Image maLFUNCTION
D:<
Written: January 14, 2024
Previously:
"I'm not him..." Tears blurred his eyes as he tried to reassure himself. "I'm not my father." He kept repeating as if it would take back everything that he did. The weight in his chest grew, dispersing throughout his body. His legs felt like lead. North Korea crumpled to the ground, a trail of blood behind him. He let his envy and anger take him over.
All because of the whispers in the halls that day. He felt intense guilt. "I don't want to be like him." He choked out. "B-But I am him already. Worse than him."
Like the glass cup North threw, his stoic walls shattered, leaving him on his knees on the sidewalk, crying like he never did before.
North Korea was crumpled on the grainy sidewalk, hands hiding his face as he cried out in a mixture of guilt and unreleased emotion. The trail of blood behind him was like breadcrumbs. Yet, the ache in his feet from the glass was nothing compared to the remorse of being his father's parallel. North was blinded by his tears. The winter sun was hiding behind the clouds, plunging the land into a chill. North was a mess: His white socks were bloody, his face was wet, and his clothes were disheveled.
Thoughts raced through his mind: Okinawa' shock, South's anger, and Japan's disappointment. The hidden sun offered no warmth, the swaying grass whispered in the breeze as if to say "What have you done?" North felt a shadow over him. He looked up from his hands to see a concerned China.
"Rocket Man?" She knelt down. "What's wrong?" North Korea forbade any more tears to fall in the presence of his cousin. He stared with a glassy eye.
"I hurt them all." He quivered. "I-i didn't mean to-" Before he could finish, North began crying again. China pursed her lips and picked North up.
"Get on your feet." She ordered. "I know whatever you're crying about is not worth your tears." She helped her cousin up. China looked North in the eye. "The only time you're allowed to cry is when Okinawa dies." North Korea quickly nodded, wiping away his tears.
China looked the country up and down. She froze when she noticed the blood-stained socks. "You better have a good explanation for this mess." She said sternly. "And it better not be anything stupid like 'I was swinging around the ceiling lamp and fell with it' ya hear me?"
Gathering his courage, North mustered the words for his explanation. "I got into a fight with Japan and South," he admitted, avoiding direct eye contact with China. "Things got out of hand, and I ended up hurting them. It's all my fault."
China's stern expression softened for a moment as she sighed. "You know better than this, Rocket Man. Family is important. What happened?"
North hesitated, battling the guilt and shame that threatened to suffocate him. "I... I couldn't handle the whispers and comparisons. Envy took over, and I lashed out. Now I've hurt the ones I care about the most."
China's gaze remained serious, but there was a glimmer of understanding. "Envy is a poison, but it's not an excuse for hurting your family. You need to find a way to cope with those feelings, or they'll keep dragging you down."
North nodded, his eyes reflecting a mix of remorse and determination. "I know, Demon Spawn. I just don't want to be like... like him," he whispered, referring to his father.
China sighed again, placing a hand on North's shoulder. "You're not your father." She reassured. "To be honest, I hurt Taiwan like that one time." China admitted in a mumble. North Korea's ears perked up.
"I'm not in any way surprised, but explain." He said in a monotone voice. China offered the smaller country a half-smile.
"It started as a joke, really." China started. "A little spat over who the real successor of Baba was." Her gaze flickered as she fixed her silk-like golden eyes to the ground. "Long story short, there were a few identity crises, and we almost killed each other."
North Korea's eyes (well, the one that wasn't an empty socket) widened. "That happened?" He asked with a tone coated with concern and worry.
"We only ever talk at family reunions." China sighed. "Or when someone comes over so we don't look awkward ignoring each other."
"Hold up!" North exclaimed. "The last one we had was on Oki's birthday in May!"
China nodded solemnly. "Exactly. That's how long it took us to even consider facing each other again. Don't let your issues linger, North. The longer you wait, the harder it gets to mend things."
North absorbed the lesson, his mind racing with thoughts of reconciliation. "I'll fix things. I don't want to lose them."
China gave him a supportive smile. "I believe you can, Rocket Man."
