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11. grief, sorrow and anger
In the evening, Junia and Cas force themselves out of bed to have dinner.
Their stomachs are empty, they're parched, but eating and drinking is hard. The memories of what happened in the afternoon are still fresh. The only reason they eat anything at all is because they're with each other. Since they slept through the dinner Max had with their parents, they took whatever was left and retreated back to the safety of Junia's bedroom.
It's eerily quiet, their discomfort palpable. Thankfully, it's not lamb or anything of the sorts that they would have had in the afternoon. The baked potatoes are a welcome treat, filled with bacon, sour cream, chives and cheese on top. After washing everything down with water and having a bit of vanilla pudding for dessert — even though Cas ended up putting it aside halfway through and gave the rest to his sister — they're stuffed.
At around 8:30, Cas somehow managed to get a hold of himself. That, or he's simply trying to push away anything that might remind him of the day's events, so he goes through his bag until he finds the little piece of paper that he scribbled the oatmeal cookie recipe that Sheaf talked about on. It surprises Junia when she finds him standing at the oven without a single glass of posca next to him.
Maybe he's trying not to resort to more unhealthy behaviors for today after the amount of cigarettes he smoked, but Junia assumes it must be because Max is helping him. His presence, his chattering, it's all distracting his big brother from what he saw today.
As much as Max knows how to get on their nerves, the fact that he's also just a little boy helps immensely. He's innocent to the extent someone born after the war can be. It's in moment like these that she understands why her mother tends to favor him, though it's likely unintentional.
Max is completely untouched by the harsh reality of the war and the dark days. It's a privilege, one he's not even aware of, and it's not even that he has a sunny disposition; he's just a child.
The Capitol tries to remind its citizens of the war at every possible opportunity but due to his age, it's hard for him to connect to it. He knows it happened, he knows his own family suffered, but he wasn't there. Therefore, it doesn't affect him directly.
Ignorance can be bliss sometimes. But even Junia knows he's not as dense as he seems to be sometimes.
Meanwhile, she has other plans. While her brothers are chatting about whatever nonsense comes to Max' mind, she decides to give Sejanus a call. She wants to check up on him for various reasons. At noon, it was only supposed to be about Marcus, but now she's also concerned for his mental state, too. After all, Sejanus seemed surprisingly composed. At least compared to her.
He pulled himself together and brought her away from that horrific and utterly hopeless scene — there is no amount of "thank you"'s that can capture her gratitude. Calling to see how he's doing is the least she can do.
When she's on her way to the telephone in the corridor, she almost bumps into her mother. Adeena Beaumont's curly hair is tied up in a messy ponytail, hair framing her face on both sides. She's wearing her lab coat which isn't unusual per se, it's just not what Junia was expecting to see. Not that working overtime is rare in her family, though it isn't exactly common, it's just strange that it's today out of all days.
"Oh, careful!" she chides her daughter, barely able to stop in her tracks herself. She seems out of breath and Junia takes note of the strangely coloured vials the woman is holding in her hands. "June, dear, how are you holding up?"
Her mother presses the back of her hand against Junia's forehead, cheeks and then pulls away. Still, the smell of her intense perfume wafts in her direction, making her feel almost lightheaded. She has been overusing it today, it seems.
"I'm alright," Junia quickly says, not wanting to talk about today any more than she has to. "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," she apologizes. "I wanted to give Sejanus a call. To see how he's doing."
Adeena Beaumont nods gently, her brows furrowed in concern. She has seen the footage and while she couldn't be prouder of her oldest son for trying to save Arachne, she also caught a glimpse of her daughter at the scene. And that lost look in her eyes brings back unpleasant memories for all of them. It's the same absent, empty look in her eyes she had after the first bombing.
Back then, she was only a child. The bombs had caught them off guard and laid waste to everything they held dear. It has been over ten years since then but the events from back then will never ever be forgotten. They can move on, they'll continue living as they did before the war, but they won't ever be the same people.
