Lo'aks mind cleared. His body felt numb. He felt how the grip around his arm loosened. How his eyes twitched around. How he struggled to breathe. Was he pushing too hard on his chest? Or why was his heart beating slower, less powerfully? Was it really, though? Or did he just imagine that?
He couldn't feel the sharp rock beneath his knees, so why should he be able to feel the soft heartbeat of his brother?
He remembered how soft it was, from the rare times he actually hugged him. Pressed his head against his chest, because he was always taller than him. It was always soft, calm, and slow. But just a moment ago, just a minute ago, his heartbeat was hard, stressed, and fast.
His eyes twitched at the falling arm. His falling arm. He expected to hear it. To hear how the arm hit the rock. He didn't. He expected to hear him say 'Oww' like he did when grandmother cleaned his wounds. He didn't. He didn't say it, and he didn't hear it.
Neteyam didn't say it, and Lo'ak didn't hear it.
It was when he realized there was no slow bumping under his hands anymore. He didn't feel it. He only felt warm blood.
His eyes twitched to his eyes. His eyes weren't twitching around.Lo'ak's eyes twitched to Neteyam's eyes. Neteyam's didn't twitch around. They didn't switch from person to person around him.
He slowly took his hands off his chest. He looked at them. They were so red. Like they're covered in red. In blood.
Why are they covered in blood?
He realized. He realized it very slowly. There was no Neteyam. Neteyam's hand fell, because Neteyam wasn't able to grip something. Neteyam didn't say 'Oww' because Neteyam couldn't. Neteyam wasn't able to speak.
Not anymore. Neteyam could have done these things once, but not anymore.
Neteyam eyes weren't twitching around anymore, because Neteyam couldn't control them anymore. Because Neteyam couldn't see anymore.
He didn't feel his heart anymore because it stopped beating.
The blood on his hand cooled down.
It hit him.
Neteyam was dead. Neteyam, his big, older, stronger brother, was dead. Not breathing, not living. He was dead.
Lo'ak looked around. Looking for help. Support. He looked at his mother. She looked like she was screaming. But was she? Lo'ak should be able to hear her if she would, shouldn't he?
His father looked numbed. He had never seen his father like this before. There was no disappointment, love, anger, sadness, no anything in his eyes.
Tsireya looked like she was crying. She looked at him. Tears filled her eyes. Why didn't he feel something when she looked at him? He always felt something. There always was some warmth in his stomach.
Spider. Spider sat in front of him. On the other side of Neteyam. Why was he here? Why did he save him?
Lo'ak wondered why his head was so silent. So empty. It was never empty. He always had to say something. To annoy Kiri, to make fun of Tuk, just a little bit, and to prove he was better than Neteyam.
He looked down. Neteyam was dead.
There was no reason why he should say something. Why should he have to prove something?
Kiri wasn't here. Tuk wasn't here. And Neteyam was here, but not there. He was not present.
His body might be here, but that wasn't what a person was. There was no soul. No something.
That something was now with Eywa.
It was the moment he truly realized that saving the spider was the reason Neteyam was now dead.
The reason why Tuk lost her father figure, Kiri her protector, And Lo'ak his older brother, with whom his last conversation would be the one he called him 'not his brother'.
After that, it all came crushing down.
Neytiris reaction was visible. Hearable. She screamed. Her mind wasn't empty; it was so full. So many thoughts going through her head. Not able to catch one. To hold onto one.
She held herself on the body of Neteyam. As if fit was the last chance she would get to do so.
Neteyam her son. Neteyam her firstborn son. Her first child. Neteyam the brother, the protector of Kiri and Tuk and Lo'ak. Neteyam her oldest. Neteyam her protector. Neteyam. Neteyam. Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
Neteyam
She screamed. First, she whispered. She whispered his name, because it was enough to call him. Even as a baby, he always reacted. The smallest sound came from her and Neteyam was listening.
Looking at her.
His eyes didn't look at her. Wasn't even reacting. They just stared.
No, they didn't even stare; they were just there. Not doing anything. Like her fathers. Like her father's eyes when she watched him die. Seze's eyes as she watched her die. Like her sister's eyes when she watched her die.
She grabbed his shoulders, slightly pushing them to get a reaction. There wasn't one. She grabbed his head, lightly shaking it. Not too hard, though. She didn't want to hurt him. There was still no reaction. Her sight got blurry as tears filled her eyes.
She now pressed his head against her own. To feel him. To know he is still here. But he wasn't.
She let her head down again. Closing her eyes. Getting closer to him again. Moving away again.
She cried. She screamed. She pressed Neteyam's cold hand to her heart. His hands were never cold.
She screamed. She didn't know she did, but she did.
She whined.
She lost her son.
She prayed.
Her prey wasn't answered.
She looked at Jake. Realizing he was speaking to her. She could only hear his voice like a whisper. Like he was far away. She let Neteyam's hand go.
That was the moment her thoughts went silent.
Jake knew he was dying. He saw his wound. The bullet went through.
