In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
O you who believe! If you support the cause of God, He will support you and set firm your feet (Q: 47 V: 7)
Pandemonium.
That's what I woke up to.
My phone was buzzing with messages nonstop, the sound of the notifications entering was what pulled me out of my sleep. I groaned as I sat up and rubbed my eyes, after I prayed Fajr I had climbed back into bed to get a few more hours of sleep before getting ready for school. I unlocked my phone and peered at the screen blearily, then the sleep was wiped from my eyes when I saw that the barrage of messages were from We're Too Old For This; our group chat. There were more than twenty unread messages and more were swiftly pouring in, I quickly opened the chat, what was going on?
Hailey: Fuck you Adam.
Wait what?
Adam: I'm so sorry Hailey, it was a mistake I swear, I didn't mean to do that.
Ben: you piece of shit, I'm gonna kill you.
Hailey: Fuck. You.
Adam: Let me explain please.
Hailey: I can't believe you, how could you do this to me?
Kamilah: guys calm down.
"What the?", I stared at the messages in shock, were they fighting? What was going on? What did Adam do to Hailey? I scrolled through the flurry of messages trying to figure out what was happening.
Hailey: I hate you so much right now.
Adam: Hailey please, I was drunk, I wasn't thinking, you know I wouldn't willingly do something like this.
Ben: Enough with the shit excuses Jackson.
Hailey: I did my best to keep it hidden, I had finally gotten over it. Only you guys knew this and you promised to keep it a secret, and now you're telling me you blurted it out in some drunken haze at some fucking party?
Ben: you better make sure I don't see you today cause so help me God I'm gonna punch you.
Adam: I'm really really really sorry Hailey, I feel so terrible right now.
Hailey: You should you prick.
Kamilah: How about we all take a moment from the threats and insults and calm down.
Hailey: Shut the fuck up Kamilah, don't tell me to calm down.
Kamilah: I'm just saying.
Me: Guys, what's going on?
I felt like I was stepping into a crossfire as I sent the message, but I really needed to know what was happening. Why were they fighting at seven in the morning? From what I just read, it seemed like Adam got drunk at the party and spilled something about Hailey that apparently was a secret between them.
Hailey: How do you think I felt when I woke up and saw messages from people asking me if it was true that I have an eating disorder? I worked hard to rebuild my image after middle school, and you just destroyed everything in just a single night!
My phone nearly dropped from my hands, and I read the message again to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Hailey had an eating disorder? I couldn't believe it, it was impossible. She loved food so much, and had a large appetite. The girl who ate two or more cheeseburgers for lunch couldn't possibly have an ED, she didn't seem like someone who was conscious about her weight.
Hold on, my mind started to backtrack. The day at the field, when those girls had asked Hailey if she gained weight, and the expression on her face afterwards. Oh my God, I covered my mouth with my palm, that's why their demeanour changed, and why Ben suddenly looked so worried.
I remembered their conversation in front of the bathroom too, when Ben asked her if she was going to let a few words make her lose all that hard work. A thought crossed my mind and my eyes widened in horror, Hailey had gone to the bathroom and Ben followed her almost immediately, it was like he knew what she was going to do. I recalled seeing her wipe at her mouth and a chill ran down my spine.
She went to throw up her food.
I gripped my phone tight, a sudden realization washing over me. I noticed that Hailey's food intake had slightly reduced after that day, but I shrugged it off, not thinking much of it. She must have been triggered by the comment from that girl. I was positive that this was why Ben never said anything whenever Hailey stole food from his plate, there were even moments when he gently encouraged her to finish her food when she pushed her plate forward without eating the rest.
This was what Hailey wasn't ready to talk about, also when I asked Adam about Ben and Hailey during the volleyball match this was what he must have been talking about. I suddenly felt angry at Adam, how could he expose her just like that after when he told me that day? Being drunk wasn't an excuse, why was he drinking anyway?
Another message entered and I looked at my phone.
Hailey: Now everyone's going to be talking about me in school, I hope you're happy Adam.
Hailey: Don't come near me today, or tomorrow or the next, I don't even wanna look at you.
Adam: Just please let me explain.
Hailey: I don't give two fucks about your explanation.
Ben: Hailey that's enough, you don't have to listen to him.
Ben: Everything's going to be fine okay? Don't leave your house yet, I'm on my way.
A smile crept onto my lips despite the situation, Ben was so sweet.
Ben: And Jackson, I'll smash your face in if I see you.
Kamilah: I'm so confused right now.
Kamilah: Hailey calm down, Ben enough with the threats, and Adam what the hell were you thinking?
I jumped out of bed and ran to my closet to pick out my outfit, thinking about the chaos that was about to happen in school. I had to get to school fast, for Hailey.
I sent a text to Adam before going into the shower.
Me: What have you done dude?
His reply came soon after.
