Max
The morning after a party always hit hard. As a professional athlete I know I shouldn't party and drink too much. I never did. Until it felt like a great way to escape the proximity of Lavigne. Once again we had to travel together to the US. Luckily, because we were following the PR rules well, we could take Yuki and Daniel with us. The stupid stunt was working; I didn't get annoying questions anymore, I got some good brand deals and it looked like Lavigne also had good attention from the media. I had a feeling that it wouldn't be long until we were free from this and eachother.
But before that could happen, we still had to do things I wish we didn't. The party was still playing in my head. The way Lavigne talked to her friends, with that smile that made me want to smile. I knew it sounded weird, but it was the truth. I found myself getting happy by making her happy, even though I was supposed to dislike her. Maybe I didn't.
No-- I did. I had to pretend I didn't and then I almost forgot that I did.
I slowly opened my eyes as I looked around the room. I remembered getting to my room last night. I didn't recall Daniel coming with me. I looked at him lying on the ground, still very much asleep. Somehow it seemed like I forgot something. I didn't get why. I wasn't that drunk. I wasn't drunk at all. I drove home and I never drove drunk.
I tried to shrug the feeling off as I took a shower and put on fresh clothes. Daniel had woken up by the time I left the bathroom and he yawned while stretching.
"Good morning." I told him. He just smiled at me and got up. "Is it?" he questioned me. I looked at him confused as he walked towards me. "What do you mean?" I asked him. "What happened yesterday?" he asked me. I dived deep into my memories, trying to piece the puzzle together.
Truth or dare, driving to the hotel, going to my room- Suddenly I did remember. I got out of the room to some extra waterbottles and when I got out I bumped into her. What did she say? What did I say? Why couldn't I remember this?
"What do you know?" I asked Daniel desperate. "All I know is that you went to get water and that I heard you talk to Jules." he explained. "So, did anything hapen?" he asked curious. "No!" I answered quickly. "We're talking about me and Lavigne. There is nothing that could hapen." I told him. He just shrugged and went to the bathroom.
I walked up to the closed door. "Was I that drunk?" I asked him on the other side of the door. For a moment he was silent. "When we got here, we drank the entire mini bar." he said. "Well, you did mostly." he followed. "Why would I do that?" I asked mostly myself. "You were a little upset." was all that Daniel said. I tried to think why I was.
I drove her back and we talked which ended up in fighting, like it usually did. But still, I couldn't recall the exact words that were exchanged. It was early. I was sure that if I just took a pain killer and rested for a while, all my memories would come back to me.
...
Jules
"Would he remember?" I asked Sophia anxiously. I went to her the first thing in the morning and Bianca followed a little after.
"I mean, he did drink a bit." Sophia started. "But not that much." Bianca finished for her. "I just hope he doesn't remember. Then I'll act like nothing happened and we go back to disliking eachother." I continued.
Sophia rubbed my back. "Is that really what you want?" she asked. I sighed but didn't answer. Because I knew I didn't like what the answer would be.
...
(the night before)
"Get in the car Lavigne." he said harsh. I rolled my eyes. "I can get to the hotel myself." I told him. Bianca and Sophia already left and Yuki left with Daniel. It was obvious they wanted me to go with him. But I didn't want to at all.
"No you can't." he answered. I turned around and left him next to his car. But then I heard his footsteps follow me. "Leave me Vertappen." I almost yelled. He grabbed my hand and pushed me to the side.
"You want this to get on the media?" he asked. "Because I sure don't." he continued. "I've been doing my best to make this work and now that it's finally working; do not ruin it." he ended. His hands were still on my shoulders but to my suprise it was more in a comforting way than an angry one. I didn't know what to say, I just looked at him. We stood so close, I thought that I could hear him breathing, that I could hear his heart beat.
He took another step towards me and I stepped back hitting the wall behind me. His eyes glanced at my lips and then back to my eyes.
What was happening?
"If this got on the media it would be worse." I said talking about the way we were standing so close.
He let go and took a step back again. "Sorry." he simply said. I sighed. Maybe I didn't mind him standing so close.
"It's fine let's just go." I told him as I walked towards his car. This was the last time I would get so close to him. It made me nervous and what if anyone saw this? My career would be ruined.
...
Max (the night before)
I wasn't supposed to feel this way just because I was standing so close to her. I wished I didn't take a step back. But I didn't want her to get uncomfortable.
I wasn't even drunk, I knew what I was doing when I pulled her to the side. Yet, I've never felt so captivated by anyone. And for a second it felt like it didn't matter if anyone else could see it.
I looked around and was glad that this club had a private parking lot with no paparazzi at all. I was still a little worried, I knew she would kill me if pictures of tonight went online.
I opened the door for her and without any words she got in. The car was, once again, filled with silence. I was still thinking about what I wanted to do. What I almost did. I thought about everything. Everything between me and her. About us.
She disliked me and she thought I felt the same way about her. I thought that for a while too. But that evening I realized-- I didn't. I started to like her. I almost laughed at how stupid that sounded as I glanced at her.
I thought about all the times I blamed my feelings on alcohol or on her. All these feelings that I thought were signs of hatred, turned out to be actual feelings. I was obsessed with her laugh, the way it lit up the whole room. When I made her laugh or smile, I felt proud and soon enough, it was the most important thing to me. I loved her long hair and the way she was always nervous when meeting new people. I loved how determined she was, how competitive she was. She stood up for herself and for others and even though she didn't like to ask for help, I loved being there for her. I should've noticed before. I should've seen the signs. That weird feeling in my stomach every time we were close, it was because I liked her. Despite of how much I tried not to.
It was all too late now.
All I could do was hope that she didn't dislike me as much as I thought. That maybe she was pretending too.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked me quietly. My breath hitched for a second while thinking about a lie to tell her. "Nothing." was all I could come up with. Her head was pointing to the window and I couldn't help myself as I grabbed her hand. She looked at me a little confused but I could tell by the sparkle in her eyes that she felt comfortable and that was all that mattered to me. I wanted to tell her, really. But I couldn't, I couldn't mess with her head anymore.
She withdrew her her hand almost immidiately. "You're drunk Max." she whispered. "I'm driving, I'm not drunk." I assured her. "I would never drive when I'm drunk. I wouldn't put you in any danger." I told her firlmy.
"Why?" she asked.
Because I like you, and I care for you.
I should've said that. But I didn't.
"Can't risk bad publicity." I said and her eyes lost their sparkle as she went back to fidgeting with her hands.
That was when I decided that I would stop playing with her like this. I would give her one single, clear sign. And it wouldn't be the one that I actually felt. I wouldn't let her think I liked her, because it clearly wasn't good for her. I only wanted what was the best for her and that wasn't being with me. It never was and it never would be.
...
I cringed so hard while writing this and all they did was touch hands.
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