☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆"You're my mess and I can handle you all day" ☾ ⋆*:⋆*･ﾟ
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Trigger warning ⚠️: Mentions of self harm and self harm scars, self depreciation and kind of angsty but fluff towards end.
Reader discretion advised.
Please dont read if these topics are triggering to you.
And if you are going through something like this please remember you are precious, loved, beautiful and worth it. You can make through these hard times eventually. I love you all and my Dm's are always open.
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Y/n sighed for the umpteenth time as she laid her head on the desk.
Useless, that's how she felt. Everything she did seemed to have mistakes. Whether it be assignments or be some job at work, or a house chore, she always got told where she was being wrong, never once appreciated for her efforts.
She realized maybe she wasn't really worth it, worth peoples time and energy, and even started distancing herself from her boyfriend Yoongi and her family.
As if her family would care anyway.
A scoff left Y/n a she mulled over what had been happening the past month. Even though her insides and her heart wanted to cry no tears came out. She had been past crying, it just didn't seem to happen anymore.
Everyone noticed the changes in her. How she lost interest in activities she used to love, how the bags under her eyes were more prominent and how her eyes itself were now filled with sadness. But no one tried to comfort her.
All they would do was ask a simple 'are you okay?' Or 'is everything alright?', and when with a small smile and nod of her head she would say 'yes', they would walk away.
Not that she complained. It was better to be ignored than to feel like a burden talking about how she felt to people who couldn't give two shits about what she thought.
It felt terrible to be left alone yet wanting to be heard. It was like her mind and heart were at war.
She had buried it all inside. The anger, the frustration, the anxiety, the stress all of it. Until it became too much to handle and spilled over the brim, then the only person she had to vent out on was herself. And that's what she did.
No, she wasn't proud of how the marks on her were increasing day by day, but it made her feel better than it would to vent to someone who didn't care.
Taking another shuddering breath, she got up and walked to the front of the mirror, looking at herself.
Words said by her aunt came back to her. Reminders ringing through her head at what her worth in others eyes.
'How do you dress? You look like a maid'
'What's wrong with your face? Put on some makeup and fix it, it looks dull'
'Your skin is too dark, and look at those pimples'
'Who would look at you and think that you're pretty? Goodness gracious'
'You eat too much, lessen on those snacks will you? Look at your stomach bloating you're too fat'
Y/n lifted her shirt and took it off, poking at the fat at her tummy and various other places, thinking about how it made her look ugly.
Her aunt was right, she didn't have anyone who would or could love her, or listen to her thoughts.
But...... Yoongi? Maybe?
He had always told her to come to him if she needed to talk, about anything. But she felt like he was doing it not because he wanted to, maybe he was sick of her too, like everyone else was.
Thoughts scattered all over the place like pearls would when a elegant necklace breaks apart, she slammed a fist on to the table, knuckles reddening but no pain shooting through her.
All she wanted to do was feel. The numbness was driving her crazy, and she hated it, yet she embraced it too, it being the only way she could stay sane.
For now at least
What she didn't realize when she ended up on the floor, hugging knees to herself and crying, for the first time in months, facing her vulnerabilities.
Few minutes passed and now she just laid there, breath coming out at a ragged pace as the leftover emotions in her drained out.
She was cast out of her stupor when the bedroom door opened, and Yoongi stepped in, eyes immediately widening as he drank in the sight in front of him.
Y/n immediately stood up, grabbing her shirt, her own eyes widening as she began pushing Yoongi out.
"I- I'll change and then come out, yeah I'll change clothes and-", but Yoongi was having none of it.
Everything seem to come together now, and with a gentle tug Yoongi pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her as if she was some fragile being.
"No", his voice came out in a whisper. "It's gonna be ok, come here", he pulled her to his chest despite her attempts to struggle free, but Yoongi wouldn't let her.
Rubbing comforting strokes at her back, he squeezed her lightly, letting her know he was there.
"Talk to me, it's going to be fine", he whispered into her ear, and the warmth in his voice and touch made her feel like someone cared.
Now sobbing against his chest, Y/n fisted his T-shirt in her hands, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Im tired of everything", was all she could say as her body wracked with cries that had been stowed away into an abyss of emotions deep inside of her.
But soon enough Y/n's breathing became shallow, and panic began seeping through her.