Adam: I messed up Zee, I'm so screwed.
*****
I didn't have to look very far when Zayd pulled into the school's parking lot. There was a small crowd of students watching something and I followed their gazes to Adam's car, I spotted him a few feet away from his car. He stumbled back as if someone pushed him and Ben came into view, his fists were clenched at his sides and he looked like he was about to lunge at Adam, someone quickly stepped in between them; Kamilah.I craned my neck to see more as Zayd parked the car, I finally saw Hailey standing behind Ben, glaring at Adam, even from where I was I could see the tears streaming down her face.
"Aren't those your friends?", Zayd asked, staring at them curiously, "why are they fighting?"
I ignored him and scrambled out of the car, then raced towards them, I got there just in time to hear Ben say, "I told you I was gonna punch you if I saw you"
"Stop it Ben", Kamilah snapped.
"Just let me talk to her man, Hailey please", Adam took a step towards Hailey, who stepped back, "just give me five minutes, I'll explain", he pleaded, I blinked in surprise as I took in his appearance. He looked disheveled; his hair was sticking out in different places and his eyes were bloodshot, clearly a hangover, "I didn't mean for this to happen"
Hailey snorted, "I'm sure you didn't", she sniffed.
"Guys-", I started, but was interrupted when Ben swung at Adam, punching him on the jaw. I gasped as Adam fell to the ground, Ben lunged at him again but was pulled back by Kamilah, who was screaming at him to stop.
"Seriously Ben enough!", she screamed and glared at him, "what do you think you're doing!"
"What needs to be done", he growled.
"Hailey", Kamilah heaved out, "tell him to stop"
Hailey scowled at her, then wiped at her eyes, "why should I? He can pound him up for all I care"
"Come on, this isn't solving anything"
"I think we should go inside" , I said cautiously, noticing the crowd getting bigger, "we're gathering an audience"
No one answered me, Hailey's glare deepened and she narrowed her eyes at Kamilah, "are you on his side?"
"What are you talking about?", Kamilah frowned at her, "I'm not taking any sides, I'm just saying we shouldn't cause a scene"
"You of all people should understand", Hailey said as she stepped closer to Kamilah, her eyes blazing, "you know what I went through because of Valerie and Rachael and Mira, how they kept bullying me because of my weight, you know, cause you went through it too!"
Oh my God. What was happening now? I was struggling to keep up.
Kamilah's face became hard, she glared at Hailey from where she stood in front of Adam, shielding him from Ben, "stop it Hailey, that's not the point here"
"It's exactly the point!", Hailey yelled hotly, "those bitches put us through so much, you think we don't know that's why you stopped wearing a scarf to school? Because they kept making fun of you?"
"What?", I screeched out. Kamilah flinched at Hailey's outburst and her eyes flickered to me, she looked away immediately, her face filled with guilt and embarrassment, when she looked up at Hailey her eyes were glistening, "why are you bringing that up?", she asked, her voice cracking.
"So you would understand how I'm feeling!", Hailey fumed, "you know what, since we're on the topic, have you ever thought of what would happen if your parents found out?"
"Hailey", Ben put his hands on her shoulders, "stop", he said gently.
I just stood there speechless, trying to understand what was happening. First it was Hailey and Adam, now it was Hailey and Kamilah.
What the heck was happening today?
"No", Hailey pushed Ben's hands off her, she continued when Kamilah said nothing, "how long are you going to keep lying and deceiving them? What are you proving? You're trying to be someone you're not", she paused and released several breaths, wiping the tears from her eyes, "you know what Kamilah, you're a coward"
Oh no.
"Guys please", I tried again, "I know that I don't know the full details of whatever is happening, but this is getting out of hand"
Kamilah gasped at what Hailey said, her eyes were full of hurt and anger, "if I'm a coward, then so are you", she said as tears spilled over.
"You know what Kamilah, fuck you", Hailey seethed, then turned to Adam who had been watching silently cupping his jaw, "and fuck you too Adam!", she whirled around and stormed off, "fuck all of you!"
Ben sighed and placed his hands on his hips, muttering curses and profanities to himself. He looked at Kamilah who was crying silently now, "don't take what she said to heart Kamilah, you know she didn't mean it"
"Yeah sure", Kamilah shrugged and rolled her eyes, "of course you'd take her side"
"Look, I don't wanna fight with you", he warned, "I don't want things to get any worse", he shifted his gaze to Adam and gave him a look full of venom, then he shook his head and looked at me, "sorry you had to witness all of that Zahra", he said, "I know you have a bunch of questions, but now isn't the time for that. We'll explain everything to you later, I promise"
I said nothing and nodded as he walked away in the direction Hailey went, Kamilah left shortly after, saying she wanted to be alone. Then it was Adam and I left, I stared at him, he was holding his head in his hands. He looked up and stared at me, crestfallen, "what just happened?"