The war changed Adeena Beaumont, too. It was only after their suffering was over and the Games were created that she was able to find some peace.
So, even though she technically doesn't approve of the fact that her daughter is so close with someone lesser than them, she allows it. Sejanus has proven himself a good friend as his quick acting has stopped Junia from spiraling. It's commendable how much he cares for her.
"Of course," she says softly. Then, she sighs. "I'm sorry. I would love nothing more than to be by your side at the moment and take care of you and Castiel, but this is some really important work. I might be up all night taking care of this."
Junia shakes her head. "It's okay. We know dad is in the living room if we need anything," she reassures her mother.
She takes the brief moment in which her mother peers over her head and into the living room and narrows her eyes at the dark liquid in the vial. It's pitch black, unsettlingly so, and she's really curious regarding its use. It must have something to do with the mutts at Dr. Gaul's lab. The fact that this is so sudden, too, can only mean it's something regarding the Games.
She can't put her finger on what it might be. Aren't they going to throw the tributes into the same amphitheater as every year this year as well? At least she's not aware of any changes. Then again, not even she knew the tributes would be held in the monkey enclosure either. With Dr. Gaul being so determined to make sure the Games will continue, she must have some tricks up her sleeve to make them more entertaining.
In her own cruel ways. As if sending children into an arena to fight to the death isn't despicable enough, it seems they're really going all in this year.
But her thoughts are interrupted when her mother glances back at her. Junia forces a neutral expression onto her face, knowing she looks more exhausted than everything. She smiles, "Go ahead. Good luck with your work, I'll talk to you later."
Adeena Beaumont presses a kiss to her daughter's forehead, almost suffocating her with her perfume in the process, and hurries off into the little study that she has at the other end of the corridor. Technically, it used to be a simple office but now entrance is strictly forbidden to anyone except for her. Not even her husband is allowed in.
With whatever Dr. Gaul must be cooking up at the War Department, it doesn't surprise Junia. But it doesn't make her any less curious either. However, she knows prying would have consequences so she decides not to.
For now.
Junia shakes her head and walks over to the telephone. The sound of Max laughing in the kitchen reaches her ears and eases her anxiety. She calls the Plinth's number without even glancing at the heavy telephone book.
She has always been able to remember things better than others. While it's just a telephone number, this is also the case with almost everything she sees and reads. It's beneficial for her studies but this also means her memories of terrible times are still vivid. It's a big price to pay, bigger than most would understand.
It rings for a few seconds, then it stops. The sound of breathing on the other end signals someone is there. "Hello, this is Junia Beaumont speaking," she says.
Much to her relief, there's a very familiar voice on the other side. "June?" Sejanus sounds surprised and strangely relieved at the same time. "What a coincidence, I was just about to give guys a call, too."
She doesn't doubt that he means it.
For a second, Junia almost forgets the reason for her call. She smiles. "I wanted to check on you, see if everything is alright", she explains, "we didn't get to talk much after... we left the zoo."
"I know," Sejanus says. There's an uncomfortable pause before he continues, "I'm so tired, June."
Leaning against the wall, Junia heaves a sigh. Truthfully, she figured as much. "I can't say I'm feeling much better," she confesses. She glances around, making sure no one is in sight. "I cried so much, my face hurts. We both did. And we slept a lot, too."
Somehow, it feels better to say it out loud. In front of her family and her parents in particular she tries to pretend she'll be alright sooner rather than later. But the truth is that she doesn't know. After what happened today, she doesn't know if she knows anything at all.
"So did I," Sejanus replies. She can't see his face but assumes he must be in a similar position as her. For a moment, his breathing seems a little uneven. He's trying not to cry again. "I still can't believe that happened. One second everything was fine and then..." He trails off, sounding choked up.
He didn't even like Arachne. Hell, he doubts anyone except for a few people with poor judgement did. But seeing her die like that took a toll on him, too.