Yoongi sensed how her weight seemed to sag even more onto him and knew he had to distract her before she could pass out.
Tipping her chin up he whispered, "Look at me baby", and locked his lips with hers.
Y/n pulled away though, and furrowed her brows, hiccuping.
"Why do you love me? I don't have anything abo-", before she could finish that sentence, Yoongi kissed her once more.
"You have everything in you Y/n, and that's why I love you", he mumbled against her lips, before pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"I love how your forehead lightly creases when you're focusing", Yoongi had now sat her on to the bed. A gentle kiss on her temple.
"I love your mind and way of thinking and how you think about others", now moving to her eyes.
"I love how your eyes shine like they hold the galaxy in them", pressing his lips on on her fluttering eyelids, then looking at her straight in they eye
Another peck, on her nose. "I love how your nose scrunches up when I touch it or when you don't like what you smell". A faint smile made it's way onto Yoongi's face, the faintest twitch of his lips.
Another long kiss on her cheek. "I love how your cheeks puff up when you eat, it makes me so happy seeing your happy face and smile when you have your favorite food, it makes me want to keep feeding you", Yoongi's voice was now a hoarse whisper as Y/n shuddered under his touch. His hands were now at her waist, pulling her closer.
Now trailing lips against her jaw he stopped right before her mouth, hovering and ebony gaze fixed.
"I love how your lips taste like strawberries, how they form into a pout when you're thinking and makes me want to kiss all these insecurities out of you". Y/n sighed heavily as she tried not to cry again.
"Yoongi-", but she was cut of by him pressing his finger onto her lips, silencing her.
"Shh, just listen to what I'm saying", he mumbled, crushing his lips onto her, gently but with an underlying ferocity devouring her as she kissed him back.
Y/n was now laying on her back, finally realizing her lack of clothing when her bare back hit the mattress, legs on either side of her hips. But Yoongi's movements or look wasn't that of lust, but rather love, adoration and sadness.
Moving down to her neck now he littered the place with gentle pecks, trailing his lashes down the base in slow butterfly kisses. "I love your everything Y/n", whsipered again, breathe hitting Y/n's face.
From her shoulder he went down to her arms, where the scars were prominent, looking close to the beginning stage of healing.
Placing the gentlest of kisses there he felt Y/n shiver under his touch, and he looked back up to see her face glistening with tears again.
Placing a few final kisses on her stomach he softly traced shapes there. "I love your cute squishy tummy princess, I love it the most".
Now he was kissing the tears away, licking his lips once and feeling the salty taste there.
"You're perfect baby, I love you so much and I wouldn't change you for the world. Never", he smokily mumbled. "And I don't want you doubting that in any way alright?"
Finally sitting up and having Y/n to sit up too, cradling her in his arms once again.
"Please don't hurt yourself this way", he traced the scars on her arm.
"You don't deserve this", he continued, tears prickling at his own eyes as he held her tighter, feeling as if he would lose her if he didn't.
"T-thank you", Y/n managed to say with a hiccup as she wrapped her own arms around Yoongi. "I love you".
"Don't you dare thank me Princess", he told her, for the first time anger lacing his tone. "It's my duty to make sure you know how worth it you are and how loved you are, and I will do it. I would do it even if it wasn't because you deserve it".
Y/n sighed in his embrace, feeling tired from all the mental over exertion she faced in the past few hours.
Yoongi noticed and told her to stay there and brought one of his sweaters and helped her wear it and after helping her wash her face, he laid her into bed.
"You can skip a day of school tomorrow and call in sick for work, you need to rest baby", he told her as Y/n's head lay on his chest and she sighed in content, nodding.
"And, I want you to tell me everything and whenever you start feeling down or wanting to hurt yourself, just don't do it please", his voice was strained now.
"I will, I promise"
And with that they fell asleep in each others embrace Y/n having a new profound calm she didn't feel before.
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Yeah i have no idea wth i just wrote either :) sorry 🤷🏼♀️
QOTD
Q: Which member coded girl do you think i am?
Love yall take care ❤️
And if you're going through any of the difficulties phrased above, please talk to it about someone, youre perfect and loved and deserve all the happiness in the world, and dont hurt yourself, please no one deserves it.
And as always said, my DM's are always open.
-CJ❤️💜