESUN book.