As they walked through the chilling wind, North felt a renewed sense of purpose. The path to redemption might be challenging, but he was determined to tread it, guided by the lessons of his cousin and the desire to break free from the shadows of his past.
"For someone who's a borderline lunatic, you're smart." North remarked. China nudged him.
"I prefer the term 'unique' but okay." She shrugged playfully.
As they continued their walk, China couldn't help but feel a mix of concern and hope for her cousin. She knew the road ahead wouldn't be easy for North, but witnessing his determination gave her a glimmer of optimism.
"You know, Rocket Man, sometimes it's the so-called lunatics who see the world in ways others can't," she said with a thoughtful expression. "Especially westerners." She added under her breath. "Just make sure your unique perspective brings healing, not harm."
North nodded, appreciating the wisdom in her words. The journey toward redemption had just begun, and he was ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead, armed with newfound insights and the support of his family, however unconventional it may be.
"Oh, and one more thing," China realized. "Your feet are still bleeding like Harbin city in Unit 731." North Korea peeked down. His feet still soaked his socks with blood. Behind him was a trail of blood, looking like it was the cause of a leaky faucet.
"Oh..." North Korea replied in the most deadpan tone he's ever used. "That's a problem."
China rolled her eyes. "Really, Sherlock?" She scooped her cousin in her arms, who protested and squirmed.
"Let me down!" North demanded.
"Never gonna let you down." China chirped. "I don't know how Taiwan will react when I bring you home–"
"Nuh-uh." North interrupted. He attempted to push himself away from China, but her grip was as tight as a pair of jeans on him. "Why are you so strong?" North asked in an exasperated tone.
China chuckled. "Years of carrying the weight of history, Rocket Man. Now, hold still. We need to get those feet sorted out before you leave a trail of blood all over Asia."
As they continued, North couldn't help but appreciate the strange bond he shared with his cousin. Despite their differences and occasional clashes, there was an undeniable thread of family tying them together, a connection that seemed to grow stronger in the face of adversity.
"There is no way I'm letting you touch my feet." North firmly muttered. "I saw your search history last time I used your laptop."
"Oh, lighten up!" China teased. "We all know whose toes we'd appreciate bitten off anyway."
"America." The cousins answered in unison. North Korea almost forgot he was being carried by China. His tears were long gone, and there was even a sliver of hope in his expression.
China kicked the door to her house open. Taiwan sat unimpressed in the living room as he watched his sister come in carrying North bridal style. Taiwan spoke up
"China, what the actual–"
"Ah-ah-ah. No bad words." China pointed to a crumpled piece of paper taped to a wall that said in sloppy handwriting "No cursing or you owe China a million dollars."
Taiwan rolled his eyes. "You know you're not actually getting any money, right?"
China grinned. "It's the principle that matters."
Taiwan sighed. "Whatever. Why is North in such a sorry state?"
China gave him a serious look. "Family matters, and you'll hear about it after I fix his feet."
Taiwan raised an eyebrow. "Feet?"
China nodded. "Long story. Don't ask. And where's Japan? We need a family meeting."
Taiwan muttered, "Family meeting my a– I mean–foot," as China carried North away to attend to his injuries.
"Please don't involve Japan in this." North pleaded as China tossed him on the floor of her room.
"Why not?"
"She's probably still furious at me," North confessed, wincing as he settled on the floor. "I don't want to make it worse."
China sighed. "Japan can be stubborn, but we need to sort this out as a family. Now, hold still. I need to clean those feet before they stain my carpet."
North winced again. "Can't I just... heal naturally or something?"
China shot him a deadpan look. "You're not a superhero, Rocket Man. Now, spill. What happened out there?"
North Korea hesitated, his mind as busy as the Shibuya Crossing. Thoughts of what to leave out filtered through his mind. "One event ties to another," the Korean thought, frustrated. "I have to tell the whole truth."
"It was so sudden." North admitted. "I'm already used to being compared to South in...basically everything." He recounted the whispers he heard throughout his life. "I don't know why, but it really bothered me today." He paused for a moment, trying to reason with himself. "I guess I just had enough."
