As the days passed by, Ivyshadow began to fall back into life in Tall Trees camp. Her belly continued to swell with the presence of her kits, but she worked even harder to train Forestpaw. The times she was working hardest were the only times she was able to forget her grief.
The name of her second kit came to her one of those days. She was near the border with Forestpaw, watching him attempt to hunt a rabbit on his own, when Runningmouse's voice suddenly came back to her. My mother’s name was Swiftrunner, and my father's name was Molefur. Swiftrunner was always loving, the type to take any kit under her wing. She would have loved you, Ivy. His voice had been so sad, so loving.
“Swiftkit,” Ivyshadow tried the name on her tongue. “Swiftkit, Swiftkit.” I like it, she decided. “I'll have a Swiftkit and a Willowkit for my she-cats,” she decided out loud. If I have a she-cat.
Forestpaw crested over the hill, the rabbit hanging out of his jaws. “I caught it!”
He set it down at her feet, puffing his chest, “Easy.”
Ivyshadow laughed, “nice work!” Laughter was coming to her more easily now, no matter how wrong it felt.
He picked up the prey and they set back towards camp, Forestpaw attempting to talk around the rabbit. “ ‘uess waht? I ‘ad to teach ‘oldpaw to hunt birds ‘esterday.”
Ivyshadow shook her head in disappointment. She would never regret killing Violetfang. “at least she has Winterthorn now. He's a great hunter.” Ivyshsdow chuckled, “an awful fighter too - Goldpaw must hate that.”
“Yeah, she does,” Forestpaw murrowed with amusement.
They entered the camp, the familiar scent of herbs and prey mingling in the air. Ivyshadow felt a pang of nostalgia as she glanced around, memories of happier times with Runningmouse flooding back to her. But she pushed them aside, focusing on the task at hand.
Acornstar greeted them with a nod as they approached, her amber eyes flickering with approval. “Ivyshadow, Forestpaw, you're back. How was the prey?
Ivyshadow glanced up in surprise, not used to Acornstar approaching her.
Forestpaw proudly dropped the rabbit at Acornstar's feet, puffing out his chest. “I caught it all by myself!”
Acornstar dipped her head in acknowledgement. “Well done, Forestpaw.” She turned to Ivyshadow, her gaze formal. “Do you believe he is ready for his warrior assessment?”
Ivysahdow was taken aback, but replied without hesitation. “Yes.”
Forestpaw's eyes widened with excitement, his chest swelling with pride. “Really?”
Acornstar nodded curtly. “Yes. Both of you, meet me at the Battle Training Hollow at sundown.”
Forestpaw's tail shot up in excitement, his eyes shining with anticipation. “Okay!”
As Acornstar walked away, Ivyshadow felt a surge of emotion welling up within her. Her heart swelled with pride for her apprentice, but there was also a twinge of sadness. It felt like only yesterday that she had taken on Forestpaw as her apprentice, and now he was already going to become a full warrior of Tall Trees. Ivyshadow would miss him.
“Congratulations, Forestpaw,” Ivyshadow murmured, her voice thick with emotion. “You've worked hard.”
Forestpaw grinned back at her, his eyes shining with determination. “Thanks, Ivyshadow.” He turned serious for a moment, his tail holding still. “Really, thank you. You are a great mentor.”
Ivyshadow felt a swell of warmth in her chest at his words. She had spent moons bringing him up, and now he had been the cat to bring her back from her grief. He was the reason she woke up every morning.
As sundown approached, Ivyshadow and Forestpaw made their way to the Battle Training Hollow, their hearts pounding with excitement and anticipation. The clearing was bathed in the golden glow of the sunset, casting long shadows across the forest floor.
Acornstar was already waiting for them, Winterthorn and Goldpaw beside her. Goldpaw looked extremely nervous, fidgeting uncomfortably.
“You must catch sufficient prey for us to agree that you pass the test. If you don't, you will retake the test next moon.” Acornstar addressed both cats.
Goldpaw and Forestpaw nodded. Ivysahdow was proud to see that Forestpaw stood up straight while Goldpaw looked unsure.
“The test starts now, and will end when the sun has set completely. Go… now!”
The two apprentices jolted into action, both running away in different directions. Ivyshadow glanced at the sun. They had about an hour. She settled down next to Winterthorn, her belly resting on her paws. “How do you think Goldpaw will do?”
Winterthorn watched a moth fly by, his overeye fur creasing. “Badly.”
Ivyshadow sighed, following the moth with her own eyes. It wasn't Goldpaw's fault that Violetfang was like this. If she had been anyone else's apprentice…
Ivyshadow fidgeted uncomfortably. Usually she was fine with the awkward silences, but being left alone with her thoughts was the last thing she wanted right now. “How are the kits?”