"It's one of the worst things I've ever seen," Junia admits quietly. "When she... you know." She lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes, trying to stop the tears from coming back as much as she can. "It just reminded me of the bombings. I couldn't move. It was like I couldn't breathe."
Sejanus swallows. It's almost never that she talks about this. He doesn't know the details, all he knows is that there was one particularly bad bombing during the war that almost destroyed their house completely. Castiel once mentioned a fire that took forever to put out. Apparently they lost their grandmother back then, too.
All he knows is that it's since that day that the twins — or Junia at the very least since she confirmed it — have feared fire. It's hard to miss the way she tenses just from looking at a lighter. Sometimes even the scorching heat during summer is enough to make her behave strangely.
Sejanus doesn't think he'll ever be able to forget the absent look in his friend's eyes when he talked about it either. Whatever happened back then, it must've been so awful Junia and Cas were left traumatized to the point of freezing in place whenever they recall anything about it. But sometimes people just need time. He wouldn't pressure them to tell any details unless they bring it up first.
"I couldn't move at first either," Sejanus says. "But when I saw how quickly Coriolanus and Cas got to her, I wanted to at least do something. I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything for Arachne but when I saw you like that, I don't know... I knew I could help somehow."
"And you did," Junia says in a softer tone. "Without you, I might've even gotten hit by a stray bullet." She squeezes her eyes shut, tilting her head back and has to take a deep breath. "Thank you. I know I've said it before but really, thank you."
"You would've done the same thing for me," Sejanus replies without hesitation. If there's one thing he's sure of it's that he can count on her. There's a brief pause and she can almost see the way he's rubbing at his face with his free hand. "How is Cas? Is he going to be alright?"
Chewing on her lower lip, Junia nods after a moment of thinking. "Yes, I think... I hope so. He smoked a lot," she says and can't help but let out an empty laugh. "He's trying to distract himself. Him and Max are baking cookies. Apparently Sheaf gave him a recipe. He said he wants to bring them to her as soon as he can."
When he speaks again, Junia can hear the little smile on his face immediately. "That's good to hear. I'm glad you two have Max as a distraction," he says. Then, his smile drops slightly. "I doubt they'll let anyone into the zoo today, though. Maybe not even tomorrow."
The thought of not seeing Treech for that long makes something inside of her chest clench almost painfully. She opens her eyes and frowns. "Then what about the tributes? The Capitol isn't giving them any food," she quickly says. "And after today, I doubt they'll start doing it. You saw how they just shot at them. All of them."
"I know, I know. I don't know what they were thinking," he mumbles. "But there has to be something we can do."
Junia falls silent. She thinks back to today, the good parts before everything went to shit. Somehow, Treech played a huge part in all of it. She thinks about what he talked about specifically, how sleeping in the zoo was giving all of the tributes trouble.
"Of course," she mutters. "I can't... I told him I'd take care of it."
"What?" Sejanus asks. "What is it?"
"Treech told me about the sleeping situation in the zoo," she says, "about the hay to be exact. It's not that it gets particularly cold at night, it's just very, very uncomfortable. He was in pain. I think most of them were."
She goes on to explain, "I told him I'd see if I can get blankets in there for all of them. Maybe I'll go ahead and ask mother if she can arrange something. She could talk to Dr. Gaul or—"
"—I'll take care of it."
Junia blinks, surprised. She lifts herself slightly, furrowing her brows when she hears the determined voice on the other side. "What?" she questions. "What do you mean?"
"I'll handle it," he says. Sighing, he adds, "I just want to be able to do something for them. They seemed to accept my food but..."
"Marcus didn't. I know, I'm sorry," she says. "I saw what happened during class. And at the zoo. I'm sorry he doesn't talk to you."
She's for sure Sejanus must be bouncing his leg by now, his fingers drumming on the table. "I wish he'd at least look at me", he confesses. "Or he can even yell at me, scream at me for getting him into this mess-"
"This isn't your fault, Sejanus," she immediately interjects.