China nodded in understanding. "It sucks, doesn't it." She commented, carefully taking North's blood-stained socks off his feet. North Korea nodded and continued in somber remembrance.
"I was so mad, that I couldn't even look at South. He tried to help, but I was so caught up in my anger, that I didn't even try talking to him." He continued. "I just thought he'd never understand or play the 'you're just grumpy because you didn't sleep well' card."
China listened attentively, her hands gentle as she tended to North's injuries. "Communication is a two-way street, Rocket Man. Sometimes, it's hard for others to understand what we're going through unless we let them in," she offered sagely. "But it's never too late to talk and share your struggles. They might surprise you."
North Korea released a sarcastic chuckle. "I told him when it was too late." He sighed heavily. "He looked like so many things when I did: anger, confusion, shock, regret."
"Wait." Taiwan's intellectual voice interjected. "Why was South angry?" China and North Korea darted their gazes at Taiwan, who was standing by the door.
"Come to hear the gossip, I see." China intoned. Taiwan shrugged and walked in, sitting by his sister.
"Always in for some family drama." He responded. Taiwan's gaze lowered to North's feet. "Glass?" He said, intrigued. "Now I'm fully interested."
North Korea glanced at Taiwan, a mix of guilt and embarrassment on his face. "Yeah, glass. I... kind of lost it, and things got messy," he admitted, avoiding eye contact.
Taiwan raised an eyebrow. "Lost it? You mean you had another one of your episodes? And I wasn't there to record it for blackmail purposes?" He chuckled lightly.
China shot him a disapproving look. "This isn't a joke, Taiwan. North needs our support right now."
Taiwan sighed, more serious now. "Alright, go on then. What happened?"
North took a deep breath, preparing to share the events that led to his emotional breakdown. "As soon as we got home, I went to my room to do the homework. Well, that was half of my intention."
"What was the other half?" China questioned, picking out glass shards from North's heel.
"Well, to avoid opening up to South." North wryly answered, thinking it was already obvious. "Anyway, Okinawa and Japan came home, and Oki came to my room and began asking endless questions."
"Typical." China quipped.
"She began hyperfixtating on my muscle tension, and I yelled at her to stop touching me."
Taiwan raised an eyebrow, "Yelled at Okinawa? That's a bold move." North nodded,
"Yeah, I lost it. I yelled at her and then pushed her. That's when everything escalated."
China sighed, "You've got a lot on your plate, but you can't take it out on others, especially not your own family."
North nodded in agreement, "I know, Demon Spawn, but that's not where things get spicy just yet." China leaned in, wrapping a bandage around North's foot.
"South and Japan rushed to see what was happening, and they saw Okinawa as still as a statue. Then, South tried to reason with me, and I cursed at him while also slapping him because I couldn't handle that annoying degenerate voice of his at the moment."
"You swore?" China probed. "What exactly did you say?" North Korea shot a glance at China.
"I know what you're trying to do. You want a million dollars from me." North Korea growled. "Just listen to the story."
"Okay, okay." China grumbled. "I'm never getting a million dollars."
"Japan slapped me for swearing in front of Okinawa, as if South getting hurt wasn't that important." China and Taiwan laughed at North's statement. North rolled his eyes in response and continued. "I fistfought Japan, and Okinawa started to cry. South got mad and he fought me. Then, that's when I opened up and things got awkward. I threw the glass at him. He began bleeding. Okinawa got mad at me, I ran through the glass and China found me a crying mess outside."
"Give me a million dollars if I'm wrong, but with the way you said South was shocked and felt regret, I think you should make out–I mean, make up! Yeah, totally. Make up." China suggested.
"For once you're right." Taiwan wryly congratulated. North Korea sighed, realizing the gravity of the situation.
"Yeah, I need to make things right. I just hope they're willing to listen." He looked at China, Taiwan, and the makeshift "no cursing" sign. "Thanks for not charging me a million dollars for my troubles."
"Family drama is always for free." Taiwan remarked. "That's because it's interesting." North couldn't help but give his cousins an awkward half-smile.