Winterthorn watched the moth land on a leaf, balancing precariously. Silence. Ivyshadow waited.
“Unruly,” Acornstar responded, “If only you would punish them more, Winterthorn.”
Winterthorn dipped his head to his mother apologetically, but didn't reply.
“Ivyshadow, when are you going to move into the nursery? I already did.”
Ivyshadow glanced down at her bulging belly uncomfortably. Acornstar was right; she should move there. A part of her felt that it was a betrayal to abandon the nest she and Runningmouse had shared, but another part of her knew she'd be happier in the Nursery with Snowfall.
“So neither of you talk?” Acornstar sighed, turning back to the forest.
Ivyshadow decided to remain silent, letting out a breath. It was relaxing, not having to pretend to care about whatever Acornstar was saying, not having to make small talk. Was this how Winterthorn felt all the time?
“The gathering is tonight,” Acornstar continued, “I'll be taking you and Forestpaw, Ivyshadow. Winterthorn will be left in charge. Sunshine is telling the others back at camp now.” She flicked the tip of her tail back and forth.
Ivyshadow dipped her head, but didn't respond. Winterthorn did the same. Acornstar glanced at them, clearly annoyed, making Ivyshadow hide her amusement. Winterthorn glanced sideways at her, his eyes smiling. He found this amusing too, Ivyshadow realized.
Acornstar didn't say anything until sundown, when Forestpaw ran into the clearing, panting. Ivyshadow got to her paws immediately, leaning over to see what he’d caught.
Three rabbits and a chipmunk lay in a pile, looking ragged from being carried all at once. Forestpaw sat straight, looking nervous.
Acornstar leaned down, sniffing each piece of prey. She sat up, staring Forestpaw directly in the eyes. “You pass.”
“YES!” Forestpaw leapt up, his tail swishing back and forth, “I passed, Ivy!”
Ivyshadow grinned back, feeling pride well up inside her. Maybe she hadn't been such a horrible mentor as she'd thought.
Acornstar looked up, her brow furrowed. “Where is your sister?”
Forestpaw glanced back at the woods. The sun had set now, the full moon casting silver shadows around the clearing. Ivyshadow took a breath in, the scents of the forest washing over her. She had never had the best nose, but she picked up on Goldpaw's scent. Moments later, Goldpaw came stumbling into the clearing. She dropped a single squirrel at Acornstar's feet, panting. “Sorry I'm late!”
Acornstar eyed the prey with scorn, “is this a joke?”
Goldpaw shrank down, embarrassment coloring her ears, “I'm sorry, I couldn't find-”
“That is no excuse. It's spring, not leaf-bare. You have failed the assessment.” Acornstar walked past the golden furred she-cat, no sympathy in her meow.
Forestpaw ran to his sister, wrapping his tail around hers. “Goldpaw, I'm-”
“Stay away from me!” Goldpaw hissed, stepping away, “if you hadn't caught so much prey, maybe Acornstar would have let me pass.”
Ivyshadow stepped forward, “there's no need for that, Goldpaw. Forestpaw did what any cat would do in his situation.”
“Let's go back to camp,” Winterthorn meowed quietly, “we will pass the assessment next moon.”
Goldpaw shot one last glare at Forestpaw before stalking off with Winterthorn.
○○○
Ivyshadow and Forestpaw joined the cats leaving for the gathering, Forestpaw's tail dragging on the leaves. Ivyshadow felt a pang in her heart as if he was her own kit, and found herself shooting dirty looks at Goldpaw.
She was thankful to see him smile when Morningcloud bounded up, shoving his shoulder playfully. Ivysahdow hid her own smile when he acted annoyed, shoving her back. I better leave them alone, Ivyshadow thought, looking ahead, I wonder where Run-
Runningmouse. She'd forgotten him. Guilt began to weigh at her paws. She'd forgotten him. How? Ivyshadow glanced up at the shining pelt of Silverpelt. What should I do? Moving on doesn't seem right, or possible. She closed her eyes, feeling the sorrow well up as tears. I just want him back.
“Hey.”
Ivyshadow glanced over, startled. Birchtail had fallen into step beside her, but didn't meet her eyes. “How are you?”
Ivyshadow attempted a smile, but couldn't follow through. How was she? “A mess.”
Birchtail chuckled quietly, still not meeting her eyes. “Yeah, me too.”
Ivyshadow relaxed her barriers, allowing herself to be comfortable with him. They hadn't been friends for a while - for too long. But Ivyshadow remembered the things he'd done for her, and how nice it had been to have him around.
“I assume you've been to see Winterthorn's kits?” Birchtail asked after a while.
Ivyshadow nodded, remembering the sassy look She'd gotten from Northkit. “They're adorable.” That had been before he'd died. Ivyshadow frowned, suddenly remembering something. “Have you seen Redclaw lately?”