I laughed humorlessly, "you're asking me?", I adjusted my bag on my shoulders and turned to leave, "I'm the one who's the most confused here Adam", I said as I walked away.
There were whispers all around me as I entered the hallway, I walked towards my locker drowning them out, until I hared someone mention Hailey's name.
"Did you hear about Hailey?"
"Yeah, turns out she has an eating disorder"
"Man, that's messed up"
"I know, explains why she's so thin"
"I always thought she was weird"
Damn, I was seething with rage. My hands clenched into fists and I picked up my pace, trying to drown out the ugly words. Seriously, why did people have to be so cruel? I finally reached my locker and punched in the combo, yanking it open with a forceful jerk. I was angry at Adam for exposing Hailey, and those mindless idiots whispering their nonsense. And then Valerie, Rachael and Mira, those damn bullies. This whole mess was entirely their fault.
I thought of Kamilah and my heart went out to her, it all started to make sense now. I finally understood why she constantly wore hoodies and that occasional guilty expression. I remembered seeing her at the mall wearing a hijab and it hit me hard. Wondering about how much Valerie and her two sidekicks must have tormented her, forcing her to stop wearing it to school, made anger surge through me again. Who the heck did those girls think they were? Why did they enjoy making everyone's lives so miserable? Did Brian have any clue know how shallow his girlfriend was? It was crazy to think I was actually starting to have a somewhat decent opinion of her. This was exactly why Hailey and Kamilah hated them so much, and I honestly couldn't blame them.
Hailey and Ben weren't in class when I arrived, neither was Kamilah. Only Adam was in his seat and I took mine next to him, I glanced at him as I sat down, his head was on his table and his hands were buried in his hair. He stirred when he heard me sit and looked up, a look of urgency crossed his face when he saw me, "Zahra, you have to believe me", he started, "I swear, I didn't do this on purpose"
"It doesn't matter whether it was on purpose or not Adam", I disagreed with a shrug, "what's done is done, besides I'm not the one you should be talking to"
"But she won't hear me out", he lamented and winced, "I don't really blame her though, God I'm such an idiot", he gripped his hair in frustration, "why did I agree to that stupid game?"
That caught my attention, "what game?"
He shot me a quick look, his hand absentmindedly scratching his head in what seemed like embarrassment, "Truth or Dare", he answered reluctantly, his tone hitting at his hesitance, "Derrick made this crazy rule that if you couldn't spill your deepest truth or complete a wild dare, you'd have to take a shot, the game dragged on for what felt like an eternity, and I was starting to feel seriously wasted", he sighed, resting his forehead on his palm, "honestly, my memory of the later part is a bit fuzzy, but I recall nearing my limit and wanting to stop drinking, I can't even remember what they asked me that triggered me to spill about Hailey. It's a blur, really", a pained look crossed his face and despite my anger I felt bad for him, I could tell he was feeling terribly guilty and sorry about it.
"All I remember is waking up on the floor of Amanda's guest bathroom", he went on, "I probably passed out in there after throwing up, when I went back to the living room I overheard some people talking about Hailey, I was honestly shocked by what I was hearing. And I demanded to know where they heard it from, and they looked at me like I was crazy, they laughed and said I was the one who spilled the beans minutes ago myself. I was horrified Zee, I went home immediately thinking about what I'd done", Adam shook his head, rubbing his hands down his face as if trying to erase the memories, "I barely had any sleep cause I couldn't stop panicking. Fuck, I feel like absolute shit"
I said nothing after hearing everything he said, his argument did sound plausible. But it still didn't excuse his actions.
"This is why alcohol is Haram", I huffed, "saves you from a whole bunch of stuff"
Adam chuckled, "I guess so"
"What are you gonna do now?"
"I really don't know", he sighed, "I guess I gave to find a way to make her forgive me"
"Also for Hailey and Kamilah to make up, I don't want you guys fighting", I added and slouched on my desk, "I don't want any more drama", I added quietly. Things were messy enough at home with Mom and Zayd, I didn't need something else to add to the mix.
The first class passed by and Hailey, Ben and Kamilah didn't show up, in the middle of second period Kamilah came in. But she pointedly avoided Adam and I, not even sparing us a glance as she went to her seat, her face was red and it was obvious she'd been crying. I looked at her and held my gaze trying to catch her attention, but either she didn't notice or she ignored me, because she didn't look up from her table.
In the middle of third period Hailey and Ben finally walked in, Hailey seemed a lot calmer compared to before, but her troubled expression remained. I glanced at Adam who seemed restless in his seat as he saw them, as Ben and Hailey approached, Ben gave him a stern, piercing glare. Hailey walked beside him with her head down, clutching onto his arm. Not a single word was said as they settled into their seats, Ben's gaze then shifted over to Kamilah, who wore a pained expression mixed with disappointment as she stared at Hailey. He sighed and massaged his forehead, muttering something to himself.
