Writing my own feelings in my diary did not seem much to me. All I wanted to do was to get closer to Rana. Even though the moment she went past away from me meant something.
I knew some sort of chemistry from the way she looked at me years ago. However, the way she looked at me now is just traumatic as it seems.
"How on earth am I supposed to live without her" was the question that kept on living in my mind. I wanted to feel her warmth around my arms. Tell her that I need her the most even in my lowest. It felt like she didn't even want to know my true feelings or the things that so went through.
Even though loneliness wasn't the only factor that made me realize pain, there was another thing that I didn't mention.... It was separation...
Separation is the most painful thing that I had ever realized. Just like seeing the beginning of something, things may not go as planned. A life lesson that my mother used to tell me is "to go for it if it will help you", but not a single one of my plans went well. Rana was definitely my last crush.
What speaks louder than words that scream the pain from my chest in misery is the fact that she was obvious not gay. This means that she's not into girls. That was one of the painful facts I had to live with.
Maybe in this world, people can learn to live without "The One", but living for oneself just needs sacrifices as well even if I don't have the person who is considered the best and beautiful for me. I wished Rana did beautiful things for me, not painful things.