Dedication to myself. I never give myself enough credit, I'm proud of myself for writing this story. (Sorry if I sound cocky, I don't mean to be.) [ the gif on the side doesn't suit the chapter at all but it makes my heart melt. ]
Ashton's weekend went by way too fast much to his annoyance. Ashton didn't actually expect to have a pleasant weekend, he did though and it was all thanks to Michael and Calum. He was glad to have forgotten about Luke for a bit. Ashton keeps trying to convince himself that he doesn't care for the blonde boy at all, but knows he does. The thoughts just won't seem to go away and the more he keeps trying to will them away, the more he keeps thinking about Luke. It kind of felt like a break up in a way, even though they weren't together. Ashton was hurting but trying not to show it because he can't change the way Luke feels about him.
Luke obviously wasn't gay after all and the thought made Ashton's heart hurt. The feeling of liking a straight guy was actually one of the worst feelings in the world and sometimes Ashton wished he wasn't gay, but only sometimes. The glasses-wearing boy was happy and proud to be gay, it can be a struggle though and that's why he sometimes wished that he wasn't. Ashton couldn't change who he was, he was born gay. Nobody can just 'turn' gay, being gay was like being left handed. Some people are, most people aren't and nobody really knows why. It's not wrong, it's just the way things are. Being gay was pre determined and nobody can change that, including yourself.
Ashton sighed, walking into the boys bathroom and rose an eyebrow when hearing quiet sobs coming from inside a stall. The noise soon stopped when the person realised he wasn't alone and the bathroom filled with an uncomfortable silence, making Ashton blink and just go do his business. As Ashton was washing his hands, he glanced in the mirror and saw a head poking out from under one of the bathroom stall doors. The figure being a familiar blue-eyed blonde boy. Before Ashton could turn around, the figure quickly disappeared and Ashton didn't know how to feel. Why was Luke crying? Ashton didn't even know why he cared, considering Luke basically told Ashton not to speak to him.
Ashton couldn't help but feel concerned though. He thought back to the time when Ashton was upset in the exact same stall almost a month ago and Luke comforted him. Ashton wanted to comfort Luke the exact same way that he did and so badly just to return the favour, it was about time they put their problems behind them because frankly, this has been going on for far too long. It's not that Ashton pitied him, he generally cared for Luke. He cared for him too much for his own good, that's why he needed to be there for him. No matter what they go through, Ashton would always be there for Luke. That's what Ashton does for people he loves-wait.
Did Ashton love Luke? He wasn't sure if he was confusing his feelings but it sure felt like he was in love, although he's never been in love before so he could just be mistaken. Either way, it didn't matter at the minute, right now he needed to be there for Luke. Ashton took a deep breath hearing the sobs start up again, but this time they were a little louder and dry. Ashton limped over to the stall and lightly tapped on the door, earning Luke to gasp.
Ashton swallowed a lump in his throat, nervously saying, "Luke.. Open the door?" When hearing nothing but silence, he continued. "Please? I - I want to help." Silence. Ashton clutched his eyes shut and slid down the stall door so he was actually back to back with Luke, except there was a barrier between the pair.
"I'm not sure what happened - this might sound stupid, but I just care about you a lot and when you told me - you didn't want to talk to me I was upset and angry. It hurt a lot, but my feelings aren't what's important right now. Please talk to me. Say anything, just please." Ashton pleaded, feeling himself getting choked up.
Luke's heart was leaping and breaking at the same time. He regretted saying that to Ashton on the phone, he knew he should have spoken to him and maybe told him about his brother - he just wasn't ready to talk to anyone. However, now he feels alone and depressed and needs to talk to someone other than his mother who has constantly been on his case about outfits for the funeral. He can't even think about that right now, it was this weekend and he still hasn't even bothered to get something to wear. He didn't want to go if he was being honest, he didn't want to have to say goodbye because he shouldn't have to. This shouldn't have happened and he was just so angry. He wanted to tell Ashton everything, the sincerity in his voice once again had him hypnotised and he needed Ashton more than anything.
Luke sniffled, wiping his nose on his sweater sleeve before saying quietly, "I-I'm s-sorry.." Ashton's heart ached at how broken he sounded, he just wanted to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay and kiss him to make him smile. Luke didn't say a lot but at least it was something.
"Please don't apologise. This isn't about me anymore, I want to help you. I need to. But I can't - unless you tell me what's wrong." Ashton waited a little for his answer but felt a tear roll down his cheek when Luke started sobbing again. This time, it was loud. He wasn't even trying to be quiet anymore and that made Ashton start to silently sob. Luke honestly didn't know what to do anymore. He felt so broken and didn't know if he could be fixed. He hasn't even been able to sleep or eat. He's been eating little things but hasn't been able to stomach a full meal. He feels sad every second of the day as well as feeling sick and Liz was contemplating taking him to see a doctor but didn't think he would be ready. She knew the symptoms of depression and he was definitely showing them.
"Y-you c-can't bring him b-back.." Luke choked out and Ashton wiped his eyes with the back of his jacket sleeve. He sort of understood where this was heading and it made his heart hurt.
"Bring who back?" Ashton questioned quietly, wishing and praying that Luke would open the door but figured he would when he was ready. He just wanted to cuddle him. Luke took a deep breath and prepared the words that were about to come out of his mouth. He's never had to actually repeat it before and the fact that he was now, scared him. He wanted Ashton to hold him and be there for him but at the same time he was terrified and wanted to handle this on his own. He hated crying and showing that he was weak and for Ashton to see how weak he was, he could never live down. That's why he didn't open the door.
