"I hate myself..."
★
It is now morning, Mrs. Park gently opened the door to Sunghoon's bedroom, finding her son still nestled in bed, covered by his blanket. Concern etched her face as she approached, recognizing that something seemed off.
"Sunghoon, it's time to wake up," she said, her voice soft but firm.
From within the blanket, Sunghoon mumbled, "Can I stay home today...?"
Mrs. Park, perplexed, sat down on the edge of his bed. "Why, sweetheart? Are you feeling sick?" she inquired, worry lines furrowing her brow.
Peeking out from the covers, Sunghoon shook his head. "No, just really tired...," he admitted, exhaustion evident in his eyes.
Mrs. Park sighed. "I don't buy it, you're going to school, go get ready.
Frustration simmered in Sunghoon's expression. Mrs. Park, sensing her son's inner turmoil, offered a comforting smile before leaving the room, leaving Sunghoon to grapple with the weight of his emotions as he prepared to face another day at school.
★
As Sunghoon walked to school, weariness weighed heavily on his shoulders. The burden of his emotions from the previous day lingered, adding to the weight of each footfall.
In this subdued state, Sunghoon crossed paths with Sunoo. The exhaustion in Sunghoon's eyes was evident, and despite Sunoo's usual cheerful act, Sunghoon didn't muster the energy to offer a greeting. His gaze remained distant, fixed on the path ahead.
Sunoo didn't take offense. Instead, he continued to walk beside Sunghoon, a warm smile gracing his face.
"Sunoo!" a girl called, pulling Sunoo away from Sunghoon.
Sunoo smiled nervously. "Y-yes?"
"You still talk to him? After yesterday's incident? He tried to hurt you..."
Sunoo nodded. "I still talk to him, and plus, he was clueless and angry, he didn't mean to do that, he apologized, don't worry."
The girl sighed. "J-just be careful with him." The girl walked away, leaving a confused Sunoo.
★
In math class, the teacher hasn't arrive yet, so Jihoon and his group seized the opportunity to taunt Sunghoon and Sunoo once again. Their teasing remarks about being couples and husbands echoed in the quiet classroom.
Sunghoon, already on edge from the previous day's events, couldn't bear the insinuations. Anger boiled within him, and he couldn't suppress the rising frustration any longer. In a sudden outburst, he yelled at Jihoon to stop, his voice cutting through the teasing banter.
"You know, Jihoon, you really need to shut the fuck up."
The tension escalated as Sunghoon's confrontation with Jihoon quickly turned physical. The scuffle between them drew the attention of other students, forming a curious and concerned crowd around the unfolding commotion.
Sunoo looked at Sunghoon and Jihoon fighting with no expressions at all, it was like he was uninterested.
"I told you to stay away from Sunghoon, his temper is worse than bad," a girl whispered to Sunoo.
"It's okay, as long as he's still with me, he can yell all he want, fight all he want, cry all he want, everything. I just need him with me."
★
In the stern confines of the teacher's office, Sunghoon and Jihoon found themselves face-to-face with Mr. Kim, who wore a disapproving frown. The atmosphere was charged with tension as Mr. Kim began to address the situation.
Mr. Kim scolded Sunghoon for engaging in fights frequently, emphasizing the disruptive nature of such behavior within the school community. He stressed the importance of maintaining a conducive learning environment for everyone. The weight of Mr. Kim's reprimand pressed heavily on Sunghoon's shoulders.
"Sunghoon, this cannot continue," Mr. Kim admonished. "Fighting is not the solution to your problems. If this behavior persists, you risk expulsion."
Sunghoon felt a spark of anger inside of him. However, he bit back his response, his jaw clenched, as he kept his frustration and resentment in check.
"Go, Jihoon, put an ice pack on your bruises. I need to talk with Sunghoon."
Jihoon stood up and left the teacher's room with an annoyed face. Mr. Kim then leaned forward, to speak closer to Sunghoon.
He asked softly, "Is there anything you want to say? Just pour it out on me."
Sunghoon was silent at first, but then responded with a trembling voice. "Sometimes... I'm embarrassed to be friends with Sunoo."
Mr. Kim sighed and leaned back in his chair, Mr. Kim's face. His face looked like he felt sorry for Sunghoon.
★
"Thankyou," Sunghoon thanked the nurse before standing from the seat and walking away slowly.
As Sunghoon wiped his sweat with a towel the nurse gave him, he suddenly stopped after seeing Sunoo infront of him. Sunghoon lowered his towel and sighed.
"Is your ear healed yet?"
