The moon hung low in the night sky, casting a gentle glow over Deku's room. The air was still, and the only sound was the soft rustle of leaves outside the window. In the quiet, Deku had poured his soul into the notebook, laying bare his deepest fears and insecurities.
He was interrupted by a shout down the hallway.
He was going to be late for school. After scrambling to get his things together he left in a flurried panic.
He went about his day as usual, forgetting about the what he had written that morning.
Unbeknownst to him, the notebook had slipped from his bag earlier, forgotten in the haste of leaving. Bakugou happened upon it as he walked through the quiet halls of the dormitory. The cover caught his eye, and curiosity led him to open it. As he flipped through the pages, he read the stark rules that Deku had written for himself.
"Rule number 1. I fuck everything up forever and always."
Bakugou's eyes narrowed as he continued through the list, absorbing the weight of each self-imposed truth. A mixture of anger and concern etched across his face.
"Rule number 2. I make everything worse"
"Rule number 3. No one would care if I disappeared"
"Rule number 4. I drive away anyone and everyone that cares about me"
He clenched his jaw, realizing the depth of Deku's struggles. The room seemed to echo with the silence that often accompanied loneliness.
"Rule number 5. I survive."
~•~•~•~
Determined to return the notebook to Deku, Bakugou carefully closed it and decided to keep it safe until the morning. The air outside felt crisp as he walked, the notebook securely tucked under his arm. Bakugou planned to confront Deku, to make him see reason and break free from the suffocating rules he had written for himself.
The next day arrived, and Bakugou approached Deku's room. His knock echoed through the hallway, but there was no response. Frowning, Bakugou tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. As he entered, he saw Deku's room eerily empty, the bedsheets undisturbed.
A sense of urgency gripped Bakugou as he realized Deku had left. He spotted a note on the desk, hastily written.
"Kacchan, had to go out for a bit. Be back soon. – Deku"
Bakugou's grip tightened on the notebook. He knew he needed to find Deku and return it, but as he looked at the empty room, a decision took root in his mind. He sat at Deku's desk and took out a pen.
"Rule number 6. I'm not alone."
Bakugou closed the notebook, vowing to return it to Deku when he came back. For now, he decided to keep the notebook close, a silent promise to himself and to Deku. The weight of the added rule felt right, a beacon of hope in the face of darkness.
Bakugou's curiosity got the better of him. This clearly wasn't an analysis journal, so he decided to read some of the other pages. The next page was a list of self-loathing questions simply titled "Why?"
Bakugou responds to a few of them, just little notes here and there.
"Why am I so useless?"
You're not, damn it.
"Why can't I do anything right?"
You're better than you think.
"Why can't I just suck it up?"
Doesn't mean you're weak.
"Why am I so weak?"
More like stubborn.
"Why did he choose me?"
Because you're worth it.
"Why do I feel so alone?"
You're not, idiot.
"Why do I ruin everything?"
We all screw up.
"Why do I hate myself so much?"
Figure it out, nerd.
"Why am I still here?"
Because you're damn strong.
"Why do I lie to myself thinking they'll care when it only hurts more in the end?"
It's not a lie. They care, moron.
"Why do I do this to myself?"
Because you're a self sacrificing bastard.
"Am I Broken?"
No, just a bit messed up.
He then turns the page and sees Deku's answers to the questions.
His eyes scan the pessimistic answers written by Deku, each line a stark reflection of the weight pressing down on his friend's shoulders.
"Why am I so Useless? You were born that way."
Bakugou's brow furrowed, the harshness of Deku's self-perception cutting through him.
"Why can't I do anything right? Your existence is wrong."
The venom in those words stung, and Bakugou clenched his fists in frustration.
"Why can't I just suck it up? You're just a crybaby Deku."
The words echoed with a cruel familiarity.
"Why am I so weak? You're not worth staying strong for."
A surge of anger and helplessness welled up within Bakugou as he read the self-loathing sentiments on the page.
"Why did he choose me? You were gullible enough to be his pawn."
The realization that Deku saw himself as a mere pawn unsettled Bakugou. The truth behind those words struck a chord.
"Why do I feel so alone? You are alone."
Bakugou's gaze flickered, caught between sympathy and frustration for his troubled friend.
"Why do I ruin everything? You're a fucking worthless Deku."
The words cut deep, and Bakugou felt an ache in his chest. He had said that. This is his fault.