"Now make like a K-Drama and beg for forgiveness." China squeezed North's shoulders. North Korea nodded, hugged his cousins, and went back home.
The air was heavy and the hallway seemed endless as North made his way to South's room. His sisters were out again—Japan was most likely trying to distract Okinawa and make her happy.
North Korea's heart beat like he did Japan. He tenaciously knocked on the door to South's room. The door opened slowly, revealing South Korea's stern, hurt expression.
"What do you want?" he asked, not masking the irritation in his voice. North Korea took a deep breath, swallowing his pride.
"We need to talk, South. About everything."
South Korea was about to close the door, when North invited himself in. "Look, I don't want any more trouble, I just want to apologize." South Korea eyed North with skepticism, but he allowed him to stay.
"Apologize? You think an apology fixes everything?"
North nodded, his gaze sincere. "No, but I need you to know that I regret everything."
South crossed his arms, unmoved. "You've got a long way to go before I trust you again." He sighed. "Well, that's not true, but Okinawa...she's terrified."
"I wonder why." North sarcastically grumbled. He looked sympathetically at South and said, "Before anything else, can I check if your hands are alright?"
South Korea hesitated for a moment before reluctantly extending his hands. "Just make it quick." He kept a guarded expression, still wary of North's intentions. North Korea nodded and took his twin's bandaged hands in his.
"I-I don't know why I got so mad." North admitted. "I didn't realize how much I hurt you until...until I ran away."
South Korea drew back his hands. "I kept telling you to tell me what's wrong, but you didn't listen." He looked at North with slight annoyance.
"I shouldn't have done that. There's no excuse." North Korea met South's gaze with hope for reconciliation glinting in his eye. South Korea sighed, his expression softening a bit.
"You've got to figure out a way to deal with your issues without hurting everyone around you, especially Okinawa. She doesn't deserve any of this." He glanced away, the weight of the situation evident in his eyes. North Korea felt his heart wrench at the mention of Okinawa.
"We both have issues to work on." South Korea sighed. "I should've realized the possibility of jealousy earlier."
"What do you mean?" North asked, lost.
"I was so busy with accepting praise and keeping quiet when others talk crap about you, that I forgot how much that kind of thing hurts."
South Korea continued, "I didn't see how much you struggled to find your identity in this family. It's not easy being compared all the time, and I should've been more aware of that." He looked at North with a mix of understanding and regret. "We may be different, but we're still family. We should support each other, not tear each other down."
North Korea looked away. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you and the girls." North felt a lump forming in his throat. "I didn't think you would've understood why I was upset."
South Korea sighed, "I may not completely understand, but I'm willing to listen. You're my brother, after all. If there's something bothering you, you should talk about it instead of letting it build up until you explode."
North Korea nodded, appreciating South's willingness to bridge the gap. "I'll try to be more open, and, uh, less explosive." He attempted a weak smile.
South Korea smirked, "That would be a good start. And if you ever need someone to talk to, well, despite our differences, I'm here."
North Korea nodded again, the weight on his shoulders lifting a little. It was a small step toward healing the fractures in their relationship.
"Also, Japan is acting like the mom-sibling again." South said. "When she was wrapping my hands, she kept rambling about how worried she is about you and the earful you'll get when she sees you."
"Speaking of Japan, where did she and Oki go?" North asked, chewing on his lower lip.
"They went out for some fresh air. Japan wanted to make sure Okinawa was feeling better," South replied, unfolding his arms. "You should talk to Okinawa too. She needs reassurance that things are okay."
North Korea nodded, understanding the importance of addressing Okinawa's concerns. "I'll find them and sort things out. Thanks for not, you know, slamming the door in my face."
South Korea chuckled, "Well, we're cursed to live together because we're family. We stick together, even when it's tough." The tension in the room seemed to ease a bit more. North Korea's lips curved up, creating an inviting image.
"I'll go rehearse fake sanity before Japan's lecture." North said before leaving.
"Wait!" South called out. "Are you okay to hug?"