"Really? Because it feels like it is." An uncomfortable silence follows. His voice begins to crack. "He could even punch me or tell me how it's all my fault that he's going to die but he doesn't even want to acknowledge me. It's like he's not even there anymore, June, he gave up."
Junia's heart breaks for her best friend. "I'm sorry, Sejanus," she says, her own voice beginning to waver. She lets out a shaky breath and when she hears him sniffling on the other side of the call, she feels her own tears coming back, too. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Let me do this one thing, please," he pleads. "I know it's selfish but... if there's anything I can do to make this situation a little less unbearable for him and the others, I'll take it."
"Okay," she agrees without hesitation and blinks away the tears that are threatening to spill over. "Please, when you're done, get some rest. You need it as much as I do."
For a moment, Sejanus seems to be wiping at his eyes. "Thanks, June," he says. Then, he forces a laugh. "I know I must sound awful right now but I can't help it. I'm just... I'm so tired."
If she could, she'd pull him into her arms and not let go until he falls asleep. All she feels is pity for him and his complicated, absolutely miserable situation. Whatever respect she had left for Strabo Plinth, it's decreasing by the minute.
To put your own child through something like this - to make them mentor a former friend, knowing said friend won't make it, just to get a message across - it's despicable. It's cruel and it's wrong. No matter how she tries to look at it, she can't see any justificiation for it.
Sejanus has always struggled ever since he first came to the Capitol. His classmates have been cruel to him and those that weren't still treated him differently, like he's less than them. Surely Strabo Plinth has to know this as well. He's just adding salt to the wound but that's an understatement, too.
It's more like stabbing the wound over and over again so it'll never heal.
That aside, it's as Sejanus said — as much as the Capitol elites love the Plinth's money, they're still seen as district. The Capitol will take the money without shame and hesitation but they'll never consider them one of them.
One last idea comes to mind.
"If you'd like, you could also come over," she suggests, "I know it's late but we could have a sleepover, perhaps? Or at least keep each other company so we don't feel as miserable."
"Yeah, I'd love for us to have a pity party," Sejanus mumbles dryly and Junia has to suppress a smile. More gently, he goes on, "I know you mean well. It's just... I don't think Ma will be able to get any rest tonight if I leave the house now."
Of course, Junia thinks, always thinking of everyone but yourself.
"I'll be okay," he quickly adds, "but thank you for the offer. I just don't want her to be any more worried about me than she already is."
Even though she wants to protest, she decides to respect his wishes. After all, she also doesn't want to be part of the reason why his mother can't sleep. They need rest, all of them.
"Alright," she agrees reluctantly. "But if you change your mind, you know that you're always welcome here, right?"
A short silence follows, she presumes he's nodding. "I know that. Thank you, really," he lets out a long sigh. "I think I better hang up now before we end up wallowing in self-pity," he tries to joke, though it's a half-hearted attempt.
Junia allows herself to laugh briefly anyway. A smile tugs at her lips. "Yes, maybe you're right. Try to get some rest," she says. "And take care of yourself."
"I will. You two take care of yourselves, too, though," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, June."
"Good night."
When they hang up, June needs a moment to gather herself. Clearly, he's not okay. She's not okay either. Perhaps no one is truly okay.
She wonders how much longer they can keep on pretending. Somehow, it really feels like they're all losing their minds.
Junia sighs heavily, rubbing at her temples. She's tired. So, so tired. Even after all of that sleep, her eyes hurt, her face hurts, her entire body is in pain. Her heart feels heavy in her chest when she thinks of their situation, when she thinks of the tributes.
She needs to get some rest.
But before that, she needs to make sure her brothers don't burn the kitchen down.
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The next day, the Academy almost resumes business as usual.
Students are still visibly shaken and so are the staff. It's almost impossible for Castiel or Coriolanus to maneuver their way through the hallways without being stopped. People give their condolences left and right and while it almost seems that Coriolanus relishes in it, even if he tries to hide it, Castiel is left beyond uncomfortable.