"Why do I hate myself so much? You deserve it."
Bakugou's eyes narrowed, fists trembling with restrained anger at the unwarranted self-blame.
"Why am I still here? You don't know when to quit."
A sense of urgency welled up in Bakugou as he continued reading, each sentence pushing him further into the depths of Deku's turmoil.
"Why do I lie to myself thinking they'll care when it only hurts more in the end? You're pathetic."
Bakugou's jaw tightened, the helplessness threatening to overwhelm him.
"Why do I do this to myself? You deserve it."
The weight of Deku's self-inflicted pain hung heavily in the air.
"Am I Broken? Irreparably so."
Bakugou slowly put the pen down, his usually confident demeanor replaced by uncertainty and concern. He felt an overwhelming desire to help, but the gravity of the situation left him at a loss. Bakugou, for the first time, didn't know what to do or say to pull Deku out of the darkness that seemed to have consumed him.
Bakugou turned the page, his eyes widening at the sight. Instead of questions or answers, the page was filled with a chaotic stream of consciousness, a raw outpouring of Deku's inner turmoil.
"I can't escape it. The pain, the doubt, it's suffocating."
"I try so hard, but it's never enough. The world keeps pushing me down."
"I don't know how to be okay. I don't even remember what okay feels like."
"Every smile I wear is a mask, hiding the broken pieces inside."
"I can't breathe. The weight on my chest is crushing me."
"I want to scream, but the sound is trapped inside my head."
"Why does everything hurt? Why can't I just be normal?"
"I'm drowning in a sea of my own thoughts, and there's no rescue in sight."
"Maybe I'm destined for this darkness, condemned to a life of misery."
"I don't want anyone to see me like this, but I'm so tired of pretending."
Bakugou's chest tightened with each line he read, the depth of Deku's pain becoming more evident. He felt a mix of anger, frustration, and an overwhelming urge to do something, anything to help his friend.
Closing the notebook, Bakugou stood up, his mind racing with the weight of what he had just witnessed. He couldn't ignore this, couldn't stand idly by. Determination sparked in his eyes as he pocketed the notebook, his steps purposeful as he left the room, intent on finding Deku and breaking through the suffocating silence that enveloped his friend.
Bakugou tracked down Deku, his heart pounding with a mix of concern and determination. As he found Deku, alone and seemingly lost in his thoughts, Bakugou didn't waste a moment. Without a word, he wrapped Deku in a tight, almost desperate hug, the kind that conveyed emotions too intense for words.
Deku, taken aback by the unexpected embrace, felt Bakugou's shoulders shake slightly. Confusion etched across his face as he looked into Bakugou's tearful eyes. It was a side of Bakugou he hadn't seen before – vulnerability laid bare.
For a while, the two friends simply stood there, entangled in a silent moment that transcended the weight of the words written in the notebook. Bakugou's grip conveyed a silent promise – a promise to stand by Deku, to be there even when the darkness threatened to consume them both.
As they held onto each other, tears streamed down Bakugou's face, a cathartic release of the emotions he had been grappling with. Deku, still confused but feeling an unexpected warmth, tentatively returned the embrace, realizing that in that moment, words were unnecessary.
"Why?" Bakugou's voice trembled with a mix of emotions as he finally broke the silence.
Deku, still wrapped in the unexpected hug, looked at Bakugou, confusion etched across his face. "Why what, Kacchan?"
Bakugou pulled away slightly, his eyes locked onto Deku's. Without saying a word, he handed over the notebook.
"Why didn't you tell me you felt like this?" Bakugou's question hung in the air, heavy with concern.
Deku's eyes widened as he took the notebook, his heart racing. The weight of his deepest insecurities laid bare for Bakugou to see. Panic set in, and Deku felt a surge of vulnerability. "Kacchan, I... I didn't want you to see this. It's... it's nothing."
Bakugou's gaze remained intense. "Nothing? This isn't nothing, Deku. Why the hell didn't you talk to me about it?"
Deku stammered, struggling for words. "I-I didn't want to burden you with my problems. I thought I could handle it on my own."
Bakugou's expression softened, his frustration giving way to a genuine concern. "You idiot. We're friends, aren't we? You don't have to face this shit alone."
Deku bit his lip, torn between relief and anxiety. The truth was out, and Bakugou had seen the darkest corners of his mind. It was a terrifying vulnerability he hadn't planned on exposing.