When your teammate is wounded. Check his wound.
He did.
Hurry; you can't lose time.
He did.
Only check when your teammate was shot, or isn't able to move.
He did.
When the wound is in the legs, leave them behind.
It wasn't. He wouldn't.
When the wound is on the arm, get them up, if they can't follow, leave them behind.
It wasn't. He wouldn't.
When the wound is in the head. Don' bother checking.
It wasn't. He would have.
The stomach isn't that wild. Check if your teammate can walk; if they can, bring them to a safe place they know how to handle it. If it went through, leave them. The chance is too small that they survive without direct help. Which you don't have in war.
It wasn't. He would have helped.
If the bullet is in the chest, check. If it didn't go through, leave them behind, they either save themselves or die. But if it went through, it's over. Your teammates won't have more than a few minutes left. You can say goodbye if you want to. It'll be the last thing they hear.
It did.
Do you understand?
Yes sir!
It did.
Keep it in mind. If you don't, you'll die on the battlefield. It's up to you if you want to save your teammate. Understood?
Yes sir!
It did.
It did.
It did.
It went through his chest.
This speech was given to him three times.
The first time when he started the military.
They were supposed to handle situations as they're expected to do, so they got strict rules.He followed these rules.
Always. He didn't hear this speech again for a while. It was more important for them to learn how to save themselves and how to not let their emotions get in the way.
The second time, When he went on his last mission for the military.
It was an important one. An important mission. His teammate saved him. Even though he couldn't move his legs. It costed his teammate's life. Because he didn't listen. Didn't listen to that god-damn speech.
And the third, and last time, before he went out to Pandora.
Quaritch gave it.
It all never left his head. He remembered all of them.
He went numb. As he was supposed to be. Because he was a marine. Was.
He didn't cry when his brother died. Because he was a marine. Because his brother was a marine, and so was he.
They both chose that life.
His son wasn't a marine, though. Jake doesn't even know if Neteyam knows, knew what a marine is. He was a warrior. But a young one.
He wouldn't be accepted for his age. He was too young.
He wouldn't have been accepted. He was too young.
The light went out of Neteyam's eyes. A little while ago.
He now stared into the nothingness.
Jake's mind was clear and rational.
His mind was clear.
His thoughts were rational.
He wrapped his arms around Neytiri, giving her some support. He knew she needed it.
His daughters weren't here.
Quarritch was near.
Spider was here.
Tsireya was here.
Ao'nung wasn't here.
He was never near the ship.
Khalo.
Khalo broke into his mind.
Where was Khalo.
Where were his daughters.
He silently screamed.
Neteyam was gone.
Neteyam, his daughters protector.
And even though Neteyam never told him, he knew someone had to tell Neteyams boyfriend.
Tsireya cried. She cried in silence.
She didn't want to be here. She wasn't supposed to be here.
She wasn't supposed to see this.
She wanted to go home.
She wanted to be with her family.
She felt so wrong sitting next to Neteyam. Next to Neteyam's body. Neteyam died. Right next to her.
his wasn't her place.
The emotions she felt, weren't hers to feel.
She thought so.
Kiri and Tuk should be here.
Not to see their brother die.
Just to have these last moments with him.
She couldn't breathe. Which she felt like was so unfair.
Why should she not be able to breathe?
It wasn't her moment.
Neteyam wasn't able to breathe.
Would never be able to again. Why did she feel like this? It wasn't hers to feel. Not mine.
Not mine.
Not mine.
Not mine.
She repeated it over and over in her head.
Where's Khalo? She could not breathe.
Khalos not here. Khalo doesn't know Neteyam's here.
Neteyam's body is here; Neteyam's not. Neteyam is gone.
And Khalo doesn't know. It's going to destroy him.
Spider sat there, watching Neteyam die.
Guilt filled him.
His mind, his longs, his chest, his everything.
He was never close to Neteyam. He never felt like that Neteyam was his brother. He knew Neteyam didn't see him as a brother.
Somewhere he still treated him like one, though. He protected him. He saved him so many times.
He died saving him.
Spider watched Lo'ak. He stared down at Neteyam's hand, which he was holding.
Holding like it was fragile.
He looks at it like he's never seen it.
Neytiri screamed.
Spider flinched. It was his fault that Neytiri just lost her first son, wasn't it? Neytiri always saw him as an inburst. Like he didn't belong to her family. She screamed. She prayed to the great mother.
Jake looked so shot off. Like he was not there. Like he was somewhere else.
Jake always saw him as an extra son.
And there sat this girl. She cried. He didn't know her. Did Neteyam know her? Were they close? Were they even together? He couldn't tell. How could he? He didn't know her. He asked himself if she was an important person to him. If it was her place to cry. He felt like it.
--
Next chapter in probably one or two weeks. Or maybe tomorrow, but I wouldn't count on that.
AND WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME IT WAS NOT AS IT SHOULD BE, I WOULD HAVE FIXED IT SOONER