"M-my brother, he-um.." Luke couldn't even finish the sentence before he was practically shaking from crying so much. Ashton closed his eyes and bit his lip to prevent tears falling. What is he doing? Luke needs him and he's crying. His brother passed away, although he didn't say it, Ashton knew that's what he meant. Ashton turned around so that he was facing the door and pressed his forehead against it.
Ashton looked down, seeing Luke move his hand underneath the door and Ashton placed his hand on top of it making Luke smile for the first time in a long time. Ashton gently rubbed his pinky against Luke's and the blonde boy hesitantly linked their pinkies together. And there they were, both boys sitting in a bathroom with the door keeping them apart and yet they were still linking pinkies under the door. Although it was quite uncomfortable and the boys' arms were in a weird position, none of them cared. Luke was almost ready to open the door, he just didn't want Ashton to see what state he was in. He already felt weak enough.
After a minute of silence, an idea occurred in Ashton's mind. He might be going out on a limb, but this was something he wanted to do. His hiccups wouldn't really get in the way, considering they're barely audible and Ashton mentally praised the lord. So, Ashton took a deep breath and cleared his throat before starting to sing.
"Life can be so hard to breathe when you're trapped - inside a box you waited for the break to come it always come to late.." Ashton sang softly, making Luke's eyes widen in realisation that he was singing their song. The glasses-wearing boy continued, singing the 'whoa's and Luke's heart fluttered. It was absolutely perfect, he's never heard Ashton sing before and now that he is, he couldn't be more amazed. Even if there were a few hiccups here and there, it was still beautiful. Ashton truly was something. And that something, was Luke's everything.
"..You're on the edge you're stumbling and the road - it starts to wind but every time a page is turned a chance to make it right.." Ashton tried to sing a bit louder, building tension in the bathroom, however, not a bad tension. Ashton's voice cracked a few times but it honestly didn't bother Luke. It was kind of hot in his opinion. Well, everything about Ashton was hot. As Ashton started singing the chorus, Luke couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to be near Ashton and he was sick of being apart. So, he shakily stood from the ground and unlocked the door, making Ashton instantly stop singing and look up to see Luke with puffy eyes and slightly chapped lips. Ashton smiled timidly, standing up and wrapped his arms around the boys neck. Luke sighed contently, nuzzling into the crook of Ashton's neck. Luke smiled when Ashton gently ran his fingers through the blondes hair.
The two boys stood like that until they were rudely interrupted by the bell ringing for their next class. As the boys pulled away Luke quickly pecked Ashton's lips, surprising him. Ashton kissed back and let it linger for a bit until they pulled away, wishing they could just stay together instead of going to class. After Luke assured he was okay and that he was going to freshen up before he went to class, Ashton reluctantly nodded and left the bathroom with a content smile on his lips. He was happy but he was sad. He was happy because Luke liked him, but he was sad because Luke's brother died. No wonder Luke's been avoiding him and not going to school.
-
It was about 20 minutes into Ashton's class when a loud ringing was heard and Ashton almost jumped ten feet into the air. As the students around him started packing up their working materials, Ashton instantly panicked. That wasn't the bell signifying that class was over, that was the bell for when there was something wrong. The teacher quickly caught on to what was happening and told the students to hide under the desks. Ashton quickly did as told, being careful not to bump his leg and he was just so glad that Calum was in his class. Ashton looked around at all of the terrified faces of the students hiding underneath tables and started shaking rapidly. Out of all of the years he's been at this school, this has never ever happened. They've had practice drills but never has this actually happened. And if this was a practice drill, they would have been informed at the start of the day. This was actually happening. Ashton's breath quickened and palms started sweating, Calum noticing and quickly taking his shaky hand in his and gave it a tight squeeze.
Everyone in the class room remained quiet, the only sound being the beating of people's hearts and their rapid breathing. Suddenly, a gun shot was heard and the sound of shattering glass made Ashton shriek. He huddled closer to Calum and tried not to let his tears fall. And than it hit him. Luke. Luke was probably still in the bathroom. He doubted Luke knew what the bell meant. Out of the whole time he's been at school, they've never had a practice drill and Ashton didn't recall telling Luke what it meant. Ashton's mouth dropped, trying to move out from under the table but Calum grabbed him and pulled him back, almost making Ashton fall.
"What the fuck are you doing? Stay put." Calum whispered and Ashton shook his head frantically.
"No-no, L-Luke.. Still in the bathroom, I've gotta go get him.." Ashton pleaded for Calum to let him go.
But, Calum shook his head and said sternly, "Are you crazy? You're not going. It's to dangerous." Ashton was panicking, scared to death for Luke. He shouldn't have left him in that bathroom alone. He could be dead for all Ashton knows and that thought made the tears fall free. Calum hugged the curly-haired boy tight and rubbed his back soothingly, letting him cry it out. He knew Ashton was scared for Luke, the raven-haired boy just couldn't lose his best friend. He almost died in a car accident that was to do with Luke and he couldn't let that happen again. Not over Luke.
-
As the hours went by, the police and ambulance finally showed up and it turns out a few people got shot but much to Ashton's relief, Luke was fine. He left the bathroom ten minutes before it happened, he was in the same class as Michael and they were both okay. School was cancelled for a few days due to people being in shock as well as some teachers and Ashton was just glad Luke was alright. Luke was glad Ashton was okay too, he was really worried for the glasses-wearing boy. He was even a little worried about Calum which surprised him. For the rest of the day, Luke and Ashton texted each other, not about anything in particular but just talked about nothing and everything at once.
Luke needed Ashton in his life more than anyone. And he finally realised that now.