Bakugou sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You're not alone, Deku. Don't you get that?"
Deku nodded, still grappling with the revelation. The weight of Bakugou's words sank in, and for the first time, he allowed himself to believe that maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to face the darkness on his own.
Deku's eyes fixated on the notebook, his expression shifting from confusion to seriousness as he asked, "How far did you read, Kacchan?"
Bakugou, maintaining eye contact, showed him the last page he had read. Deku sighed in relief, thinking that Bakugou hadn't reached the more troubling parts. But the relief was short-lived as Bakugou, with a sense of dread, flipped to the end.
Deku froze as Bakugou's eyes landed on the recent note. The crossed-out Rule 5 – "I survive" – stared back at them, and beneath it, in smudged ink, were two words that cut through the air like a knife: "I'm sorry."
The atmosphere grew heavy with the weight of those words. Bakugou's eyes widened, realization setting in, and a knot formed in the pit of his stomach. He looked at Deku, concern etched across his face.
Deku, panic and regret flooding his features, reached out to take the notebook back, but it was too late. Bakugou had seen it. The recent entry, damp with fresh ink, spoke volumes about the turmoil that had consumed Deku.
Silence hung in the air for a moment, broken only by the sound of their quiet breaths. Bakugou, holding the notebook, finally spoke in a voice that betrayed the worry he felt. "Deku, what the hell is this? What do you mean, 'I'm sorry'?"
Deku's gaze fell to the floor, unable to meet Bakugou's eyes. He struggled to find the right words, the weight of his recent entry sinking in. The room felt suffocating as Bakugou awaited an explanation that seemed to linger in the unspoken words between them.
As Deku attempted to flee, panic etched across his face, Bakugou's instincts kicked in. Without hesitation, he tackled Deku to the ground, preventing his escape. Deku struggled for a moment, but Bakugou's firm grip subdued him.
"Talk, damn it," Bakugou demanded, his voice a mix of frustration and concern. "What's going on? Why did you write that?"
Deku's attempts to resist ceased as tears welled up in his eyes. The weight of the unspoken truth hung heavily in the air. He took a shuddering breath before finally breaking his silence.
"I... I didn't think I could go on like this, Kacchan," Deku confessed, his voice trembling. "Everything felt so heavy, and I... I thought it would be easier for everyone if I just... if I just wasn't here anymore."
Bakugou's grip on Deku softened, replaced by a mixture of shock and deep concern. "You were going to..."
Deku nodded, tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry, Kacchan. I didn't want to burden anyone anymore. I thought this was the only way."
Bakugou's expression shifted from frustration to a profound sadness as he realized the depth of Deku's pain. Without saying a word, he held onto Deku, understanding that sometimes actions spoke louder than any reassurances he could offer. In that moment, Bakugou resolved to be the support that Deku needed, determined to break through the darkness that threatened to consume his friend.
Bakugou clung to Deku, his grip firm yet desperate, as if he could physically anchor his friend to the present moment. Deku, however, remained limp in Bakugou's embrace, his body a vessel for the torrents of emotion that poured out in silent tears.
In that vulnerable moment, Bakugou's heart ached, understanding the gravity of the situation. He held Deku like he was trying to keep him from slipping away, his own emotions running deep as he grappled with the weight of his friend's pain.
The hall was filled with the sound of Deku's quiet sobs, a poignant reminder of the struggle that had remained hidden beneath the surface. Bakugou, now acutely aware of the fragility of the moment, vowed silently to be the anchor that kept Deku from drifting too far into the darkness.
Bakugou, sensing the fragility of the moment, made a decision. He gently led the still tearful Deku to his own dorm, a quiet understanding passing between them. Deku didn't protest; the presence of his friend was a comfort he hadn't realized he needed.
Inside Bakugou's room, he turned to face Deku, determination in his eyes. "You're not staying alone tonight, got it?"
Deku, still emotionally raw, nodded silently. Bakugou's stern expression softened with concern as he made it clear – tonight, Deku wouldn't face his demons alone.
Bakugou moved around his room, setting up a makeshift sleepover spot on the floor. Blankets, pillows, and a few snacks – anything to make the night more bearable for Deku. Meanwhile, Deku remained in the corner, overwhelmed by emotions, tears staining his face.