I also heaved out a sigh, trying to process this turn of events. The tension between the four of them was so palpable that some other students in the class glanced at us curiously, and the gloomy look on the four of them was so disheartening. Another sigh left me and I rested my cheek on my desk, knowing I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the class.
When the lunch bell rang Kamilah exited the class first, then Hailey pushed away Adam who was trying to talk to her again, and left with Ben. I watched as his shoulders slumped in defeat, he stood there for a while scratching his head before he walked out. I sat in my seat feeling torn, I didn't know whether to go after Hailey and console her, or look for Kamilah and ask if she was okay, or to follow Adam and help him find a way to apologize to Hailey. What if Hailey saw me with Adam and assume I was taking his side the way she did with Kamilah, and got mad at me? Even if I wanted to pick sides I wouldn't know who to pick, since I didn't know the full story yet, I was an outsider in this fight they were having. I shook my head and grabbed it, this was all too much. My satin brown hijab crumpled in the process. I felt it starting to unravel and a pin dropped onto my desk, frowning, I grabbed it and walked out of the now empty classroom and headed for the restroom. Why did I even decide to wear a satin hijab? They were a pain to work with, always slipping and coming undone every time. I looked at myself in the reflection of my phone screen, my hijab was now askew round my face and had come loose at one side, a lock of hair slipped out of the loose side and I pushed it back angrily. Bad hijab day was ten times worse than Bad hair day.
After what felt like an eternity spent wrestling with my hijab in the in the restroom I managed to fix it just right. With a sense of urgency, I made my way to the cafeteria hoping to spot any one of them, as I grabbed a tray of burger and fries my eyes darted across the cafeteria, searching for their faces. To my dismay none of them seemed to be present, frustration gnawed at me, wondering where on earth they could be. I gritted my teeth, feeling annoyed that they hadn't even reached out to me, I knew the issue didn't involve me but that didn't mean I couldn't help. Sighing, I turned around to leave the cafeteria, maybe they were outside by the pink trees, just as I took three steps towards the door when someone crashed into me from behind, hard.
An audible gasp escaped my lips as I lurched forward, my tray slipped from my hands and sailed through the air, along with the burger and fries. My knees hit the ground making me wince in pain, followed by my palms as I saved myself from falling on my chest and stomach. The tray dropped to the ground with a loud clatter along with the burger and a shower of fries, people around me gasped and I heard someone tell me sorry, but I stayed frozen in my position, staring at my lunch scattered on the floor in shock. Tears stung at the back of my eyes and I forcefully blinked them away, could this day get any worse?
"Holy crap Scarfy, are you okay?"
I recognized Aiden's voice and looked up, and then I wished I didn't.
I wished the ground would open up and swallow me that instant.
Because standing beside Aiden were two guys, one looking at me in surprise and concern, and the other in surprise and discomfort.
Hassan and Easton.
"Come on, get up", Aiden said holding out his hand, then he looked at Hassan and Easton and glared at them, "don't just stand there and say nothing you idiots"
I stood up quickly before I could embarrass myself further, "I'm fine", I muttered, looking everywhere but at them.
"Are you sure?", Aiden stopped me as I started to leave, "you look... troubled"
Maybe it was because I was still quaking with embarrassment, or because of the concern in their eyes, well in Aiden and Hassan's eyes. But the tears I pushed back before came back in full force, "fine, I'm not okay", I burst out as I started to cry, "I'm not fine, at all. I had a fight with my brother and now we're not talking, my mom's sick, my best friend won't pick my calls or reply my texts and now my friends here just had this massive fight and are now ignoring each other!", I stopped to catch my breath and wiped my eyes, "so no, I'm not okay"
"Okay", Aiden clapped his hands together, "you're coming with us, this calls for tissues and ice cream"
*****
"Have you calmed down?"
"Y- yeah", I sniffed, my hands gripping the cup of vanilla ice cream Hassan handed to me earlier, "thanks"
Now that I had stopped bawling I was overflowing with embarrassment, why did I have to cry like that? In front of Hassan nonetheless. Ugh, I hung my head low and scooped ice cream into my mouth, it would be nice to disintegrate into thin air now.
"Sorry for crying like that earlier", I apologized to them, "I don't know what got into me"
"It's okay", Hassan said, smiling another of his soft smiles, "it seemed like you needed it"
If he was wondering why I hadn't been replying his texts he hid it well, there was no hint of curiosity or whatever that said he was thinking about it, concern was the only thing on his face. I swallowed and looked away, suddenly feeling guilty and the embarrassment doubling. My eyes were definitely swollen, I probably looked like a puffer fish now.
"So what's up?", Aiden asked me, "you can talk to us"
They had led me to the volleyball court, and we were now sitting on the bleachers. I looked around the empty court, "is it okay for us to eat here?"
