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"You don't understand, do you?"
- Gilbert Blythe
--
Charlotte stepped away from the desk in her bedroom, placing her school books down as she jumped down the stairs towards the front door. A smile brewed on her face as she saw who was standing there. "Hey Bash."
She widened her eyes as she saw what was in his hands. His and Mary's new baby, Delly. Her entire body went warm as Bash held her out, allowing Charlotte to take the small human in her arms. "She's so perfect, Bash."
"Yeah, she is." Bash nodded. "But do you think you and the Cuthbert's could watch her for the afternoon. Mary's fallen ill."
"Is she alright?" Charlotte asked.
Bash only nodded.
—
Charlotte didn't let go of the baby until she had to leave Green Gables to go visit Mary alongside Anne and Marilla. She never knew she could love something so much until she had held Delly in her arms.
"Is it very serious?" Marilla asked Gilbert, referring to Mary's illness.
"Well, the doctor could answer that better than me, but hopefully not," the boy replied.
"It's shameful that the only doctor will see her is all the way in Charlottetown," Anne scoffed.
Gilbert nodded, moving to stand beside Charlotte. "I agree, illness doesn't discriminate. Neither does Dr. Ward. He's a good man."
Charlotte gritted her teeth.
"Off you go Gilbert," Marilla nodded. "Before you miss your train."
Charlotte watched as he walked out the door.
—
"I love babies."
Anne glanced over at Charlotte laughing at the grin on her face as she spun Delly around in the air. "I've never seen you smile like this."
"You're the luckiest little girl in the world, Delly," Charlotte said. "Anne, I know what I want when I grow up."
Anne placed down the baby bottles on the kitchen table. "What?"
"I want a husband. And I want a family and I want so many kids that I can raise with more love than I ever got," Charlotte smiled at Delly. "And I'm going to write in the evenings when I'm not working, and I want to write books."
Anne looked at the girl. "You want that?"
"Yeah," Charlotte nodded, placing Delly down on the table for Anne to change her nappy. "I want to be a mother."
Anne nodded, taking the baby. "You know, you'd make a great mother. Except the nappy changing, you clearly don't like that part. I feel like if I was never brought up the way I was, I wouldn't know how to take care of a child. And sometimes I'm grateful for that."
—
"Charlotte can you get the door?"
"You're right there," Charlotte huffed towards Anne, swinging the door open to reveal Gilbert standing there. Something looked different about him. While Charlotte was the happiest she had ever been in years, Gilbert looked drained. "Hey, Blythe. Everything alright?"
"I just came to collect Delphine," he replied.
Anne came back moments later, the baby in hand while Charlotte got a carriage ready.
"I think I'll walk," Gilbert announced as everyone except him and Charlotte had gotten on.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Charlotte asked, getting the feeling he wouldn't want to be alone after the news he had told the Cuthbert's. The fact Mary was dying pained Charlotte, she adored the woman and could no longer imagine a world without Mary smiling and living in it.
Gilbert nodded towards her, following behind as she lead him out of the farm.
The two walked in silence, until Gilbert spoke up.
"I don't think I can be a doctor. Doctors are supposed to... I had to tell her- but I..." he trailed off, his words becoming harsher as he grew agitated.
"Gilb-"
"No, don't," he snapped. "I'm not the one dying. I'm not the one loosing everything."
Charlotte widened her eyes subtly, before regaining her posture. "Don't be to harsh on yourself. You had to say the worst possible thing to someone you care about. Your reaction was how anyone would have reacted."
"Mary needed me to be strong. I just made it worse. I couldn't find the words and I made it worse."
Charlotte opened her mouth to speak before closing it again. She didn't know what to say. Gilbert's voice was firm and harsh, the tone she had never heard him use before.
"When you're a doctor you won't be able to avoid things like this. But I hope you don't ever have to do anything like this again. People will come to you for help. You will probably be the most caring doctor in all of Avonlea."
As Gilbert spun around to face her, Charlotte feared she had said the wrong thing. A feat that she never even knew could exist rattled through her bones.
"I don't want to ever have to tell anyone they're dying. Or that their sister or mothers are dying. I won't be able to. You don't understand do you?"
Charlotte stood there, knowing she couldn't help him this time. She didn't know how. She stood there before a boy who had cried to her about his father, and now about his best friend's wife. Only this time, she truly didn't know what to say. Her voice came out in a raspy whisper. "Help me understand then."
"I have to go back into that house knowing that in a week or two, there will be one less person inside," Gilbert raised his voice, tears beginning to form in his eyes as he looked anywhere but the girl in front of him. The girl that looked like she had shrunk twice her normal size, and the girl that he had never seen lost for words. But there she was, standing before him like she had all those times, only this time, she didn't know what to say. "I've lost my dad in that house and now I've lost Mary. It feels like everyone that I care about is leaving me in the worst way possible."
"Gilbert, that's not your fault," Charlotte quietly replied, timidly stepping forward as the tears trapped in his eyes were freed, flowing down his cheeks like streams of melting ice. "There are dozens of people in this town that would never willingly leave you and will continue to be here for you."
"Name them."
"Me," Charlotte replied instantly. "I'll be here for you like I've been here for you since we were children. I'll be there for you like you were there when I was crying to you about how I felt I couldn't be anyone's first choice."
More tears welled up in Gilbert's eyes at her words.
"Bash will be here for you. The Cuthbert's are here for you. Anne and everyone from school is here for you, and Delly will be here for you."
Charlotte stepped forward, placing a hand on his cheek and brushing away the tears as they streaked down his cheek. "I'm here."
Gilbert placed his hand on hers holding it tight.
"Gilbert, I'm here if you need anything," Charlotte told him, looking deep into his eyes. "And I might not understand sometimes, or not know what to say. But I will try my best, always."
"I'm sorry for yelling at you."
Charlotte kept her hand on his cheek. He kept his hand on hers.
"I don't care if you yell at me. Yell at me, scream at me, hate me. But don't keep your feelings to yourself when you need to get them out."
"I don't hate you." Gilbert continued to hold her hand, instead removing it from his cheek and holding it down by her thigh.
"I don't hate you either."
A small smile rose on his face. "Yes you do."
She shook her head.
"I never did."
—
Seven more poems were added to Charlotte's wall that evening.
---
2/03/2024
died. dead.