Sunghoon nodded. "It still stings, but it's healing well."
Sunoo smiled as he grabbed Sunghoon's arm and shows his scarred elbow. Sunoo stands beside Sunghoon before putting his arm beside Sunghoon's. "Look, we're matching."
Sunghoon looked at Sunoo who is smiling and is looking at both his and Sunghoon's scarred elbow. He started to feel the feeling again, he doesn't feel normal, but he feels happy.
"You know... You should really stop defending me when I'm bullied. I don't want you to get hurt again, I don't want everyone to humiliate you."
Sunghoon looked down slowly, while Sunoo lets go of Sunghoon's arm and walking away. Suddenly, the same nurse that treated him tapped Sunghoon on the shoulder which kind of startled him.
She asked, "Are you okay? Does something still hurt?"
Sunghoon shook his head. "No, nothing hurts, thankyou." Sunghoon gave the nurse a bow before walking away.
Sunghoon lets out a shakey sigh, regretting that he didn't apologize for yesterday even though Sunoo was right infront of him, he just couldn't...
★
Sunghoon's arrival home was met with the warm smile of his mother, Mrs. Park. Greeting her back, he sat down at the dinner table, ready to immerse himself in the comforting routine of a home-cooked meal. As he reached for his chopsticks, Mrs. Park placed plates of food and a bowl of rice in front of him.
"Thank you, Mom," Sunghoon expressed his gratitude before delving into his meal.
However, Mrs. Park's tone shifted as she prepared her own food. With a serene smile, she posed a question that caught Sunghoon off guard.
"Why did you lie, Sunghoon?" Mrs. Park inquired, her smile remaining intact.
Perplexed, Sunghoon paused mid-bite and asked, "Lie about what?"
Mrs. Park continued to smile, her hands deftly working with the ingredients. "You slapped yourself, and you cried, yet you said you were fine and just tired."
"I-i was just really tired, I swear."
Mrs. Park suddenly slammed her hands on the counter before approaching the dinner table, leaning forward to Sunghoon, making Sunghoon startled and leans back to his chair.
"You're tired of living, huh!? I just know you're not fine, stop lying! Stop hurting yourself! You're always getting hurt everyday, stop it!"
"M-mom..."
"Please... Just don't lie to me again... I-i'm your mother, don't you trust me?"
"Mom I trust you but—"
Mrs. Park slammed both her hands on the table before continuing to scold Sunghoon. "No buts! Next time, please tell me how you feel, sweetheart... I was so worried..."
Sunghoon nodded softly. Even if he doesn't want too, he needs too, or else his mother would be angry or sad, and be doesn't want that.
★
As Sunghoon walked to school the next day, he met Sunoo at the gate. To his surprise, Sunoo presented him with a bunch of Lily of the valleys, very pretty flowers.
"Here, please experience joy more."
Confused by the unexpected gesture, Sunghoon accepted the flowers with a hesitant smile, thanking Sunoo. The exchange seemed pleasant, yet Sunghoon couldn't shake the nagging feeling of guilt that clung to him.
"Aren't you mad?" Sunghoon asked, his smile fading as he ventured into a delicate subject. "Aren't you mad at me for what happened in the shack?"
Sunoo shook his head and responded, "I'm not mad."
"I'm sorry."
Sunghoon sighed before walking away. As he was walking, suddenly Sunoo walked passed him while swinging his arms around as if he was really happy. Sunghoon couldn't help but laugh softly at Sunoo's act.
★
Inside the classroom, Sunoo decided to teach Sunghoon how to fold a paper airplane. Both of them smiled and giggled, having fun with what they're doing, even though they act like children, they're just happy.
"So you fold this one here and then this one right here," Sunoo instructed.
However, Jihoon, ever eager to stir trouble, started to pick on them again, teasing them by labeling them as boyfriends. The words hung in the air, a provocation that grated on Sunghoon's nerves.
Fed up with the constant harassment, Sunghoon's frustration boiled over. In a sudden outburst, he yelled, "LEAVE US!"
People in the classroom became quiet and looked at Sunghoon and Sunoo. The force in his voice startled Jihoon, who, though visibly angered, chose to avoid a confrontation and begrudgingly left the scene.
With Jihoon's departure, Sunghoon and Sunoo resumed making their paper airplane.
"You didn't have to do that," Sunoo said while smiling.
"I had too."
As both of them continued to make their paper airplane, Sunghoon suddenly asked, "Sunoo-ya, is your father nice?"