"No", Easton growled, it was the first time he spoke since they ran into me.
Hassan smacked him upside the head without even looking at him, "it's fine, we eat here all the time", he assured me, "don't mind him, he's on his period"
That made me snort and Easton scowled at me briefly, but I didn't care. I had enough on my plate already and I wasn't going to let Easton Hated-Me-For-No-Reason get to me.
"What's going on?", Hassan asked again, "you sure you're okay?"
I breathed out a sigh and told them everything between scoops of ice cream, starting from the Zayd and Lucia and the resulting fight, to mom collapsing at work, Nadia not answering my calls and texts and finally the colossal fight that just happened between Hailey and Adam.
"Damn", Aiden said with a wince, "that's definitely a lot"
"Your brother knows it's Haram right?", Hassan asked me, a tentative brow raised.
"Of course he does, our parents have been telling us ever since we were ten", I replied staring at the almost empty ice cream cup, "that's why I don't understand why he's suddenly being like this"
"What's a Haram?", Aiden's curious gaze flickered between us.
"It means forbidden", Easton answered him.
I looked at him with raised brows, "I didn't think you'd know that"
"Yeah well, you don't know anything about me", he snapped back.
Hassan sighed heavily and turned to him, "Easton, get out"
Easton gaped at him, "are you kicking me out?"
"Yes, cause you're an ass who clearly can't read the room", Hassan shot at him, "so be a bit useful and go get some more ice cream"
"Dude, what's up with you?", Aiden wanted to know, "be nice to Scarfy, she's my bro"
"Your what?", Hassan looked bewildered.
This guy, I erupted into laughter. Of course Aiden would call me his bro.
Easton looked at us in confusion, before shaking his head and standing up, grumbling to himself as he left the court.
Hassan faced Aiden after Easton left, his brows furrowed, "what do you mean she's your bro?", he asked, "that's just.... I don't even know", he shook his head.
Aiden shrugged, "I call all my friends my bros, except my girlfriend"
"You don't have a girlfriend"
He smiled lopsidedly, "yeah but if I did, I wouldn't call her bro"
I couldn't help but chuckle, "I sure hope not"
Aiden turned to me and grinned, "I don't really know what advice to give you, cause I suck at those and don't have any knowledge whatsoever on muslim stuff, so I'll tell you a something funny to cheer you up"
"Something funny?"
"Yep", Aiden nodded, "last weekend I was out in town and thought it'd be fun to prank a cop"
I almost choked on my ice cream as I did a double take, "you thought what?"
Hassan stared at him like he was crazy, which he probably was, "what the heck is wrong with you dude?"
"Hey I was bored, and I thought it'd be fun", Aiden argued, "I sneaked up behind the guy and attempted to grab his cap from his head, but I didn't about how skilled this guy could be. The dude had lightning fast reflexes, the moment my hand grazed his cap he spun around and pinned me to the ground, it took forever to convince him I wasn't trying to attack him or something. He didn't buy it immediately, he yanked me to my feet, searched my body for weapons or drugs and wrote some stuff down on a notepad, I started to panic then, thinking I might actually get in trouble. Luckily though, after a few minutes of him lecturing me about wasting his time, he let me go with a stern warning"
I howled in laughter, "oh my god, you're insane!"
"You're lucky he didn't haul your ass off to jail", Hassan shook his head between laughs, "I swear, you do the stupidest things", he turned to me, "one time, Herb Head here had the brilliant idea to sneak into the control room , get in the PA system and blast Tyla's Water on full volume through it, the whole school was in chaos. Students dancing and teachers panicking"
"Hey you gotta admit", Aiden broke into a laugh, "that was totally epic, and I'm pretty sure I saw Mrs Dawson swaying her hips, so it was worth the one week suspension"
More laughter escaped my lips and I shook my head, "why do you like doing crazy stuff?", I wanted to know, my predicament long forgotten.
He smiled and shrugged lightly, "it's fun, I like pushing boundaries and testing my limits", he faced me and his smile grew wider, "good, you're smiling", he said, "feeling better?"
"Yeah", I admitted with a smile, "thank you", I shot a red faced smile in Hassan's direction, "I feel better"
"Don't worry too much, things have a way of working out naturally", Hassan added reassuringly, "overthinking won't solve anything. I'm sure your friends will resolve whatever issue they're fighting about soon, about your brother- I get your worries, but all you can do is to keep talking to him, it's up to him if he listens or not. Also, your mom will get better, inshallah", he leaned forward, his coffee brown curls falling over his green eyes as he smiled, "I'll remember her in my prayers tonight"
Remember Zahra, you're supposed to be getting over him.