Birchtail blinked, surprised. “Well, I saw him just… wait, no, I haven't.”
“I think he's been missing for moons,” Ivyshadow realized. She felt a pang of guilt. Nobody had even noticed his disappearance.
Birchtail frowned, cooking his head to the side, “I wonder if…” he trailed off as they crested the top of the hill overlooking the meetingplace.
Ivysahdow glanced down at the gathered cats. Both other Clans were already there. Her eyes automatically moved up the rock, landing on Reedstar and Marblestar. Reedstar was saying something to the Falling Rock leader, but Marblestar glanced over. His eyes met Ivyshadow's, and he dipped his head. Ivyshadow returned the gesture, feeling comforted. He and Cobaltwhisper were the only cats who knew what it was like to lose a mate.
Birchtail broke away from her to join Mistyweb and Dreamwalker, so Ivyshadow settled down by herself, near the outskirts of her clan. Acornstar joined the other leaders, and the gathering was just about to start when Cobaltwhisper brushed by her. The she-cat paused to give Ivsyahdow a comforting lick before moving on to her clanmates.
Ivyshadow turned to greet the she-cat, but froze. Cobaltwhisper was very obviously pregnant. But Flintstripe died too long ago for them to be his… Ivyshadow's eyes flitted to Marblestar, could they be the leader's?
“Hunting has been well in Swaying Grass,” Reedstar began, “we do not have much news to report. Although we would like to mention that we've recently expanded our border eastwise, driving out various rogues we've encountered. That is all.”
There were murmurs of disgust throughout the Tall Trees cats and the Falling Rock cats. Ivyshadow agreed - didn't Swaying Grass have enough land already?
Acornstar stepped forward, her back as straight as ever. “Prey runs in plenty through our forests, and we are happy to announce many kits are on the way. Our Clan is thriving.” She glared down at the cats as if daring anyone to argue.
Thriving? They had lost three - no, four - warriors a couple moons ago, and yet Acornstar called it thriving?
“That is all.”
Marblestar stepped forward. He and his clan had truly healed from the illness and famine, his once patchy pelt now looked glossy and healthy in the moonlight. “We have also been doing well, and are excited for the summer. Our queen Cobaltwhisper is expecting kits.”
Ivyshadow followed his gaze to the she-cat, who looked proud. A tom leaned over next to her to leck her ear comfortingly. A gesture Ivyshadow had never seen the tom do. “Redclaw?” The words fell out of her mouth, shocked.
The tom did not escape Acornstar's piercing gaze. She stood up straighter, her fur standing up, “Redclaw? What is the meaning of this?”
“He asked to join our clan, and I accepted,” Marblestar said, calmly stepping in between the two cats.
Acornstar bristled, “I knew your Clan was desperate, but I never thought you'd stoop this low.”
Marblestar held her gaze, but Ivysahdow saw his claws dig into the rock to keep from shaking, “Redclaw has been with us for three moons, and yet you only notice now? He is a Falling Rock cat now.”
“I demand-”
“Please have this argument in your own time,” Reedstar meowed, leaping off the rock, “this meeting is dismissed.”
○○○
Ivyshadow lay in a new nest that night, listening to the sounds of Snowfall’s breathing and her kits’ soft snores. Thoughts raced through her head, and Ivyshadow turned over again, unable to sleep.
The events of the gathering replayed in Ivyshadow's mind like a relentless storm. The tension between Acornstar and Marblestar, the revelation about Redclaw, and the news of Cobaltwhisper's pregnancy weighed heavily on her heart.
How had Cobaltwhisper moved on so quickly? Ivysahdow couldn't imagine taking another mate. How would I feel if Runningmouse took another mate? Ivyshadow rolled over again, unsettled. She didn't think that she'd like it, for Runningmouse to forget her so soon.
The presence of Snowfall and of the unborn kits in her belly offered a small source of hope in the darkness. Maybe she didn't need to move on. Maybe having his kits would be enough.
Yet, sleep eluded Ivyshadow as her mind continued to churn with questions and doubts. She couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for forgetting about Runningmouse, even for a moment. Could Cobaltwhisper still clearly remember Flintstripe’s scent, his laugh? How could she fall in love again?
As the night wore on, Ivyshadow found herself grappling with conflicting emotions—grief, guilt, uncertainty, and a flicker of hope amidst the darkness. She longed for clarity, for resolution, but the path ahead seemed fraught with obstacles and unanswered questions.
With a heavy heart, Ivyshadow finally succumbed to exhaustion, her thoughts gradually giving way to the embrace of sleep. Yet, even in dreams, her worries and fear tormented her, the claws of terror and uncertainty piercing her heart.