North Korea rolled his eye and held his arms out. South rushed into them, squeezing the life out of North. After what felt like ages, South let North mentally prepare for Japan's lecture.
_______
The first thing Japan did when she saw North was slap him, and then hugged him with equal force. "You had me worried, you idiot." She aggressively whispered, her hot breath brushing against North's hair. She tightened the hug, basically a human hydraulic press at this point. Japan's grip was firm, a blend of worry and scolding compressed into a hug.
"You can't just go around causing chaos. What if you had seriously hurt yourself?" She finally released him, stepping back to scrutinize North's state.
North Korea rubbed his cheek, half-grinning. "I'm fine, Auntie Japan. Just a few scratches."
"Don't 'Auntie Japan' me right now," she retorted, crossing her arms. "You scared Okinawa half to death, and South and I had to deal with the aftermath."
North Korea's expression softened. "I know, Japan. I messed up, and I'm sorry."
Japan sighed, her stern facade giving way to concern. "You need to learn to control your temper. You can't keep hurting yourself and others every time you're upset."
North nodded, absorbing her words. The lecture had begun, and he knew there was more to come. Japan lectured North about the dangers of bottling emotions. "I'm not even mad at you for dragging me into a fistfight anymore. I'm mad at you for destroying your mental health." She concluded. North Korea, sheepish, nodded.
"I understand." He answered.
"Good." Japan hugged North gently this time. "Now go explain to Okinawa why you were so upset before she accidentally kills herself with worry."
North returned the hug and headed to the porch. Okinawa was sitting on a mossy rock, pressing her knees to her chest. North cautiously approached the prefecture, sitting by her.
"Hey," he started, "I'm sorry for scaring you, Oki." His voice was soft like a teddy bear. Okinawa tensed up and hid her face.
"Don't hurt me." She said, her voice muffled. North Korea sighed.
"I'm sorry I made you cry today. I got very angry for a bad reason." He explained in a gentle tone. Okinawa didn't respond. North Korea formulated a way to understand Okinawa's reluctance better.
"Oki." He started. "If you tell me how it felt for you, maybe I can be more careful next time I get mad." He suggested. Okinawa looked up from her knees, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"It was like you were a different person." She started. "I felt my tummy get sick and my heart go fast when you yelled at me." She sat up straight. North listened to Okinawa's words. "Then, you hit South and Japan, and I was scared you'd hit me, too." North Korea felt a pang of guilt as Okinawa admitted her fear.
North Korea took a deep breath and explained in simple terms for Okinawa. "I'm very sorry for making you feel so icky. That's not a fun feeling. I got mad and yelled because I felt like people were treating me like a joke or nothing serious." Okinawa tilted her head.
"That's also an icky feeling." She answered.
"I yelled because I was mad that everyone liked South but no one liked me, you get it?" Okinawa nodded.
"That sounds like it hurts." Okinawa gulped. "Do you still feel it?"
"Honesty, yes. I still am mad deep inside."
"Are you going to hit me?"
North Korea grabbed Okinawa and pulled her into a tight hug. He soothingly stroked her hair and said quietly, "I can't hit someone as sweet as you." He kissed her forehead. "And just between the two of us, you're my favorite sibling."
Okinawa's face lit up with joy. A wide, eager smile appeared on her face as she bounced up and down. "Yay!" She hugged North tightly, charged with energy.
"Are we friends again?" North asked, nervously picking at his skin. Okinawa nodded and grabbed her older brother's finger. She led him inside.
"We're all friends again!" Okinawa exclaimed, gathering South and Japan. Japan smiled when she saw how excited Okinawa was.
"Yes. Yes we are." She answered. South Korea offered a double thumbs up to North, who returned the gesture with drastically less expression.
Okinawa hugged them all, bouncing up and down. The three elder siblings glanced at each other as if to say "why not?" and encircled their arms around each other.
"I guess we really can get through anything."
I had to fix tensions. Okinawa being sad doesn't sit right with me.
Also, I just realized China and Taiwan are just an allusion to who I am irl (Taiwan is the side I show people, China is the intrusive thoughts/side I show my close friends)