Once everything was prepared, Bakugou gently approached Deku, taking him by the hand and guiding him to the makeshift bed. He pulled Deku into a tight embrace, holding him as he continued to cry.
As Deku's sobs quieted, he looked up at Bakugou, gratitude and fear reflected in his eyes. "Thank you, Kacchan. For stopping me. I... I'm scared. I don't know what to do, and I'm afraid of myself."
Bakugou, still holding Deku, nodded, a rare vulnerability in his own eyes. "You're not alone, Deku. We'll figure this out together. You don't have to face it by yourself."
Deku's voice trembled as he admitted, "Kacchan, I hadn't planned on surviving the night. I didn't think I could face another day like this."
Concern etched across Bakugou's face, he asked gently, "What did you plan, Deku?"
Deku took a shaky breath, confessing, "I... I had some pills. I thought it would be easier if I just... didn't wake up."
Bakugou's eyes widened with realization and worry. He knew he needed to act quickly. "Stay here, Deku. I'll be right back."
Bakugou left the room momentarily and returned, holding the materials in his hands. "You're not keeping these. We're getting rid of them," he declared, determined to remove any immediate danger from Deku's reach.
Deku, feeling a mix of relief and vulnerability, nodded silently. In that moment, Bakugou became not just a friend but a lifeline, breaking the isolation that had threatened to consume Deku.
With the materials removed, a sense of relief washed over both Bakugou and Deku. Bakugou, wanting to lighten the mood, suggested getting some snacks.
"I'll be quick, just stay here," Bakugou reassured Deku before heading out.
Alone in the room, Deku hesitated but eventually turned his attention to the journal. As he began reading Bakugou's notes, each comment carried a weight of support and understanding.
"Stop underestimating yourself, dumbass."
"You're not alone, idiot."
"We're friends, Deku. Talk to me."
The words resonated, offering a glimmer of hope in the midst of darkness. It was a reminder that Bakugou, despite his brash exterior, cared deeply about his well-being. As Deku read, a newfound strength began to replace the lingering despair, and he started to believe that maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to face his struggles alone.
Bakugou returned with snacks to find Deku still immersed in the notebook. As Deku discovered Rule number 6, his emotions overwhelmed him, tears streaming down his face. Without a word, he practically tackled Bakugou in a tight hug.
Bakugou, understanding the significance of the moment, hugged back, rubbing comforting circles on Deku's back. Deku, between sobs, managed to express his gratitude over and over.
"Thank you, Kacchan. Thank you," Deku whispered.
Bakugou simply responded, "You're not alone, Deku." In that embrace, words became unnecessary, and the understanding between them spoke volumes about the strength of their friendship.
As the night unfolded, Bakugou and Deku found solace in watching old All Might movies, the flickering light on the screen casting a comforting glow. They laughed and reminisced about their shared childhood memories, a sense of warmth and familiarity returning to their friendship.
At one point, Bakugou, feeling a need to address the past, apologized, "I've been a huge dick, Deku. I'm sorry."
Deku, looking at Bakugou with sincerity, replied, "Kacchan, I forgave you a long time ago. We've both grown since then."
Bakugou nodded, a weight lifted off his shoulders, and Deku reassured him, "This isn't your fault, Kacchan. We're dealing with it together now." In those words, they found a renewed understanding, their friendship strengthened by the shared vulnerability of the night.
The next morning, Bakugou and Deku decided to seek help from Mr. Aizawa. Together, they entered his office, a shared determination in their eyes.
Aizawa looked up, noting the seriousness in their expressions. "What's going on, you two?"
Deku took a deep breath, glancing at Bakugou for support. "Sensei, I... I've been struggling a lot. Last night, I had planned... I had planned to..."
Bakugou stepped in, finishing the sentence, "He planned to end it, but I found out and stopped him."
Aizawa's gaze shifted between them, concern etched on his face. "Alright. Let's talk about this. Deku, tell me what's been happening."
Deku went on to explain the overwhelming emotions he'd been dealing with, the weight of his self-imposed rules, and the dark place he had found himself in. Aizawa listened attentively, absorbing the gravity of the situation.
Bakugou added, "We need a plan to make things better. He can't keep going like this."
Aizawa nodded, "I appreciate your honesty. We'll work together to find a solution. Deku, you're not alone in this. And Bakugou, thank you for bringing this to my attention. We're going to get through this together."