His uniform has been cleaned thoroughly but just wearing it is enough to make all of those memories come back at once. He can't shake off the way he felt when her blood was clinging to him, to his clothes. He can't forget the way her eyes were pleading them for help even when she knew it was hopeless. He tries to make an effort to appear put-together, but it's hard.
Whatever self-control Coriolanus has, he wishes he had some of it. Through the entire ordeal, he feels like he's going to have another breakdown like the one in the shower just the day before.
To think that not even twenty-four hours ago he and Sheaf were having a conversation about baked goods, all of that suddenly feels so far away now. He has the cookies with him the entire day, already planning on finding a way into the zoo by whatever means possible.
But at the end of the day, it's his sister that keeps him sane. Junia doesn't leave his side once, and is often accompanied by Lyssie and Clemmie. They're not too close to their friend's brother but still worry for him. It's evident that he's unwell and only there physically, but not mentally.
Then, there's the schoolwide assembly. Satyria Click, their communications professor, goes on to almost praise Arachne's character to an extent that feels almost comically exaggerated.
Junia can't help but think she's hearing things when the woman talks about Arachne as though she was the funniest and most outspoken person the Academy had to offer.
Arachne might have been loud but she was by no means funny. The only thing that's laughable is this entire speech.
Hearing that does make her wonder whatever they would find to praise if she were to pass away suddenly. Perhaps her attachment to her brother? Her nervous demeanor? It would probably be something so far-fetched that it'd be beyond ridiculous.
She runs her finger over her mother's ring absentmindedly, her left hand holding Lyssie's. Cas is on her right, his hands placed on his lap. He's tapping his fingers slowly, taking deep and steady breaths.
When Professor Sickle takes over and praises Coriolanus, Castiel and even Festus for their attempts to save Arachne, the reactions are very mixed.
Festus, for one, looks away. Coriolanus straightens up in his seat with a self-importance that makes Junia's stomach churn. He's not smiling, but he might as well be. He's clearly soaking up the praise and enjoys it. Castiel's expression is hard and yet tired all the same, his bloodshot eyes aimed at nothing in particular. His face is neutral and while most seem to mistake his expression for sorrow and grief, there's an undeniable anger in it, too.
She reaches over and places her right hand over his. When Lyssie on her left squeezes her fingers, she squeezes both of their hands in return. He squeezes back weakly.
Last but not least, there's the school counselor Hippocrata Lunt who invites anyone struggling with their grief or harmful impulses into her office whenever they're ready to talk about it. Junia considers advising her brother to take the offer. Any help is help, especially because the counselor is a professional and should be able to do something at least.
Arachne's funeral is to be held the next day and will be aired in all of Panem, something that Junia, again, finds laughable. As mean as it might sound, she doubts the people in the districts care about Arachne's passing. If anything, it's one less future problem for them to worry about. She doesn't know what career plans she had but Junia doubts Arachne would have done anything good.
Then, classes continue. Professor Demigloss hands out a mentor sheet before anything else, updated with the tribute's names next to their mentor's.