How could I possibly get over him when he keeps saying stuff like this? My heart nearly burst out from my chest, and my stomach was doing cartwheels- was this what they called butterflies? I discreetly raised a hand to shield my face from his gaze, attempting to cover the blush I knew was forming. Aiden watched my movements and gave me a knowing smirk, I scowled at him, 'shut up', I mouthed.
"Thank you", I said turning back to Hassan, "that would be really nice"
He nodded, then opened his mouth to say more, before clamping it back shut. He stared at his shoes for a few seconds, his gaze contemplating, then he looked up at me again. Even though he didn't say anything, the questions on his face were as clear as day and I could almost hear them in my head.
Is something else wrong?
Why haven't you replied my texts?
Are you avoiding me?
Or maybe I was overthinking it, I had done a lot of overthinking over the past few days so that was probably it. My brain was exhausted and needed to rest, and I needed to leave the court now. I wasn't ready to answer those questions if he was actually about to ask them.
"Um, I should go", I announced and stood up, running my hands over my denim skirt, "thanks for cheering me up, I feel a lot better", I glanced at Aiden and smirked, "you should probably not pull pranks on cops anymore, it might not be just a warning next time"
Aiden's smirk mirrored mine, "not making any promises"
I pivoted on my foot to look at Hassan, "I'll um... talk to you... later...", I dragged out, I think.
Hassan responded just as awkwardly, "uh yeah... sure", he nodded, "later"
I turned around and walked out of the court briskly, before I dug my grave deeper.
Real smooth Zahra.
*****
The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, and nothing changed. Hailey and Ben were still ignoring Adam, who had pretty much given up on trying to talk to her and just sat in his seat resignedly. Kamilah was also still sulking and pointedly avoided Hailey, she didn't talk to Ben or Adam either, when I tried to get her attention between classes she mumbled something incoherent and brushed past me. Hailey and Ben weren't answering my texts either, it made me a little angry with the way they were shutting me out, and also a bit lonely. I was glad for Aiden and Hassan, but Aiden and I didn't take any classes together and Hassan was a senior.
Speaking of seniors, I wondered if Brian knew about Zayd and Lucia. And it had been a while since I spoke to him, as I settled into my seat for the last class of the day I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.
Me: hey you
Twenty minutes into class he still hadn't replied, I checked my phone again and saw that the message was delivered but he hadn't seen it yet. He was probably busy or something.
When school ended I didn't bother trying to reach out to Adam and the others again, since they weren't ready to talk to me. I left class and went straight to the parking lot, Zayd wasn't in the car yet so it was still locked. Thank God we got the car keys duplicated and I had a set too, I wasn't interested in getting a tan. I unlocked the car and settled in the passenger seat, then pulled on the lever which made it tilt back, then tossed my bag to the back seat and reclined on the seat with a sigh.
He'd better not be making out with Lucia while I was waiting here. Ugh, who was I kidding?
I was just dozing off when I heard the door to the driver's side open, my eyes cracked open and Zayd got into the car. He stared at me for a few seconds before closing the door, I said nothing and sat up, putting the seat back up before using the seat belt.
Zayd fished the keys from his pocket and put it in the ignition to start the car, but then he stopped and looked at me. I stared back at him wordlessly with a straight face, he looked like he wanted to say something but was hesitating, what did he want now? Wasn't he the one who said I should leave him alone?
"Um so...", he started, "I overheard some people talking about how you fell in the cafeteria and started crying"
My eyes widened and I looked the other way, people were talking about it? Great, just great. Freaking fantastic.
I folded my arms and looked back at Zayd as nonchalantly as I could, trying to not look as embarrassed as I was feeling, "so?"
"What happened? Are you okay?"
I flared up in annoyance, first he ignores me like the plague and now he's acting all concerned like everything was fine between us, my brows creased into a frown, "what's it to you?", I asked him, repeating his words from before.
He flinched before frowning, "I'm just concerned okay?"
"Well it's none of your concern", I spat back hotly, "now drive. I'm tired, I wanna go home"
Zayd released a frustrated sigh and started the car, the ride home was silent, I kept scrolling through Instagram the entire time. Then Brian finally replied me.
Brian: sup Squirt.
Me: did you know about Zayd and Lucia?
Brian: I found out yesterday, thought you guys don't date.
Me: we don't.
Brian: well damn, guess someone's rebelling.
Me: well this is the worst kind of rebelling.
Brian: there's drugs, shoplifting and vandalism.
Me: can you stop being a smartass?
Brian: can't help it.
Brian: so did you talk to him?
Me: I did, three times, didn't go well. He won't listen to me.
Brian: leave him then, some mistakes are better realized by yourself.
Brian: I would say I'll talk to him, but I'm not really in a place to give him advice on this, seeing as I also have a girlfriend.
A laugh escaped from my throat, he wasn't wrong there.
Me: got it.
Mom was in the living room when we got home, flipping through the pages of a novel, she looked up as we entered and I smiled at her, "Salam alaikum Mom, we're home"
"Walaikum salam sweetie"
"Salam alaikum Mom"
"Walaikum salam Zayd, what's with the gloomy look?"