Sunoo suddenly paused, but then he smiled softly and continued to fold his paper airplane. He nodded, "Yes. He's nice."
"Then why do you have bruises on your body?"
The room fell into a heavy silence, the weight of the unspoken truth hanging in the air. Sunoo's gaze lowered briefly, but then he looked up, meeting Sunghoon's eyes."It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
★
As the day wound down, Sunoo and Sunghoon found themselves walking home together. The fading sunlight painted a warm hue over the surroundings, and the cool breeze whispered through the air.
In a casual pause, Sunoo turned to Sunghoon with a curious smile, asking, "Did you keep the Lily of the valleys I gave you?"
Sunghoon nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Yes, I kept them in my pencil case. I'll take 'em out when I'm home."
Sunoo's smile widened with satisfaction at the thought, and he bid Sunghoon a cheerful goodbye before continuing on his way.
★
Sunghoon smiled and giggled as he arranged a small bouquet of purple lilacs. Mrs. Park, observing the unusual brightness in her son's personality, couldn't help but be curious.
With a radiant smile, she asked, "Why are you so happy today? It's so rare to see you like this."
Shaking his head, Sunghoon replied, "It's not rare, I'm just really happy. Anyways, I'm going to see a friend. I'll be home at 7. Bye!"
In a swift motion, Sunghoon left the house, the small bouquet in hand. Mrs. Park, surprised by Sunghoon's sudden burst of energy, couldn't suppress her own joy at seeing her son so genuinely happy. As the door closed, she cherished the warmth that lingered in the air, grateful for the positive change that she always dreamed off.
★
Sunghoon walked on his way to Sunoo's home with a bright smile. Until suddenly, a cloud of concern formed over Sunghoon's cheerful act as he approached Sunoo's house. Just as he was about to knock on the door, the muffled sounds of Sunoo in distress reached his ears. A man's voice, laden with anger, accompanied the painful noises.
"It hurts! Stop it, it hurts!"
"You're so stupid! Why do I have a freak as a son!?"
Alarmed, Sunghoon knocked on the door urgently, calling out Sunoo's name. The commotion within ceased abruptly. After a tense pause, the door opened to reveal Sunoo's father. His smile seemed forced.
"Oh, you're Sunoo's friend. I'm sorry, Sunoo is a little unwell right now so you can't meet him."
Peeking into the house, Sunghoon couldn't spot Sunoo anywhere. Determined, he requested Sunoo's father to take the small lilac bouquet he had made. Sunoo's father expressed gratitude before closing the door slowly, leaving Sunghoon standing outside with a mix of worry and uncertainty clouding his thoughts.
★
Inside of Sunoo's home.
"He's gone now, stand up."
A bruised Sunoo tries to get up weakly with the help of his mother, Sunoo's mother cried at how cruel her husband is to her son.
In a trembling voice, she said, "Please, dear... Sunoo is your only son, aren't you happy you got a son...?"
"I was happy, until he started to hang out with girls and lost interest in male activities."
"Why does that matter!? He's still your son...!"
Before Sunoo's father walked away, he turned to both Sunoo and his wife with an angered expression. "Is he really a son at this point?"
"My love..."
★
In Sunoo's room, a palpable heaviness lingered as Sunoo's mother gently applied ice to his bruises, attempting to relieve the pain.
Suddenly, Sunoo's voice, weakened by both physical and emotional pain, broke the silence. "Eomma, why was I born?" The weight of his question hung in the air, causing Sunoo's mother's hands to momentarily falter.
As she fought back tears, she pleaded with Sunoo not to say such things. "Don't say that."
But Sunoo, in his vulnerable state, murmured, "I'm useless. Why am I born? All I do is be a disappointment. I get bullied, I'm beaten up. What's the point?"
The poignant words echoed in the room, highlighting the depth of Sunoo's internal struggle. In the face of his emotional turmoil, Sunoo's mother grappled with the profound pain of seeing her son question his own worth.
"Listen, you're so strong. Whatever happens, you don't cry, you don't get angry, you just smile, that's hard to do."
Sunoo stayed silent while blankly staring at the floor while his mother held his hand softly, trying to comfort her struggling son.
★
Returning home, Sunghoon's mother noticed the absence of her son's earlier cheerful smile. Concerned, she asked him, "Why are you in a bad mood again?"
Sunghoon sighed in response, choosing not to verbalize the troubles that burdened his thoughts. The room was left in a heavy silence.
Chapter 4!!! hehe
Idk what to say tbh but hope you enjoyed, chapter 5 coming! <3