10th HUNGER GAMES
MENTOR ASSIGNMENT
DISTRICT 1
Boy (Facet) - Livia Cardew
Girl (Velvereen) - Palmyra Monty
DISTRICT 2
Boy (Marcus) - Sejanus Plinth
Girl (Sabyn) - Florus Fiend
DISTRICT 3
Boy (Circ) - Io Jasper
Girl (Teslee) - Urban Caville
DISTRICT 4
Boy (Mizzen) - Persephone Price
Girl (Coral) - Festus Creed
DISTRICT 5
Boy (Hy) - Dennis Fling
Girl (Sol) - Iphigenia Moss
DISTRICT 6
Boy (Otto) - Apollo Ring
Girl (Ginee) - Diana Ring
DISTRICT 7
Boy (Treech) - Junia Beaumont
Girl (Lamina) - Pliny Harrington
DISTRICT 8
Boy (Bobbin) - Juno Phipps
Girl (Wovey) - Hilarius Heavensbee
DISTRICT 9
Boy (Panlo) - Gaius Breen
Girl (Sheaf) - Castiel Beaumont
DISTRICT 10
Boy (Tanner) - Domitia Whimswick
Girl (Brandy) - Arachne Crane
DISTRICT 11
Boy (Reaper) - Clemensia Dovecote
Girl (Dill) - Felix Ravinstill
DISTRICT 12
Boy (Jessup) - Lysistrata Vickers
Girl (Lucy Gray) - Coriolanus Snow
Junia hesitates before she crosses Brandy off the list. Her pen hovers over Arachne's name but in the end, she lowers it to cross her out, too. Then, without missing a beat, she adds Treech's last name. Without it, it looks incomplete.
A few minutes later, Coriolanus and Clemmie are pulled out of class to go to the Citadel, where Junia's and Castiel's mother is.
And Dr. Gaul.
Junia is just glad she doesn't have to see the woman again today. However, even as the lesson continues, her mind begins to wander. Her plans to at least try to pay Treech a visit aren't going to change. She has made up her mind about that the previous evening already.
Still, there's a strange, almost nagging feeling that follows her. The same feeling that she has whenever she's apart from her friends or even her brother for too long. It's strange and new, but not entirely unwelcome - just incredibly confusing.
She thinks she's starting to miss Treech. After everything, he was the best part of yesterday. Before everything went wrong, they had a good time.
She needs to go back to the zoo as soon as possible. Not just for herself but for him as well.
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I think about you constantly.
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heyyy!! <3
first of all, thank you for over 500 reads and the support!! insane. thank you so much <3
I know that overall this chapter seems a little bit of a filler but I promise it's not!! sorry for the lack of treech but he comes back in the next one, i promise.
rip clemmie you'll be missed. I'M KIDDING she'll be back. i won't do her dirty like the movie did
anyone catch on about her mom's vials? no? it'll be important later on and i'll explain it but book readers might know what i'm referencing to
i added around 700 words when i was editing this too. i hate writing phone calls, since they can't see each other it makes it harder for me to write emotions and stuff. there's one more in one of the upcoming chapters but that'll be it. i hope at least
also!! june misses treech. i'm trying to make it all happen too fast but yk. they have limited time before the games. is it a slow-burn?? god idek. maybe my endless yapping and interactions inbetween plot points make it one. not that it matters
some trivia on the side about the beaumont family's names btw!!
June's dad is called Alaric which means "all-powerful ruler". i thought it would be fitting for someone like him + the head of the family
His wife, June's mother, is named Adeena. There's multiple meanings such as noble and gentle but also obedient (which is fitting since she pretty much blindly follows the Capitol's rules) and righteous
Junia's name isn't that complicated. "Born in June", however, it can also be seen as an alternate form of Juno (shoutout to Juno Phipps) which comes from the Roman goddess of love, marriage and childbirth. some sources also say it means 'youthful' lol
Her second name, Iaso, comes from the Greek goddess of recuperation from illness. I thought it'd fit because her family is full of doctors and scientists
Castiel means 'shield of God'. I was torn between that and a few others but settled on this because he's like June's shield, I guess. He's very protective of her ykyk
Anteros, his second name, comes from the god of requited love + punisher of those who scorn love and advances of others, or the avenger of unrequited love in Greek mythology
Basically, Cas is like the protector of June and her love? That was the thought process behind it
Maximus just means "greatest". fitting for that little shit
His second name, Asclepius comes from Asklepios who was the god of healing and medicine in Greek mythology. Again, doctor family. You get it
Beaumont has Old French origins and means "beautiful mountain". I just thought it sounded fancy
yapping aside!!! more treech next chapter, like i said. i promise
have a good day!!!<333
a few memes!