I looked at him, he looked the way he usually did when he lost a gaming tournament, "nothing", he shrugged, "just tired, how are you feeling?"
Mom's lips tilted up slightly, "Alhamdulillah", she replied simply, folding the page she was in and closing the book, "though I am feeling a little bored, your grandmother won't even let me go for a drive"
"That's because the doctor said you shouldn't", Nana's plump form ambled down the stairs, she placed a hand on her hip and raised a brow at Mom, "at least not for two weeks"
Mom rolled her eyes, "whatever"
"Goodness Mary, you're forty two not fourteen", Nana chided, "stop whining"
"Can you not scold me in front of my kids?"
"You're still my child, I'll spank you if I have to"
I laughed and made my way upstairs after Zayd, then did my usual routine of taking a shower and praying Asr. Nana made hamburger steak with beef and white rice for dinner and I couldn't help but ask for seconds, I really needed to get her to teach me her recipes one day.
After praying Maghrib and Isha I tried calling Nadia again but to no avail, she hadn't read my messages either. Now I was very worried, had something happened to her? Ya Allah, I hope Nadia is okay, please protect her and keep her safe and well.
Just as I was getting ready for bed my phone buzzed with a text, I quickly opened the message hoping it was from Nadia, but it wasn't from her. It was from Hassan.
I jolted and nearly dropped the phone, contemplating on whether to open the message or not. I'd already spoke to him today, even if it ended on a painfully awkward note, but I wasn't sure if I could still keep on distancing myself from him. Tentatively, I clicked on the message.
Hassan: hey Zahra.
It was the first time he was using my name in text, why did it sound so serious? As I was conjuring up my reply another message from him came in.
Hassan: I'm going to believe you're reading these texts, can you say something?
Hassan: please?
Dammit.
Me: hi Hassan.
He replied immediately.
Hassan: thank God, hi to you too.
Hassan: are you feeling better?
Me: yeah I am, thanks for today, relay my thanks to Aiden for me.
Hassan: what about Easton? :)
Me: are you being serious? Tell him thanks for what? For being a broody PMS-ing ass?
Hassan: precisely.
I laughed and hugged a pillow to my chest, relieved that I was still able to joke with him normally. I was still smiling, feeling high on serotonin when he sent another text.
Hassan: hey so... are you mad at me?
The smile fell from my face as I bit down on my lower lip, was that what he thought? Well I couldn't really blame him.
Me: no I'm not, why would you think that?
God I must be stupid, why was I playing dumb?
Hassan: you know why. You didn't reply my texts, and you avoid me in school, you don't drop by the volleyball court anymore. Also in the hallway I saw you duck out of my line of sight in a not so subtle manner. And you practically bolted after we were done talking today.
I felt like I was being interrogated, I could almost feel his green eyes piercing mine, pinning me with an intense stare. A warm flush crept up my face and I buried my face in my pillow, my phone buzzed again with another message from him.
Hassan: I thought I did something to put you off, so I kept thinking back to see if there was anything. Then I remembered the quote I sent you, and thought that maybe it weirded you out. Also that coupled with the stress of your brother and mom and all, If I made you uncomfortable I'm really sorry.
Whoa, that was unexpected. How was I going to explain it to him, it wasn't like I could just say that I avoided him because I didn't want my crush in him to get out of hand.
Me: it wasn't because of the quote, and I guess it's partly because of all the drama around me recently.
Hassan: what's the other part then?
I rolled to the other side of my bed and bit the insides of my cheeks, contemplating on what and how I should tell him.
Hassan: I can't stop thinking about it, about you. I've been curious and worried, I could barely focus at practice.
He couldn't stop thinking... about me.
Screw it, I typed my reply fast.
Me: okay. So the thing is... I like you, like a crush. Yes, I have a crush on you, I have for a while now. I never planned on telling you, since it's not like I'm expecting anything out of it cause you know... Haram. But then after I confronted my brother about dating Lucia he kind of turned it on me and basically implied that I had no right to judge him cause I was already talking to you by then, even though it wasn't the same thing. I guess it just got me thinking that maybe he was right, which made me feel guilty. I didn't want to risk... well, falling for you so much to the point that I might make the same mistake, so I just distanced myself. That's basically it.
I hit on Send before I changed my mind and deleted the whole thing, my heart was pounding so loudly I could hear it, what did I just do?
The Read icon showed seconds after and I shrieked and dropped my phone like it was molten lava, I scrambled out of bed and raced to my bathroom, "oh my...oh... oh god Zahra", I muttered, pacing in front of the bathroom mirror. I stopped and looked at my reflection; my panic stricken face was flushed, and my hair was sticking up in different places, "what did you just do?", I asked my reflection.
I could have come up with some other reason, so why did I have to tell Hassan I liked him. My face reddened even further when I realized that this was practically a confession.
I, Zahra Ibrahim, aged seventeen, just confessed to my crush for the first time in my life.
I groaned and lowered myself to the floor, feeling absolutely mortified. Had he even replied yet? What did he say? Did I even want to know? Ugh, I didn't feel this nervous when I was applying for the volleyball team in Egypt.
I stood up and splashed cold water on my face, "Okay Zahra", I said to my frazzled reflection in the mirror, "relax, what's the worst that could happen?"
Him laughing and telling me I'm being dramatic?
I shook the negative thoughts away and stepped out of the bathroom, my heartbeat quickened as I edged closer to my bed and picked up my phone, Hassan had replied me. I took a deep breath and opened the message, here we go.
Hassan: whoa, wow. Just... wow, that was unexpected, and flattering.
Hassan: sorry, I'm a bit speechless.
My hair fell in front of my face as I stared down at his message, the strands grazing my burning cheeks. I chewed on my bottom lip as I typed a reply back.
Me: I probably shouldn't have said all that, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
Hassan: who says I'm uncomfortable?
Me: you're not?
Hassan: nope, like I said I'm just flattered, and also pumped tbh.
My breath stilled at his words.
Me: why would you be pumped?
There wasn't any response from him immediately, those few seconds until the word typing popped up under his name felt like an eternity. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until his reply came through and I exhaled loudly.
Hassan: let's just say I've been having similar thoughts also.
Hassan: I like you too Zahra, like a crush. Yes, I have a crush on you. You caught my attention since I saw you in the court making those killer serves, when I saw you the second time at Juanpa's I was so glad, I wanted to talk to you so bad. And it's not because we're both muslim, you're funny and bright and your personality keeps drawing me to you. That's basically what the quote meant, I've also been having similar thoughts, about if what we're doing is Haram, so I understand your fear.
The world stopped moving.
To be precise, my world did.
Then it started moving again, my legs turned to jelly and I lowered myself to the floor slowly. I stared at the message, reading it over and over again, taking in every word and making sure I wasn't seeing things.
Hassan liked me?
Hassan liked me.
He likes me.
"Oh my god", I breathed out, a grin stretching my face, "this is unbelievable"
If it wasn't well past midnight, I probably would have whooped out loud and danced around my room, while screaming at the top of my lungs, "he likes meeee! Hassan likes meeeeeeee!!!", instead I dissolved into a fit of giggles, another message came through from him.
Hassan: please say something.
Me: sorry, guess it was my turn to feel flattered, and pumped.
Me: do you really like me?
Hassan: yeah, do you really like me?
Me: yeah.
Hassan: wow.
Me: yeah, wow.
Hassan: so what should we do?
Me: what do you mean?
Hassan: I mean we've already laid it out on the open, there's no going back. I don't want to do anything Haram, I do trust myself, but we can never know.
Hassan: I want things to be Halal, and the only acceptable relationships in Islam is marriage, and well... we're just highschool kids.
I blushed, marriage with Hassan? I pictured walking down the aisle to meet a smiling Hassan in a tux, him reaching his hand out to me, and then...
I shook my head, pushing the thoughts away and bringing myself back to reality. Smiling, I sent him a reply.
Me: are you proposing to me?
I added a smirking emoji to the text to show that I was joking.
Hassan: haha, let's revisit that in two to five years :) right now let's figure out what to do.
Me: I honestly just wanna keep being your friend, I don't want to stop talking to you.
Hassan: me too.
Me: let's do just that then, no need to make things complicated.
Hassan: that sounds good.
Hassan: also let's set some precautions. Let's make sure we're never completely alone and always hang out with our other friends, but then it's kinda impossible for it to just be the two of us in school. Also let's make sure we don't text after midnight (starting from today), so we can wake up for Fajr.
Gosh was this guy an angel? How could he be so cute and kind and thoughtful?
Me: that sounds neat, I'm in.
Hassan: got anything else to add.
Me: let's see... you've pretty much covered everything, the only thing I can say is just to avoid physical contact as much as possible. Also let's promise to remind the other if either of us slips up and does something wrong.
Hassan: alright, I promise. I'll never ask you to be my girlfriend.
I burst out laughing.
Me: and you'll never be my boyfriend.
Hassan: strange words from two teenagers who like each other.
Me: I think it's perfect.
Hassan: I think so too.
Hassan: we should go to bed now, gotta wake up for Fajr. Goodnight Zahra
Me: goodnight
That night, I went to sleep with the biggest smile in my face.
Okay so I know at the beginning I said that this wasn't a romantic focus story... but I guess the characters had other ideas😂😂😅... anyway it's been a while since I last updated so I'm going to drop three chapters at once!😊
I hope you enjoyed the chapter!❤️